Hash Run 1568 - at Vaoala with Captain Mortein and Pirate Princess

UPDATE

Hi everyone, next week's run will be hosted by Pirate Princess and Captain Mortein at their Home in Vaoala. Their house is just next door/behind Einstein's house. Take the cross-island road, up past Mynahs, and its on the left over the rise.

This will be a catered event by Captain Mortein and Pirate Princess. The Captain has also asked for assistance in getting someone to be Hare and paper can be picked up from me at SPREP.

As per the norm, the Keg will be there, so hopefully there will be enough for all the thirsty Hashers...Run starts normal time- 1730Hrs

It is Norwegian National Day, so please wear something red-white-and blue or bring something fuzzingly pro-Danish to appease the Captain!

Map posted for Directions

On On

Hash Trash 1567

The Hash was hosted by Strangler, Wax and Hornithologist at Tafatafa Beach. Since it was Mother’s Day we had been asked (the males) to dress like fa’afafines, while the Hash Meres were all bedecked with moustaches. Lovely warm day out at the beach, but instead of a run, the hosts had organized a bit of fun and games eventually culminating in the production of four bowls of coleslaw. Good fun was had by all, and your Scribe forgets which team won, but somehow thinks it was his team. The photos will show all the silliness when I get around to posting them!

Tallyho was dobbed in as GM for the day, as our GM SOTB was uncontrollably and sobbingly hung-over. He called forth those new to Apia Hash, and they were Ches (DMT’s mum), Two Story (DMT’s Dad, more on that later) and Lance from Whangerei (brought by Mike and Rene). The rethreads (or failures in Tallyho parlance) were Slim Shady, Sassygirl BJ, SOTB, Dried Nuts, Long Dong and Nao. They were all suitably awarded.

As no one was really wearing shoes, the GM decided to have a painted toenails assessment. He decided that DMT’s matching orange toes and dress warranted an award, Slim Shady for having photographs on her toes (?), Pam who had just completed painting hers, and Long Dong for having such pale feet they blinded the GM.
Celebrity Awards went to Poumuli and Wahoo (TV3), and Snatch (double appearance in Observer). For this Day in History Award, your Scribe had found a fabulous one for Swinger but the bastard was absent. It wasn’t completely wasted as we found someone with Scottish heritage to take it – Steakman, Ladyfinger and Dried Nuts (Mary Queen of Scots has to marry Earl James, one month later is defeated in battle and one month later has to abdicate for her 1 year old son James – The Curse of Swinger-namesakes!). Sassy, Joanna and Zsa Zsa took the honours for Europe Day.

The GM then falsely accused several Hashers of having enjoyed dressing like fa’afafines too much, and called forth Zsa Zsa, Cockblocker, Nimura, Ninja and Poumuli for the Dame Edna Award. Opening up for nominations, Wahoo nominated Ninja and Mrs Ninja for leaving their baby all alone in the fale. Funny that Mrs Ninja handled the beer rather niftily. Schumacher nominated Captain Mortein for the Crisis Moment Award, as he had been observed washing his foot with beer! This sacrilege resulted in a large one and an even grumpier Captain, and he was joined by Pirate Princess for unknown reasons.

Sassy nominated Princess of Darkness for not washing the hash mugs, as they were covered with moldy stuff. The GM exclaimed that hash mugs are NEVER supposed to be washed, and that at his age he welcomes growth of any kind! Inexplicably POD managed to get out of this one because Steakman was being lippy with the GM.

Snatch nominated Two Story for Pre-empting the Hash Monk, as he hadn’t actually been named yet, and he just made it up. He started the award before the song started, so he was joined by DMT for not knowing the rules and she not telling him, but she was way quicker, which may have something to do with gravity.

Sassy nominated Horny Ho and Alfred for being late with the BBQ, and Alfred’s was doubled as he hadn’t recognized your Scribe in disguise and was quite shall we say attentive at first. Slim Shady recounted how a heckler had disturbed Zsa Zsa’s saxophone performance at Millennia, saying it was crap. This lengthy FBI-style explanation posed a dilemma for the GM, as he was assured that verily Zsa Zsa on the saxophone is indeed crap (remember the awful attempts to accompany Godfather’s ukulele during Hash 1466. Well I do!). In the end both took the Combined Award.
The hosts were saluted and congratulated for the inventiveness.

