Hash Run 1870

Apologies for the late post but tonight's Hash will be hosted by Witch Doctor at Nafanua Steakhouse on Beach Road. She will cater the event so just bring your 20 tala Hash Cash. Run starts at 6 PM or 1800 hours.

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Hash Trash 1869

The Hash was hosted by Karaoke and Eveready at their place in Lotopa. As ever, it was a Pink Run, and fearful hashers arrived under the cloud of a threatened spanking by Karaoke for not complying with this stricture. Announcing that this would be an A to B run, Eveready extended that fearfulness. Lewinsky arrived with his cattle truck and we all mounted up. Now bear in mind that this had been a wet day, and we were grateful that the weather had held in Lotopa. Yet we descended into wet despair as Lewinsky drove us straight into the rainclouds. He took us past the sports grounds where it was drizzling, and all the way past the gaol to the Tafaigata dump, where it was indeed raining cats and dogs. The runners were let off here, while the walkers were taken back to more clement climes. So we trudged off on the road home, all knowing exactly where we were and how far we had to go. Finally back home, we drowned our thirst with Godfather’s cold moist nuts.

POD as GM called for the newbies of which there were none. The retreads were Slippery (away for 20 months, now in Tonga), Frances (been working while Slippery slipped off as home dad), Prince (skiing in Switzerland), Ring Ring (being lazy) and Speedhumper (been here but single).

Witch Doctor was appointed Shoe Inspector, and lasered in on Wahoo. Despite the Scribe’s assurance that she has drunk from them already, the honour went to Poumuli as she is preggers. Celebrity Awards went to Poumuli (being on TV for the church service) and Captain Mortein (for spotting it, no doubt brushing up on his ecclesiastical edification).

This day in history awards went to The Margarets Gagging Diva and Screamer (1472 – Orkney and Shetland are pawned by Norway to Scotland in lieu of a dowry for Margaret of Denmark), Jessica as the nicest person in Hash (Random Acts of Kindness Day) and Il Capo (International Mother Language Day).

The GM turned to the festivities at Sinalei past Sunday, and noted some great and poor performances. She pulled out Gagging Diva, Frances and Lewinsky for the good, and Sassygirl BJ for her poledancing.

Turning to the run, there had been comments about parents letting their kids ride in Lewinsky’s salmonella truck, with one hasher being overly glad that it was his wife’s idea, so he couldn’t be blamed – this one went to Snatched.

Then it was Mr Whippy, exceptional in his pink running vest, last here then first back. There had also been complaints that the ride out had seen us stuck behind a septic truck, when a bit of gas could have seen us ahead at the outset. Since Lewinsky was having enough, the GM used a bit of Aussie slang, septic tank – yank – thus Bitt.

On the run we had gone past the gaol, but no one had suggested going to visit Bad Investment. Well we couldn’t have anyhow. Anyway this one went to Crime.

Turning to nominations, Il Capo had been in line to pay hash cash when she overheard Titty Galore re-checking a hash mere’s name as Gagging Vagina. Lewinsky then nominated Godfather for the great function on Sunday, a respectable one deserving a respectable down-down. Godfather thanked the Hash for its support.

Sassy wanted the owners of the dog-like animals that had attacked her upon arrival rewarded, but in targeting Eveready was informed that they belonged to Karaoke, who was dragged from the kitchen. Sassy also nominated the Hansen’s – namely Pirate Princess and Princess Tiger for winning consecutive draws at the prize at Sinalei – bribery and corruption.

Eveready told us that he had gone to his farm to pick some avocadoes, but had cut his finger. He had called Karaoke to check whether there were band-aids on hand, and she asked, had he cut the (w)hole finger – no the one next to it. Karaoke got the Censored Award.

Poumuli had been playing in the water with Yahoo at Sinalei, when a couple of Hash Meres had assigned him babysitting duties for their delightful sprogs. Yes indeed, and they had proceeded to attempt to drown him. Snatched challenged that  Poumuli was too weak to counter some four year old girls – but these are Samoan girls. Pirate Princess and Snatched took the Frankensprog Award, joined by weakling Poumuli.

This was Nom Nom’s last run at Apia Hash, so we need a new Hare-raiser. Godfather averred that he would do it but has no hair, so a respectable glass was given to Nom Nom. Prince joined for cheering on Daz. This was followed by the Hash Anthem and Goodbye My Feleni. Sassy then nominated Speedhumper for the most colourful motions during the Hash Anthem and Gagging Diva for a move that looked like an NFL touchdown move.

We saluted the Hosts and the Hare, Karaoke, Eveready and Lewinsky for the run, then those not wearing pink (they all got a spank) – Jessica, Prince, StrapOn.

A feast of pork awaited us, with some crackling that was beyond belief.

No host yet for next week so watch the blog and Facebook.

On On

Poumuli, IKA Slit

Hash Run 1869

Monday's Hash will be hosted by Eveready and Karaoke at their home in Lotopa. Take the airport road, first turn after the great big Mormon pile, Strickland brothers sign, then look for a cake shop on the left, turn left straight after, not into.

It will be a pink run!

Bring your 20 tala hash cash and enjoy, We will start the run at 6 given this godforsaken daylight savings time crap.

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Hash Trash 1868

This epic Hash was hosted by StrapOn with Nom Nom and Peeping Clam.  It was a live-hare run given that AC/DC had once again cancelled at the last minute. Nom Nom gave some cryptic instructions as to the general route. We did not yet know that they had scouted it using Skyeye. Fairly mundane trot then up the Cross Island Road to the corner of Ray’s Taxis. Mundane but very much uphill! At the corner the walkers were given the choice of a return straight back or a yomp through the Stevenson’s Museum garden. The runners went down to the Vaoloa water works, and were assured that the path by the river would eventually get to an open gate. It wasn’t so much as an open gate but a gaping hole in the undergrowth. As we prepared to cross the river, a bemused local woman was bathing her little boy and washing clothes on the other side. Again we were assured that the road did lead somewhere, but Godfather had second thoughts about Nom Nom’s intention to cross the next ridge. Having ascertained that we could cross below the next set of houses, some of us abandoned the hare-brained idea to climb up the new feeder pipe. It basically went straight up! Stories were later told of near death moments, but the length those hasher s actually ran, 8.1 km and mostly uphill rates it as even grittier than the worst Pussysnatcher ever took us through. The Godfather led runners were guided across a deep ford, but we got to see a marvellous waterfall and have now found a way to set a new trail. We came out on the road that goes past Samoa Butchers, and then on home. Godfather’s nuts were most welcome.

POD as GM called the circle together. Newbies to Hash was Mark, brought by Rachel (palagi with an office in Samoa). The retreads were Matt & Nat (returnees, stuck in Oz), Silent But Deadly (in Oz), Eveready and Karaoke (in Vegas!) and Rachel (in Oz). They were joined by a representative of Sinalei (the name of Eveready’s granddaughter) – Godfather.

The GM asked Rachel how many runs she had missed – enough runs to forget about the glasses on her head apparently. StrapOn was also called in for missing the retreads – he had been making sure someone got married.

Celebrity Awards went to Il Capo (for her race photo) and Poumuli (useless in gathering celebrities).

This Day in History Awards went to POD (1990 – Carmen Lawrence becomes the first female Premier in Australian history when she becomes Premier of Western Australia), Screamer (1994 – Four thieves break into the National Gallery of Norway and steal Edvard Munch's iconic painting The Scream), Lewinsky (1999 – United States President Bill Clinton is acquitted by the United States Senate in his impeachment trial), Crime (2008 – Australian Prime Minister Kevin Rudd makes a historic apology to the Indigenous Australians and the Stolen Generations), Nom Nom (World Day of the Sick), and Eveready and Karaoke (Valentine’s Day).

