Hash Run 1625 - Swinger, BB, ACDC and team @ Siusega

Good Morning to you all.

Next weeks run will be hosted by Swinger, BB, AC/DC and team at Swingers pad in Siusega opposite the cricket grounds.

This run will be our Independence Run along with AC/DC's Birthday so it will be a big one. The hosts have kindly offered to provide the spread for the day so please bring yourself, a change of clothes and your drinking boots. Don't forget your hash cash of $15 for the day.

Our Brew-master Lekinsky is working to get us something extra for Monday's run so fingers crossed, Vailima comes to the party.

Run starts at 1730Hrs, see you all then and have a safe Independence weekend!

On On

Hash Run 1624 - HQ1 - On the Rocks

Afternoon All,

Tonights run will be a BYO run at HQ1 - On the Rocks at the Hole in the wall. We couldnt find anyone to host tonight so it will have to be a BYO Run so please bring something to throw on the BBQ this evening.

Run will start at 1730 Hrs and we will have our Keg, sweet Nuts and Softies there too. Crime is setting a trail for us this afternoon also.

Please remember to bring your hash cash $15 and if you had ordered UB40 Tickets, please bring your money for the tickets today.

On On
See you there.

HASH TRASH 1623

This week’s Hash Run was held at Vaoala on Hollywood Boulevard opposite SPREP and hosted by Strangler, Dave & Bruce. The run was on paper and paint and primarily in bushland. A few dead ends were marked out with a nice little surprise for whichever “Front Running Bastard” was in the lead. Tallyho was that FRB who was gifted with the surprise, a nice warm Vailima. He flatly refused to drink it, passing it off to Steakman to consume. We all thought it was very surprising for a pom to refuse warm beer. Isn’t it always beer like that in the UK?

We then ventured into the rough terrain, which Dave had attacked with a machete earlier. A few accidents occurred crossing the creek on the very slippery rocks. Frances and Sexpot both had a stack. Slippery was living up to his name, slip sliding down the hill, whilst trying to get the perfect action shot from his fellow Hashers. Just prior to the creek, there was a choice between a walking and a running track. A few of the softer Hashers opted for the walking track, GF included. Whilst the other Hashmen and meres went on to follow the running track, which didn’t involve too much running due to the vines and tree roots that accosted us. After going up and down the hill, grabbing whatever trees and roots we could to prevent falling, we finally got out of the bushland and ended up one street parallel to Hollywood Boulevard. Not too long a run, however, the Hashers were grateful as the sky was dark and foreboding, and as the run started a little late and the sun was setting, the bushland was very dark indeed. After everyone downed their coconuts and cleaned themselves up as best as they could, the Hash Circle began. Some Hashers showed poor form and left straight after the run – so we never found out who the mystery people were, but maybe next time. Back to the Circle, the people new to Hash were introduced. Toai, was brought to Hash by Sam. Two ladies from Christchurch, Catherine and Lynne were guests of Godfather. There was a plethora of rethreads, so many in fact that there were two rounds as there were not enough Hash mugs to go round. The retreads included DMT – her reason was being in Australia bearing a child, Steakman – in the Phillipines for 2 months [Ed note – sounds very dodgy!], Sam – in the fishing tournament, Buddah & Brownout – returning after 12 years for a visit; Gayboy – looking for the Monk in Sydney; Wet Pussy – working and living far away; Witchdoctor – working; Skidmark – working (but GM thinks it’s more working out at the gym) and finally Kevin, who said he had a gammy leg. Shoe inspection then followed, and Snake could find no new shoes and so had to drink. However later on in the night, Sassy’s work boots were under scrutiny and Snake had to reinspect and found from the odour issuing from them that they in fact were not new – so in the end they both ended up having a down down. This Day in History 1882 – Krakatoa erupts so Tallyho was made to drink due to the verbal eruptions that were flowing from his gob. 1897 – Oscar Wilde was release from prison for buggery, so Gayboy was called into the circle. 1936 – Sada Abe wanders the streets of Tokyo for several days with the severed genitals of her lover in her hands – up went Ninja. 1985 – Michael Jackson’s hair got caught alight whilst filming the Pepsi commercial, so all those who’s real names were Michael were called up (Sexpot and Strangler). [It was later found out that this particular day in history was a made up one, as the Assistant Scribe originally thought we didn’t have any material until Poumuli came to the rescue and emailed GM. The actual date Michael Jackson’s hair caught fire was 27 January 1984, but it was good just to get Sexpot and Strangler to have a down down.] It was also European Maritime Day so Captain Mortein was called to the circle [Ed note – I thought we agreed that all future maritime awards should go to SOTB?]. He was almost in the running for a double until the good missus saved him by taking his sunnies off his head. GM Awards were next on the agenda. Firstly GM nominated Steakman from being blacklisted by immigration to keep the likes of him out of the country. Then Captain Mortein got done for supposedly playing with the dog – if playing implies fondling the dog’s testicles. Tallyho had a down down for leaving not one beer behind on his run but two of them at those dead ends that were mentioned earlier, allowing Steakman to drink them himself. Poor form. The Delinquency Award went to Gayboy for having a run in with the law when in Sydney for a Buck’s Party, fracturing his hand and getting chased out by a horse.

The MIA Award went to a life member Apia Hashman, Snake who got lost last week at the Mother’s Day Hash run. Snake countered that he wasn’t lost, he knew he was in Samoa not far from Apia. Although that was not good enough and down down the Vailima went. GM then opened the floor to nominations. Strangler was the first to proceed, nominating Godfather who originally complained that the run was short, but then ended up taking the Walker’s Shortcut that was mapped out. The Self Abuser Award went to Snake who nominated himself for having to tell the GM that he was very beautiful at an APTC function. The Hashers were considering renaming him, but Gayboy was already taken, Sexpot thought maybe Gaysnake. Tallyho piped up that it was probably the first time that the GM had received such a compliment. Sassy then had a gripe with her beloved son, GM for turning up late to a VERTS (Volunteer Emergency Response Team) session because he was out late getting pissed with his boyfriend, Snake. Strangler then complained that again the Vailima team did not bring the Dark Vailima to Hash so Lewinsky was the nominee, however still in NZ, the closest living relative stepped up and it turned out to be Sassygirl BJ. Steakman then nominated Crime for going on a pub crawl with him to try that Vailima Dark and in the process visited every possible establishment in town, resulting in Steakman forgetting the way home. Someone piped up that Crime doesn’t pay – literally. Gayboy tried unsuccessfully to nominate the GM for saying Samoatel is tricking people into buying tickets early for UB40 so they don’t get charged more later so they can sell more tickets. GM’s right of reply was that it isn’t Samoatel, it’s Bluesky and also he didn’t work that day. So poor Gayboy had to drink. Sassy called up one Hashmere who had rung her twice to find out the Hash location. This Hashmere was Fang who didn’t look up the website to see the map of the run. Pirate Princess got done for leaning. Sassy called up Buddah and Brownout to see how well they can scull a Vailima after 12 years away. They still did a respectable job of it. Wet Pussy nominated Bruce, one for holding the Hash run and also having a toilet that flushes hot water. Everyone wanted to know how she knew it was hot water (ie washing her hands with it etc).

