Venue change- Run #1748

Hi Folks
This coming Mondays run ie 20th October will be now be held at Y-Not. It is being hosted by Iron Lady. Hope to see you there! Onon,
POD

Hash Trash 1747

The Hash was hosted by Godfather and TittyG at the Maotaoma’a beach fales at Tafatafa.  Since it was a public holiday (White Sunday Monday), the hash was set to start at 11am, but the run didn’t start until noon, which was perfect as that is the coolest time of the day. The run was set by Crime and Godfather and basically followed the usual rectangular route along the beach inland past to the main road then along the road and back to the start. A simple but effective hash to get everyone thirsty and ready for the amber nectar.

POD was the GM and brought the circle to order. The retreads were Vaivai, Moa, Hotnuts, Nutcracker and BB (who tried her best to remain un-noticed but failed). There were quite a few New Boots, invited by TittyG, but who tried to avoid the circle and ended up getting punished in the usual manner – Shannon and Chris from Salani, Charlie the Tongan (looking for a Samoan wife) and Kalita from Paddles.

The GM’s special award went to Prince for trying to burn his house down after the last hash by forgetting about a pot of chicken cooking on the stove. The celebrity award was won by Elle Mc Jr but I don’t remember exactly why …Charlie got an award for something to do with a Government car going to the plantation for some nookie or something….Vaivai was awarded for harassing other runners, in particular Tia. Latecummers were Crash, Delicious, Witchdoctor and Imelda da Welder. Delicious was awarded for advertising her new cake shop (which incidentally is at Malifa across the road from the new SLC apartments). Rufie was awarded the “hardman” award for drinking all night and still being able to run and drink more the next day… One Erection was awarded for trying to nominate Rufie but getting confused and taking far too long over it. Godfather nominated Lewinski for telling him that he had “forgotten his nuts” when in fact his golden nuts were simply being kept cool…

Since it was Rufie and Blowfish’s last Apia hash run and they were about to return to NZ, they were both presented with their 50^th run t-shirts and then they and the kids (Jack Spratt and Catfish) were given the usual hash send-off with the hash anthem, “Swing low”. Tears were shed at the sad moment, but Godfather’s ukulele and singing, as well as some more gulps of the nectar, helped to lift spirits.

Hotnuts asked what had happened to the “this day in history” and Swinger was then given his opportunity but noted that since the keg was running low he would only give one “this day in history” fact. He informed the circle that today was “international no bra-day” and so he suggested that the hash meres take their bras off. Instead Kalita,who was wearing a revealing bikini, was nominated to take a down-down for the hash meres.

The Hosts (Godfather and TittyG) and Hare (crime) were saluted and we were then treated to a fine spread of pork, fish, BBQ chicken and sausages, taro, palusami etc etc. Delicious!

Check the blog for details on next Monday’s hash which will be at Ululoloa.

After 3 weeks I shall now sign off as the Trainee Assistant Scribe, and pass the poison pen back to Poumuli.

On On! Swinger

Apia Hash Net Tools Under Construction

We are trying to move the Apia Hash House Harriers net resources into the modern age, with full mobile support and more. Please be patient. As we make this transition there will be growing pains (i.e. there's an issue with our new mailing list not delivering to hotmail.com and live.com users).

Please let Mr. Whippy know if you're willing to be a lab rat and test the new stuff at:

apiahash.org

twitter.com/apiahash

On On!

PS: Once we're done, you will not have to be a member of Twitter or any other social network. Everything will be available to members via simple controls on: apiahash.org

White Sunday Hash- Monday 13th October

White Sunday Hash will be at Maotamaa Fales, Tafatafa. The run will start at 11am so it's not too hot (10am in terms of heat due to daylight savings) and so we can make a day of it at the beach. Godfather is putting on some umu but feel free to add to the spread- the Hash BBQ will be there. Hope to see you there for Rufie, Jack Sprat and Catfish's last run... Onon!

Hash Trash #1746

The Hash was hosted by Prince and Rona at their love shack in the woods at Siusega.

Once again the day was hot and with daylight savings a 6pm run is a steamy affair. The trusty and reliable Crime set the run which was set on flour and looped up, up, up, past the Orator hotel then along, along, along past the PM’s home at Ululoloa then down, down, down….and finally back home. The pack led as usual by POD and Rufie arrived exhausted to enjoy GF’s sweet nuts.