SOTB, by now suitably lubricated to get his voice back, managed to get the GM an award for chickening out of the Rethreads Awards. Finally we get some use out of the lugubrious one.

Next week’s run is supposed to be hosted by Captain Mortein and Pirate Princess, but they were making moves to chicken out, so watch the blog.

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Hash Run 1567 at Tafatafa

Afternoon Hashers
Thought I would get this posted now so you can all prepare. The Hash will be hosted by Strangler, Wax and Hornithologist at Tafatafa Beach on the South Side of the island. Take the Cross-Island Road all the way over until you get to the four corners intersection at the bottom. Turn left and carry on for about 12 to 13 Km, until you come to a sign that says Brenda's Beach Fales. It is a right turn and is just before a Mormon Church. Strangler hasn't told me whether its in the fales on the right or left but keep checking the blog. But he will put a Hash marker on the road and then place another marker at the end of the road to indicate which side. If in doubt look for the cars.

This will be a BYO BBQ, so please bring something (please no more sausage fest!). We will either have a keg or crates.

I have also been informed that the theme for the run will be a Mother's Day Hunt and Gather Relay Run, and that in honour of Mother's Day the Hashers are invited to come dressed as fa'afafines! High heels, fishnet stockings, etc. This could be seriously embarrassing! The Hash Meres can ham it up any way they like.

Keep checking for further updates.

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Hash Trash 1566

The Hash was hosted by Greeny out in Siusega. It had been raining in the afternoon so it was a relatively cool run, made more so by the late start given the piss-poor directions posted by SOTB, who could not be reached as he was out fishing. Anyway, it was a grand day for a trot, and we set out expectantly from the gate, having been informed that the trail was set on paper. That’s it for the run report. A group of front runners found the initial three false trails out the gate, one towards Tafaigata, one down the road to the left that goes to Screamer’s back yard, and one that led straight up into the bush. We went back and forth for a while, until some of us decided to take a trot up the bush again, hoping to find the trail, didn’t and instead found a nice parallel route to the Tafaigata road, down to the main road and back. No clue where the trail was really set, but a nice sweat out. I had to promise not to whinge too much this week.

Said GM SOTB being fishing, Princess of Darkness stepped in. She called forth those new to Apia Hash and boy there were a lot of them. There was Pussyindah and Susumarah from an Indonesian Hash who are joining us for a few months. There was Dave the neighbour who had taken delivery of the keg thinking his landlord was overly generous, but had joined the run instead. Pam from Samoa, Jo, Filipo, Richard, Howie, Anthony and Kili, all invited by Godfather (although Filipo messed it up, giving Godfather the first of many awards). Finally we had Steakman from Auckland. The Rethreads were Vulture, Jade, Tooth Fairy, and Lady Finger. Vulture doubled his for wearing a Tongan sombrero in the circle.

There were no new shoes found by Volunteer Shoe Inspector Vai Vai, so he took that award. Then the GM called forth the Hare, getting this out of the way immediately amidst calls of Worst Ever, Greeny took a large one.

The GM awarded a Pussysnatcher Lack of Rhythm Award to the Atherton brothers, Swinger and Malvern for their incredible disconnectedness between the music that was playing at the 70’s Party and the associated movements required.
This Day in History went to Swinger for the publication of the King James Bible (2 May 1611) and for the Feast Day of St James the Less (Greeny had complained of not enough paper being provided to him by Swinger). In honour of Lei Day (Hawaii) to Screamer for her intention to get leid in Hawaii soon. Poumuli for Marshall Islands Constitution Day and Nimura for Japan Constitution Memorial Day.

There had been another Day in History award reserved for Bunga Bunga, but in her absence the GM called forth Do Me Twice for looking like a hooker at the 70’s Party and Cockblocker for saying she looked good. Poumuli tried to get Vai Vai for wearing the same shirt he wore in the 70’s to the 70’s Party, but this backfired miserably, as the assembled lot had disconnected their brains sense of humour synapses with Vailima.

Greeny then tried to get an award for the entire Hash for not finding the trail. No need to explain how that one ended. The GM nominated Steakman for the Customs Violation Award for bringing in sausages from NZ.