Shoe Inspector Il Capo made a beeline for Peeping Clam and Eveready who were guilty as charged. Turning to the run, Lewinsky had been a knight in shining armour trying to rescue POD – er POD’s watch. Eveready gave him a new naughty shot glass. He was joined by StrapOn for a respectable one for the run that we had all, er, enjoyed.

Also on the run there had been a a bit of a wardrobe malfunction, with Peeping Clam playing a bit of peek-a-boo, commando style. She was joined by Il Capo who had helpfully declaimed that we were all going to die.

Il Capo rejoindered that this had been a run for heroes, and that the superheroes Peeping Clam and POD should get an award. Nom Nom then started a convoluted tale of Lewinsky, calling to him that his girlfriend was weeping, apparently while swinging from the branches (not clear who was swinging). Eveready opined that he would have cried if Karaoke was weeping. In any event it was decided that Nom Nom, Weeping Clam and Lewinsky should take this one.

We had not seen Eveready for 6 weeks, so when images appeared on Facebook of their stay in Vegas, with Eveready basically draped in a young lady of no bra, which Cougar showed to her mother in law, who responded why-does-Karaoke-have-no-clothes-on, resulted in so much hilarity that Karaoke had to re-enact it.

Witch Doctor nominated Mark for leaning, and Rachel for not telling him the rules. Nom Nom nomnominated Gagging Diva for doing the longest run ever, and that she had to drink 4 glasses of water after. Poumuli said that in that case Lewinsky should join as he had had to drink 8 glasses of water. So it was.

Sassygirl BJ nominated Silent But Deadly for just sitting there quietly after the run, 1000 mile stare in amazement, living up to hash name. Sassy also nominated persistent promising leaver Sunny Side Up.

Il Capo nominated Mr Whippy for cutting the trail, while Witch Doctor nominated Poumuli for working with some guy who decided to visit Bad Investment in gaol. Poumuli suggested, and got, the inclusion of Lewinsky in this, as he needs to be in jail.

Sassy brought in Titty Galore for complaining that she was not getting any exercise, yet she was motoring away in the run. She also brought in those yet sans down down – Jessica, Witch Doctor, Pirate Princess and Sassy.

StrapOn had been in Suva, and had earlier discussed going to Hash there with Poumuli, but his emailed directions arrived a day late. Accepting, Poumuli countered that it was down to StrapOn’s piss-poor email service.

Not being exactly sure of the translation here, but last week Il Capo had gotten terribly drunk, and Crime had caught a crab, possibly for her, that somehow was then stuck in the toilet. Witch Doctor then called for a Hash Blessing for Poumuli and Wahoo, for her expectancy.

Next week’s run will be hosted by Eveready and Karaoke – PINK RUN.

We saluted the hosts and hare and enjoyed some stir-fried cat from Sunrise.

On On

Poumuli, IKA Slit

Hash Run 1868

Malo Hashers

Tonight's run will be hosted by Strap-On, Peeping Clam and myself at Strap-on and Tina's house in Papauta (on the road of the soap factory). The run could get a little wet so maybe bring a change. Meat-loving and vegetarian options will be provided.

This will be my last chance to host before I leave Samoa for at least 18 months so I'd love to see you all there.

We'll be looking for a new hare-raiser!

Run starts at 6pm sharp - don't forget your hash cash! 

OnOn!

NomNom

Hash Trash 1866

An epic Hash requires epic words to describe it, and we in the Hash have the best words, believe me. All others are total losers. So the Hash was hosted by Swinger, great guy, Godfather, staunch man, and Nelson, someone you can hang with. All solid Hashers. They follow me on Twitter. The run was set against a vast clearing sky over the sports grounds, and with the still hot sun baking the humidity up into the multiple hundreds – it was yuge. The pack went out left and after finding the first false trail, turned right past the fire station and the horse races. These are the best horses, you can ride them, you can pet the horses, you can grab them by the horses. Following the road on, at the t-junction by the golf course we had a false trail to the left, and the trail went right. Hitting the main road at the top, there was again a false trail towards Tradition Resort, with the real trail going towards the Head of State’s house. Never met him, have never heard of him. While some runners thought the trail would head up the river, and ran too far, POD found the trail leading into the old livestock track. This was an uphill muddy track that soon took on riparian qualities, given the overflowing waterfall. Soon we were ankle deep in a mixture of run-off water and cowdung, and then all of a sudden the trail took an even steeper turn up a hillock. At the halfway point there was a horse tethered, in the same way that most Samoan dogs are “secured” on their properties – there was a rope around its neck that was not fastened to anything. It became more and more feisty and agitated as the pack passed, and obviously wanted its horse to be grabbed. Under a fallen tree trunk, and up and over the hill, we entered  some sort of Water Board facility, but it was easy to spot that it was out the bottom gate and downhill towards the sports fields again. Nice to come back to the house for Godfather’s cool refreshing nuts. He has the best nuts. The most refreshing nuts. I would date his nuts.

POD was GM, fruitlessly trying to persuade others to take a turn. She invited the newbies to step forward and these were Bitta (intern at MoH) brought by someone called Darrel, and Davina (at Ministry of Commerce) brought by Gagging Diva. Nom Nom then took the Name Recognition Award.

Retreads were Il Capo and Angry Bird (Italy), Potu (at his other home), Jessica (food poisoning), Swingmother (felt like she died for the last 12 months) and Captain Mortein tried to hide away so received a righteous serving of down down.

Shoe Inspector Jessica nearly failed, until Captain Mortein accused Swinger of having new shoes. Indeed he did have new shoes, but he hasn’t worn them to Hash yet, thus a false accusation and the start of a long evening for the Captain.

Celebrity Awards went to Davina and Screamer (for being in the paper for Oz Day), Cockblocker (headline proclaiming that a woman had sliced off her lover’s manhood with a sickle), Mr Whippy (story in paper about computer training) and Swinger and Slim Shady for not being in the paper.

This Day In History Awards went to Captain Mortein (1959 – MS Hans Hedtoft, said to be the safest ship afloat and "unsinkable" like the RMS Titanic, strikes an iceberg on her maiden voyage and sinks, killing all 95 aboard – Danish construction), Poumuli for Gayboy (1967 – The United States, United Kingdom, and Soviet Union sign the Outer Space Treaty in Washington, D.C., banning deployment of nuclear weapons in space, and limiting use of the Moon and other celestial bodies to peaceful purposes – no explosions around Uranus), Lewinsky (1998 – Lewinsky scandal: On American television, U.S. President Bill Clinton denies having had "sexual relations" with former White House intern Monica Lewinsky), Tall Story (Australia Day) and Mr Whippy (Data Privacy Day).

Turning to the run, the GM had seen a lot of animal interactions, particularly the horse, which had been calm until Il Capo touched it. Whence upon it attacked Mr Whippy. But then he also fended off 5 dogs by himself. She also awarded two front  running bastards for not finding the false trail – CB and Prue.

Opening for nominations, Sassygirl BJ was quick to announce the Valet Parker of the Year, who had blocked all other cars. But then, thinking about it she was sure it was the bitching wives that had caused it, and gave the award to Pirate Princess and Wahoo.

Next, Sassy was appalled that instead of looking out for Titty Galore getting welts from insect bites, but focussing instead of such welts increasing her bosom size, Godfather was given the I’m Proud Of You Award.

