Hash Run 1537

Next weeks run will be hosted by Bits and Pieces and Goer at their home in Vaoala on Bank Street. This is just down the road from Hot Nuts and Nutcracker's house as well as being close to Zsa Zsa and Chilindrina's.

Since this is the first Monday of the month, I am asuming that this will be a BYO run. Please bring something to throw onto the BBQ or something precooked. Run starts 1730Hrs. Bring something dry to change into in the even it gets too cold for any of you wussy's.

Check the Map for the Location if you are still confused. There is no theme so far but keep and eye on the blog in case we decide last minute to choose a theme.
On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Hash Trash 1536

Mabuhay and greetings from the Philippines where your Scribe is recovering from jetlag. Many thanks to Screamer for her scribbling below - only had to do limited editing this time. Congratulations to Screamer for erudition. On On Poumuli, IKA Slit


This will be a rushed scribing since there were two kegs at this particular run and even though the assistant co-scribe managed to not drink a single drop of the golden fluid, she was still having trouble keeping up with the goings-on, not least because she seemed to spend a lot of time deflecting false accusations.

Anyway, Hash 1536 was hosted by Lewinsky, Princess of Darkness and Pro Bona at the home of the lovely Mr and Mrs Stevenson.

The run was designed to cater for runners and walkers – there were two separate paths that led runners in separate directions so walkers met runners on the way. Or something like that. Assistantt Co-scribe was generally a bit confused but enjoyed the run nevertheless.

GM POD called the circle to order but not before everyone had ample opportunity to swim in the sea and partake of Godfather’s sweet nuts and/or Eveready’s wonderful salsa mix.

There were a few newcomers – Susan (had heard so much about it, she came to try Hash for herself), Tania (from Australia), John (with Kat), and Leata (with Pete). All drank (since there were two kegs, which HAD to be emptied).

Brynne was the only rethread, having returned from her sojourn in Canada, Cambodia and Hawaii.

There were no new shoes although Screamer was accused but she rather vehemently reminded everyone that she had only recently drunk out of new shoes. Snake, the assistant shoe inspector, drank.

RingRing received the super model award of the week for beautifully modeling dresses for the Mena show.

Husband of the Week award was given to Captainn Mortein for getting too drunk and forgetting to pick up his lovely wife, Pirate Princess, who ended up walking all the way from the Yacht Club to find him at Y-Not. Captain Mortein was accompanied by drinking accomplices, Swinger, Psychadelic, Rebecca and Angela, who, he insisted, had led him astray.

It was the last hash, at least for a while, for several people and Stephanie, Deep Throat, Carey, Kim, Lester and Gui (and Jodie) were farewelled with a drink.

Then, the Monk arrived! Dressed in her usual purple garb but sans-heels this time, she proceeded on a naming ceremony with a vengeance.

Vegetarian Stephanie is now “Meat Lover” while Mia, who seems to have been conducting some sort of personal advertising campaign via sun block, is now “Do Me Twice”.

Little Annelisa and Isabella were also named, with their daddies doing the honours – “Princess Tiger” and “Happy Face” respectively, for obvious reasons.

Cherelle was appropriately (and finally) named “Snatch”. She got the guys excited for a brief span when she offered to remove her bra prior to the naming but decided it was a family Hash after all, leaving some disappointed faces.

A story was told regarding a Hash Mere who had to be rushed to hospital the previous week for having an allergic reaction to peanuts found in the cake at Karaoke’s. Rebecca (the victim), Karaoke (the cake provider), Angela (the obviously now sacked, taster) and Psychadelic (the ambulance driver) all drank.

FBI cited someone called “Gaybore” for bad taste in music at his last party. They both drank.

Tiger Woody made an appearance – seems he’d been hanging out in the bamboo in the garden so he appropriately took his “panda” award.

The “Prick Tease” of the week award went to Kat who has been seen on TV ignoring a doting male in favour of...a newspaper.

Snatch was nominated for the wet t-shirt award but assistant co-scribe is wondering if Sassy BJ was just hoping for a wet shirt. Some confusion here but Snatch took the drink handing it over to Pussysnatcher, who was obediently waiting in the shadows (probably to make sure she didn’t waste the whole thing yet again).

Just for the heck of it, Pussysnatcher was given an indecent exposure award (initiated by a slightly envious Hash Man, thinks assistant co-scribe).

A series of celebrity awards were handed out – Godfather, Brynne the Cook and Swinger, the onlooker – for being on the second part of the Tagata Pasifika documentary on the va’atele, Hinemoana.

All the celebrities were rudely interrupted by Godfather’s phone ringing – an investigation rivaling that of the FBI (the real one) revealed it was Kiwi/Tiger Woody. He copped a down down for that, not surprisingly.

Cockblocker was awarded the chauvinist of the week (again??) for disrespecting a Hash Mere. Shame!

Psychadelic told a tale of a car driving up to Tafatafa with not one, not two, but FIVE babes in bikinis…followed by…CB. Do Me Twice, Meat Lover, Mel and Brynne joined CB for this one. Assistant Co-Scribe is almost positive she saw CB’s chest puff up when he sauntered into the circle centre.

Crash Bandicoot had been overheard taking financial credit (to the tune of a 200 tala tab at On the Rocks) for the (usually provided gratis by Karaoke for Hash) cooking of the pig for tonight’s Hash. This entrepreneurial innovation was smartly knocked on the head by fellow Hashers.

Alan rocked up during the proceedings and received a latecummer’s award.

Brynne nominated Zsa Zsa and Slim Shady for throwing a party that got everyone in trouble with the police. This then boomeranged into a wardrobe malfunction award for Brynne and Snatch who had spent their night progressively hiking up their pretty Bollywood garb.

Snatch then told of a Hash Man who fell asleep at a fun party – Godfather stepped up – and, still on the same party, Eveready took one for providing an X-rated birthday cake, which he insisted had been made by Karaoke. He took the drink anyway.

Still on the party, FBI had gotten so drunk, he had fallen asleep in his garage and almost been run over by his girlfriend, while Angela could recall nothing of being driven home by Swinger.

Amidst all the commotion, an old face made an appearance – ACDC was back and took the obligatory welcome home drink while saying something about not drinking anymore (or maybe Assistant Co-Scribe simply misheard this one – yes highly unlikely!).

Mana had somehow managed to avoid the latecomer’s award when Alan got his but was thirsty enough to come up now.

David was using the excuse of the extra keg to stay out late (??) so he was given an extra drink just for fun.

Then, the grand finale – it was Godfather’s Birthday! A beautiful, Karaoke-made cake was brought out (carrot – Godfather’s favourite) and Eveready made a beautiful speech paying tribute to Godfather’s longstanding contribution to Hash and giving special tribute to his sweet nuts, which are loved by all but by some more than others.

A beautiful rendition of the Birthday song was sung by all led by Sassy.

Godfather blew out the candle and made a wish and requested that all those who let the cat out the bag should submit to a down down. Swinger, Titty Galore and CB did the honours.

Sassy, Snatch and others did the siva for Godfather then the national anthem was sung by the Hash Meres.

The Hosts, the Hare, Cooks and Ever Ready and Karaoke were thanked in the usual way and the pack then descended on yet another amazing feast put on by Lewinsky, POD and Clan.

Map for run in Vailima - september 27

The September 27 AHHH run will be held in Vailima - past Le manumea about 200 meters on cross island road, take a right hand turn on the dirt road- it takes a sharp right then left before the house. ON ON

Hash Run 1536

Afternoon,
Monday's hash run will be hosted by Lewinsky and POD at their home in Taumeasina. Go down past Apia Park until you see the defaced signpost for the Taumeasina reserve, where you turn left, go past some playing fields and somehow head towards the houses fronting the water. I know the map looks confusing in comparison, but its all I could salvage from SOTB's files.