Screamer received a Blonde (non) Award for being unable to count – she said she had no gossip since its only been 4 days since last Hash. She was so blonde she needed help from Malvern. (She should have had it doubled for her musings on the Hash Chat!)
CB nominated Swinger for the Team Player Award, having tried to organize a paddling team only to send his brother in his place, and unfortunately the brewing gas explosion in the BBQ didn’t happen quickly enough to also set his backside on fire. Steakman was spotted holding up the building, and the rules tirade from the GM reduced him to a Gollum-like state, and this impersonation and the harassing gave him a double.

Godfather announced that the last Hash at Sinalei had raised $1750 for the Christchurch Appeal, and that this would be earmarked for Maori and Pacific Islanders in particular need in that region. He invited further donation and is planning to ask the Prime Minister to hand over the funds.

Eveready observed that today was The Rock’s birthday, and since Godfather had the same hairdo and CB the same body (he needs glasses), he called for their joint Rock Award (which reminds me we forgot to demand the Elvis impersonation!). They were joined by leaving Hasher Malvern, going back to the US.

We then had a request by Steakman for Howie to do Pearly Shells, which he only knew part of, but was helped by Godfather. Then there were two lengthy jokes from Greeny and Filipo, the latter of which was memorable because it had a wet pussy as a punchline.

The Host and Hare, Greeny, was saluted and we descended on what was mostly a sausage fest, except some chicken and a delicious lamb stew from Poumuli.
Next week will be hosted by Wax, Strangler and Hornithologist on the South Side of the island – watch the blog.

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Hash Run 1566 - BYO Run @ Greeny's- Siusega

Morning All,
Next weeks run is being hosted by Greeny at his new pad in Siusega. Please remember that this is a BYO Food run so bring something for the bbq or something precooked or a salad...something to contribute to the spread and please dont rely on a few hashers, you dont bring, you dont eat :)haha

Run starts at 1730Hrs on time. There will be a keg there. Map is below. Im not 100% sure of the exact location but the crap details that i was given is what i have used to draw the map...you can also get hold of greeny on 7771414 if you cant find the place.

The Theme for Monday is Cinco De Mayo...Mexican Holiday..so dress up in Mexican Colors...red, green and white..and if you got some cool hats to go with it..then by all means..put em on!

On On

Hash Trash 1565

The Hash was hosted by Godfather, assisted by Titty Galore, at the beach between Maninoa and Lupe’s on the south side. The run was set on the Sun, Gobi desert, inside a nuclear reactor – your Scribe has no words to describe this for he lost so much fluid on the run. This was serious torture, with all those false trails set and the sun burning down. OK, the run was set on paper, on out through the bushes past surprised revellers at Lupe’s bar. Up to the main road, we were tricked into a long false trail with an apparent double false trail where Godfather had place a cross. Apparently a large pony must have rolled in it as it resembled more a comfortable spread. Anyway, back to where we started the trail was reacquired leading straight up into the plantations on the semi paved track. Again a false trail off to the side confused many. It was at this point that the curious and unique geographic and meteorological conditions came into play, as it was sunny, hot and muggy and dusty all at the same time, with a nice whiff of smoke from the burning trash thrown in. The combination did also keep the local dogs to a nicely docile state. Catching up with the main pack, who had continued far up the hill on a false trail, we set off across until we reached the Cross-island Road. All the way we could hear Monica being blown to Kiwi’s content across the forest, but it was too dense to risk a shortcut. The heat may also have been creating sound mirages. Down the Cross-island Road your Scribe bought two nius on credit but the newly paved connecting road evaporated all the fluids with a new torture thrown in, namely running on newly deposited hot black tar and its associated reflective capabilities viz the sun. Gasping and puffing we arrived back to gulp down Godfather’s sweet nuts, plus gallons of cold water, before dropping into the ocean for a more complete cool-down.

Ok, this was a bit whingeing, but I am still in pain. It was an imaginative run set by Godfather, and we should have cottoned on that some of the false trails couldn’t have been set from the truck. And as he rightly pointed out, the beer tasted heavenly after the run, what was left of it after the surf dudes had been at it! We should also avoid having blind people as front runners, no matter how fast they are!