The GM had an award from last week, as Nom Nom had said he couldn’t come on the run, but they had run past his house where he was having a beer on the deck. He tried to explain but failed. Il Capo had been shocked on the run, first of all by Lewinsky running, but also that he had touched the GM’s bum. POD took this with good grace, showing of said derriere.

Screamer had had some difficulty parking, and blamed this on improper gardening by Swinger, which became Inadequate Shaving of the Bush Award.

The Mad Monk of Apia Hash then appeared out of the blue, and called forth a lady proficient in sharp things, cutting and stitching. Henceforth, Malu will be known as Snip & Tuck.

She then called forth a lady who even in the cold air conditioning, as well as elsewhere, compromises the Samoan heat by wearing short stuff – and being unable to find the clam sanctuary on the south side. Henceforth, Prue will be known as Peeping Clam.

Latecummers Witch Doctor and Black Pussy got their down downs, and Nelson nominated Captain Mortein for offering to paint the house, great guy that he is, but that he painted around the photos and paintings. He had also offered to build some new frames, but these had the screws visibly sticking out. Respectable one for Not Bob The Builder.

CB then nominated Poumuli for giving the Hash food poisoning two weeks ago. He followed up by inviting Hash to the Samoa Voyaging Society do on Thursday at the Club X. Sassy announced that there was also some old stock of shirts for sale to support Queen Bee, while Godfather announced that it was Sinalei’s 21^st anniversary and that there would be a Sunday beach bash for 20 tala.

The Hares and Hosts were saluted before we ate a lot of pizza, sausages and bbq.

Next week’s Hash will be at AC/DC’s in Moamoa.

On On

Poumuli, IKA Slit

Hash Run 1866

Malo Hashers

This week's run will be hosted by Godfather, Swinger and Nelson at Swinger's house in Suisega.

The house is opposite the tuanaimato cricket oval. A map can be seen below.

The following week will be hosted by AC/DC.

Run starts at 6pm sharp! Don't forget your hash cash! 

OnOn!

NomNom

Hash Trash 1864

The Hash was hosted in Vaoala by Poumuli, Wahoo, Yahoo, Snatched and Toa, with Pussysnatcher as lead Hare. We had not announced this ahead of time so that we would have sufficient numbers for the run! When the trail had been scouted it had been a clear day, but after two days of downpour the plans were in jeopardy. But Pussysnatcher was so enthusiastic we went ahead and set the trail, which would be known as “Hold onto a tree for dear life”. The runners set out on the access road above the house and entered the deep forest. The Hares had cut back as much as possible, while leaving trees for handholds, but there was a lot of sliding, rockfalls and general hubbub as the pack descended towards the river. A false trail led up towards two minor waterfalls, then the pack continued down river and crossed twice before emerging through the bushes at the bottom of Bank Street. Most avoided the second false trail, but it is certainly also worth exploring for future trails. Some over-keen runners then went down towards SPREP and up again past Mynas, with the rest staggering in for some of Godfather’s cool refreshing nuts.

POD as our GM called the circle to order and invited the newbies to introduce themselves. These were Hetti from Sweden, Dean from New Orleans who came with Uncle Swinger, and Lola from Pago brought by Godfather and Titty Galore. Poumuli got an immediate Cunning Linguist Impersonator Award for greeting Hetti in loud Swedish.

The retreads were Do Me Twice (trying to wean her family off her), Chez (waiting for weaning), Nelson (in Oz), Swinger (in Oz), Spellcheck (migrated), Stewart (aliens), Pussysnatcher (NZ) and Crime (I couldn’t hear him so lets say Tafaigata).

Shoe inspector was not needed to be appointed as Nelson’s new boots were so glaring. Poumuli noted that this was a family with long Hash experiences, so how come Nelson didn’t know this rule, and was rewarded by Swinger joining Nelson.

Celebrity Awards went to Slim Shady (maid of honour) and Cockblocker (in paper with Moana).

This Day in History Awards went to Hetti from Sweden (1814 – Treaty of Kiel: Frederick VI of Denmark cedes Norway to Sweden in return for Pomerania), Lola from Pago (1900 – The United States Senate accepts the Anglo-German treaty of 1899 in which the United Kingdom renounces its claims to the Samoan islands), Cockblocker (1917 – The United States pays Denmark $25 million for the Virgin Islands), Witch Doctor (1938 – Norway claims Queen Maud Land in Antarctica), Lewinsky (1998 – Lewinsky scandal: Matt Drudge breaks the story of the Bill Clinton–Monica Lewinsky affair on his Drudge Report website), Gayboy (Feast of the Ass), Pussysnatcher (Feast Day of St Paul the Hermit) and StrapOn (International Fetish Day).

The GM had some doozy awards, starting with StrapOn for dobbing himself in via Facebook for the Tooth Fairy Fail Award, made respectful for trying to explain to child that the Tooth Fairy’s GPS wasn’t working.

Turning to Godfather, who had been presented with some fish by Titty G, and presuming them dead he proceeded to clean them when lo and behold one swam away – a Lazarus Fish Award for Godfather. Then there was a congratulatory award for Gayboy for coming 4^th in the Army of Two competition.

Turning to the run, there had been complaints of excessive environmental destruction and deforestation on the part of some runners. While directed at Sassygirl BJ and Godfather, it became clear that all the runners had in some part contributed.

Thus the GM turned to Slim Shady for her posting of her eyebrow extensions, er, eyelash extensions, and for her sexy new outfit.

Opening up for nominations, Gagging Diva had asked Nom Nom why he was turning down the offer of a beer. He had a fever. What kind of fever? Beaver fever! Sassy then nominated CB for the Unhygiene Award for washing his underarms in the pool and blocking the pump. Sassy also nominated Poumuli for the selective deck washing with the water blaster.

Clark accused Pussysnatcher and Cockblocker for not taking the road less travelled, in that they had ended up below rather than above Mynas, and as the GM had said that those runners were hardcore, a Softcore Award went to PS and CB.

Sassy also nominated Black Pussy for not only running in jandals but for chariot riding with Malu and Crime. DMT nominated Chez for being a born and bred Hash Mere, as she had recounted a story from her youth whereby she would sit under the keg and grab the drips.

Poumuli had been asked to get a football shirt for Black Pussy and had located a Palestine soccer shirt in Morocco. However they refused to print Black Pussy on it, so he had to take it to the US for printing. After all that she is still not wearing it to Hash. Coz I am too fat! Both took this down down.

Slim Shady made the announcement regarding Leilani Jackson’s fundraiser for cancer in April and encouraged donations.

The Hares and Hosts were saluted, and a whole lot of goulash was consumed.

On On

Poumuli, IKA Slit

Hash Run 1864

The Hash will be hosted by Poumuli, Wahoo and Yahoo at their place in Vaoala.

For those familiar, it is Twin Peaks’ old house.

Don't go to Poumuli's old house!

Take Cross-Island Road up past Mynas, turn right on Bank Street, take the 2^nd left turn – road is marked with a sign saying Atoa Avenue. The house is the last on the right at the top, before you get to the massive gate blocking the road.

For those who have run this area before, Poumuli will be setting a completely new run. Hosts will cater, so just bring your $20 hash cash, and a towel if you want to use the SWIMMING POOL after the run.

Run to start at 6pm sharp!

OnOn!