Wahoo and DMT were called up to have a drink by Sassy as they are both preggas and Sassy said that “Beer is good for the baby”, so both girls downed their Vailima. The Hare & Hosts were then called up: Strangler, Mad Hatter, Dave and Bruce (it was then that it was realised that Mad Hatter was also a Retread but had not owned up to it). Dave and Bruce have now earned a Hash Name so Mismanagement will have to delve in deeper into the private lives of these two Hashman to get a name fit for them. There are no hosts as yet for next week so put up your hand if you can. On On Desperate Housewife

Hash Run 1623 - Strangler, Dave & Bruce @ Hollywood Boulevard

Good Evening All,
Next week's run will be hosted by Strangler, Dave and Bruce up in Vaoala, aka Hollywood Boulevard, just opposite the SPREP Compound. There is no theme for the moment, but check back on Monday in case there is a change of plans.

The hosts have kindly offered to put on the spread for us so just bring a change of clothes and your hash cash $15 on the day. We will have our Keg there on Monday as well as sweet nuts and softies.

Directions: Head up the cross island road, turn off just after the American Embassy Compound and head down the SPREP Road and look for the paper or flour on the left hand side.

Run will start at 1730Hrs so be on time as it will get dark quite fast up there.

On On

Hash Trash 1622, Mothers day run- Tafatafa

HASH TRASH 1622

MOTHER’S DAY HASH – TAFA TAFA BEACH

This week’s Hash held on the Mother’s Day Public Holiday Monday at the picturesque Tafa Tafa.  Hosted by Godfather and TTG again...Malo!

By the time all the Hashers had gathered, the run commenced around 2pm.  Not too many runners although a lot of Keg Security with many Hash meres hanging back to “guard the keg”.

So off went our brave runners on-East and on flour as they past Aunty Moega’s fales only to be met with a falsy.  So on back they begrudgingly trek and then past a group of admiring and applauding locals [obviously fans of the golden ale also].  On up along a beaten but pleasant dirt track towards the main road but alas, another dead-end!  FRB’s, Strangler and Sexpot went their separate ways and searched for options along the soaring bitch-umen heat, but only to hear the eventual cry of on-back. Damn it!

Crime somehow uncovered a track which if the truth be known may not have had a trace of flour, but apparently was following the strict instructions of God Father [I wouldn’t argue either]. Nevertheless, a cruel and twisted ‘path’ emerged for what seemed an eternity and not without injury.  New-cummer, Emily, seemed to cop the wrath of this jungle run, soldiering on with slight concussion and sporting a new Samoan Tatau.  Finally back to civilisation when the main road appeared and then on back along another dirt road for what was a great run.

The sight of the golden brew wrapped in its natural form of shining keg armour was a sight to behold for all, albeit, appeared somewhat less full thanks to those keg guarding [and non-running] Hash meres.  Mmmmm...

Soon the Hash Circle was called to order.  Only one Newbie was at Hash that day:  Emily from Tasmania who is here for 6 months teaching Surf Lifesaving to the Samoan people.  She was introduced to Hash by Sassy.

Retreads – too many to mention almost.  Nearly half of the Hashmen and Hashmeres were rethreads.  These included:  CB, Fang, Mata, Crash, Eveready, Karaoke, Triple D, DH and Gavin.  As there were too many rethreads, GM, in his usual grumpy mood, didn’t bother asking any of them why they had not graced the Hashers with their presence previously.

Karaoke then was awarded a down down due to breaking one of the Hash’s cardinal sins, calling Hitler by his real name.

Celebrity awards went to one of the regular “Meres on the Scene” – Sassy for something about Mango training (not sure what they are training them to do – roll over maybe?)  Also GF was in the news in regards to the building crew they had over doing a great job.

THIS DAY IN HISTORY presented by GM

1787 – the First Fleet of convicts leave for Australia so Crime and two Aussie Representatives (Sexpot and Emily) took a down down.

It was also St John the Silent Day, and they called up the one Hasher who is known to be as silent as a monk, Tallyho, who then proceeded with some verbal diarrhoea thus breaking his Vow of Silence.

“Bike to Work Day” was also noted to be on the same day and therefore Strangler was called up due to this being his main mode of transport to work.

Snake had to drink as he forgot the BBQ, luckily friends in the fale next to us kindly assisted us in cooking the Hash feast.

Two reps from Vailima, Jerry and Deidre had to take a down down as they were supposed to bring a keg of the new Vailima Dark but turned up with the normal stuff.  They will probably be called up front and centre at the next Hash for forgetting to take the empty keg away with them too.  Do they actually work for Vailima??

Emily was called up by GM due to her new Samoan Tatau (scraping her legs and hands falling on the Hash run).  Crime was also called up for devising such a perilous run.

Snake then proceeded to call up Sexpot for his poor effort in pouring the down down brews.  Attributing it to his banker’s make up, only giving 90% of the full amount.  Subsequently it didn’t take Sexpot very long at all to down it due to the lesser amount.

Tallyho then decided to break that “vow” again and tried to tell Sassy that she should be a good wife to the old man.  Tallyho then got told off for giving Sassy a hard time on Mother’s Day and so he drank alongside GM.

Crash received the “Son in Law Award” (not sure if it was the Good son in law award).  He was warned by the Samoan Mafia (Karaoke) that if he doesn’t shape up, they’ll knock his block off.   This down down turned into a double as Crash forgot to take his hat off whilst having his drink.

GF was called up for calling Delicious Desirable.  Gavin took GF’s down down in memory of his daughter.  Malo!