After the run everyone was milling around while the kids tried to kill each other, but then someone realised that we were missing someone- the new boot, Steve, Lewinski’s cousin visiting from NZ… Steve had been clearly well briefed on the hash by Lewinski because he had been drinking before the run, had no shirt nor running shoes and didn’t know what “on-on” meant…. A search party duly went out to look for Steve with POD taking the lead on foot, and Lewinski, Transporter and others in vehicles (strange that)… After an exhaustive search, Transporter eventually found Steve at Vaitele fou loitering in someone’s garden and wondering what the fuss was all about…

At dusk the Princess of Darkness (GM) called the circle to order. Steve was the only newbie and said he had been introduced by Chi… (downdown for Gayboy). Retreads were Lowrider and Mataia.   Prince nominated Witch Doctor’s meatballs as the celebrity award and Swinger who had missed that story in the paper got the reward (or punishment) with her. Swinger read out the Day in History awards which went to Crime, Crash and Lewinski for various tenuous links and interpretations of pseudo facts/fictions…

POD gave a few GM’s awards- first for Transporter and Prince for something to do with modelling “exotic angles”, Steve for being lost in Samoa on his first visit, Crash for forgetting his son’s hash name (which I forget), Justine for not knowing that in hash you are supposed to follow a trail, and for Crime for not explaining hash rules, and finally for Transporter for a wearing a pink outfit on his Buck’s night and for leaving his pink panties in Lowrider’s bedroom and thereby getting Gayboy insanely jealous.

The floor was opened and Lewinsky tried to dob in Transporter for something that had to do with lunch and building up a sweat, but they both got done for it. Transporter got Swinger and Godfather for not helping to look for Steve, even though both protested that there were injured… Transporter got Lewinski for not looking after his cousin Steve and for Steve for not listening to the detailed hash briefing he was apparently given by Lewinski and in particular for not knowing the difference between flower and flour. Rufie and Prince got done for telefonus interreptus.

The Hare (Crime) and the Hosts (Prince and Rona) were saluted and we then had a scrumptious meal of chilli chicken, chop suey, salads and other yummy dishes.

Next week’s White Sunday run will be hosted by the Godfather at Maotaomaa at Tafatafa. Check the blog for details. On On, Swinger

Daylight savings time change

Please note that due to daylight savings, the hash run now starts at 6pm

Hash Trash #1745

The Hash was hosted by Gayboy at his “Purple Oyster bar” at Vaivase Uta. The house had clearly been vacant for some time and Gayboy had obviously just cleaned it of all offending and illegal items specially for the occasion.

Since daylight savings had just commenced the day before, the run didn’t start until well past 6pm… The small pack set off on the hot, steamy and painful run (for everyone except POD) that basically went down, down, down to Vaitele St (Airport rd) then past Farmer Joes then up, up, up past the Maota Samoa and back to Gayboy’s palace. Crime had set the run on flour and was clearly too exhausted to repeat the run so short cutted on the way back.

Princess of Darkness our GM called the circle to order. There were no newbies or retreads. POD reminded all that today was the 5^th Anniversary of the tsunami then Swinger read out the Day in History which went to Godfather (World Tourism Day), Crash (Ask a Stupid Question day), TittyG (World Rabies Day) and Gayboy (the anniversary of Alexander Fleming discovering penicillin for the treatment of nasty infections).

The hashers had obviously been very boring in the past week because trainee scribe Swinger could not find any stories or photos in the paper for the Celebrity Awards (and info promised by Poumili to Swinger never materialised), so he gave it to the Kiwis (taken by Blowfish) for the All Blacks record number of rugby wins (22) and to Gayboy for China’s 65^th anniversary of its love affair with Samoa.

Special awards went to TittG for the “boning award (asking for a “huge” T-bone steak), to Gayboy for telephonus interreptus, to Crash for Sth Sydney Rabbitos being in the Rugby League Grand Final for the first time in 100 years (don’t ask me why Crash got that one), to Delicious for smoking in the circle in front of her kids,  and to Eveready (taken by Crash) for not looking after the hash shrine… Incidentally- we must apologise to Tallyho because the shrine is looking rather sad having lost most of its items when it was left in Eveready’s back yard … luckily Godfather’s prized purple bra remains…).