NomNom

Hash Trash 1863

The Hash was hosted by Cunning Linguist and Malu at their new place in Vaivase. So this was in a way a Hash House Warming Party. We were certainly warm from the heat and from slapping mosquitoes. The run had courageously been set on flour, given the bursts of rain we had been seeing of recent. But the weather gods were on his side, so the only issue we had was his parsimoniousness. Anyway, it was out the gate and following the road up to the sports field, where a false trail leading up was discovered. So we continued right around the sports field, in a gentle sloping run. But what goes down must come up, or something like that. The walkers were able to soon turn, while the runners continued down towards Samoa College, and got a very steep hill to contend with on their way back to the house. A very good road run, but Cunning Linguist has promised that next time there will be more bush.

POD as GM called the circle to order, and found there were no newbies. Retreads were Poumuli and Wahoo (family reunion), Kiwi (lost his running shoes), Gagging Diva (in Oz with intravenous cider and cheese) and Clark (getting a matai title).

Poumuli had found no celebrities this week, but in a spot of confusion, Clark noted that the Manu coach had been in paper, and that he himself had been featured for his biography. Since this one had already been awarded to co-author Sunny Side Up, Clark was made to take the Self-Incrimination Award, with Nom Nom as whipping boy.

The Shoe Inspector was unnecessary as Clark’s new boots were so so shiny. He declined Nom Nom’s offer of drinking from Nom Nom’s shoes.

This Day in History Awards went to Cockblocker for Gayboy (1787 – William Herschel discovers Titania and Oberon, two moons of Uranus), Prue (1946 – The first General Assembly of the United Nations opens in London. Fifty-one nations are represented), Lewinsky (1999 – The Senate trial in the impeachment of U.S. President Bill Clinton begins), Lewinsky (2015 – A mass poisoning at a funeral in Mozambique involves beer that was deliberately contaminated with crocodile bile leaving at least 56 dead and nearly 200 hospitalized – for ordering Taula), Sassygirl BJ (Feast Day of Our Lady of Prompt Succor) and Poumuli (International Typing Day).

Turning to the GM’s awards, she asked the Hare if there was some new extreme form of taxation on flour? We had struggled mightily in places where the marks were so small and so far between. Cunning Linguist had no credible defence so took the award. Poumuli wanted this blatant copying of Scottish behaviour to be given to one of the Scots in the circle but was ignored.

The Tourism Awards had been held over the weekend and the GM noted that a Hygiene Award had been given. She thus felt compelled to issue an Unhygiene Award to Nom Nom for wringing out his dripping shirt in front of everyone, scorching the earth.

The Hosts had announced that this would be an Orange themed run, and most had complied, except a Colourblind Award was needed for StrapOn who wore entirely blue. This was followed by a congratulatory Matai Award for Leiamanuia Clark.

Cunning Linguist wanted to give a Confusion Award to Godfather for introducing a new beat to the Hash song last week. Godfather countered that since that circle had been a sit-down one, it was a one-off, and we were now back to regulations. Nevertheless, he used the new beat for the down down, a jazzy sort of off-beat.

Sassy nominated StrapOn for a good start to the Husband of the Year award for taking Mrs Strap out to lunch, and for his meeting with two distinguished Ministers the following day. However it was explained that the luncheon was arranged because Lewinsky had got him into trouble over stepping out for some drinks. When the GM heard all this she awarded both StrapOn and Lewinsky the down down, as Lewinsky had told her he was at Cockblocker’s house.

StrapOn then nominated Nom Nom and Prue for New Year’s celebrities, having celebrated it twice this year over in Pago, as well as Gagging Diva for getting upset that they didn’t bring back gallons of liquid cheese.

We then had a Birthday Award for Yahoo (taken by Wahoo), POD and Kiwi. This was followed by a Multiple Entry Award from Sassy to Pirate Princes for being impressive on the run, CB for being sick all week yet coming for the run, and Nom Nom for being first and fast up the last hill.

While awaiting the circle Poumuli had noticed that it appeared that StrapOn had caused a minor landslide by the fence from sitting there, which Lewinsky attributed to StrapOn’s testicular fortitude and the presence of crabs. Lewinsky got the Extensive Knowledge of Crabs Award, joined by Cunning Linguist as it was his dog who had actually caused the landslide.

Finally StrapOn nominated Cunning Linguist and Malu for being forbidden to sleep close to the children at a fale due to the, er, noise levels. We then saluted the Hosts and Hare, before eating a great housewarming meal.

Next week will be hosted by Poumuli, Wahoo and Yahoo in Vaoala.

On On

Poumuli, IKA Slit

Hash Run 1863

Talofa Hashers
Apologies for not posting on the blog but have been busy with family reunion.

Cunning Linguist and Malu are hosting at their NEW ADDRESS on Vaivase Uta Road, just before you get to the sports field "Tanoa le i'a"; it's at the end of the next drive up from where Black Swan and Firstcummer lived least year. Look for an orange cloth hanging from the rubbish stand by the road, at the beginning of a longish muddy driveway. Suppliers excepted, please leave your car at the main road. Start 6 pm sharp. Theme "orange" once again, even it if it's not a Thursday!

Don't forget your hash cash! 

​Map attached for the directionally challenged - as if that would help! - OnOn!​

Poumuli, IKA Slit

Hash Trash 1860

The Hash was hosted by AC/DC and Slim Shady at the Tokelau outpost in Moamoa. A hot and extremely muggy day for a run, so when the Hashers had assembled, AC/DC announced what he called a maze run (loose translation: I was too lazy to set a run), into his bush. This involved following AC/DC around the neighbourhood while he carried his son, pursued by his nephew. As we were all bedecked in the Moana theme of the run, this was perhaps a blessing given the mugginess. Your Scribe was basically wearing a massive coconut frond skirt. The run went out of the compound and into the bush, not AC/DCs, then navigated around the fence, past the little bacons that were squealing in fear, down to the road, and up the neighbour’s track, much to their bemusement. Some Hashers went for an extra trot but others had enough, looking forward to the keg. But horror of horrors – it was Taula! This was going to be hard in the circle.

POD was GM as usual, and called the newbies into the circle. This was AC/DC’s nephew Delino. The retreads were Sassygirl BJ (looking for a husband), Prue (holiday), Eveready (mechanical tune-up), AC/DCs future brother in law, plus AC/DC for lack of instructions on the names. Shoe Inspector Nom Nom failed.

Celebrity Awards went to Sunny Side Up (author of story about Clark), Godfather (for feeling up Ms South Pacific), and Cockblocker for Snatched (in paper).

This Day In History Awards went to Nom Nom (1892 – Premiere performance of The Nutcracker by Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky in Saint Petersburg, Russia), Godfather (1970 – Soviet spacecraft Venera 7 successfully lands on Venus. It is the first successful soft landing on another planet), Lewinsky (1998 – President Bill Clinton is impeached by the United States House of Representatives over the Lewinsky scandal, becoming the second President of the United States to be impeached), Eveready (International Day to End Violence Against Sex Workers) and Poumuli (International Migrants Day).

The GM had a Facebook Award for the World’s Proudest Grandma (Sassy), joined by proud Grandpa Eveready, as well as Slim Shady who was dressed as a mad Grandma.

During the Christmas Run, AC/DC had been so tired from the running that he could not utter the “Heigh Ho”, only Ho, so he got a Ho Award. Godfather had missed Hash so he could go to the Parker fight, but all who had watched had been unable to spot him. Dismissing claims that he had been elsewhere, the GM declared this an Avoiding Celebrity Awards Award, as there had been another Tuatagaloa on the TV.

Finally the GM nominated Slim Shady, proprietor of her own biosphere, for having an amulet from Moana, and for trying to nominate Snake after she saw a snake in the grass. He joined her.