Bring a change of clothes if you want to go for a swim after the run.

Check the Map for Directions and run will start at 1730 hrs

No theme has been set for the run, but will await last minute notice from POD or Lewinsky and post, and anything else that they would wish to convey.

Your Scribe and Assistant Blogmaster will be overseas for 3 hashes, so Co-Scribe Screamer will be in charge, suitable punishment for the goolie incident!

Also, please be reminded to bring any contributions for the Baby Desirable Fund - check in with Sassygirl BJ as she has accepted to be Fund Collector and Hander-over.

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Hash Trash 1535

Your Scribe is back from his travails in Papua New Guinea and Australia. The Trash for 1534 will be posted as soon as Assistant Trainee Scribe Mia hands over the homework notes that her dog ate.

Hash run 1535 was hosted by Eveready, Karaoke, Crash Bandicoot, Delicious, Deep Throat, Kerry and Baby Desirable, at their house in Lotopa. It was a really rainy day, with some 90 millimetres of rain registered at the Poumuli Weather Station in Vaoala. Eveready announced that he had had to go to Plan B for the trail, as his dry riverbed was now a raging torrent. Luckily the rain eased up a bit as the run proceeded, but those who didn’t get wet from the rain were soon soaked in sweat from this rather long run. The trail went out the driveway, down to the Airport Road, past Pesega, and up into the back roads there. Poumuli started in the lead, then overtaken by Cockblocker and various fit youngsters. It was an entirely road-featured run, while the rain probably decreased the incidence of barking dogs. Eveready had set the run on minuscule amounts of shredded paper, most of which had been washed away, but the pack made it back safely.

Eveready stepped in as GM and welcomed all to a very special Hash, as it was both the Return of the Prodigal Son (Deep Throat) and the Return of Baby Desirable. There were several newcomers to Apia Hash – Mel from Sydney (here 3.5 weeks), Solomon from Israel but lives in Zambia (here 2 months), Jodie from Savaii who was here with someone called Shenene (down down quickly taken by CB), Guy from France, Belinda with the vets (here for 2 years), and Rebecca, Matthew and Jack here from Brisbane (visiting Lewinsky). Deep Throat’s better half Kerry was also introduced. Eveready made them all drink a down down, as this was a two-keg evening.

The Rethreads were Screamer, Poumuli, Sassygirl BJ, Bits and Pieces, Crash, Andrew, Marc and Cherelle. The GM couldn’t be bothered to ask where they had been. Rapidly a Leaner Award went to Deep Throat and Andrew, who claimed they were reaching for their drinks, to which the GM replied “well reach for this one”. There were no new shoes, so Assistant Shoe Inspector Snake took the award.

The GM had requested that notification about the Wear PINK rule had been posted on the blog (yes!), and since they have hosted so many runs with this theme, the procedures should be clear. Front and centre went Crash and Lewinsky (what a shame – Crash got a big glass), Hobbes, Belinda, Matthew, Ninja, Bits and Pieces, Titty Galore and Pro Bona. Celebrity Awards went to Sassygirl (newspaper and radio), Brazilian Wax (2 hours on TV!), Godfather for judging the Ms Samoa pageant (nice work if you can get it) and Marc (va’a returns).

Changing pace, the GM called forth Deep Throat and Kerry, since they would not likely be here next week, and awarded the departing couple the boob and willy glasses. Deep Throat suggestively tongued his boob glass, and had to help with the willy, although he poured it into his own rather than be photographed with that in his hand. He certainly didn’t get his skulling technique from his Dad!

Opening up for nominations from the floor, Poumuli exhibited a national biodiversity report from France. Where most such reports highlights the beauty of endangered wildlife, this one had chosen to feature the pubic lice, and one wonders about what their conservation strategy might be. Guy and Marc got the French Crabs Award.
Our special visitor, the indefatigable Lester, was spotted leaning and got the boob cup, but refused the nipple opening (we all would, after what Deep Throat did to it). Snake started a long convoluted injustice griping story, which picked up by Spanky had something to do with burnt chicken last week. In the end it was agreed that the Suck It Australians Award would be shared by Spanky and Andrew.

Poumuli related a fantastic story of flying over the Great Barrier Reef with a hash mere, who asked him what all those little white houses on the islands down there were. After checking, he told Screamer that the technical term for those were “waves”. Screamer launched a vicious attack that nearly had Poumuli’s goolies in a Tamaitai Moment (according to Kamikaze this charming Samoan term for lady means “the pain just after you’ve been kicked in the nuts” in Japanese). Am considering legal recourse for assault – not my fault she was being blonde.

The va’a crew that went to Tokelau were given a special award for bravery – Psychadelic, Solomon, Marc and Brazilian. On that note, Sassygirl nominated Captain Mortein for the Gutless Award. He had tried to get her to nominate CB for backing into a colleagues car, and a vote settled it that both the Captain and CB should take it. Sassygirl was now on her customary roll, and nominated Brazilian for a Muff Diving Award. His defence that he had been abused by Sassy didn’t hold water.

Poumuli, foolishly, tried to nominate the Hares for the Environmental Award (setting a trail with virtually NO paper) and the Road Safety Award for setting the limited paper on the correct side of the road. Backfired big time. Screamer, still not satisfied with the damage infringed on Poumuli, tried in an opprobrious manner to get him on a Lack of Chivalry Award for not sharing a taxi from the airport. When it was pointed out that she got a ride home for free with the SPREP van, the backfiring could be heard loud and clear. But either thinking that Poumuli needed more beer to cool down his goolies, or still smarting from the various attempts at dobbing him in, the GM put it to a vote, and both had to take the down down.

The GM asked if anyone in the Hash had heard from BB since her move to Suva, and since only Swinger answered affirmatively he got the Hash Abandonment Award on her behalf. Sassygirl, who has a fine ear for singing (as Strangler well knows), called out Ring Ring, Psychadelic and Belinda for the N’Sync (Not) Award for singing at least two bars behind the rest.

Spanky had been invited to one of the Ms Samoa pageant dinners (they invite teachers to those things?), and had noted how some contestants had expressed appreciation for the conservation of biodiversity, and she called on all who work for the environment to be awarded. Poumuli made a point of order that he worked on climate change, and couldn’t give a rats arse about biodiversity, but one of them had completely flubbed and botched up a climate change question. The Doing Their Jobs Award went to Screamer, CB and Swinger, while a gratuitous Not Doing Their Jobs Award went to Poumuli. Took a little while to gather the senses after that one, but in a belated right of reply Poumuli argued that the Not Doing Their Jobs Award should have gone to the media, and suggested that On Top Journalist Cherelle should get it, which tee hee, she did.

Sassygirl spotted some talkers in the circle – Mia and Mel, to which Snake added in the visitors Belinda and (methinks) Rebecca. Cherelle then nominated the GM, first congratulating him for the 3rd female grandchild, but berating him for not producing a male heir (not quite sure on this one?). Crash had to accept but was joined by Cherelle as Top Journalists should know better than to try and intimidate the GM, who went on record as wanting ten male grandkids.

Spanky nominated Crash and Lewinsky for the Welcome Back to the Mugs Award – highly irresponsible entrusting either of them with duties of such importance. Poumuli then nominated Mia for the Dog Ate my Homework Award (trash not delivered on time) and closest living relative of SOTB for the Sexist Award for his comments on female scribing on the blog.