Other awards went to Rufie for an epic motorbike failure, to Delicious for cooking a great curry, to Crash for the lazy man award (taking 3 months to sew 6 inches), to Lewinski and Delicious for the dirty laundry award and to Sassy for going to the Gold Coast to see SOTB and Alcatraz… Justine also got a special award for it being her first hash run. Since there was only a small group there were numerous more down downs but the trainee scribe’s hearing and memory got a bit hazy at this point…

The Hare (Crime) and the Host (Gayboy) were saluted and we had a scrumptious meal of grilled snapper, chilli chicken, chop suey and other “Sunrise” treats courtesy of Gayboy.

Next week’s run will be hosted by Prince and Rona at Siusega starting at 6pm. Watch the blog for details. On On, Swinger

Directions to Prince & Ronna's house for Hash Run #1746 (Monday 6th October)

Directions to Prince & Ronna's house for Hash Run #1746 (Monday 6th October)

From town, make your way to Siusega/Ululoloa toward the big Catholic Church (the PM's church) located on the corner of the oddly shaped  four-corners.  If coming from Alafua, go straight past the four-corners toward Tafaigata landfill/prison (turn right at the 4-corners if coming from Vaitele). Our driveway is located 100m from the from the four-corners between Tallyho's old place and the recently built HousePac Accommodation. Parking is limited at our pad so it may be better to park on the main road. Check out the rough map. See you there and on-on.

 

Prince and Ronna will cater. See you there

Hash Trash 1744

The Hash was hosted by Rufie and Blowfish at their place in Vaivase. Crap directions having been provided to the Scribe, it took some time for the pack to assemble. But eventually off they went out the gate – to where a truck was waiting around the corner. This drove them a little while until the run started – straight up Cross Island Road to the Museum, where the truck again awaited. Stragglers and short cutters were picked up on the way down and it was dark when the truck rolled in to the house. Godfather’s sweet succulent nuts were greedily sucked down by the runners.

Princess of Darkness our GM called the circle to order. There was one newbie – Marina from Spain, who is here looking for a place to stay and a job. While she got the rules right on naming Do Me Twice by her Hash Name, she hadn’t followed the advertising rule, so DMT got the first one of the evening.

The Retreads were DMT, Swinger, Cougar, Transporter (double for using Lewinsky’s daily name) and Divine. IRA and Charlie were given an extra for not declaring retread status. Latecummers Gayboy and Tina were also put in the circle.

Schumacher was appointed Shoe Inspector, but he couldn’t make any (bad pun). Celebrity Awards went to Prince, Godfather, Titty Galore, Rufie, Gayboy and Transporter for sundry photos in the Observer related to the paddling competition, with Wahoo taking one for 9’er and Cockblocker for Fireman Sam.

This Day in History went to Witch Doctor (1692 – The last people hanged for witchcraft in England's North American colonies takes place), Gayboy (1999 – Chi-Chi earthquake occurs in central Taiwan, leaving about 2,400 people dead), POD (International Talk Like A Pirate Day – she was tricked earlier in the day to do so) and Poumuli (International Day of Peace).

Latecummer Murray joined the circle and undeclared celebrity Justine who had been posting photos of herself with Helen Clark. Transporter took one for Elle Mc Jr, who at the opening of the Avenue Bar was wearing a $4 shirt from Mamas, thus a Mamas Boy Award.

The GM noted that we don’t have a lot of blondes in the Hash, but today one Hash Mere turned into one. Titty G had been with the truck as it was commencing to follow the pack, and in starting the truck one has to build up some air and go forward. Why not save time and go backwards, she asked? This was further exacerbated by the fact that Godfather had been met by Sassygirl BJ upon his return in the falling darkness.

Speaking of the run, it was an arduous one, and Godfather was almost at the top when Swinger told him to go back. But he pushed on together with IRA. Thinking that Swinger was ahead, he was shocked to find they were all alone – and Swinger had told the pack that Godfather had turned back. Swinger received the Dangerously Erroneous Information Award.

Swinger had been at the beach on Sunday and claimed that in helping Poumuli empty the coals into a too small hole Poumuli had burned his foot. Your Scribe pointed out that the burn happened earlier in the day and that the coals would have fitted nicely if Swinger hadn’t had such pisspoor aim. Unfortunately the vote democratically awarded them both the Firewalker Award.

We then received a rare appearance from the Mad Monk of Apia Hash, who proceeded to name budding All Black Jack, who shall henceforth be know as Jack Sprat. She also called on his sister, who shall henceforth be known as Catfish. Of course the proud parents Rufie and Blowfish received the anointing on their behalf.