The False Advertising Award went to Dumbass, nominated by Sexpot.  Sexpot was heading to Dumbass’s establishment for a refreshing ale at 5 o’clock on a Saturday evening, only to find YNot had not yet opened.  Then when he finally got in (later that evening), he noticed a sign for Happy Hour starting between 4 – 7pm. 

Sassy had a story about Swinger’s mere BB in Fiji who had a fridge full of food and alcohol and he stood her up.  As Swinger was not present at this Hash Session, CB was forced to take to the circle as the closest living relative.

 Sexpot then called up all the Mothers for a Mother’s Day Down Down. 

Gavin requested everyone to have a drink in memory of Desirable.

Jerry took a drink for taking 3 hours to deliver the Hash Keg.

Fang was done for leaning, Snake proposed it should be a double as she should know the rules.  GF’s phone went off so he had to take one too.

Snake accused Eveready of stealing a Hash Man’s Shirt:  Limpet’s.  Eveready refuted saying that Limpet “willed” his shirt to Eveready.  Snake and Eveready both took a down down.  Although Karaoke took Eveready’s for him.

It was Tino’s 15^th birthday, so we all sang Happy Birthday and had a drink to him and Karaoke made a PG rated cake for him (unlike her usual X rated versions).

Latecummers were Godfather’s mates, the builders from Christchurch, who are building canoes out of plywood that can sail.  Their names were John, Malcolm and Paul.  When asked who introduced them to Hash they called GF by his name and so GF had to drink.

Then it was the Hare & Host toast, Titty G, GM and Crime all had a drink.

Sassy then wanted to thank the BBQ boys who cooked our food for us, Frico and Michael and they were awarded a Vailima for their valiant efforts.

Next week’s Hash Run is to be hosted by Strangler, Bruce and Dave on the way to SPREP off Cross Island Road. 

On On.

Mothers Day Hash Run - Tafatafa Beach with Godfather and Team

Talofa All,

Was good to see a few keen hashers on Monday, albeit was a small turn out, it was still a fun night. Thanks Tallyho for having us over.

After some discussion, Godfather has kindly offered to host a picnic hash run on Monday (Mothers Day Holiday) at Tafatafa Beach. We thought it would be nice to have a hash Picnic/Umu on Monday at the beach.
Godfather has kindly offered to put on a small Umu for us (#2 pig, taro, luau, the usual) but has asked if the Hash mere's could look at bringing a salad to add to this and if there numbers are large, then for each of us to bring a little something extra to throw on the BBQ.

The run will start around 1:30 - 2:00pm. We will reconfirm this soon and let you all know. Hash will also book a couple of Fales and I believe there may be some fun "games" on the day too.

We will work to get a keg on Monday, and possibly one special keg "Dark Brew" from Vailima for Monday. There will be Softies and Sweet nuts but if you feel you want to drink something else, please bring it with you.

Hope to see you all there.

On On

Hash Run 1621 - BYO Food run @ TallyHo's Castle in Siusega

Afternoon All,

Apologies for the late posting, we have been trying to find a host for tonight. Tally Ho has kindly offered his Castle as our venue for tonight and he will also be setting the trail for us.

Please remember this is a BYO Food Run so please bring something pre cooked/pre prepared or something to throw on the BBQ for tonight.

We will have a Keg as usual as well as softies and nuts. Please remember to bring your hash cash tonight too $15.

Run starts at 1730 Hrs so be on time.

On On

Hash Trash 1620

The Hash was hosted by Godfather and the Groundswell team at Ynot thanks to Dumass’ generosity. The Hare was Crime, which is always interesting, as he must have had some career advantages in finding all these back roads. The trail set out down towards the wharf, fairly straight forward, with Tallyho’s usual position as front running bastard threatened by several Groundswellers. Past a whole lot of village festivities and clean up campaign, we turned down towards Apia Park. Here there was a moment of confusion, but the trail was picked up on the path between the Apia Park fence and the fence of the car shop. This was a particularly muddy and slippery track, with all sorts of porcine, avian and human faecal matter flavouring the senses. The overall olfactory enjoyment was further enhanced by the numerous trash fires that had been set along the trail. We ended up back in familiar back roads, eventually coming down to the Faatoa Road, where we met Crime – we had to run as a group through the little village there at his request. We hit the riverbank and made our way to the bridge and on home. Plentiful and sweet were the nuts of Godfather. Sassygirl BJ stepped in as GM as SOTB was returning from the fishing tournament. Those new to Hash were the Groundswell team – Luke, Trent, Sam, Reg, Nathan, Alex, Ben and Toby, and Marco brought by Ninja. Since two of the Groundswell were wearing hats and one called Godfather Grandfather, a selection were given a down-down. Rethreads were Kat, Ted, Slippery, Bruce and Jonathon. New Shoes were quickly spotted by Snake, and SOTB dispatched the award to Toby, who drank with no immediate typhoidal effects.

Celebrity Awards went to Sassy, Pirate Princess (taken by Captain Mortein) and SOTB for their appearances in the Apia Financial Review. Since SOTB is referenced in that journal as Captain Sass, a vote was called for all future nautical jokes and references, unless specifically Danish, to be awarded to SOTB, and this was carried unanimously. This Day in History Awards went to Offspring (1950 Group Areas Act in South Africa and 1994 1st free elections), Tallyho (1192 – King Conrad of Jerusalem killed by Hashshahin), SOTB (1789 – Mutiny on the Bounty, and 1975 – Operation Frequent Wind in Vietnam), joined by Poumuli. The GM then gave an Indecent Exposure Award to Crime for trying to seduce Hash Meres with just a lavalava on. A new addition has been made to the Hash Family, so Chi took this one as closest living relative to Tooth Fairy. An Arbitration Award was given to Bruce and Godfather for sorting out the kerfuffle with the surfing community. Tallyho then took over temporarily as GM, and Chi was quick off the mark with a nomination for SOTB. It was a convoluted reference to some previous chick-checking quest that he had been on, and the GM ran out of patience and ordered Chi to partake in a Boomerang Award. As mentioned Tallyho had been the FRB for most of the run, but in complying with his duties of calling On On, he had got in reply “yea, mate!”. So for failure to instruct new members, Godfather was brought forward, but his initial award of 8 down-downs for each of the Groundswellers was commuted to a single. Tallyho then spotted a well dressed Sexpot lounging unobtrusively in the back, not coming forward, so an Anonymous Sexpot Award was given. Much to Tallyho’s umbrage Ali had not been running, not even shagging, but playing pool. He had also offered, now that he is a certified doctor, to check Tallyho’s prostrate for him. This resulted in an Imagery Too Horrible to Countenance Award. And lo, the Apia Hash Mad Monk made her appearance, having been chased out of Syria. She called forth Kat, who has been playing in the water. Henceforth, she shall be known as Wet Pussy.