SOTB our GM was again too hung-over, tired and emotional from surfing that he couldn’t string a sentence together, so Princess of Darkness came to the rescue as acting GM. She called forth those new to Apia Hash and they were Ernie and Becky from Texas (here on holiday), Rikomi from Japan (with APS), Mini-Ninja, Joyce from here, Mihoko from Japan (UNDP) and Michael from Oz.

The rethreads were Pussysnatcher (been busy getting Snatch to accept getting snatched), Crash Bandicoot (busy being a father, or holding up the bar at On the Rocks, take your pick), Sassygirl BJ (busy playing with Daddy), Anna (she’s from Denmark, been away 2 years, back to see AC/DC in Tokelau), Malvern (Swinger’s brother, here from the US), AC/DC (swimming in Tokelau), and Godfather (fare-welling the va’ a crew in Auckland).

The announcement by PS caused a congratulatory award to be offered, which Snatch refused on the grounds that she is pregnant and that’s why she agreed to the above. Celebrity Awards went to Dumas and Joyce for their photos in the Observer. This Day in History Awards, for ANZAC Day went to Poumuli and Eveready as the only veterans who marched and Kiwi, Hot Nuts and Michael as token NZ and OZ representatives – Michael nearly went twice for wearing his sunnies, but Titty G took that one for poor instructiveness. For the founding of Rio de Janeiro in 1565 by someone named Francisco something we got Crash and Wax.

The GM had been told of a weekend party where guests had been warned about the glass doors and to be careful, yet Do Me Twice managed to go smack into one, resulting in a Pure Blonde Award (the Scribe objects to this type of stereotyping – should have been a plain Bimbo Award). Schumacher had observed a hasher trying to undo a lavalava on a Hash Mere. While PS claimed he was only helping Karaoke he got the Doing Eveready’s Job For Him Award.

Lewinsky, worse for wear for not having done the run, nominated Cockblocker for trying to beat up the host of a party. The GM took a vote, and Lewinsky joined CB for the Deck The Host Award, later doubled for Lewinsky for his inability to perceive that his hat was still stuck on his head. AC/DC and Anna were called forth for sitting and leaning respectively – must have been a long swim from Tokelau or something...

Vai Vai, inspired to see how much of a backfire he could create this time, nominated Ernie for being late to the Hash, which unsurprisingly went straight back to Vai Vai for not giving good enough directions and instructions.

At this point the Mad Hash Monk appeared, growling about naughty people in the Hash and sundry scandalous behaviour. Tasha was made to kneel before her, and in a cascade of flour, ketchup, beer and a torrent of abuse from the Mad Monk about her sexying it up, she will hence forth be known as Horny Ho.

Now Rebecca was made to kneel, and in the same manner we were told how this birdwatcher loves the two legged kind. She will hence forth be known as Hornithologist. Dev who was taking photographs of all this, had his hair used as a hand towel by the monk and looked like he had been named too! Susan was next in line, but instead was observed sprinting for cover on the beach and disappeared. The Mad Monk then amusingly tried to make her own exit through the dumpster, stepping into all sorts of unholy crap. Dev moved away at that point, knowing what the Mad Monk likes to do to him.

SOTB then nominated Lewinsky for his precision parking of the truck, just-so that the lid gave a little gap for the beer droppings to fall and fertilize the soil. Lewinsky countered that he had just hit the building and then moved gently forward, or pulling out as he described it. We were interrupted in getting to the bottom of what he meant by that by latecummers Ray Charles and Mermaid.

The GM tried to wrap things up, but Swinger interrupted with an award for Macho Man AC/DC for running barefoot. Swinger joined him for being so macho he thought he could interrupt the GM. Sassy nominated the chefs SOTB, Crash and Lewinsky.

We then had some announcements for events next weekend. DMT brought up the paddling regatta and Sassy that there will be a 70’s party on Saturday (tickets from Sassy or Ring Ring). Eveready informed us that there was a beer drinking contest at the Gekko’s Bar (Sassy said the prize was a 2 week date with Horny Ho). There is also a special fundraiser for Christchurch that weekend, and due to the clashes Godfather requested that the Hash still make a donation. This was duly done, results of which will be communicated by Sassy when she wakes up.

After wishing Malvern a Happy Birthday we saluted the Host and Hare, with a promise that Godfather would do his Elvis impersonation at the next Hash. The spread that Godfather, Titty G and the extended family had put on was quite simply amazing, delicious, super-tasty, stupendous.