Opening up for further nominations, Rufie gave CB the Good Mate Award for giving him the flu by dumping him on the porch while in his cups. This was really an Average Wife Award. In a similar vein, Cougar nominated her darling husband, after a big week, had spent a night out with Gayboy at Sunrise and had left the doors open. Or something. Crash Trash Award.

POD on behalf of the Hash perimeter relay team then presented Godfather with 4100 tala that they had collected for the charity, followed by a down down for POD, Blowfish and Overstayer. Poumuli nominated Sassy for the Facebook (Frequent User) Award, and she was joined by Rufie. This is what your Scribe thinks of constant requests for like this or that...

Godfather and Rufie were given a Hash Birthday song, later joined by CB who had completely ignored and not mentioned DMT’s birthday at the Samoana Hash, or told her that it was being held at Samoana!

Next week’s run will be hosted by Gayboy at the house in Vaitele, Crime will Hare. The week after will be Prince also in Vaitele. Watch the blog for details.

The Hare and the Hosts were saluted together with Latecummer Rory.

Next three weeks we will have Assistant Trainee Scribes starting with Swinger.

On On

Poumuli, IKA Slit

Hash Run 1744

Talofa Hashers
for the first time in history an early announcement of the run. Monday's Hash will be hosted by Rufie and Blowfish at their place in Vaivase. Drive up Cross Island Road, turn left at Malifa towards NUS, but turn left off that road when you get past Pat Brighouse's Garage. At the top go straight, towards Fagalii airport. There will be a shop on the side of the road, go another 200 metres and house is on the right. Hopefully Rufie will make it obvious enough! The hosts will do the catering so bring your Hash Cash of 20 tala. Run starts at 17.30. Will try and get a map sorted.

Upcumming Runs:
29 September - Gayboy @ The Slip Right Inn
6 October - Ronna and Prince @ (I guess Seyleck?)

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Hash Trash 1743

The Hash was hosted at On the Rocks – HQ1 – as Gayboy had to “pull out” again. POD the GM acted as host as Lewinsky was “fishing”. We had Rufie as a live hare and set off down Beach Road towards Aggies, then around to the wharf. It became obvious that Cockblocker and Godfather were trying to be “seen exercising” by the sundry paddlers.  Rounding past the wharf and down Vaiala beach, up to the UNDP office where the slower runners took the shortcut on home. The rest went off down the river and around the back roads before we all rejoined for the circle at HQ1. Perfectly chilled nuts from Godfather were in evidence. 

The GM called the circle to order rather early as Godfather had to depart for a paddling meeting. First up we had the celebrities – Godfather (sister in the paper, Swinger’s mum, so a double), CB and Poumuli (photos in Earth Negotiations Bulletin from SIDS), Crime (“well-known criminal in Samoa” robs the visiting canoes) and Rufie (Man accused of drugging backpackers).

The retreads were Crash Bandicoot (looking after kids, doubled for cellphonus), Rachel (no excuse) and Schumacher. The Shoe Inspector Snake enthusiastically went after Crime’s new ones, thereby missing Rufie’s. Thus all three of them got a shoe to drink from.

This Day in History went to Snake as married to closest living relative of Transporter (1906 – The Newport Transporter Bridge is opened in Newport, South Wales by Viscount Tredegar), POD for Lewinsky the Ninja Bomber (2007 – Russia tests the largest conventional weapon ever, the Father of All Bombs), Crash for Eveready (International Chocolate Day) and POD (Feast Day of St Ariane of Phrygia).

The GM then launched her awards, first of all for a Hasher who has been away for some 7 years, then came last week, only to perform an oesophageal acid wash after too many down downs. Schumacher got the Call of the Moose Award.

Then at the food and wine fair, while Godfather had been sitting down to eat, one Hasher had changed his daughter’s diapers right then and there at the table. Poumuli tried all sorts of appeals, even the false claim that it had been number 2 instead of just 1, so a double was administered. How many other Hash Fathers have done the same?

Opening up the floor, Snake nominated POD for cutting him off at high speed outside the Snakepit. As this was a Schumacher Award there was a lapse in the GM’s poise here. The GM then nominated Wahoo for her Supermodel Award for the show on Saturday. At that point we welcomed her Dad Norman into the circle.