Ted was then brought forward to assume the position, and as someone who likes to sing and dance and play with Wet Pussy, henceforth he shall be known as Beyonce. The young man Chi was then called forward, and as is well known his place of business suffered from a serious spelling mistake. Henceforth he shall be known as Gayboy. As the Monk departed having guzzled a large down-down, SOTB recalled how the last time we had been in this venue a certain Hasher had challenged him to a pool beat-down, only to fail miserably. Captain Mortein countered that SOTB had given him so many awards that time that he was entirely legless, but this was deemed too thin an excuse for a Hasher.

Toby nominated Reg for taking him to lunch while the rest of the team had to work, but this was too easy to generate a backfire for, so both of them took the Skiving Off Award. Poumuli nominated anyone who had marched in the ANZAC Day Parade, and that was only him, although Sexpot had snuck in to the ANZAC breakfast and imbibed the rum-and-cokes but was being unobtrusive again. Damnit. Tallyho then demanded to know why Poumuli had been in the parade to begin with and his explanation of the expansion of the memorialisation of the parade fell on deaf ears – Tallyho’s that be. Ali suggested a further award to Poumuli for banking with ANZ – how the hell did he know that – some sort of Nigerian scam about to happen no doubt, so Ali took the Dissing Sexpot’s Competition Award. The GM grandly informed the circle that we were in a very well-built facility and that there was no need for anyone to try and prop it up, so Carlos got a Leaning Award. The Hosts and the Hare were saluted, and the Groundswellers thanked the Hash for the opportunity, the hospitality and the litres of Vailima they had consumed. Check the Blog for next week’s run. We also need an Assistant Scribe for a few weeks! On On Poumuli, IKA Slit

Hash Run 1620 - Godfather, TittyG and team @ Ynot

Good Morning All,

Next week's run will be hosted by Godfather, TittyG and team at Ynot.

The hosts will be providing the spread on Monday so you don't need to bring anything unless you want to cook something special. The run will start at the normal time 1730Hrs and we will have our Keg, Softies and sweet nuts.

Please make sure to bring your hash cash on Monday ($15)

No Map as you should all know where it is. Head to Matautu, next door to Paddles Restaurant.

On On

Hash Trash 1619

The Hash was hosted by Snake at Snakepit the 2nd in Vaitele. A lovely day for a trot in the countryside as daylight savings is over! We were exhorted to go out and left from the gate, and Tallyho and your Scribe gamely went up that bastard hill at some speed only to find that our attempt to get it over with was a false trail. Muttering curses upon all things elongated, legless and reptilian, we set off back down the hill after the rest of the pack. This was now led by SOTB who had simply waited by the gate! Down the cross road (don’t remember all the names), then a further false trail up the next parallel hill. This time SOTB actually found the true trail which led into the bush. This was serious snake country, as we were first slowed to a crawl by the dense bushes – even the considerable form of SOTB hadn’t flattened the vegetation sufficiently, and Godfather slipped off some rocks. There was even a stretch where we actually had to crawl to get through. Out onto the road there was some further confusion as to whence the trail led. Eventually a group comprising of Sexpot, Pussysnatcher, Tallyho and a few others decided it must be up the hill and around to the top of the Senese road. We did find a false trail mark but decided we had had enough of this malicious malarkey and went on-home. We ended up doing a much longer run than intended by Snake, at least that was his excuse. Godfathers sweet nuts were never sweeter. SOTB as GM called the circle to order, inviting those new to Apia Hash to introduce themselves. There was Yutaka (from Japan) visiting Ninja, and Scott who is here for work and was brought by PS. The rethreads were Wahoo, Poumuli and Mrs Ninja. Poumuli had some fluorescently incandescent new shoes that were christened. Luckily they absorbed most of the beer. Celebrity Awards went to Snatched (in Observer) taken by PS, Ali (for being on TV) and Sam the Fireman (also on TV). Sam couldn’t be with us but had made a special request for his best mate Lewinsky to take the award for him. The mate business came as a surprise to Lewinsky. This Day in History Awards went to SOTB (43 BC, Mark Antony defeated at battle of Mutina), Sam (1836, Sam Houston defeats Mexican general Sta. Anna), Godfather (Earth Day, and he is the Salt of the Earth), Tallyho (St George’s Day) and Poumuli (International Pixel Stained Technopeasant Day). The GM had learned that Poumuli had been hashing in San Francisco and decided that this warranted a No Poofters At Hash Award. In other news there had been a recent plane crash in which only the pilot and the terrorist survived, so this award went to Captain Mortein and Ali, obviously. A double down down went to Sam for having a birthday party and inviting nil hashers. Some Hashers had been golfing, when one of them decided to snatch someones golf ball. The result was that the GM was attacked by an irate mad golfer, so Sexpot was rewarded for his perfidy. Ali was given the Graduation Award, and was joined by Swinger who had stood him up for the celebrations. Opening up for nominations, Tallyho had been confused a bit on the trail, and had seen PS dart into a taxi yard, obviously intending to chariot ride. PS made some excuse about missing some parts, and a vote got them both the award. Sam joined for cellphonus interruptus and Snake for setting the run from a chariot. In his defence, snakes are squamate, ectothermic, amniote vertebrates. Sam had been running with Lewinsky, and felt a bit lost, but Lewinsky told him they should just take a short-cut. Lewinsky denied this, saying he was going along with anything Sam said to avoid being Bruce Lee’d, but this did not stick up at the vote. Tallyho wanted to nominate Sexpot for his impressive running and that since he obviously has too much energy should be renamed Nosexpot. This boomeranged to Tallyho as Desperate Housewife is off-island with an illness. More on that issue, Sexpot had been alone for a few days and some Hashers had offered to take him out. He ended up on a three day bender, concluding with a bursting hangover caused by Lewinsky. SOTB and Lewinsky received the Reckless Sexpot Endangerment Award.