Next week’s Hash is scheduled for Greenie’s new house in Siusega. SOTB will get us a map and directions.

A completely gratuitous joke attached below relating to some poor sod who won the lotto.

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Hash Run 1565

Easter Monday run at Lupe's Bar

Morning to all Hashers.There has been a change in plans for Monday's Easter Run. Godfather had offered to host at Sinalei but there is now a Wedding Booked for Monday so Hash will now be at Lupe's Bar (Next door to Coconuts Beach Resort) Dont worry, its next to Sinalei, so your beach plans aren't all screwed yet!

We are meeting at Lupe's at 12noon and the run will start at 2pm. Also bring your change of clothes and swim gear.

Same Directions, Head down to the south coast via the cross island road and make a right turn at the bottom. Head past Sinalei and look out for the turn off on the left to Coconuts Beach Resort. Head down this road and you will see Lupe's Bar.

If you get lost, dont bother calling me as I will be surfing.

On On
GM

Hash Trash 1564

The Hash was hosted by Hash at Snakepit #2, in Vaitele. A bright day with some rain threatening, but it didn’t appear. So it was off for a hot slog down the roads of Vaitele, courtesy of the Hare – Tiger Woody (AKA Kiwi).He had set the run on flour and there was a lot of space between the marks, seeking to ensure that the pack stayed together. And boy did Cockblocker and the paddlers find lots of false trails. Basically the trail took us all around the backstreets of Vaitele until we came back down the hill past Moata Samoa. A fairly arduous run that got the heart pumping – malo Kiwi.

The GM, SOTB was absent with undisclosed diseases ravaging him, so Hot Nuts stepped in for the evening. He called forth those new to Hash, and that was Diane from the Cook Islands, with us for at least 3 years. The rethreads were Hot Nuts, Screamer, Swinger and Fang. They had been travelling all. After the award, POD made a point of order, as Dev had not fessed up to being a rethread, for which he was suitably rewarded.

On this day in history, Poumuli could inform that Brazilian armed forces had liberated the town of Montese in Italy (1945), and this one went to Wax as closest living relative. It was also Bicycle Day which went to Swinger and Hot Nuts. Opening up for nominations from the floor, Swinger was nominated for not running Hash while in Fiji.

Vai Vai opined that a letter written to the Observer some weeks ago had to be a work of fiction, as it referenced Poumuli as a responsible drinker and dabbler in witchcraft. Protests that this had caused a down down at the time didn’t stick, so Poumuli took it like a man, so fast the GM missed it.

Tasha nominated Alfred for breaking off the knob again on the Hash BBQ. Do Me Twice tried to back her up but inadvertently used Lewinsky’s other name, and joined Tasha and Alfred in the Knob Fixation Award. Lewinsky nominated Screamer for taking a seductive phone call during the circle, which turned out to also include best wishes from the va’a crew.

Karaoke nominated Nutcracker for the Freakout Award, as she had screamed “no vagina cake” should be made for Hot Nuts birthday! As if she would create something like that. Well she did make a Barney Cake for Lewinsky so its not a far cry from that, after all Barney is a real C@#&. The GM was joined by POD for his birthday award. At this stage we couldn’t sing too loud as the family next door were having their sa.
Tasha had been on Rock the Boat, no surprises there, and then Ynot and had observed the very public argumentation between CB and DMT. POD informed us that SOTB had promised to bring the gas for the BBQ but hadn’t, so Lack of Gas Award went to closest living relative, former flatmate DMT, who staggered back in the circle.

Swinger nominated Dev for the Leaning on Fa’fafine Award – that’s just not on! Latecummers Spanky and Proboner were then greeted into the circle, but drank so damned slow the GM nearly fell asleep. CB then nominated Proboner for the Anti-conservation Award for her Exxon Mobil t-shirt.

Screamer explained how she and Spanky had been having a nice quiet dinner at the Yacht Club, when they were rudely interrupted by Poumuli and Wahoo seeking a place to sit. CB tried to explain his side of the story as they had also had free seats at their table. Poumuli chose to stab him in the back by concocting a story on DMT and CB.