Crash was trying to recount what sounded like a horrifying experience for Lewinsky’s kids involving the back of a truck and some fishing hooks, but it went on too long so a Verbal Diarrhoea Award went to Crash. Snake then nominated Wahoo for not teaching her Dad the Hash Rules – smoking, leaning and talking in the circle. Snake also wanted to nominate those who had not had an award yet, but this was too early in the game for the GM so she gave one to Snake.

 

The GM and Blowfish then set up the raffle for the prizes in support of their Perimeter Relay charity, and this was drawn by Norman. Tammy won the asi asi and the wahoo, Swinger and BB won the masi masi, Mr Whippy got the 100 tala bar tab at OTR, and Snake got the fia fia night at Sinalei. Snake then suggested that the drawer should get a down down, and he was joined by Wahoo for yelling at him about chatting up little girls.

Now the GM gave awards to those not yet benefitting – Overstayer, Witch Doctor, Blowfish, Imelda da Welda, and Crime for leaning. Wahoo then gave Poumuli the Husband of the Year Award for buying the dress she was wearing at the fashion show. He was joined by Witch Doctor for dancing in the circle.

Rufie caught Crime smoking in the circle, while Snake joined him as he was “sick of holding his nuts” the whole time. Lewinsky got the Latecummer Award.

As we were closing, POD told the circle to watch the blog as we have three potential hosts for next week. As the Host and the Hare were saluted we were treated to some rather over exuberant singing from Lewinsky, which we all can guess how was rewarded!

On On

Poumuli, IKA Slit

Today's Run from Headquarters - On The Rocks

Hi all

sorry for the late posting as mismanagement was trying to secure a host after Gayboy had to pull out due to heavy commitment to the Alo Paopao Festival which commenced today.

Run will be from OTR to start at 5.30pm.

ON ON

Hash Trash 1742

The Hash was hosted by Possum and Bogun Barbie at Samoana. Your Scribe could not attend as he only found out about the change at 2 PM Monday. I am sure a good time was had by all. Watch the blog for next week's run and any last minute changes.
On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Hash Run 1742 ammended

Talofa all

Due to last minute announcement of a public holiday tomorrow, #1742 will now be hosted at Samoana Resort starting at 2pm. Anyone interested in staying the night should contact Bogun Barbie (Kirstin) for details on their locals special.

Onon,
POD

Hash Run 1742

Dear all Hashers
Well the SIDS Conference is finally over and we have our town back to normal soon - wild rampaging dogs, filth, rubbish and truculence all around. And that is just at On The Rocks. So the Hash will be hosted at Crime's place together with Possum.

The house is located at the back of Apia Park. Take the road to the Pacific Jewel and the Apia Park tennis courts and the house is on the right before you get to the back entrance of the rugby pitch.

Remember to bring your Hash Cash $20 for the keg and softies, and I am assuming that Possum will cater, unless he tells us otherwise.

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Hash Trash 1741

The Hash was hosted by Snake at Snakepit 2 in Vaitele. Your Scribe was SIDSing so missed the run but it was obviously eventful. The GM, Princess of Darkness, called the circle to order and as there were no newbies proceeded to invite the retreads to step forward. These were Tramp and Woman in Black visiting from Rome, Einstein (lost in Vaoala), Overstayer and Transporter. Witch Doctor was appointed Shoe Inspector, and while she initially failed, she did spot Transporter’s new pink shoes as he was skulking in the back, and he took his award.

A Farewell Award was given to SOTB and Damien who had to depart for the airport and they were joined by Sassygirl BJ, to a rendition of Goodbye My Feleni. RIP Christian.

Celebrity Awards went to Poumuli and Tramp for being involved in the SIDS Conference. This was followed by This Day In History Awards which went to Twin Peaks (1835 Melbourne founded), Witch Doctor (1314 King Haakon V moves capital from Bergen to Oslo), Lewinsky (International Day for the Disappeared – for his Ninja bomb moves when its time to shout a round), and Gayboy (Random Act of Kindness Day).

Poumuli was then given a Elei Biker Shirt Award for the horrendous piece of crap shirt that was the SPREP uniform for the conference. Picture red vinyl paint thickly coating a black linen fabric. He was joined by Twin Peaks for not listening in the circle as he tried to do the same nomination 1 second after the GM.

The GM then nominated Transporter for making her daughter cry with his review of her dance performance, which was doubled when he got her hash name wrong. The GM also enquired who had actually done the run whether or not Snake had been putting down paper after the run had started. There was much recrimination also about whether there had been a falsie, but Snake took the Incompetence Award.