Sassy was irate over the lack of gas for the BBQ and nothing being done about it, so Titty Galore and Sexpot got the Hash Chef (Not) Award as they had been in charge last time. Swinger nominated Tallyho for getting a full body servicing in the Philippines, so a Warrant of Fitness Award went to Tallyho. Joining him was Slim Shady for making the weird suggestion that he should dissolve Viagra on his knees. Horny Ho wanted to get the GM for some crime involving window vipers, but it became so convoluted that an FBI Award was given instead. Poumuli had been cooking for Wahoo’s family in the US, but instead of helping out she was Facebooking the whole time. She told him that she was going to write “no bloodshed as yet”, when he told her no that would jinx him. Lo and behold, it did, but did Wahoo get a band-aid? No! She Facebooked the rest of the story instead.

Back to the golfing excursion, Sexpot was playing against Sassy, who complained of constant tiredness and was just sitting in the buggy the whole time. A Tired and Emotional Award to Sassy. Finally, Poumuli complained that there was no Scribe the last two weeks, but this somehow backfired. He was joined by Lewinsky who had started the Hash Song too early. The host and the hare were saluted – Snake, Uli, Tina and Reade. Check the blog for next week’s run. On On Poumuli, IKA Slit

Hash Run - 23rd April 2012 - Snake pit 2 - Vaitele

Good evening all,

Tomorrow's run will be hosted by Snake and the team at the Snake pit 2 at Vaitele (Senese School)

The hosts have kindly offered to provide the food for tomorrow's run so no need to bring anything unless you want to. We will also have a keg there as well as softies and sweet nuts from Godfather!

Directions: Head out to Vaitele, when you reach BOC Gases, turn left and head up the hill. Just before you get to the Faatuatua Christian School (on your right hand side), you will see the Senese School on the left. Turn into the compound and head to the back.

The run will start at the usual 1730 Hrs so try and be there on time as we want to get back before it gets dark.

Map is posted below just in case you cant find your way

Please make sure you bring your $15 hash cash and also for those who had ordered UB40 Tickets, please bring your money for your tickets if you have not yet paid so we can hand out the tickets tomorrow.

On On

Hash Run 1618 - 16th Apr - BYO Run @ Ynot Bar

Good morning all,

sorry for the late posting but we couldn't find any hosts for today's run. Ynot Bar however has kindly offered a venue for our run tonight. It will be a BYO food for the BBQ run tonight so please bring something to put on to the BBQ if you want to eat after the run. If not, then don't eat what you did not bring :)

Run will start at 1730 Hrs and we will have a keg, softies and sweet nuts. Also, dont forget your hash cash of $15 tonight.

Location/Directions: Head down to Matautu, next door to Paddles restaurant, you will find Ynot bar.

See you all there
On On

Hash Trash 1616

This April Fool’s Day Hash was hosted by Hooker Lua and SOTB at Vaoala. The Hare was Ring Ring, and although we were promised a short run this was not to be as we had a whole load of false trails. The weather was quite fine and we were finally off Daylight Savings Time – hurra! We were not disappointed in that this was indeed an incredibly inventive run. The trail led up the Cross Island Road with Tallyho and others running off in the wrong direction. Captain Mortein was on a roll and kept hitting the right tracks, as Poumuli floundered further up the Cross Island Road. A trail was acquired leading through someone’s taro patch, which slowed us down considerably, but hey rather go slow than break a leg. We finally arrived down on the cow pastures off Bank Street, with several tricky false trails, until finally we went through the bushes to get back to the main road. And there was even a river for us to get our boots wet yet again! Back on home through the fence and we were done. Godfather was not around so his sweet nuts could not be savoured.

SOTB had been cooking not running so he was not as sweaty as normal, and more or less cogent. He called the circle to order, but was rudely interrupted and Tallyho and Tramp were called in for not wearing anything flowery in line with the theme and for giving the GM lip. Those new to Hash was only Carlos, a Spanish dive instructor brought by Witch Doctor, so being so well instructed the GM gave him a down-down. The rethreads were Kiwi, Buzzer, Einstein, Sexpot and Tramp, respectively golfing, schooling, old ageing, ozzing and landing in Nadi.

Shoe inspector Tallyho was nearly stumped in his search for culprits, but the threat of having to drink from the GM’s shoes was enough for Queen Biyatch to fetch her shoes. Celebrity Awards went to Godfather for being the object of a World Bank feature in the Observer, so closest living relative Poolboy joined his missus. Further celebrities were found in Horny Ho kids who had been singing on TV – they both pretended not being able to or enjoying beer!



The GM had noticed that the National Bank had launched some new products that have yet to be matched by commercial banks, so Sexpot and Skidmark got the Not Keeping Up With Competition Award. Karaoke was so inspired by the moment that she commented that there had been a picture of a huge cake in the paper, and it wasn’t from Adria’s – obvious!
Captain Mortein and Tramp were both spotted leaning, before a Bad Grandparenting Award was given to Eveready for letting Divine fall flat on her face. This Day in History Awards went to Captain Mortein (1801 – Brits sink Danish fleet at Battle of Copenhagen), Carlos (1939 – end of Spanish Civil War), Tallyho (Argentina invades Falklands – Malvinas Day!), and SOTB (1973 – first ever mobile phone call made on a Motorola).

Sassy nominated Poumuli for not knowing difference between pork and chicken – hey it was frozen! Horny Ho had spotted Hideo crouching in a rather suggestive manner on the road, it was demonstrated for us, and while it could have been construed as passing a turtle he claimed it was a Stretching Award. Karaoke wanted all to check out Ring Ring’s new car, black tint, which was sure tp pull a lot of chicks??? Horny Ho added that this ride was getting Tallyho home the riotous laughter became too much.
The GM nominated Fireman Sam for dedication to the hash – turning up late and pretending to get sweaty. Tallyho had been reading the news and had found an item on quantum physics, and apparently Einstein had been right all along – step forward Einstein.

Sassy nominated all the nature lovers in the circle – Hooker Lua, Ring Ring, Horny Ho, Karaoke and SOTB. Poumuli nominated Witch Doctor for the Conman Award for dislodging his luggage from Air Pacific without the tags, same name on ID or any ID for that matter.

Sam desperately wanted to get the GM back for a perceived slight, as they had been out having drinks and the GM had scored phone numbers off some girls leaving nought for Sam. This was added to by Sexpot who pointed out that the whole 4G thing was bogus advertising. Somehow this got turned around to anyone being a Digicel lover, which was Kiwi with his bright red hat, and a few minutes later, cellphonus interruptus via Digicel.