The GM awarded the Troopers Award to Eveready and Snake for getting the gas. DMT nominated Dev for his “Getting High At Hash”t-shirt, and he was joined by Eveready for his extraordinary flashing t-shirt. Vai Vai was about to make a nomination based on the run, but then caught newbies Mike and Rene snuggling in the circle. This is not on – they should look to examples of such prudish self-restraint as Hot Nuts and Nutcracker, POD and Lewinsky, or even Poumuli who hadn’t even brought Wahoo! Rene had to take two for wearing sunglasses.

Eveready nominated Wax for driving her roommate home due to some undisclosed ailments – not quite sure about that one. Poumuli nominated Diane for the Preservation of Marriage Award for taking on so much of his work travel. Snake exclaimed that she must be a Hasher as she warmed the beer! ProBoner caught Tasha with cellphonus interruptus. POD nominated Karaoke and Eveready for the Cutest Couple Ever, but Karaoke claimed the flasher didn’t work! Eveready also nominated Screamer for the violated house sitter award. Lewinsky and CB were also brought in for their incessant chatter. We must retrieve the Dome of Silence!

Proboner nominated Lewinsky for leaving the GM hanging with no beer, but Lewinsky claimed that his runner CB wasn’t working. After calling Lewinsky a dick, the sole award went to CB. Mike nominated Tiger Woody for constantly breaking out of the circle, and this was doubled for his services to CB exhaustion for making him run all those extra false trails. As we had no Hosts per se, Spanky, Snake and Fang were saluted for their efforts.

Next week’s run will be on Easter Monday at Sinalei. Godfather has asked that we arrive by 12 and run by 2 PM.

The GM closed the circle with the piece of advice to any would be acting GMs in the future – always keep POD by your side!

Video clip below in honor of Bicycle Day!

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Hash Run 1564

Greetings Hashers

Monday's run will be hosted by Snake at Snakepit#2, which is by the Senese School in Vaitele. Head towards the airport road, past the brewery and when you get to Vaitele, turn left opposite BOC Gases and head up the road about 1 - 1.5km and look out for the Senese School on the left hand side.

This will be a BYO run so you are all requested to bring some food, salads, BBQ etc.

No theme has been announced, but stay tuned in case this changes.

There will be a special Hare coming on Monday so make sure that you are prepared. This cryptic message supplied by the GM, Son of The Bitch.

Directions in the map below



On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Hash Trash 1563

Your Scribe is back from overseas purgatory, and will endeavour to produce the Trash on time.

The Hash was hosted by Slippery in To’omatagi up by the National University of Samoa. A kerfuffle had been caused by the non-appearance of Crime to set the trail, but Strangler was on hand to give it a go as Hare. Slippery explained that the trail was set on paper and on on we went out the gate. We followed the To’omatagi road up for a bit before launching us through someone’s garden and down a slippery hill. We have run this way before, but ended up in a dead-end. Strangler had found a connection to another garden which eventually took us out onto the Vaimauga Road. We went up and down a bit here, as Cockblocker and the hyper-fit bunch brought by Dumas couldn’t spot the trail. We ended up doing far more exercise keeping up, but eventually we headed down to Vaivase-uta Road, then Vaivase-tai and back. A good and interesting run made all the better by the light rain.

Back at Slippery’s Princess of Darkness filled in for a hopelessly hung-over GM. She called forth those new to Hash, they were Hans, Moana who had been brought by Pirate Princess and Captain Mortein (he whooped at her diligent response), and Bruce from APTC who had come with someone called Mike. The GM made him drink for disrespecting and being a cheeky bastard. The rethreads were Poumuli, Wahoo, Chook, CB and Hot Rod. Poumuli then made a point of order since the Assistant Maestro Slim Shady had started the song before explanations of absence could be made.

Snake the Shoe Inspector couldn’t find anything initially, but Pirate Princess yelled out that CB was hiding his shoes and that they looked very new. CB protested that he had drunk from them before, but went along with it anyway. Pirate Princess joined for false accusation. On the topic of shoes, the GM was told that one of the Hash Meres lost a shoe on the trail, only to pick up a stray jandal and continuing merrily along. Wild Turkey got the Islander Award. Spanky pointed out the nice hat she was wearing during the award, so it was doubled. But in helping her as whipping girl, Spanky was wearing same said hat, so she also got another.