Brazilian reminded the Hash that there had been a Mr Muscle Samoa competition, and was disturbed that CB hadn’t entered. Various comments flew about using the wrong muscle. Ring Ring nominated the GM for his muscle short shorts – they were very Hotnutsian – while Karaoke asked him to bend over to show off what he called his running shorts (“running shorts my rats arse” commented Karaoke). Lewinsky recalled how Karaoke had pledged to do a triple if Baby Desirable came back safely, but after a few harrumphs Karaoke settled for a double.

Sassygirl had been checking the blog while overseas, and was convinced that one of the Hash Team Tsunami wasn’t running at all – boob glass was given to Ninja. The GM noted another great sporting achievement in the long boat races in the win from Manono. When Pro Bona came to visit she charged past this High Chief of Manono without congratulating him. Claiming she was on pills, Titty G took the award for her. The GM had been quite clear in that he was setting the run, but at 4 PM there had appeared Ring Ring at the gate, stating her intent to assist by setting the trail correctly. This lack of respect had been repeated last week on CB as well, but that was obviously in a whole different category. In light of Ring Ring’s enthusiasm, Sassygirl nominated Bits and Pieces and Goer for the Lack of/Latecomers Award.

POD nominated the hashers who had been involved in the Teuila races and promptly flipped their boat – Mia, Titty G, CB and Brazilian. But Brazilian hadn’t even been in the race so a False Accusation Award to POD. The GM then called forth all who had avoided awards so far – Psychadelic, Wahoo, Pirate Princess and Hobbs.
Brazilian caught Sassygirl leaning (well it was more of a Captain Morgan stance), and some comment flew about having pubic lice, to which Sassygirl replied with way, way too much information.

The Hosts and the Hares were saluted in the traditional manner.

As the circle closed, Godfather thanked the Hosts for always putting on a good show, and for their dedication and hospitality, which was evidenced by the great turn-out. He announced that on behalf of the Hash we would all like to contribute to a fund for Baby Desirable, to be run by the family as they saw fit. A first contribution was handed over and Eveready said they would discuss this welcome but totally unexpected gift. Things had been difficult when Desirable passed away, but things were getting back to normal, and he couldn’t think of any better people to celebrate with but the Apia Hash. Karaoke got a special word of thanks for all the preparations that she had made.

The hashers then descended on a great feast of roast pork, fish, chicken, you name it.

Next week’s run will be at POD and Lewinsky’s.

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Hash Run 1535

Next weeks run will be hosted by Eveready and Karaoke at their home in Lotopa. Eveready informs that the theme for the run will again be PINK.
So get out your best Pink outfits and get ready to run!


Directions: Head towards the airport past the Mormon Temple at Pesega and turn up to Lotopa to the RLSS Primary school (turn-off points to the Sliding Rocks), the house is on the left hand side just behind Adria's cakes.

Run will start normal time at 1730 hrs and the Keg will be there as well as a yummy feed!

On On

Poumuli, IKA Slit

Hash Run 1534

Greetings all

This week's run will be hosted by Mia and Steph at Steph's place in Vaoala. Its a yellow house on the Cross-Island Road, on the left hand side of the road just before Bank Street and opposite the fruit stand on the right hand side of the road. Sorry no map but hope you can all find it.

It will be a BYO dishes and meat for the BBQ.

Enjoy

On On

Poumuli, IKA Slit

Hash Trash 1533

Appinun to all Hashers. Your Assistant Blogmaster is posting the Hash Trash from Madang, PNG on behalf of Assistant Trainee Scribe – Mia – and is eternally grateful for her stepping in. Although we may need to send her to typing school!

Hash run 1533 was hosted by Captain Mortein and Pirate Princess at their home in Vaoala. The day started out windy cold and raining, and all thought that it wasn’t going to clear up. But then the clouds opened up and another sun filled day in Samoa was enjoyed by all. As the Assistant Trainee Scribe didn’t actually do the run – claiming to be sick, it was apparently a lot of up and down hills and all and sundry were quite buggered.

When the pack got back Tallyho was overheard giving Cockblocker shit because if you want to lead the run your on on shout should be loud and deep with a manly voice, and not like a girl, and in his opinion CB had screamed on on like a 6 year old girl would.[This reminds us of the naming ceremony for CB, when Slim Shady could be overheard repeating the mantra Whiny Bitch]

CB then approached the Assistant Trainee Scribe and proposed that since the Scribe was gone there should be a new way of scribing and a new age should be started! Apparently CB feels that how things have been done is old school, and that we should take photos of each event or down down and put them up on the site with the comment in the blog. Well CB, we do that when we can get the photos loaded and you are welcome to provide commentary to any of the Hash Photo Albums. The Assistant Trainee Scribe think he just wants his photo in there after all the down downs he gets. [Assistant Blogmaster’s note: CB should put his money where his mouth is, if he can get it far enough out of his arse, and get on with commenting on the photos – would be happy to illustrate the Trash with crucial photos.]

So to the proceedings. Everready stepped in as GM, and welcomed the one visitor, Matthew from the US who is here for 1 week. His town which the Assistant Trainee Scribe cannot remember was famous for Maple Syrup, Ben and [Ben and] Jerry’s Ice Cream. [Methinks that is somewhere in Maine] When he was asked who he came with he let out a grunt like eerrrrrhhh! and pointed towards Swinger. For some reason this was accepted and Swinger did not get a down down, but Matthew did. CB proceeded to say that shit Matthew’s quicker than you James [who that?] causing CB to have one too.

The Retreads were Lester, David and Greg Taylor 2, and had been missing Hash because they were all off island apparently. Celebrity Awards went to FBI and BB for the Hash Team run the extra mile article (this picture was from last year’s run obviously) featuring FBI receiving the baton from BB. Swinger took the award on behalf of BB as she is in Fiji. A further Celebrity Award went to Spanky for her American Peace Corps male group winning the Perimeter run and being in the paper, but also because even though we took her to the presentation she baled on the Hash team to sit with the Peace Corps - failure to stick by her fellow hashers!

It was International Woman’s Day and the Assistant Trainee Scribe thought it was only fair to give an award to the men who where lazy and had no woman to look after instead of the ones that did but of course CB wasn’t happy with this, and stated that the Assistant Trainee Scribe apparently was just a sad cause as she didn’t have anyone to look after her. The Hash all voted and the Assistant Trainee Scribe took the down down with honour of all those women out there who didn’t have a man! Angela joined in to commemorate the day as she didn’t feel that this should be taken by one alone. Nice!

We then had the biggest telephonus interuptus, but it was decided to let it go as it was the lovely news from Crash Bandicoot that Delicious had just given birth to their Daughter Luana. She is a healthy 7.2 pounds and Mother and Chiled were happy and healthy.

The GM opened up for awards from the floor. Tallyho gave Greg Taylor 2 and Wahoo the Not Caring Where To Go Award. Apparently when Tallyho asked which way to go, Wahoo said she didn’t care – she was going this way and Greg Taylor 2 followed.

Snake tried to give Greg Taylor2 an award for stealing his identity last week when they swapped tickets, but as we all knew this had already been awarded last week so it backfired and Snake got a down down.

Hotnuts was nominated for a Stupidity Award. He had tried to yell at the dogs out the window that where attacking one of the runners but the window was closed and he smacked his head. Left a nice mark on Slippery’s car window.

Strangler was nominated for a Cruelty To Animals Award for tasering a bunch of pigs that where trying to attack him. He said they were scary and he didn’t trust them not to bite him. [There was a lot of tasering on that extra leg on the relay, it must be said]

Godfather and Hot Nuts were nominated for a joint award - Godfather for the Weak Bladder Award for stopping the run so he could pee in front of everyone and Hotnuts the Pervert Award for taking a photo of this. [Actually Slippery was the key instigator of that photo session]

CB and Pussysnatcher were nominated for taking the Assistant Trainee Scribe’s keys from the yacht club leaving her stranded for an hour and depriving her of sleep the night before she was meant to support them for the perimeter race. CB tried to say that it was only Pussysnatcher as CB didn’t take the plastic bag they keys where in, but Pussysnatcher was absent so by default his closest living relative had to take the down down namely CB.