Hooker Lua mentioned that one special historical event had been missed, namely the birth of Hans Christian Andersen, the Danish writer – this one went to Sassy (hubby Chris), SOTB (middle name) and Captain (obvious!). Tallyho added in Poumuli for not getting that one – bastard! SOTB then got Fireman Sam for not also owning up to the middle name issue.

Sexpot was very concerned that Samoa had been robbed in the 7’s, which obviously meant an award for Crime, plus a token Aussie – Skidmark, and Kiwi to represent the errant ref.

Hooker Lua then announced her special April Fool’s Day gig for the Hash Men. When I say that this was humiliating, I am off. It was much worse than that. We had to bellydance to some bloody hashish swirling Egyptian music. Anyway, the winners were Einstein, prize a voluptuous pink bra, Poumuli for graceful choreography, Poolboy as the fairest of them all – a mirror, and Sam for best poledancing impression.
Then the hosts and the hare were saluted as we descended upon the feast.

Next week its at Aqua Samoa – we need a Scribe for the event.




On On from San Francisco
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Easter Hash Run

Good Morning All,

This Monday's Easter run will be out at Aqua Samoa at Aggie Grey's Beach Resort in Mulifanua (just past the airport) The run will start at 12 noon followed by our usual untidiness. You can swim in the ocean before, during or after the run so bring a change of clothes.

The hosts will be providing some food but have also asked if we can all bring a little something to throw on the BBQ. Don't be shy and turn up with 2 or 3 sausages or something like that :) Bring something we can all partake in.

We will have a keg there and hopefully some sweet nuts from Godfather along with the softies.

No map posted as you should all know how to get there...

Best is if we can all try and car pool to make it easier and safer for everyone..

On On

Hash Run 1616 - Hookerlure & GM SOTB are co-hosting at Vaoala!!!

Talofa lava you wonderful vibrant hashmen and hash meres!!!

Just stopping by with some more info for next Monday's run up at Vaoala. Map to come from GM!

• This is a BYO - BRING YOUR OWN (for those who are not familiar with the acronym) and refers to food stuff like meats, a salad, a loaf of bread...just don't all turn up with a loaf of bread each, unless you prefer bbq bread! So if you enjoy a bit of kaikai, then bring it along to share!
• The Theme is "NATURE LOVERS RUN" - wear some leaves, a leaf, or if you are allergic to leaves then wear some clothing that has images of leaves and animals!
• Hash Run is SAT15/person, free for children up to 10 years, above 10-15yrs: SAT10@ and above that, well i guess you are on SAT15!
• Bring change in case it rains!
• If it rains, please keep off the lawn!!!

ONON

Hash Run 1615 - Godfather & Pool Boy @ Faleata Horse Racing Grounds

Good morning to you all on this wet but exciting hash Monday!

Tonight's run will be up at the Faleata Turf Club (Horse Racing Course) and its being kindly hosted by Godfather, Pool Boy & Queen-B. Tonight promises to be another fun run and with weather like this, it is best that you bring a change of clothes, or two.

The hosts will be providing a spread tonight so just come with your change of clothes, your hash cash and your drinking boots! ( I hear it's a certain hash man's birthday today too)

Run will start at 1730Hrs, there will be a keg and all the goodies so see you all there!

On On

Hash Trash 1614

The Hash was hosted by Chi at the house behind Sunrise restaurant. It had been a rainy day, so the weather was quite cool. The run had been set on paper and on chalk, the pink kind as Chi said he was too cheap to get the proper stuff! Dollar store advertisement! Off we went out the gate and down the road to Togafuafua, hitting the Vaitele road, with a few false trails leading down Ifififi Street, and a tempting one up to Apaula heights. The real trail was found by Tallyho, who not only shouted On On, but also his name, presumably to stave off imminent dementia and loss of self-recognition. Anyway, this went UP Ififi, until we found the trail again off the cross road to Falealili. We headed further along the road when we got to the bridge and the old hydro plant pipe, and followed the Vaisigano river. This was a bit of a challenge for some – it was possible to do this dry-shod, if you could spot the flat rocks under the clumpy grass. Others just jumped into the water and waded. The trail went back and forth across the river, but the back runners could see where the FRBs were, so stayed on one side of the river, jumping into the bushes rather than the river. While this precipitated a wasp attack on some of the Hashers, at least their feet were dry! Until we really HAD to cross the river – this included jumping into a nice pool for some, while others took a lengthier detour to save their reek for later sharing. Then it was up to Faatoia and back home. The last bit of the run was quite heavy, with water sodden footwear and running gear, lots of traffic and dogs. But Godfather’s sweet nuts were waiting!

SOTB was not too exhausted and called the circle to order. A moment of silence was observed for the recently departed GM of the Suva Hash. Taskala had passed away in the night after last week’s hash in Suva, and was a great hasher and a friend of many in the Apia Hash. There were mutterings both pro and con on whether this should be used as a precedent to smother our own GM in his sleep.

There were two who were new to Apia Hash – Keiko (JICA volunteer at the hospital) and Veta (helping Chi as co-hare). The rethreads were Poolboy (fixing pools), Queen Biatch (busy bossing the poolboy), Top Shelf (dogbite), Fang (on parole). They were the first to suffer the unusually large Hash Mugs (more like pints) that Lewinsky had procured.

Celebrity Awards went to Captain Mortein (spotted by the GM on TV), Sassygirl BJ (spotted by Chi in the Observer), and Tiger Woody (something about a golf club presented to the Head of State – Crime nearest living relative). This Day in History Award was thwarted by many intended victims being absent, but we got Lewinsky (St Patricks Day and he looks Irish), and Tallyho (1649 – England House of Commons abolish temporarily the House of Lords, declaring it useless and dangerous to the people of England – Tallyho objected, saying he was neither as he was in Samoa and not England). After some grumbling he noted that the Poms and the Welsh were united against the Vikings – mistaking the Paddies due to Lewinsky’s red shirt.

The GM began his awards with a Survival Port Moresby Award to Poumuli, who needed to throw a third of it over his shoulder. Then there was a DIY Fail Award to Captain Mortein, who’s self constructed towbar arrangement had disintegrated.