At Christian’s funeral Godfather continued his tradition of embarrassing Hashers in front of non-members by referring to Sassy’s hash name addition of BJ, without explaining the context or history – remember the bin Shaggin wedding! Blowfish go the Hero of the Week Award for running the beast of all relays when one of their team had to pull out she did double legs. She was joined by POD and Overstayer for not doing those legs themselves.

While Godfather was proud of the team, he was also of the view that the husbands should have been there at the start as well as the finish. Lewinsky and Rufie were brought forward for that one. Lewinsky was now fired up and gave Rufie an award for picking a fight at Ace of Clubs with a group of big guys then turning to Lewinsky for help.

Godfather wanted to know if anyone had noticed the big busted water pipe at the entrance to the Snakepit and whether this was something the environmentalists amongst us should be dealing with. While Poumuli’s answer was F### No, this did not count so he took the SWA Award. 

Lewinsky gave a Non-Profit Award to Transporter since they had to turn off the parking meter system at the airport.

Gayboy wanted to nominate some kiwis for the generosity of the NZ cops donating 10 vehicles to our locals. This backfired. The GM nominated Mr Whippy for the Whipped Award, as he had volunteered to help with the relay, but backed out as he had “no pass from his wife”. He was joined by Overstayer who had not signed her form but had Lewinsky do it for her.

Transporter had been to the regatta hosted by Gayboy where some paddlers had had a run in between two clubs. Crime was nominated for not keeping these teams disciplined. Gayboy tried to protest that this issue had been brought up last week. Your Scribe insouciantly corrected him that last week’s award had been for cleaning up all the prizes.

Rufie tried to nominate Crime for something having been stolen from his boat again, but since this was the third time he got the Dumbarse Award instead. Gayboy made a lengthy repartee about customer service and its apex at the best business practices, and it had something to do with Seyleck Autos and ASCO. All and sundry lost interest and awarded an FBI Award to Gayboy and a Selective Service Award to Transporter.

Transporter wanted to give and Unsafe Vehicle Award to Witch Doctor, as she had made an appointment to have it fixed and then didn’t show up. Wait, so he hangs around waiting for Witch Doctor but not Gayboy?

Poumuli had been at the SIDS Conference and had been asked by an adviser from the Clinton Foundation for a recommended bar. Of course On The Rocks was suggested, but when the owner’s hash name was divulged the poor man nearly choked to death. Witch Doctor, Twin Peaks and Titty Galore were rewarded for eating before the circle closed, doubled for Twin Peaks hat.

The Hare and the Host were saluted.

Next week’s run will be hosted by Crime at Apia Park together with Possum.

On On

Poumuli, IKA Slit

Change of venue Run #1740

Tonights run (25th August) will now be held at Samoa Mini Golf (located inside the Race Course at Tuanaimato). It is still a BYO with Capt Mortein providing garlic bread, Swinger providing sausages and chicken. Could everyone else please bring salads or other meats? Onon!

Hash Run 1740

In celebration of the new SIDS Conference facilities, Swinger will host us on Monday so that we can, er, run around the facilities.
This will be a BYO run so please bring something for the table. BBQ will hopefully have been fixed by then.

Monday's Run will be hosted by Swinger and BB at Swinger and BB's digs at Siusega across the road from the English Cricket pitch.



If lost call  Swinger on 7770787

Bring change - it could be a wet one!

ON ON

Hash Trash 1739

Nullam at erat populus Etiam Super Abruptissimas Petras Beach in via. Minimum, quod est ultimum, eo quod multa turba etiam occupatus populus currere. Paucis etiam lustrat novam constructionem insistamus per civitatem, ut nova ecclesia et Fugalei Mulivai elit. Et Princeps Tenebrarum Poumuli longius, et accepit in in scaenarum in Malifa, cum Principis Tenebrarum ire susicivus milliarii et NUS flumen transierunt. Tum rursus a scopulis, ubi mira Suscepit tumescent providente nuces.

 

And now for the uneducated troglodytes, the Hash was hosted at On The Rocks on Beach Road. It was a last minute thing again, since a lot of people were too busy to host or even to run. A few of us set out and also surveyed the new construction around town, such as the Mulivai Cathedral and the new Fugalei market. POD and Poumuli ventured further out and took in the scenery towards Malifa, with POD going the extra mile past NUS and the river. Then it was on back to On The Rocks, where Godfather had provided some extraordinary tumescent nuts.