Strangler gave the Crafty Little Bugger Award to Captain Mortein for trying to hide the paper not only once but twice along the run. Captain wanted a vote, but it came back unanimous against him.

Tallyho nominated CB and Strangler for Failing To Call Out When Leading Award. Piss poor voices where his exact words. Strangler tried to get out of it by saying it’s not their fault the older generation can’t hear and CB said that Tallyho was taking to long and wanted an FBI award but both where given their down downs.

Not Doing Their Job Awards was given to CB and Swinger. Swimming with Turtles in Savaii article in Samoan Observer entitled Conservation or prison, describing how the water that used to be clear now resembles a swamp and they should be saving the turtles. Swinger said he’s not in marine conservation so he shouldn’t have to take the award, so everyone voted that CB should take it.

Tallyho gave the Failing To Perform Award to Mad Hatter, as apparently when she was at the top of the hill she yelled down “come quickly” so she obviously wasn’t getting any at home even though its National Women’s day. Slippery helped her finish but was wearing a hat so he had to do another.

Eveready gave Titty Galore an award for the fact he was waiting for her even though she was late on the run. She didn’t run he claimed, but TG did actually run, as she took the kids with her, and then she went up to the GM and said smell my armpit and put it in his face. Automatic down down for disrespecting the GM. Psychadelic gave Skunk the Eating on the Job award for pecking at the food during the awards ceremony. David was given the Illegitimate Award for stealing Psychadelic’s shirt which was a shirt with just that written on it.

Hot Nuts and CB thanked all the supporters by name for the Perimeter Relay Run, and the Host and Hares got their down downs. Tallyho was thanked for his services during the last hash and the GM was congratulated for becoming a Grandfather!

Next weeks run will be hosted by Assistant Trainee Scribe Mia at her place. CB will be the Hare. The directions will be posted as soon as she sends them to the Assistant Blogmaster. Please all note that this will be another BYO food event, but there will of course be a keg as usual.

On On

Mia

Hash Run 1533 - at Vaoala with Captain Mortein and Pirate Princess

Hi everyone, next week's run will be hosted by Pirate Princess and Captain Mortein at their Home in Vaoala. Their house is just next door/behind Einstein's house.

This will be a BYO food, so please bring along something for the BBQ or some chickpeas if you're like Brazilian Wax. Also a reminder that Mia will be the Assistant Trainee Scribe for this run and run 1534!

As per the norm, the Keg will be there, so hopefully there will be enough for all the thirsty Hashers...Run starts normal time- 1730Hrs

I will be thinking of you in Brisbane!

Map posted for Directions

On On

Hash Trash 1532

The Hash was hosted by Slippery and Frances out by the National University of Samoa. It was a warm day, with just a minor threat of rains over the hillsides as we gathered. As it turned out though the weather stayed clear and the run was a hot one. POD ordered the pack out the gate and we were led quickly astray by Suva-visitor Tallyho. This was the first of many confusing moments as the Hare had been short on paper (“she used a single A4 page for the whole run” thundered Tallyho). So instead of following the road we went through someone’s front yard, across a small plantation and onto the back road. Here we followed a familiar trail along the water pipes, some brave souls running on top of these. Across the pipes, back through some jungle to the road again, which after a few hefty inclines and more losses of the trail, eventually took us back down to the Vailele Road and on home along and through NUS. Kiwi reckoned the whole run must have been 10km and Your Scribe is not arguing!

Tallyho was press-ganged into service as Guest GM, and after the crowd had been stilled by a bone jarring shriek from Slippery, rolled into the task with his usual aplomb. And cursing, and yelling and so forth. He said he had been on a run in the exact same spot (run 969 – I am sure he made that number up), when there was no smooth road and just track, shaggy, jungle and shit. So for his part he welcomed us to run number 1532 (969, smooth version). Calling forth those new to Apia Hash we were introduced to Ninja, Mrs Ninja and their son (from Japan). Then there was Murray and Robbo from two doors down (that’s a reggae band, methinks) who are guests of Slippery (they had been well-briefed).

The rethreads were FBI (working on his plantation, yeah right), Trina (in Savaii), and Pussysnatcher (working on his internal plantation of assorted flu bugs). They all took their down-down. Tallyho didn’t need the services of the shoe inspector (both missing), as he was being blinded by the shine from Screamers new boots. No resistance, griping or protesting, she drank the unholy mixture of beer, sweat and foot-mushrooms straight down. Well done.

The GM was informed by Poumuli that today was National Sponge Cake Day in the US, and do we have any bakers in the Hash – to which Slippery produced the latest creation from Karaoke. Pro Bona and Trina joined the award for present and impending birthdays. The Celebrity Award went to Godfather again, although Poumuli pointed out that he had obviously been trying to get out of the picture. But then a second picture was produced. Poumuli also noted the massive and impressive show of testosterone from a certain Spanish bull, and called for a Not-Doing-His-Job Award to Cockblocker (closest living relative was deemed to be PS).

Poumuli also managed to get an Environmentally Friendly Award given to Ring Ring, for being able to set a trail with the near absence of paper. The GM demanded that Slippery join in this one as he was supposed to have purveyed the paper. Through his twisted brainstem the GM also decreed that a trail as mucked up as this one could only have been set through help from a mountain biker, the only such owner present being Hot Nuts – who protested wildly.

The GM noted that Hash etiquette when there was such paucity of paper required one to keep an eye on the front-runners, who missed a cross, and he also deemed to be short-cutters. Swinger, Strangler and PS were brought forth on those charges.
Psychadelic had spotted three Hash Meres hiding in the bushes so that they wouldn’t have to tell Hot Nuts which way to go. Not knowing what else might have been going on, the GM gave a Bushwhacking Award to Screamer, Ring Ring and Mad Hatter, to be joined by Psychadelic for being a tattle-tale.

FBI spotted Captain Mortein leaning. Mia tried to get the GM for leaning also, which is by now a familiar scene – the Mia Award Backfire Award. Cellphonus Interruptus Award was given to Crime, while Screamer informed that BB was leaving us to go make a fine pair with Bananarama. BB struggled with her cup (“ooh, its so big” she said while looking to hand it off to Swinger).

At this stage Ninja jr was up to something with the baby girls, and ended up disrespecting the GM, who told Ninja “whatever it is you are feeding him – stop!”. The GM also pointed out that there was a scarcity of Hash Official Gear in the circle, so he awarded the Proper Hash Attire Award to himself, Poumuli, Lewinsky and Strangler, and gave a Default Award to Slippery for dabbling in haberdashery and not taking it seriously.

Brazilian Wax nominated Wahoo for the Changing Room Award, for having managed to lock herself in – big cup for that one. Wahoo sought to retaliate that there was no sign on the door to warn of its malfunction, to which the GM retorted “but you are not blond?”. Closest relative to that was decided upon in the form of Frances, although Slippery took most of it. Swinger brought Skunk up for the Greg Taylor Identity Theft Award.

BB tried to get the GM on a Dishonesty Award for not stepping forward for his celebrity status to be acknowledged, as he had been spotted in the televised church service. The GM found this most amusing , and commended the whole of Hash to go to church, but then he was interrupted as Lewinsky had spotted Captain Mortein leaning AGAIN.