On this day in history, Poumuli informed the Hash that in 1775 it was the last time that they burned a witch in Germany – this one went to SOTB, Johanna, joined by Tasha for bitchcraft, and it was also the day in 1999 that Clinton got indicted for contempt of court for giving intentionally false statements about – Lewinsky. Tiger Woody had to join him as he was not blowing Monica.

Celebrity Awards were brought to us by SOTB. There was Ninja (in the Observer), Spanky (TV?), Wahoo (Rotary at Manumea story) and Lewinsky for story on HQ (your Scribe couldn’t get the whole story). Bunga Bunga was also in the paper, but nearest living relative was forgotten. During this CB dropped a full cup of golden nectar, and Pirate Princess pointed out Karaoke’s hip-shaking butt-swinging.

Opening up for nominations, Vai Vai was too quick off the mark in trying to get Hot Rod one for running in jandals. Total utter backfire! We are in Samoa, hello! Tasha nominated Karaoke and Eveready for leaving her behind on the trail, reducing her to tears behind someone’s toilet (“well that’s been known to happen” noted SOTB). Eveready launched into a vigorous FBI defence, culminating in his counter that Snake should get it as he was behind, and that he only shouts out On On at home! The defence breasts. The GM decreed that Snake join Eveready and Tasha in a Hash Sandwich. Poumuli tried to get a repeat as the sandwich re-enactment had been faulty – Snake should have been the meat, but was turned down.

We then had a Birthday Award for Lewinsky, accompanied by the most horrific caterwauling of Happy Birthday, probably thanks to Strangler and Slim Shady. Bruce got a Sour Grapes Award for something. Chook tried to get two chariot riders punished but mistook Pirate Princess for Princess of Darkness, and had to Join her and Moana for the award. There was also a Master Chef Award for the BBQ masters, who joined the Host and the Hares for the salute.

Trying to wrap things up, the GM was interrupted by Tiger Woody’s cellphone. The glitch in setting the run went to Crime, who tried the I Have No Car defence. Poumuli tried to get SOTB for Dereliction of Duty in not getting an Assistant Scribe the last two weeks, but this instead went to Slim Shady and Poumuli.

Next week’s run was supposed to be hosted by Dave and Theresa in Vailima, but they cancelled towards the end of the evening. Instead this will now be a BYO run at Snakepit #2, details will be posted on the blog.

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Hash Run 1563 - Slippery @ To'omatagi

Morning All,
Next week, Slippery has kindly offered to host hash at his house in To'omatagi. There is no theme for Monday, but stay tuned and check back on Monday in case it changes.

Head up to NUS and go past the NUS Main gate and its the 4th (Last) house on the left hand side.

Run starts at 1730 HRS Sharp as it now gets dark earlier in the day.

See map below for directions

ON ON

Hash Run 1562- Snake Pit

Afternoon all...Hopefully you enjoyed the run on Monday...Next weeks run will be at the Snake Pit and being the first Monday of the month, it will be a BYO Food Run. So please don't all bring sausages..and try and mix it up a bit.. :)

Run starts normal time (1730 Hrs) and there will be a keg. Snake has also told me to put this on the Blog. "Bring a change of Clothes as chances are you will get wet"...now don't pike out just because of that little message from Snake...At the moment, there is no theme for this run but check back on Monday just in case its been updated.

See you all on Monday.

On On

Hash Run 1561- SOTB & Tooth Fairy - Letogo

Morning All,

Next weeks run will be Hosted by SOTB and Tooth Fairy (and Sassy, in spirit) at Letogo at Sassy's house...he he. Head out along the east coast road and follow the maps....its not that difficult!

The hosts will be providing food/bbq so no need to bring anything. There will also be a keg as per the norm and an interesting run...bring a change of clothes :)

When you get to the house, pls park your cars down on the road and walk up and don't block the driveway :) Make sure your cars is nicely parked on the side and not in the ditch..