Slim Shady started the nominations with one for Poumuli. She had been chatting about the visitors from Norway who had brought him fish balls and sauerkraut – much to Wahoo’s distinct lack of enthusiasm. For Poor Choice in Requests Award, she joined Poumuli for her pervasive and intense interest in all things testicular.

Sassy then nominated the good looking youths from Tokelau, followed by a complaint from Eveready about the supply of gas for the BBQ on Christmas Hash. This was followed by a long explanation from Lewinsky, supposedly in his defence, that turned into an FBI Award. For the revelation that there is apparently a gas powered vibrator in their compound, Karaoke joined him.

StrapOn had been at Black Swan’s farewell, and had been shook rigid by a Hash Mere displaying her wares right in front of him and Mrs Strap. Godfather was immediately proud of him. The displayer, Gagging Diva, sought to extract herself from this, but when Lewinsky corroborated the sequence of events, the GM decided that both should take the Boobgazing Award, joined by Lewinsky for being a prick.

Poumuli had noted that one of the Happies had been getting progressively pinker due to the cheap colouring on her Moana feathers, and nominated POD for Child Abuse, joined by the Ginger Chicken who more aptly demonstrated colour fastness.

Godfather launched himself into a long, and in all likelihood made-up story about his sojourn in Nadi, and his encounter with the ladies of the night there. He claimed that he had asked if there was a discount if he had been recommended by his friends, and named Cockblocker (50% discount) and Poumuli (only 30% discount).

Godfather also challenged the Hash to attend the 2018 Interhash in Nadi, Fiji and called for Mismanagement to look into hosting Interhash in 2020.

Eveready thanked the Hash for the best wishes, messages and prayers for his trip down South to have his mechanics looked at. The upholstery may be worn, but the engine is working well – Eveready is back!

We then saluted the Hosts and the Hares, and accepted AC/DCs apologies for cancelling hosting twice with his offer of an immense amount of food.

Next week is Boxing Day, so run is likely to be set on a beach somewhere. Watch emails or the blog for any news.

On On

Poumuli, IKA Slit

Hash Run 1860

Tonight's run will be hosted by Slim Shady and AC/DC at the Tokelau compound in Moamoa. From the airport road, turn left at the electrical supply company. Head down the road until you see the Talanoa Fales sign then turn right. The compound is just past the small bridge.
Run starts at 1800 or 6 PM, so bring your 20 tala Hash Cash.

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Hash Trash 1859

The Hash was hosted by Do Me Twice, Babyblocker, Greg and Chez at Moamoa. There were several difficulties in finding the place, and the run being set on paper was a wet slog after the massive rain. We went down the trail from the house and on to the road, leading down to the Tokelau compound. It was obviously a false trail, but we thought maybe something had been found – alas with a huge grin AC/DC stood by the huge paper cross, the bastard. We went back on to the Moamoa road, and followed it around, chased by snarling dogs. We couldn’t find the trail after a bit, so we used the old AC/DC trail.

POD was our GM as usual, and there were none new to the Hash. The retreads were DMT (bad virus), Clark, Tall Story (or Erectus Maximus), and Chez. Nom Nom had to take one for being called Numb Nuts by Clark.

Shoe Inspector Silent But Deadly failed. We also greeted latecumming retreads Cockblocker and Curly. CB had another one for making us start the run late.

Celebrity Awards went to Slim Shady (closest living relative Prince), Lewinsky (his godfather was in the paper at the Parker fight) and Nom Nom (photo with Oz Minister and the PM). Clark was added in for again calling him Numb Nuts.

This Day in History Awards went to Cockblocker (1642 – Abel Tasman reaches New Zealand), Snake (1907 – The worst night of the Brown Dog riots in London, when 1,000 medical students clash with 400 police officers over the existence of a memorial for animals that have been vivisected), Witch Doctor (1911 – Roald Amundsen's team, comprising himself, Olav Bjaaland, Helmer Hanssen, Sverre Hassel, and Oscar Wisting, becomes the first to reach the South Pole), Silent But Deadly (2008 – Muntadhar al-Zaidi throws his shoes at then-U.S. President George W. Bush during a press conference in Baghdad, Iraq – presumably to get him to drink from it – shoe  inspector fail), Lewinsky (Human Rights Day and International Monkey Day).

The GM’s awards started with Pusiapa for flashing her students as a farewell, followed by a Fail Award to Curly for the trail and CB for not helping out.  Pusiapa had also been yawning and hiccupping, and admitted having taken shots with a priest. Lewinsky was added for inaudible reasons.

StrapOn was nominated for not wearing a strap on, as well as Sunny Side Up for calling him an impossonator. On the run, we had gone through a vicious dog area, and StrapOn had kindly waited to ensure that all got through. Poumuli was the last, yet he managed to silence the dogs. He got a Dog Whisperer Award, joined by StrapOn for Smelling Like A Bitch’s Ass.

Also on the run, Lewinsky had displayed undue athleticism by suggesting the pack run over the river to reacquire the trail. The GM then turned to Tall Story, who is an avid landscape gardener, but not a decorator, hence the GM’s dismay at the display of a rat trap, saw and a Rabitohs sign.

The big news of course was the Parker-Ruiz fight, so Clark repped Parker, Venom repped Ruiz, and Prince the dismal head of NZ Boxing. In relation to the fight, StrapOn had been invited to Lewinsky’s, but the moment he sat down the TV broke – some sort of PMP reaction. Poumuli had to join him for being a Sony shareholder!

Pusiapa had gone to SBD’s matai title ceremony, and had been asked repeatedly if she was his wife, sister, wife etc. Anyway Mailo SBD got the award, but his faletua was added in.

Do Me Twice, on setting the run with Curly and Babyblocker, reported that Curly had said they should do this every week. But it turned out they had set the run with Babyblocker on the bonnet! It was agreed that DMT should take this, as well as CB for not preventing it.

The next one involved StrapOn and Pusiapa discussing tattoos and spanking, the result being StrapOn for the spanking and Pusiapa for calling him daddy. DMT then nominated Tall Story for forgetting the gas for the bbq, and making mum go get it, and he was joined by Poumuli for wasting time on a silent but deadly joke.

StrapOn nominated Snake for the after-Hash drinks – he had been pouring from a bottle and nothing was coming out, but the cap was on. Not Coming Award.

Nom Nom our Hareraiser, noted that he relies on good clear directions from the hosts, and in this case it was an abject failure by DMT. However since a correction had been forwarded by the GM, Nom Nom joined her.

We then farewelled Pusiapa with the Hash Anthem, and saluted the Hosts and Hares.

No host yet for next week so watch the blog or FB posts.

On On

Poumuli, IKA Slit

Hash Trash 1858 – Christmas Hash

The Christmas Hash was hosted by Snake and Fang at the Snakepit in town. There was a good turnout and we went jogging and carolling after StrapOn’s converted Santa’s Truck, with Cougar acting as Santa. We first stopped at the alleyway by the old Sydneyside, then on to Amanaki, then On the Rocks, followed by Paddles. On home to the Snakepit.

POD was GM as usual, and called the newbies into the circle. These were Kendall and Michael from Oz and Maria from Germany (hospital volunteer). The retreads were too numerous to recount their excuses, but were Twin Peaks (dog sitting), Snakebite and Venom (in NZ), BB (trying to be Moana), Poumuli (in Marrakech), Slim Shady (getting a Brazilian), Wahoo (in San Francisco), Transporter (making mommy happy), Fang, Anita, Da Head, Pussysnatcher and Cupless.