The Hosts and the Hares, Slippery, Frances, Kiwi AKA Tiger Woody and Ring Ring were saluted, before we gorged ourselves on the assorted dishes that Slippery et al had produced for us.

Check the blog for next week’s run. Mia will be Assistant Trainee Scribe for the next two hashes, so keep an eye on her!

Many thanks to Slippery for all the photos - the censored ones have been posted!

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Samoa Perimeter Relay

Hash team running the extra mile

This weekend the Samoa Perimeter Relay will be held once again. Many teams have entered for this gruelling race that takes place from Sinalei all the way along the coast and around to Apia, past Poutasi, Lalomamu, Saleaaumua and Laulii. Many will be participating in memory of the 2009 Tsunami victims, but one team is going the extra mile - literally.

The Apia Hash House Harriers are fielding a team that will run a total of 143km, in honour of each life lost in the Tsunami. One part of the team will cover the distance from Levasa to Sinalei, with the main part of the team continuing on from Sinalei with the other teams in the relay. Speaking for Hash Team Tsunami,Godfather said that it was the wish of the club to make an extra effort in remembrance of all those who perished and to fund-raise for Faataua le ola (FLO). He will complete the last leg of the extra section, and hand over the baton to the rest of the team at Sinalei.

The Apia Hash House Harriers meet every Monday, rain or shine. The runs are varied and interesting, catering to all sorts of fitness levels in the club, ranging from walkers to serious runners, and is well known for its boisterous camaraderie.

Run sites are announced each week on www.apiahash.blogspot.com and all are welcome to join the club, which will complete its 1532nd run this week.

So if you see Team Hash Tsunami on Saturday, please encourage them with a hearty “On On”.

Hash Run 1532

This Hash will be hosted by Slippery.

Venue - House Number One (Top or Fourth House above the Main National University of Samoa (NUS) Gate, off Vaivase Road, Opposite Magiagi Primary School), see map.

Limited parking on grounds - parking on grass verge in front of houses.

Run (or walk) starts as usual at 5.30, so bring your old shoes, Hash Cash, good cheer and prepare for a great run in the back woods around NUS.

Assistant Blogmaster's note: Apologies for the map. Basically, to get there, take the Cross-Island Road from town, take the second left (Vailele Street), go up a hill, bear left and there will be a big sign on the right with National University of Samoa. Turn right there, pass the NUS gates and there will be cars parked outside the house.

Hash Trash 1531

Bula from Suva, where your Scribe is having a brief sojourn. The Hash was hosted by Ring Ring at her house in Alafua, a great venue for our runs in the past. A bit of rain in the afternoon didn’t dampen spirits and it was a clear and bright afternoon as we set off on the run. Too many lazy bastards meant that Poumuli had to lead the way for the first part, but was eventually joined by Strangler and Swinger. After the first false trail, many of the newbies were in the lead. The trail was a variation on a past run, that took us up several back roads, across a ditch until we reached the Chanel College Campus. Then it was an easy roll down the hill until we cut back across to the main road and back in for the on home. Some thought it was a bit on the long side, but this will be good exercise for those of us who will be taking part in the Samoa Perimeter Relay in Hash Team Tsunami. Hashers participating in other teams are traitorous nincompoops who will be suitably abused when the opportunity arises. But well done to Ring Ring for setting another excellent trail.

Our gloriously sweaty GM, Princess of Darkness (POD) called the circle to order, and needed support from Lewinsky and Poumuli to assemble the chattering throng. There were many who were new to Hash – Marcus, Caleb, Tom and Steve from NZ here on holiday, Slava from Russia (working for APS), Andrew from Oz (cricket development), and Tinoy on an expensive Pro Bona booty call. The Kiwis had been brought by Godfather and Titty Galore and had disappointingly bee well-coached (not quite as well, as you will see later).

The rethreads were Slippery, Mr Whippy, Marc, Brazilian Wax, Zsa Zsa, Spanky and Godfather. Kiwi aka Tiger Woody somehow escaped. Your Scribe would have been in, but as the lame hare raiser had not set up a run for last week, also escaped. The GM took a look at the gathering and decided that she needn’t hear any measly excuses. There were no new shoes and no inspector either to take that award.

The Celebrity Award went to Godfather (being in the paper with two photos), while the GM made Zsa Zsa join in for a Lazarus Award since it had been announced on BBC that Zsa Zsa Gabor had received the last rites that morning (a bit morbid, but no one argues with the GM. Neither does anyone expect the Spanish Inquisition...)

The GM demanded that Ring Ring step forward, and with all her local knowledge, could she not have set a run that wouldn’t have half the slackers in the pack have to run through Chanel during Sa! The GM also called forth Crash Bandicoot for a Not Doing His Job Award, having a) not brought the Hash Mugs, and b) no clue where they were. Crash tried to blame Everready but Spanky delivered some feisty repartee with Everready that silenced that avenue. The GM then called on the Hare Raiser, BB, for the Worst Award, since she hadn’t set a run last week. Poumuli, in a fit of enthusiasm, tried to get it doubled since his frantic emails to BB had ended up in her Trash Emails, but for having interrupted the GM Poumuli received an Adding Insult to Injury Award.

The GM wanted to recognize the newly minted grandparents Karaoke and Everready, but superstition decreed that this award needs to await a few more days, at which point we readily agreed that it should be a triple!
In full flow now the GM called forth Marc, or Saint Marc as he had such an influence on the meat-eating Tokelauan Brazilian to turn him into a chick pea eating yoga practitioner after his stint on the va’a. The GM, having been duly notified by amateur historian and dilettante Poumuli that today was National Acadian Day in Canada (when the French were finally regurgitated out of the US for Canada) – Spanky took that one, and Victory in the Pacific Day in the US – our lone US vet Everready took that one, under protest, but he was wearing camouflage cut-off BDUs.

Everready announced that this was also another important anniversary, the Death of the King, Elvis Presley, and called for a moment of silence. Er, well he called for 3 seconds, and then that was that. Bits and Pieces had been informed that SOTB was now safely in India, but had arrived there with no shoes, and called forth any friends of SOTB who had so poorly prepared him for his travels to the sub-continent. Being a non-Gandhian, Mia was called forth for the Shoe Thief Award. A congratulatory Family Expansion Award was given to returning Mr Whippy for the impending arrival of a Whiplet.

The GM spotted a rebel circle sitting at the back nattering away and called forth Captain Mortein and BB for Verbal Diarrhoea (Outside Circle) Award. Opening up for further floor nominations, Everready noted how the paper had called for more sailors to volunteer for the va’a, but since when did sailors have to eat chick peas because fishing skills were of such paucity. Brazilian attempted a counter attack that they did indeed eat fish (but was it just the bait?), and a vote was taken that both should receive the award.

Most of the newbies were now spotted leaning on a car, so while they had been brought by Titty G they obviously had not absorbed all the Hash rules. Titty G joined the newbies in the Leaning Award. Mia, thought she had the Hash rules down pat by now – NOT – and an attempt to get the Hat Rule (General Accoutrements) expanded ending up with a Backfire Award of her own.
The GM asked Tinoy to step forward, and do a little twirl, which revealed that he had some eyes printed on his arse. Since only Pro Bona is allowed to have eyes on his behind, this was deemed to be an Advertising Award.

Poumuli nominated Slippery for his services to Hash Photography (Really Graphic Section) Award, having had to sift through so many wet t-shirts and cleavage photos it had shook him rigid. Swinger added in that this should be a Generosity Award as well, since Slippery had paid the Hash Team entry fee to the Perimeter Relay (Slippery let slip that the funds had come from his wife’s account!).
Calling for final nominations, the GM recognized Mia, who having done dishes under the influence with no hot water, had flooded the SOTB Hovel. Andrew had to join in as he let slip that SOTB is also known by another name.