He also noted that the runs had seen the “real men” of the Hash jump without hesitation into the pool, except one – Tallyho, who now looked like he had peed himself. After a quick fondling by Fang, he declared that he was a Pom, and didn’t even jump into a bath!

Driving along Beach Road, the GM had spotted some modifications to HQ1, then discovered that these had been done without permit from the landlord nor with any environmental impact assessments – Lewinsky stepped forward for the Toilet Venting Award. On the theme of modification, the GM had received complaints that the venue was in fact an undercover brothel, and that this had not been transmitted to the single Hashers, so Chi go the Red Light Award.

Opening up for nominations, Sassy of course was eager to try her hand, but messed up a bit between the not living up to name or bad parenting, as Horny Ho had entrusted her kids to run with Sassy. This was more a What The Hell Were You Thinking Award.
Chi nominated all those wearing green for St Patricks to take one – GM, Crime, Queen B, Hideo, Sam, Poolboy – with Tallyho escaping as his knee braces were not green naturally, but had taken on the teal hue from the various effluents that had coursed down upon them.

Bruce then launched an all-out FBI ramble about unsafe parking and disobeying regulations aimed at Lewinsky through POD. Apparently he had spotted their vehicle by the Government buildings next to a do not park sign with an angry security guard in attendance. Before Lewinsky could utter “blasphemy” POD calmly explained that she had parked there at the instruction of the kind security guard, who had taken gentlemanly concern at her state of inflation into account. Boomerang Award for Bruce.

On a roll from guarding the keg, Chi rambled on about a church burning down and the fire department not getting there quick enough. Sam tried his best to get out of it, but a vote doomed them both. POD then nominated the GM for flaunting his dongle in front of the government buildings, an event that had been captured on the news!
Sassy sought to nominate the Hares for reckless endangerment, viz the wasp attack on the trail. When Chi pointed out that this had occurred on an unauthorized short-cut Sassy got the False Accusation Award in return. She was joined by Godfather and Crime for their blatant shortcutting, with GF gamely stepping in to drink from his until now hidden new shoe! What a Hasher – phenomenal!

While all this was going on, Poumuli had been shocked rigid by the spectacle of the little girls doing poledancing in the living room, which he pointed out to the GM. A Bad Parenting Award to Lewinsky. Chi and Crime had gone to a paddling contest, after or during which Crime had disappeared, which led to a Chi Abandonment Award. Also, the Captain’s daughter was next spotted poledancing.



Tallyho nominated all those who were quietly maintaining a low profile in the circle – Skidmark and Dave. Bruce, well known for his dedication to women’s rights, decried the fact that poledancing had been invented in Norway. While Poumuli justly denied any responsibility for what the hell Norwegian girls get up to, he had to join Witch Doctor in this award. [Quick check – poledancing probably started in the US in the 1920s, but the first poledancing contests were held in 2005 – in Australia! Pleas note this GM.]



Karaoke was supposed to take Ring Ring home from last hash, but she was late coming home – she had been driven home by Tallyho. As the GM had spotted Karaoke turning up to the hash with Tallyho, he quickly deduced that this was a Jealousy Award for the entire threesome.



Poumuli reminded the GM, and Tallyho confirmed, that rule number 1 of the Hash was “no poofters on the Hash”, which sort of contradicted the sign erected over Chi’s venue, offering “gatering – you name it”. Spelling and punctuation are very important! This was obviously confusing but Chi took it anyway.



The Host and Hares were saluted, with Sassy joining in for her persistent pushiness in getting Chi to host, and Lewinsky for something unintelligible.

Next week’s hash will be hosted by Godfather and Poolboy at the racetrack, and will be catered. Bring a change of clothes – oh no not again! The week after will be hosted by Hooker Lua and SOTB in Vaoala, with the Easter Hash being hosted at Aqua Samoa.

Your Scribe will be in Tokyo, so a volunteer Scribe is needed. Please Desperate Housewife!!!

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Hash Run 1614 - Chi (Behind Sunrise Restaurant)

Afternoon All,

Next week's Run (19th March 2012) will be hosted by Chi, just behind Sunrise Restaurant in town (Togafu'a fu'a). The host is putting on some food but has asked if you could also bring something extra to throw on the bbq.

You will need a change of clothes as the host has told me you will most likely be getting wet during the run (not that kind of wet...get your mind out of the gutter)...so bring a change of clothes and a towel.

There will be a keg, softies and Godfather's sweet nuts...run starts 1730Hrs, dont forget your hash cash of $15 tala

On On

Hash Trash 1613

Greetings Hashers from Port Moresby - or appinoon. An excellent trash from Assistant Trainee Scribe, Desperate Housewife. Enjoy and see you next week
Poumuli, IKA Slit

After no offers of hosting the Hash, Lewinsky kindly stepped up to the plate and allowed his establishment to be the location of Hash Run 1613. As this was a last minute location, no run was set. So the Hashers arrived, waiting for the ever so jolly Tallyho to be the Hare. Unfortunately Tallyho was running late and the Hashers could wait no longer. Ring Ring came to the rescue, becoming the Hare. She set off at a lightning pace through the back of the Cop Shop and onto Cross Island Rd. After a few twists and turns, we were then heading quite precariously over the 4 lanes to the other side of the road. It was a bit like the video game “Frogger” [Ed note – hm that ages the Scribe!] as we dodged the Peak Hour traffic of Apia. Luckily no fatalities occurred and on we went.

One street got some of the Hashers feeling a bit “high” due to the smoke of a “home grown plant” some taxi drivers were toking. After we came “down”, and as it was quite a warm day, Ring Ring took a breather (much to the relief of her followers) and so for a while it was a nice walk through the town. The walk got one of the Hashers edgy and he decided to run past the Hare at one stage. No one must have told him the rules when he was in Honiara Hash. We ended up passing JP’s Fitness Centre and then back across the 4 lanes (this time with the aid of the traffic lights). Then resumed running back down Vaea Street and finished back at On The Rocks. Not a very long run, but with the temperature as it was, the Hashers were not too fussed and were happy to sit in the shady rubble of what used to be Crabbers and enjoy a nice cold Vailima. It was then that we saw Tallyho heading back from his run (from the opposite direction).