Shoe Inspector Pusiapa was appointed and failed.

This Day in History Awards went to Captain Mortein (1918 – The Kingdom of Iceland becomes a sovereign state, yet remains a part of the Danish kingdom – blatant theft from Norway), BB (Feast Day of St Bibiana), Crash Bandicoot (Feast Day of St Francis), and AC/DC (World Soil Day).

Celebrity Awards went to Slim Shady (for NOT being in the paper), Transporter and Prince (for being in the Pound 4 Pound)  and Sunny Side Up.

The GM started her awards with congratulating Ms Fiji for the Ms South Pacific title, so this went to Crash, and the visiting Ms Fiji BB. A late retread went to Suzanne who had been suffering the heat at the start of the circle.

Nominations from the run included Godfather for causing accidents (too much interest in girl in short skirt), Nom Nom and Captain Mortein for racing. Lewinsky added in Cupless for tripping up Little Crash Pinto, but also included Cougar and Lewinsky for uncharacteristically spotting poor parenting.

Slim Shady nominated Poumuli for booking his female boss into a brothel in Marrakech. Meg nominated Il Capo for eating a candy cake that she took from a small child, with Lewinsky added in for not stealing from the child also.

Twin Peaks had been away for 12 months and had expected at least some upgrades to Cocktails on the Rocks, but there had been none. Lewinsky countered that he was a prick for saying that, which swayed the crowd. Fang then nominated BB for something that also ended up including Swinger.

Poumuli nominated Slim Shady for drinking all his beer and eating all the food at a picnic, while Nom Nom had tried to get Happy Face a vai kipolo, to find that she thought it was a beer. Noms felt that this was all down to bad parenting, but had to join the parents.

Pusiapa had gone on a trip to the waterfall and apparently Black Swan and StrapOn had dived in – in the buff. Both got the Streakers Award. Then the Mad Monk of Apia Hash arrived, in order to name two people of the Hash. Kieran assumed the position and will henceforth be known as Silent But Deadly.

Then Meg assumed the position, and will henceforth be known as Gagging Diva.

StrapOn had received a puzzling text message last week, stating the sender’s love for him, and that she would miss his sweet ass, but then Ms StrapOn saw the message – Pusiapa for Reckless Endangerment Award.

Black Swan nominated a whole bunch of people for the International Day of Volunteers. Lewinsky nominated Kiwi for advertising Stihl, even though he no longer works for Gold Star. There was then another confusing moment involving Lewinsky, Prince, Transporter that led to numerous down downs.

StrapOn nominated Swinger for not picking up BB from arrivals from Fiji, but this backfired as the flight had been an hour early. Then there was a convoluted story of how Il Capo had been fanning herself in a certain manner, basically also getting a blow job from StrapOn, but Il Capo got it.

We then turned to the Prick and Tit of the Year Awards, and the GM having scrolled through the Hash Trash nominated the following Pricks – Bad Investment – closest living relative Swinger; Cockblocker for bad parenting; Lewinsky – no explanation needed; StrapOn for secret WikiLeaks; Snake for never doing enough; Lewinsky for no beer. Prick of the Year went to Swinger!

For Tit of the Year there was Loose Lips for bad bad texting; Pusiapa for mimicking bad texter; and Il Capo for drunk and disorderly bride who cant keep tits to herself. Tit of the Year went to Il Capo!

Finally, for the best run of the year, the most unique, went to Slim Shady for the garbage patrol up Mt Vaea. She also added in Mismanagement – Nom Nom, Poumuli, Pusiapa, StrapOn, Titty Galore, Cougar, Godfather and Prince.

We then celebrated what may be our last run from the Snakepit with a boat race for the hosts – which Venom won. We also farewelled Black Swan and Cupless with the Hash Anthem.

We then had a fantastic Christmas feast thanks to Naval Base.

On On

Poumuli, IKA Slit

Hash Trash 1856

Twas a warm and balmy night as the hashers made their way up to El Capo and Angry Birds mansion near the top of the hill.  It was a clear night, so the view from the deck was clear and many had fun pointing out (arguing) about different sites in Apia….  Panic almost struck --- it was 6pm and THERE WAS NO BEER….. thankfully – due to Lewinsky and Nom Nom showing the way, the Vailima made  home safe….

There were quite a number of re-treads this week…. Including a return from the short short wearing kiwi himself – HOT NUTS! (who wears short shorts ---- Hotnuts wears short shorts!). Others included Slim Shady who had been bula’ing it up in Fiji, Pavarotti who was a Hasher between 04-07 and was very excited to be back.  DMT and her Mum came along as well as Nelson who had apparently been ‘off massaging’ – who we would like to know.  Prince scored himself a down down for someone not using his correct name.

Newbies for the evening included Meg’s best best best friend in the whole world (The guy at Karaoke couldn’t say Dian’s name), Cunning’s friend and also a new playmate, err.. sorry! Housemate for Nom Nom’s   big yellow house – Mark.

Shoe inspector Malu, did a tremendous job, and quickly found Witch Doctor to be in ownership of some brand new (lovely) shoes.

Only two celebs this week – Slim Shady for being in the paper – Don’t forget the ‘Orange fun run’ on Friday at 6.30 outside the STA Fale.  Rachel was on the front page of the observer this week, but as she was not there, her bumchum Prue, took the down down.

There was a ‘sneaky snake’ award given to Godfather this evening,  fas he tried to dodge a down down.

This Day in History had some unreadable explanations and also some unfamiliar words, however:
in 1636 – something something something….unreadable – Cunning Linguist
1863 – German/Danish war – As Captain Mortein was not there, CB took the down down for his surname…
1965 – Prince something of Norway – Witch doctor
1977 – NZ was to include ‘God Defend New Zealand’ as well as something else – Hot Nuts.
1998 – Lewinsky scandal hit the courts – Lewinsky
Feast Day of St Gregs – Snake
International Student day – Mark
World Toilet Day – Nelson
Transgender day – Kiran for looking the best in his ie faitaga (Too flash for hash)
Exemption for punishment – Crime

GM awards were fast and furious tonight, and began with the GM expressing her shock and concern that Ring Ring had accidently struck fear into her families hearts because she did not tell anyone she was going to Pago. It wasn’t until a few days later when Ring Ring had been MIA for two days and her son had posted a status of Facebook asking if anyone had seen his Mum, that one of her sons friend said ‘Don’t worry bro, I saw her at the airport going to Pago!’.  The next award was to Meg, who’s friend Dian had given her a tour guide rating of 4 out of 5. Dian too was given a down down for being ungreatful as who doesn’t want to spend their afternoon whilst on holiday making garlic bread for hungry hungry hashers?.  Hotnuts was in the firing line next – and although initially was given a down down for purchasing a new home gym which takes up a lot of space – that he never uses because he’d rather go to the gym and watch all the ‘hot girls’. It was at this point that Hot nuts and Snake were caught ‘discussing hot girls’ mid circle – and both earned a down down for being dirty old me – (typical hash men?).  Meg was nominated again for admitting that she has bad thoughts 27/7 or bad ideas, but when she’s asked about them for down down purposes  fails to remember.  Speaking of failing to rememeber, Kiran too got lumped with a down down for not being able to remember the reasons or amount of down downs the previous week.

The floor was then opened for group nominations.