The Host and Hare Ring Ring was saluted in the customary fashion before the ravenous multitude descended on the lavish spread that had been brought by several Hashers. The chilli Pork teriyaki was particularly pleasing to the palate. A great run, a great day and a wonderful evening was had by all.

Next weeks run will be at Slippery’s place close to the NUS. Your Assistant Blogmaster will post the map as soon as he is sober.

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Hash Run 1531

Next Weeks Run 1531 will be at Alafua. Ring Ring has kindly offered to host the run next week at her home in Alafua. Drinks will be provided but it will be a BYO meat for the BBQ, as Ring Ring will provide salads, so bring your running shoes, some BBQ or otherwise to share and your hash cash and be prepared for another fun run! Run starts at 1730Hrs so be on time!

On On

Poumuli, IKA Slit

Hash Trash 1530

Assistant Blogmaster’s notice: Apologies to all for late posting. Also apologies for no run site being posted for the 9th of August – never received anything from the Hare Raiser. I would like to encourage the Hare Raiser to contact me regarding the 16th August run so that I can post it.

The Hash was hosted by Strangler and Mad Hatter at their home on Bernard St in Vaoala. There were (apparently) two trails – one for runners and one for the walkers. The run, set on paper, involved a meandering route uphill, then downhill, uphill again, then along the river bank through some grazing land, downhill (straight downhill), more uphill, through people’s taro patches and back yards and finally up through some rocky forested landscape that brought you back out onto Bernard Street and on home - a good workout for all.

GM POD invited those new to AHH to introduce themselves. There was David (brought by Greenie) who had been in Samoa 6 years ago (and never come to Hash), Lizzie (invited by Hot Nuts), Angela (Psychadelic). Unfortunately for Greenie, CB had struck surreptitiously, confusing poor David who said he had been invited by someone called “Steve”. So that was the first down down for the evening, closely followed again by Greenie for failing to remove his cap.

Rethreads Black Adder and Kat were welcomed back while two additional new boots (Pierre and Antonia) were brought into the middle for failing to front up during the first call.

New David had new shoes so he drank out of them. .

Angela and Fang received celebrity awards. Fang was especially honoured for becoming the first qualified female electrician in the country.

Lewinsky was charged for chariot riding along with SOTB and Sassy.

Captain Mortein was called up for blaming his lack of action in the bedroom on his sore leg while Pirate Princess was also awarded by GM for failing to put out.

SOTB is heading to India for 3 months so he was farewelled by the group.

David had a case of telephonus interruptus but Greenie was charged for failing to explain the basic rule of hash to a newcomer.

Crash Bandicoot and Everready were awarded for their brightly matching elei shirts and GM considered this may have something to do with their plans for the evening since both were temporarily single.

Strangler was nominated for not having the right tools for the bbq while Mad Hatter quipped that he never has the right tools.

Sassy nominated Mia for the stupidity award (that is a new one, thinks co-scribe) for managing to sprain her ankle while running on the flat.

Captain Mortein received a deafness award…something to do with a nomination for chariot riding.

SOTB launched into a nomination (for what, co-scribe never did find out) but was shouted down by the circle which conferred on him a “Boring Bastard/FBI” award instead.

Screamer having first asked for reprieve from an FBI award, nominated Greenie for the stamina award for first paddling to Savaii on Saturday in rough environs then coming back and paddling back to Apia from Mulifanua. The award was unanimously changed to the Crazy Bastard award.

CB was off on some sort of 3-week work stint off a catamaran in remote parts of New Caledonia so he was farewelled appropriately.

Captain Mortein again came into the fold late, reminding everyone of SOTB’s imminent departure. He was handed yet another deafness award.

SOTB and Lewinsky had apparently been spreading rumours about someone’s pregnancy…we never did find out who…so they were up for rumour mongering.

Mad Hatter alleged that Hot Nuts had been “fondling the foliage” during the circle but Judge Pierre jumped to his defense claiming something about this being acceptable since HN was living with a married woman. No-one fully understood this line of defense but this somehow resulted in a vote being taken that seemed to require every married man present to raise his hand in an “aye”. Lewinsky got brownie points for having his hand up first. Alan failed to heed the call and was nominated by wife Mana for unhusbandly conduct.

Bbq maidens BB, Sassy and Mana were thanked while SOTB received a false accusation for something. David, Everready and Crime had also assisted in the bbq process and were also recognized.

Sassy Girl was apparently fondling herself so she was appropriately awarded.

The Hare (Strangler) had led the pack through people’s plantations resulting in squashed taro plants – he was alternately thanked and reprimanded for his services as Hare.

Mad Hatter was thanked for her services as Hostess but not before she addressed Psychadelic’s complaint that the walking trail was not well-marked. Turns out Psychadelic hadn’t paid much attention when she was given insider information on that walking trail. Psychadelic joined MH in the drinks.

SOTB again tried to make an intervention but was instead punished for swearing consistently at a family hash.

Alan’s phone went off and Judge tried to defend this unfortunate rule breaking so they both took a final down down.

The circle broke up to enjoy a beautiful meal organized by the hosts and contributed to by all.

On On

Screamer

Hash Trash 1529

Your Scribe is trying to remember what happened, as he sits in rainy chilly Bonn in a German bierstube. Not an easy task after the jetlag, but maybe one more beer will help. Cheers!

The Hash was hosted by Hot Nuts and Nutcracker, and assisted by Titty Galore, at their home on Bank Street in Vaoala. The run had been set on flour, a decision which the weather gods frowned upon by raining throughout the day. The pack set off down Bank Street towards the cow pastures, and generally followed trails taken before. An obvious false trail had been specifically provided for the annoyance of Cockblocker, who ran halfway down to SPREP before realizing his error. Meanwhile Poumuli and Vai Vai led the trail back up the gully towards Bank Street again. It was highly treacherous going, with many a slip along the way. But the weather was gloriously cool and the trail well marked. We came off the gully straight onto Bank Street for a gentle amble back down the road to the house. Unfortunately Godfather is overseas, so we couldn’t enjoy his sweet nuts. But the pool was inviting and many had a dip to cool off.

Princess of Darkness led the circle as GM, calling forth the newcomers to Apia Hash. There was Lisa from NZ who claimed she had just found the flour (she is here with Charlie), and there was Paul and Marina (who had just met this morning). The Rethreads were Charlie (working), Sheep Fart (over from Fiji, and accompanying someone called Henk, and Crash Bandicoot (taking care of pregnant woman). There were no new shoes, and no shoe inspector was forced to take the award (slight oversight there, methinks).

Celebrity Awards were given to Mana (closest living relative to AC/DC who had his photo in the paper 4 times), Art (closest living relative to Spanky, fellow Yank), Sassygirl BJ (radio) and Poumuli (letter to the editor). Godfather is in Tonga for the King’s big celebration, so closest relative Swinger took the Royal Celebrity Award. Spotting Godfather’s other relation Alan hiding, the GM was not amused, and gave him a large one for this serious offence. The GM had been informed of a set of beached whales at Tafatafa. In fact these were the all-nighters CB, SOTB and Aina, in whose absence Titty Galore was called forward to assume the position. An Academy Award was given to Crash for his piddling performance in trying to act sober after a long night out with Lewinsky.

Vai Vai and Chook are off on yet another epic trip, so a Farewell Award was given to wish them well. Vai Vai tried to insist that Pussysnatcher should be awarded for his growing a 3rd Eyebrow, but this backfired. Sassy nominated Paul and Marina for the Fast Action Award, since they had just met this morning. Sassy also got CB and Crash for the Displaying Feminine Side Award, which CB demonstrated by kissing Crash’s cheek (the face one). The GM had also been informed of another such incident where a certain hasher had been wearing a wig. This was a complicated situation as the information had passed from Pirate Princess to Captain Mortien to the GM, and SOTB was raging about false accusations. Nevertheless he took his award.