Not long after, the Hash Circle was called to order. Only one rethread - being Hot Rod, who was just turning up to say hi to the fellow Hashers and got himself caught up in the circle taking his down down. His excuse for not coming to Hash, pretty lame, “I’ve been working”.
No new shoes, but Tallyho commented on how clean Slim Shady’s jandalled feet were and so she had to drink.
Celebrity award went to Witch Doctor (on behalf of Poumuli) for being in the Observer on Monday (SPREP climate change workshop). Arsewipe or Skidmark (on behalf of Sexpot) for some Westpac related media; and Sassygirl for being in the Observer that day (Leadership Samoa Graduation).

This Day in History went to the following: 1876 – Alexander Graeme Bell made his first phone call – GM and Ring Ring;
1928 - St Francis Dam in California collapses – Lewinsky took on behalf of Crash who was absent;
1933 - Pres. Roosevelt orders banks re-opened after his enforced bank holiday during Great Depression – Skidmark the banker;
1994 - Church of England ordains female priests – well we’ve had a female hash monk for years – Sassy took on her behalf being the closest living relative of the Hash Monk plus Tallyho who was at a Church of England service with GF and there was a female priest conducting the service;
2011 – 1 year anniversary of the Fukushima Daiichi nuclear plant explosion – Toko and Ninja drank in remembrance.

GM Award went to Tallyho – who picked up a piece of metal whilst the Hash Circle was happening from the demolition site we were congregating at. It was a dirty old spoon. Tallyho countered stating that he wants to start up a “Hash Shrine” in which Hashers can pick up mementos from runs and then look upon them and reminisce. GM just thought Tallyho was short on cutlery and so he had to drink up.

Assistant Scribe, DH, got done for leaning as she was so focused on her scribing, she was in the zone and didn’t realise it was happening. She thinks Lewinsky set her up by telling her to stand by the wall in the first place.

Latecummers included Tooth Fairy, Snatched and Pro Bono.

Lewinsky got called up for coming to the rescue and providing the venue.

Nominations then began. Desperate Housewife got in first (before Sassygirl!) and nominated Slim Shady for lung poisoning after blowing a mouthful of cigarette smoke staight into DH’s face who was still in need of oxygen after just coming back from the run. Sassygirl nominated Wahoo for protecting the keg whilst we were all running, although the keg was somewhat emptier than how we left it – interesting!

Slim Shady nominated Sassygirl for making SS talk to a drunken old man all night at Ynot after Sassy had done all the flirting in the first place. Sassygirl then called up Tallyho into the Hash Circle for suggesting all the Grumpy Old Bastards patronizing OTR’s should be drowned out to sea (even though one of them was the GMs father). Tallyho appealed for right of reply saying that Sassy at the time had agreed with him. In the end, it was voted that Lewinsky take the down down as the owner of the establishment where the GOBs drink.

Tallyho then chose Godfather for, as the bible states, “bearing false witness” against him. When GF asked what false witness he was suggesting, Tallyho had no reply. However, GF took it on the chin and drank up. A nomination went to soon to be father, Tooth Fairy, who’ll be off island in lead up to his baby’s birth – an early wetting of the baby’s head.

Sassygirl nominated Hooker Lua for going to the gym too much that she is too tired to participate in the Hash Run/Walk. Right of reply was that she wants to keep fit and likes to come for the drinking part. She took a double spin class down down.

GM nominated Titty G for asking him to get her name tattooed on his body – making GF jealous and to make matters worse she passed on her glass to Crime instead of her man. Crime then had to do another scull for accepting Titty G’s offloads.

Sassygirl then called Slim Shady up for calling GM’s tatt an Avaava instead of a shark (which it is meant to be).

Witchdoctor called Wahoo up as she was turning 14 the next day – underage drinking!! [Ed note – this is incorrect, it was on 6th of March!)

The Mata Aitu Award went to two recipients. First, a non-Hasher, a patron of On the Rocks, Fritz, who said that Hooker Lua’s malu wasn’t traditional but was really only saying it so he could perv on her sexy legs. Second, to Slippery for taking his camera on the run.

Ring Ring nominated Skidmark who overtook the Hare during the run. The poor guy is trying to lay off the beers – Monday isn’t a day to begin that!

The Pedophilia Award went to ponytailed Dave who was chatting up underage locals whilst on the run.

Sassygirl then called Lewinsky to the circle for holding Titty G’s keys away from her so he could get close to her tits. His right of reply was that she asked him to drop the keys on her tits and said “I got ya!” so Titty G was given the Entrapment Award for enticing a married man who is expecting his third child. [Ed note – is that Lewinsky expecting or POD?]

In lieu of the demolition of the Fale Fono, Tallyho said it was a crime against history pulling the fale down so Crime was called up to take the scull. There was also eye witness accounts of Crime stealing stuff from the demolition site after the Fale Fono was pulled down – but unfortunately that is all “hearsay”.

The Slutty Leadership Award went to Sassy on behalf of Snatched who said Sassy made a conservative uniform look slutty (at the Leadership Samoa Graduation).

Hooker Lua called up GM for joining the land of ink with his new tatt.

Slim Shady nominated Ninja for telling her that she must come topless to work in her new job. She is now even thinking of a career change – porn star? During this conversation, Tallyho’s spoon (which was stuck down his pants) started moving erratically. Ninja couldn’t finish his down down so gave it to Tallyho for the second time of the night – we think Ninja is becoming Tallyho’s new drinks bitch.

Tallyho then proceeded to call up Snatched for rubbing a stick up and down his leg during most of the proceedings. Snatched then confided that she actually was meant to be rubbing Hot Rod’s leg instead. Tallyho wished it was Harry Potter’s wand – not sure why – you’ll have to ask him.

Snatched then called up DH for being studious and taking notes on such a big pad, DH replied that little ones weren’t as good. Double entendre?

Pro Bono was then called up by Lewinsky and had a down down for winning her first court case. 100% success rate. Although it took a long time to down her drink, we were up to the third chorus by the time she finished.

Finally the Hare and Host, Ring Ring and Lewinsky were called into the circle and that concluded the Hash ceremony for the night.

Next week is still open and those who have not yet hosted or haven’t hosted in a while are encouraged to put their hand up, as it’s unfair for the same people to keep hosting.

On On
Desperate Housewife

Hash Run 12th March 2012

Hello all you wonderful hashers

Today's run will be from second headquarters, On the Rocks (OTR) so bring your good selves, your SAT15 and a bit extra to chip in for the pizzas afterwards. We have decided to avoid the BYO BBQ today as there is no where to do it!!!

Also advise the GM if you can set the run please..call 7500767

ONON

Sassy