Pusiapa tried to nail Snake for failure to give good directions, and sending the walkers through dense grassy bushland,  even though he promised her, Malu and Black Swan that the route they’d take was safe.  Pusiapa scored the down down for failure to navigate through bush and Snake too took one for mis-direction. 
Black Pussy was heard to be complaining quite loudly about her name – instant down down.
Pusiapa having missed the previous run, decided to pull out the big guns on her perimeter team, especially El Capo and Kiran for drinking all the ‘team beer’ and an extra one for Kiran for ‘hair pulling’.
CB was nominated for complete mismanagement, where he was found out to have taken women to the beach but neglected to pack any food or drink and was close to running out of fuel –  He was forced to call Swinger for  SOS HELP!
Prue was up next, being nominated for her squeaky ‘OnOn!’ when she saw the paper and was trying to relay the ‘on on’ message to those behind her.  Pavarotti and El Capo had quite the conversation before the run had started, but it took both of them at least 10 minutes to wonder why they were both speaking in English, when both CLEARLY Italian.  Screamer got the hero award , because she has been spotted walking from her house near Scalinis all they way up to Mt Vaea and back down again. Pavarotti gave himself a down down, and said it was for pure gratitude of being back with the Apia Hash aiga. At Godfathers request, he also gave us a demonstration of why he was called Pavarotti and sang part of a beautiful aria – Magnifio, Pavarotti! As previously mentioned, Hotnuts had returnth..with his short shorts in toe… which means – INSTANT DOWN DOWN!

The final nomination was for our beloved GM – POD! For her outstanding organisational skills and speech at the Goshen Trust cheque hand over. Malo to all the Hashers who collected, donated, walked, ran, supported during the Perimeter Relay!

Before the circle closed, it was a final down down for our hosts and hares -  El Capo, Kiran, Meg and Dian.

ON ON!

Pusiapa

Hash Trash 1851

This weeks hash was hosted at the prime location of Gayboy’s  parents restaurant near the wharf. Although it was a smaller hash, lots of fun and laughter was still had.

Newbies – Matt (son of Blackswan) , Anne and Rachel (all friends of Blackswan). Black Swan was given a down down for not telling her son about Hash etiquette and allowing him to wear his hat AND glasses whilst in the circle.

Retreads – Kiran claims he’s been working hard – or hardly working, Allesandro had been at home, and Wrongway Roger had been gone for 18 years.

Shoe inspector was a happy hashman this week as he found TWO people with new kicks. Both Wrongway Roger (18 years away wasn’t an excuse) and Trish both drank out of their new shoes.

Celebrities – The entire Hash group who were at Slim Shady’s run the week prior, and a special one for the ‘old decrepit snake’  who had taken the photo.

This day in history:
1931 – All capone was sent to jail – El Capo
There was a civil war at some point in America  - Sunnyside Up
A German shoemaker lead a robber in oil – Crime and Prince (for being a sheik/greasy)

The tightass whinger award – Was given to Gayboy for whinging about how much the cashpower for beer dispenser was going to cost him. For the record it was $1.80. Snake flipped Gayboy a $5 to shut him up.

Swinger was nominated for having a goat? Petting a goat?  Marco Polo got a down down for turning two which was taken by his Dad, Captain Mortein. To celebrate his birthday, Pirate Princess also took a down down for teaching her son to boogie.

Latecummers this week were Crash and Delicious – apparently had been tied up elsewhere before coming to hash. Pusiapa was presented with a down down for not teaching her boys  to come on time to job interviews with Snake and Lewinsky.

Over zealous award was given to Prince for hiking to Lake Lano’to with his stand up paddle board.  We were all disappointed there was no video footage to record this.

A fight had broken out at Cocks on the Rocks which resulted Lewinsky being in a fight with women, Crime ending up with Lewinky’s shirt.  Lewinsky was nominated for lack of security, Witch Doctor was dragged in for cooking the steak that caused the fight and Gayboy too because it was his sister that was the main woman in the fight.

The GM was given a down down for overtaking the hare – and complaining loudly that he wasn’t fast enough. Prue was also given one for ‘being ride behind her’.

Matt had forgotten to take off his hat in the circle -s o he and Black Swan did a double down down together.

Cunning Linguist was given a down down for  groping Trump or was it Trump groping – either way, keep your hands to yourself CL!

Kiran was punished for not replying to messages about upcoming events, Gayboy was brought in for fungus growing in his restaurant and Captain Mortein joined the hash men for making up stories about fluff.

It was time to thank the host and hare – Gayboy and Prince. Rachel was asked to join them as she’d done a marvellous job as bar wench as too was Slim Shady even though she was accused of ‘too much head’. Just before the down downs were taken, Lewinsky piped up with ‘ You gotta make sure you pull it all the way otherwise it doesn’t cum’ .

ON ON! 

HASH 1850 – White Sunday (36 Year Milestone)

A very special hash 36 Year milestone! This was hosted by Godfather and Titty G down at Coconuts beach. A sunny, beautiful and glorious day – Until the run began and it started to rain a little… as pointed out by a certain Hashman ‘nothing better than watching the Hash Meres get wet…’.

New Hashers for the week included:  A (not so wee) leprechaun called Martin (Meg’s lover boy). Kat (Nom Nom), Andrew, Olivia and Uta all brought by Godfather.

Retreads were plentiful this week -  Stella, who was in the Hash back in the 90s, Granny Smith who had been MIA for 2.5 years,  Mona  had been taking night classes for University, Matt was lost in Europe  but has been dragged back to Samoa to marry the wife. Cupless – had no excuses, Robert had been in Switzerland and Frederick had been running amok on the south side of the island.

Celebs – Sassygirl for being in the paper, Swinger and El Capo took one for Angry Bird.

Cunning Linguist was spotted taking his down down with a hat on, which had been passed over by El Capo. Tut tut tut!

The shoe inspector did well this week, both Mona and Swinger took turns at drinking their Vailima out of their brand new shoes… mmmmm tasty sweat!

There were a lot of whingers out on the run today, and the GM decided punishment must be imminent. It must be noted that it wasn’t just Hash Meres that were whinging, in fact – it was mostly Hashmen --  El Capo, Snake, Captain Mortein,  Snake, Lewinsky.

Running and walking on the hash run is sometimes considered to be an achievement in itself, but this week our new friend Andrew took this achievement to new heights – he wore Thongs (I’m Australian – therefore, I get creative licence to not call them Jandals) for the entire run – however I must concede that the award he was given was the ‘Palagi Jandal’ award.

Godfather is known for being a kind and generous man, however this week he was nominated for ‘severely over preparing’ in preparation for the special run.

Due to some unfriendly creatures in the sea, medical assistance was required following the run. Dr Sneaky Snake and his able assistants Strapon and Cupless were able to assist with the help of a trust knife or two.

There was an impersonator in Apia during the week – it was ROBERT! Actual accusation of what he was doing is unknown.

Nominations were soon to begin – hold onto your running shoes peeps, there are quite a few!
1) Lewinsky  - was given the show pony award for holding – and I quote ‘Onto Pod’s ponytail when he goes for a ride’.
2) Titty G scored one for working too hard, but was quickly joined by Godfather for not being happy with her performance and wearing her out too often.
3) Meg and her ‘Irish Prick’ for letting Sassy down in the gym, and creating their own workouts in the bedroom without her.  – Sassy was told to join them for being ‘A green eyed monster’.
4) Cupless gave Karaoke a compliment telling her that she’d lost weight, and Karaoke replied with ‘Oh, you’ve gained weight’. – Both scored a down down.
5) Pusiapa was nominated for sitting down
6) El Capo was given a down down for tripping over a mouse cord and pulling a muscle in her quad, thus impacting on her perimeter training.8
7) Parents award – Captain Mortein, Pirate Princess, Pod, Lewinsky,  and Cupless were all punished with a down down from Sassy due to damages caused to her Fijian lavalava whilst babysitting their children in the water.
8) Vailima Breweries award was giving to Godfather for being a good friend of the board
9) Nom Nom was givien one for breaking his drinking ban – but he claimed ‘It’s a public holiday – it needs a beer!’
10) Sassy got one for perving on Nom Nom and was joined by Prue for helping NomNom look so good with some good ol’ sexercise.