Charlie, starting his inevitable cycle of down downs, recounted how he had been in the pool to find that Pussysnatcher had his pants on, that he had also popped the floating crocodile, but was forced to join for having got in the pool before the circle started (not sure on this ruling as there were several other such infractions). He did his award so fast that the GM commented that she wanted to see that again. With eerie precision, Mana nominated Charlie for a Chariot Riding Award, as he had tried to flag down a cab. He was joined by Sassy, whose idea it had been in the first place. Bits and Pieces nominated Sheep Fart for a Loyalty Award, since he had altered his itinerary to allow him to attend Hash. Sassy nominated Pussysnatcher for the Tone Deaf (Strangler) Award for his contributions to the singing. CB wanted him to have one for the moustache as well, but since this had already been covered, CB go the Plain Deaf Award.

Everready, had come late, and when asked why he told an FBI length joke about the funeral procession, a dog that had mauled the mother-in-law to death and the many people who wanted to borrow that dog. It was a good enough delivery to allow the GM to instead hand the Dog Breeder Award to Snake rather than an FBI Award to Everready.
Sassy nominated Goer for the Angelina Jolie Award for her readiness to shoot the burglars who had violated their property. Since she had her sunglasses on there had to be a repeat as a Mrs Smith Award. Vai Vai was spotted standing very much at attention, but the GM had noted that this was the result of his long rest leaning on the pool steps. SOTB nominated Captain Mortein for the Getting Cozy at the Campfire Award (with person other than wife), but SOTB joined in for a Peeping Tom Award when he admitted to have viewed the event through binoculars. Swinger nominated Art and Greenie for talking the whole time, in fact they continued to do so until they had to drink. Sassy nominated Hot Nuts for the Retard Award for having to set the run twice. Hot Nuts claimed he had been trying to be environmentally sensitive, and riposted that the GM was being sexist in her remarks. That one utterly failed!

Sassy tried to get Poumuli for not doing his job in sniffing out the dead dolphin on the beach. Poumuli pointed out that he did not work on protected species, couldn't give a damn about dolphins, and that his sense of smell had been distracted by the above mentioned beached whales. The GM ruled that both Sassy and Poumuli should have the award, and they were joined by Mia for having been bouncy on the beach. Charlie demanded that the two bbq cooks should get an award for snacking, but this backfired on the lack of evidence. Lewinsky was called in for Child Endangerment for having tried to swap the baby’s cup with beer.

The Hosts and the Hare – Hot Nuts, Nutcracker, Titty Galore were saluted, with Hot Nuts taking a double for getting Nutcracker’s name wrong. A sumptuous spread had been put on which was enjoyed by all.

Next week’s run will be hosted by Strangler and Mad Hatter at their house on Bernard Street in Vaoala. It will be a BYO so please bring some food.

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Hash Run 1530- Mad Hatter & Strangler @ Vaoala- BYO Food Run

Next week, Mad Hatter and Strangler have offered to Host the run at their home in Vaoala. Please note that this will be a BYO Food Run so please bring something to contribute to the spread on the evening. As per the norm, we will have a keg and the BBQ will be there if you wish to bring some meats to throw on the bbq.
Run starts at 1730Hrs and please bring your $15 Hash Cash

Thanks Again to our hosts from last week for another great night! Check the map for Directions.

On On

Hash Run 1529- Hot Nuts & Nut Cracker- Bank St, Vaoala

Morning All,
Tonight's run will be hosted by Hot Nuts and Nut Cracker at their home in Vaoala, on Bank Street. This is just down the road from where we had hash last week at Shelly's place. Bring a pair of togs if you want to jump in the pool after the run, and also something warm as it gets cool at night.

Head up to Bank Street, and look out for the driveway on the right, you can park at the top of the property where the Outrigger canoes are.

Thanks again to our hosts from last week and hope your all ready for another mountain run...Call SOTB if you get lost on 7500767

On On

Hash Trash 1528

The Hash was hosted by Shelley and her family at their house in Vaoala. And what a lovely place it was. Coincidentally, an ancient meaning for Shelley is “from the meadow on the ledge” which seemed rather appropriate at those lofty heights overlooking Apia.

It was a lovely sunny afternoon after the morning rains, and the temperatures were just right for the sort of trail punishments that Ring Ring as Hare normally metes out. Sending the pack off on a wild goose chase down the long drive to the Cross Island Road, while your Scribe had prudently hung back, we were directed down the side of the property fence, led for once by Sassygirl BJ, who let Poumuli overtake. Somewhat slow going trying not to step on the taro (apparently the rest of the pack were less respectful of agricultural bounty), we emerged onto the road above, where the trail was reacquired heading right and then straight up into the bush again. While the trail was well marked it was rather murky and the terrain underfoot was treacherous, so not much sprinting was done until Cockblocker in usual hell-bound fashion clopped past. The bush trail continued through some woods until eventually coming out at the foot of Malololelei, where after some searching there was really only the on home down the Cross Island Road. A pleasant natter was kept up by Vai Vai, commenting on the various running styles of the Hash, and generally abusing Swinger and anyone else he caught up with. The taser was only employed twice, to much hilarity and yelping of dogs, but Mad Hatter made a request for taser carriers to escort her next time. All agreed that this was an excellent run set by Ring Ring, a tad hard on the legs, but great scenery and variety. Godfather’s sweet nuts felt better than ever.

Pirate Princess was the guest GM, and with some difficulty called the circle to order (a bit tricky to yell out orders with a sleeping and/or lactating baby attached). The New Boots were warmly welcomed – they were Ralph and Rebecca from NZ who are over studying some bird (nice work if you can find it), Cameron from Oz (also an inmate of the SPREP compound), and Brian from University of Hawaii. The Rethreads, and there were several, were quizzed on their lame excuses for missing hash – Art Whistler (real name, seriously distinguished ornithologist/botanist), Strangler (more conjugality), Sassy (think she was overseas), Greenie (mucking about with projects), Brent (back from the US to stay for a while – he was with us in 2009), Aina (making cocktails, and “been around”!?), Popeye (overseas), Psychadelic (in Oz), Slippery (in Oz) and Pussysnatcher (in Californication).

Pussysnatcher stepped in as Deputy Shoe Inspector and found several new shoes. These were demanded presented to the most sensitive nose we have, namely Snake (not so sure about that, but I guess he can differentiate factory smells from foot mushrooms). Mana, Marc and Cameron were all charged, but Cameron managed to sneak away. Marc did his shoe with Coke! Celebrity Awards went to Sassy (Observer appearance) and Godfather (TV). The GM tried to get Poumuli included, but it was pointed out that the Poumuli mention in the Observer was in relation to pepper plant cultivation and how they best grow on 6 foot Poumuli stumps, so obviously not a reference to your Scribe.

The GM had a few awards of her own – a Vandalism Award to Ring Ring (trail through the taro patch), and Plastic Surgeon Award (Dental Order) to Hot Nuts (new tooth inserted). Opening it up to the floor, Poumuli questioned whether Australians were so thick they needed to be told not to drink from urinals, whether the water was recycled or not, so Vai Vai was given the Water Used Twice Award. Sassy tried to get a child endangerment to someone named Tammy, but in the end Confused By Geography Award went to Titty Galore, Nutcracker and joined by Sassy.