POD drew the circle together in a cosy setting, basically because Lewinsky is too cheap to provide adequate lighting (he claimed some customers preferred it that way! What, are they conducting Ugandan discussions?). Anyway, there were no newcomers to Hash, no retreads and no new shoes.

Celebrity Awards went to Wahoo (Manumea won culinary award), Godfather (photo in Samoa For Real) joined by Crime for One Infection and Lewinsky for Da Head, Lewinsky for Tasi (canoe charity), Witch Doctor (for Snake, who can cure cancer), Poumuli for CB (in society pages) and Rufie for Da Head (headline Boy Holds Severed Head).

This Day in History Awards went to Witch Doctor (1692 – Salem witch trials: in Salem, Province of Massachusetts Bay, five people, one woman and four men, including a clergyman, are executed after being convicted of witchcraft), POD on behalf of Mismanagement (1940 – British Prime Minister Winston Churchill makes the fourth of his famous wartime speeches, containing the line "Never was so much owed by so many to so few"), Poumuli for Dawn Raid who broke these records while here (1960 – Joseph Kittinger parachutes from a balloon over New Mexico at 102,800 feet (31,300 m), setting three records that held until 2012: High-altitude jump, free fall, and highest speed by a human without an aircraft) and Lewinsky (1998 – Lewinsky scandal: US President Bill Clinton admits in taped testimony that he had an "improper physical relationship" with White House intern Monica Lewinsky. On the same day he admits before the nation that he "misled people" about the relationship).

The GM had a few awards of her own, starting with the lament from Titty Galore that her back was aching so much she could not bring the softies. While we were awaiting Godfather’s explanation he was rendered speechless, and took the Chiropractor Award. 

Snake arrived late, got his Latecummer Award as well as a repeat of the snake cancer story.

A Cellphonus Interruptus Award had to be given to Sassygirl BJ and Rufie, while the GM continued rewarding admirable behaviour, this time to Wahoo for actually doing the run. Not really thinking through the implications, the GM raised up the issue of the appalling All Blacks-Wallabies game, thus giving a Bledisloe Award to herself and Blowfish, with Witch Doctor stepping in for Offspring regarding the SA ref.

An impressive Clash of the Titans is underway on the island. No not the Iron Man contest, but the weight loss challenge between Rufie and Lewinsky. We couldn’t decide whether to reward the leader or the lagger, so both got the Undo The Good Work Award.

Calling on Crime for a report on the paddling, we were told that Gayboy’s team had cleaned house. Looking for a closest living relative, the GM decided on Rufie. “But I am not gay”… “You are a boy”, said Snake.

Sassy had been perturbed to see some mouldy nuts amongst those brought by Godfather and called for a down down. When he asked if they had been needed, we all chimed in that the ones he had brought were huge, absolutely engorged, and perhaps had something to do with a certain back pain. Huge Nuts Award to Godfather. He then excused himself repeatedly to go look at/for/find his nuts.

Snake commented on the lack of lighting and that a “real” electrician was needed, but since everyone knows that Lewinsky’s lights are out (no one home) this one reverted to Snake. Lewinsky pulled out a long list that he had compiled, proving the above point by the way, and nominated Rufie for breaking the Hash BBQ and Blowfish for having a Blonde Moment (she couldn’t count beyond 15 in the Hash Cash). After their down downs, Poumuli asked that we honor the latest inductee in the CRS Club (the Cant Remember Shit Club), as Lewinsky had to resort to a list.

Rufie reported that a gumboot had been stolen from his boat. Obviously a Crime. Poumuli nominated Wahoo for the Puppy Confusion Award for repeatedly calling their new pup Lucky instead of Happy as christened by Amalia. On that note, Witch Doctor had observed Happy swimming on the weekend, and looked like he was escaping Alcatraz. This failed.

Rufie nominated Blowfish for the Thank You Award as he couldn’t have beaten Lewinsky without her. He also reverted to the gumboots, as the one that hadn’t been stolen was gone the next day. He joined Crime in this award for being a dumbarse and leaving a single boot on the boat.

The Host and Hare were saluted, and food was ordered from Sunrise, which when it arrived resulted in a triple down down for Gayboy.

Next week’s run will be hosted by Swinger at Siusega, with a run around the new SIDS Conference facilities. The week after will be hosted by Snake in Vaitele.

Your Scribe will be absent next week so a volunteer Assistant Trainee Scribe is requested.

On On

Poumuli, IKA Slit