11) Meg was nominated for blowing her own horn on her birthday

To celebrate the 36 Hashing Milestone – Anyone under 36 was required to take a down down – Stand up: Gayboy, Nom Nom, Snakebite, Meg, Prue, Mona, Pirate Princess, Martin, Pusiapa, Kat and Granny Smith.

To celebrate the mismanagement Hash team – Godfather, Titty G, Pod, Nom Nom, Sassy, Lewinsky, Crime and Eveready took a down down together.

Finally, last but not least, a special down down for our amazing GM – POD who to date is the longest standing Hash GM and Godfather noted ‘How proud of her’ he was.

With a  quick rendition of ‘Can’t help falling in love’ it was time to eat and party!

ON ON

Pusiapa

Hash Trash 1849

Hosts tonight were Slim Shady and Strap On – Hare – Slim Shady.  This was a Hash with a difference – the goal was to clean up the areas between Slim Shady’s house on Cross island Road and up and around Mt Vaea.  85.26kg

Newbies for the evening included – Elizabeth and Chris who had been brought by Snake as a ‘legal couple from Australia’, Snake was given the down down however as he did not clearly explain the rules.

Retreads this week included: Swinger for trying to organise his liver transplant, Iron Lady for looking for love in all the wrong places , Titty G for chasing Godfather around, Godfather because Titty G finally caught him, Speedhumper has been cumming and going a lot.

Shoe inspector cunning linguist failed – so was forced to take the down down himself.

Nomations were fast and heavy this week:
- The ‘Climaxing together award’ was presented to El Capo and Speedhumper for climaxing together, and Strap On got one too for ‘Climaxing twice!’.  It was also noted that all the newbies climaxed too.
- Cougar received a down down for talking in the circle and Godfather was also nominated for finding a pair of kids undies…

GM AWARD:
Went to Lewinsky because he told someone they were going to host Hash, they were all ready but then poor Gayboy told some convoluted story about Pod, a pub and hair pulling.
- CL was nominated for hiding in the bushes after he drank too much niu and was nominated for pulling his pants down and ‘advertising’. This was reported by two shocked Hash Meres.
- Slim Shady was nominated for her ‘22^nd Birthday’ and setting us a ‘run to remember’.  Her down down was presented in a giant cock class, which Iron Lady helped her swallow…err drink? She was also given a present from Snake and Fang – vibrating jewels  for he rmini. It was noted it was also Malu’s birthday too.
- Godfather was nominated for emulating Snake – and slinking away to NZ for his 70^th birthday! Not a chance Godfather – both he and Mele were presented with three glorious cakes include a giant red bra’s susu cake.

The whole premise of Slim Shady’s run was to collect rubbish – With 33 adults and two children a whopping grand total of 85.26kg was collected!!! MALO LAVA HASH!  

ON ON! 

Pusiapa

Hash Trash 1852

The Hash was hosted at Samoa Minigolf in Faleata by Ring Ring, Captain Mortein and Pirate Princess (not Pirate Bay Princess as reported by Nom Nom). It had been a rainy day up top of the island, but was quite sultry down here in the flats. Te run had been set on paper the day before, when indeed it had rained, so it was with some trepidation that we set out for the run. Your Scribe has been suffering from bronchitis and had to fall out of the pack with a coughing attack. But from the map that StrapOn produced it looked like a figure of 8 through Siusega and Faleata. Lovely nuts were on hand after the run.

POD as GM stepped in and convened the circle. There were no newbies, but the retreads were DMT, DMT’s Mum, Mr Whippy, Angry Bird and Poumuli. Cockblocker was brought in later having sought to escape.

Prince was appointed Shoe Inspector and zeroed in on Wahoo’s new shoes.

This Day In History Awards went to Cunning Linguist and Cockblocker (1616 – Dutch sea-captain Dirk Hartog makes second recorded landfall by a European on Australian soil, at the later-named Dirk Hartog Island off the West Australian coast), Il Capo (1990 – Italian prime minister Giulio Andreotti reveals to the Italian parliament the existence of Gladio, the Italian "stay-behind" clandestine paramilitary NATO army, which was implicated in false flag terrorist attacks implicating communists and anarchists as part of the strategy of tension from the late 1960s to early 1980s), Eveready (International Day of the Nacho), Prue and Prince (United Nations Day) and Poumuli (International Day for Climate Change Action).

Celebrity Awards went to Lewinsky (his Godfather was in the paper), Poumuli (in the paper with China contribution to SPREP), Swinger (double for picture in the paper and congratulatory letter to the Editor).

Turning to the GM’s Awards, the first went to Wahoo for Wife of the Year Award for forgetting their wedding anniversary – it wasn’t until she sat down in church and read the church bulletin that she realised with a start that she had forgotten.

Next up was an award for Lewinsky, all around good guy but apparently an ardent female genitaliarist – he called someone a See You Next Tuesday. Lastly, she called on Il Capo, who having lost her voice, was unable to counter anything.

Opening up for nominations, DMT basically self-nominated by complaining that now she was a radio star there should have been a celebrity award. Since Poumuli doesn’t listen to the radio, for some reason the GM, DMT and Poumuli took this one.

Il Capo, in a stunning display of mime/charades nominated StrapOn for basically misleading her that he was some hot young guy running up Cross Island Road – both of course. Then there were the Hashers who had helped out Pusiapa with her school careers orientation, which went great until someone used her Hash Name – which is now being utilised by 100 giggling boys. Godfather, the culprit, said he was proud of her, hence both took this one.

Lewinsky wanted to nominate Godfather for forgetting to bring his Palolo. Godfather claimed that he had never promised such and hadn’t caught any. Snake tried to intervene, but in the end both Snake and Lewinsky got the Disrespecting Godfather Award.

Angry Bird had seen in the news that Madonna had promised oral sex to anyone who voted for Hillary, noting that Prue is a huge Madonna fan and impersonator. The GM ruled that Cunning Linguist should take this one, and added in Lewinsky when he was overheard asking for said BJ.

Swinger thought it had been a great run, but was disappointed with the large swathes of paperless trail. Before Ring Ring had even entered the circle she was joined by Cockblocker for wrong-naming Swinger. The Dome of Silence was placed on DMT at this point.

This weekend the All Blacks had set a new world record in test wins, so Prince and Black Pussy were rewarded on their behalf. Sunny Side Up nominated Crime as he hadn’t had one yet. The GM was at this point becoming disturbed by the growing fire that had been lit in the corner and requested Captain Mortein to step forward.

In announcement, Godfather asked if there was any interest from walkers to join the Nighthawks team for the Perimeter relay prequel, and also that there would be the Jazz Festival starting at the Marina the night before. He also offered breakfast at Sinalei for the Nighthawks and walkers.

Next week’s run will be hosted by Slim Shady with a Halloween theme, and the week after at Taumeasina. Post-perimeter party will be either hosted by Mr Whippy or Il Capo.

The Hosts and Hare were saluted – Captain Mortein, Pirate Princess, assistant Pusiapa, and Ring 

Ring.

On On

Poumuli, IKA Slit