Popeye nominated Greenie for the Meeting Convening and Abruptly Cancelling Award, to no one’s surprise. Eveready, after first overcoming being shook rigid by the GM (she was in lactating phase by now), recounted how Spanky had offered to help Karaoke across a fence on the trail and failing miserably, making Karaoke useless for the rest of the week, so an Honorary Cockblocker Award (Unintentional Order) for Spanky.
Vai Vai had been hankering for some food from one of the local restaurants, only to be told that Lewinsky had just been there and eaten all the beef stew – a Gastronomy Dominance Award was how double-V described it. Sassy then nominated Snake for NOT ogling the GM, at which Snake confusedly looked at the GM, eyes went wide, and an Obvious Peeping Tom Award was handed down. Screamer, in a fit of pique, had most charitably (in her view) agreed to be the Co-Scribe (should be Assistant Trainee if you saw her spelling) last week, and did she get a thank you, noooo, except a tirade from Poumuli (who had to post the blasted thing). Ungrateful Award to Poumuli and Whingeing Award to Screamer.

The Hash was reminded that this would be BlowMe’s last run for a while as he heads back to Wellington and impending fatherhood. We didn’t get a speech as he was quite out of breath after quickly downing the biggest glass. CB wanted all Samoans to take the Tua Let Us Down Award, and Aina and Brian were picked, but CB joined in the Appalling Dutch (Repeat) Award, which he griped about for hours after (you guys messed up my plan, and ganged up on me! Boo hoo). Sassy had retained enough focus to spot that CB had his cap on, so back in he went.

Brazilian Wax was spotted by Swinger trying to sneak in, while BB simply drove up for her Latecummers (Excellent Timing) Award. Vai Vai tried to get a Animal Cruelty Award for Poumuli (saved your arse, won’t happen next time at this rate!), but he somehow got overlooked in the confusion as the GM called for 6 to get their For The Hell Of It Awards – Wahoo, Fang, Swinger, Rebecca, Crime and Chook. The Hosts (Shelley and Tiff) and Hare (Ring Ring) were saluted in the traditional manner, before we descended on the feast laid out for us. We also farewelled the Va’a crew (Marc, Brazilian and Godfather), who mentioned that there was a spare bunk for anyone wishing to go to Tonga.

Next week’s run will be announced on the blog. Also take a look at the fabulous series of photos donated by Slippery from several past hashes, including this one. Malo Slippery!

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Hash Trash 1527

Hash trash 1527

Assistant Blogmaster’s notice – this column has been modified to fit your expectations, and to keep it to Family Hash language. It has also been re-titled to 1527, as Screamer was getting ahead of herself, but thanks to Screamer for the Trash. Poumuli, IKA Slit.

Hash Run 1527 was hosted by Snake and Fang at what has been dubbed “Snake Pit 2” – Senese School at Vaitele.

The much-maligned hare, then known as Peter (aka Spanky’s bro), set his inaugural – and possibly final - trail that seems to have confounded most. Since the co-scribe managed to miss the actual run (a first, she would like noted), she has had to piece things together based on the various whingeing’s of the pack: “false trail right at the beginning going uphill”, “climbing a dirt pile” and “it was all wrong” were heard as the pack trailed in slowly.

Today’s interim GM was Wahoo who had to enlist several (un)helpful hands in calling the circle to order. There were no new boots – a bit of a novelty for Apia Hash of late (CB must be slipping) but several rethreads stepped up – Mana, Alan, Sarai, Mele and Sassy.

Swinger was called on for “Falling in the Snake Pit” (he dropped his car in a hole) but since it was actually Snake guiding him, they both took a drink.

Spanky received the Michael Jackson award for whining about being on a faculty choir.

Hussy of the Week went to Slim Shady for flashing her breasts at the leader of this nation…for 15,000 bucks, co-scribe figures it’s not a bad deal. So impressed was the Circle, that Slim was given the special mug to drink from.

Brazilian Wax received a special award for general good humour and affability – something to do with good behaviour on Rock Da Boat.

The Big Loser World Cup award was taken by CB, SOTB (not quite sure why – he’s German) and Sarai (Lewinsky stood in as whipping boy since she had a medical certificate).

Peter received yet another Overstayer award and we are told he is definitely leaving on Sunday.

Screamer was handed a celebrity award for being generally awesome overall and deserving of such things. (Ed note: is this correct? Shurely some mishpelling…)

A number of awards were dished out to several of those who had participated in boat-based revelry to celebrate Screamer’s birthday. CB was cited for vandalism (generally having a good time, getting excited and breaking a light); SOTB for his puking girlfriend, BB for good behaviour (WHAT?) and Wahoo for getting on the wrong boat and trying to rock da dinghy instead.

Several other nominations continued: Peter for generosity as hare and pointing out the trail to all; Snake for poor advice to a new hare; Marc for indecent exposure (cited by Sassy who was promptly had up for perving at Marc in the first place); Sassy again for apparently getting so worked up thinking about it, she needed “another” shower.

A special mention for SOTB who got the “Please Abuse Me” award for his harem of chicks who seemingly did things to him that had both BB and Titty Galore blushing.

Vai Vai and Chook are trying to buy up Apia so a Colonialism/Entrepreneurial Award was dished out.

It started raining around this point and several disgruntled hashers unanimously called Snake up for the “save the children” award as leaks sprung from the poorly-maintained school roof.

Mana leaned and was caught out. Unfortunately, she’d just discovered what a whipping boy was and got Alan to drink for her.

CB was awarded for something that co-scribe can’t recall but figures he probably deserved it.

BB told a story of ZsaZsa stripping to his yellow undies in honour of Spain’s win and tried to get Swinger to take the fall for this (blaming him for getting everyone drunk) but this resulted in a boomerang award when Swinger told of BB leaving the cooking to check out said undies. Swinger and BB took a couple’s award.

Another gas bottle discussion was held leading to SOTB taking the award. Although it seems this one was a congratulatory award. They finally got it right!

Snake was justly awarded for apparently possessing superhero qualities that enable him to control all the traffic lights in the country.

BB thanked Everready for ruining her Sunday by bringing a keg to the breakfast world cup event which ended in her much-loved friends not leaving till 5pm that evening.

Both Everready and Karaoke were awarded for a fabulous feast held in honour of Desirable on the Saturday.

Shelley, Fang and NutCracker drank simply because they hadn’t yet while Lewinsky was awarded for scoffing large quantities of oysters in an attempt to “break the bed”. Seems he failed on that count but he looked pretty pleased with himself, nonetheless. Choohoo!!

Crime, true to his name was hiding in the dark and was dragged out into the light while Snake was had up for inappropriately discussing the various uses of mother’s milk.

Lewinsky and Crash were nominated for being bachelor-wanna-be’s which involved heading out to a ‘jobsite’ at 10 in the morning but not returning till midnight last Sunday.
Peter got an extra one for this being his last run (co-scribe wonders if the GM herself was a tad over the limit at this point as she’s sure there was an earlier nomination on this).

Screamer was awarded for something that wasn’t clear. She took it anyway in the spirit of the quest to empty the keg.

Fang and Peter took the host and hare award and then a surprise for the hashers! Snake had apparently consulted with the Monk and stood in for an impromptu naming. Peter, who has been with Hash for the past 6 weeks was named…Fiapoko (for those who don’t know – this roughly translates to ‘know-all’) (Ed note: I was told “smartarse”). Co-scribe is not too sure about the appropriateness of the name and fears it is a family thing but hey, orders from the Monk cannot be ignored.

Today’s run was a byo and co-scribe is pleased to note there was plenty of beautiful food to feed the masses. Thanks to those who organized the bbq.

Next run at Shelley’s in Vaoala.

On On
Screamer