Run will start normal time: 1730Hrs
If you get lost, and you don't know how to read a map, call SOTB on 7500767

On On

Hash Trash 1560

Greetings Hashers. Wahoo and I are back from Niue and were pleasantly surprised to have a new venue to run from. The Hash was hosted by Slim Shady, Tasha and Catherine in Moamoa. It was a bit tricky to find, but most showed up on time. The run had been set on flour which is always a bit risky when we have inclement rain. I also noticed some dogs licking it up when they weren’t busy barking at the hashers. So a bit tough but we found the trail, which took us mostly by road up towards the Chanel College. There we ground to a halt as the next village was under curfew for sa. We actually had that problem once before a year or so ago, and then only half the runners cleared the village in time. So we set off back again, found a crossroad that eventually took us back to the house. No dog bites on anyone but a close call for some. The run was on the theme of Lesbian Vampire Killer, and several Hashers had permanent stains administered by Snake to resemble blood. He should get an award next week for making us look like idiots at work the next day.

Son of the Bitch has taken over as GM as per last Hash, and called the large circle to order. There was one new to Hash, Sala from Japan, brought by Ninja and was apparently lesbian, or maybe it was lost in translation? There were many Rethreads – Fang, Tooth Fairy, Slippery, Kiwi, Skunk, Mana, Trina, Buzzer and Schumacher. Since we had two kegs the GM ordered them all to drink for slackness. The Shoe Inspector Snake nearly had to drink from his very new looking shoes, but was saved by Pussysnatcher’s wrinkled nose. Snake was made to take the award for not spotting any new shoes.

Celebrity Awards went to Wahoo (on TV during the Blues-Hurricanes game), Swinger (for false accusation on Trina) and Don (for not producing evidence that Godfather had been in the paper. Poumuli had to join in for not scanning the papers when in Niue.

The GM gave a Sneaky Fishing Award to Captain Mortein for illegally catching snakes in the harbour, which was doubled because of his sunglasses. Strangler got a Violated Award for having his house broken into and only to be told to go see the officer in the Sex Crimes Unit. It was pointed out that with pants like those he was wearing he should be violated.

The Hash Mugs were yet again absent, so closest living relative to Crash Bandicoot, Lewinsky, had to step up. Another GM award, the Nut Case Driver Award went to Do Me Twice for driving with a ciggy, cellphone and slamming the wheel. That is NOT multi-tasking. A Dereliction of Duty Award went to newly appointed Hash BBQ Captain Mortein who was rather getting grumpy. PS had been bopping about during the Hash Song and got a Lack of Rhythm Award.

On to the Hare – 1000 dogs, sa in the middle of the trail, and poorly laid flour in the middle of the road, so Slim Shady was joined by Crime who hadn’t turned up to help like he said he would. It was also the first time in ages that the Hash Horn Monica had been on the trail, so Tiger Woody got a Lousy Blower Award.
The GM had been informed that a certain Hashman had tried to chat up Wahoo’s married sister during an after-game festivity, in front of the rather large husband. Cockblocker was overseas, so Wahoo had to do the award for him, joined by a Vicious Dogkicking Award to Tasha for nearly booting a mangy one out of the yard. Pro Bona has now also passed the NZ Bar and got the Sue Your Ass in 2 Countries Award. Snake and Fang got the Hash Gratitude Award for finally donating the BBQ to Hash.

Schumacher got the FOB Award for not being able to open a coconut after all these years and making his wife do it. A more disturbing bit of news was that Wane knew the legal age for intercourse for girls around the world – Clear Perving Award. Latecummer Christina took the award for not following own directions and for leaving Hash that night.

Zsa Zsa handed over the Dome of Silence to Snake, although competition for over-chattiness was fierce. He neglected to mention how stinky the Dome has become. Zsa Zsa was called back in the circle for interfering where he shouldn’t – something about boobies falling out – Transylvanian Pervert Award. Schumacher nominated Spanky for the Optimistic Persistence Award for not listening to his advice on availability of a young man, but getting the job done!

Strangler nominated Slim Shady for denigrating Hash by hanging over the side of Rock the Boat and huckering, who then tried to implicate Chilindrina for feeding her all that tequila in the first place. You can respect Mexican culture without tequila, methinks.

Snatch nominated Jo for referring to PS as hot, young and muscular. Wonder which one of them needs glasses. Poumuli nominated POD for dinging Lewinsky on the run, or body slamming as she called it and demonstrated. Snake felt that not all of Hash had lived up to the spirit of the theme. Eveready thought Snatch had dressed as a Lesbian, and joined her in the award. Eveready had been called three times by Wax for directions, but she had been following Strangler. For Poor Sense of Direction the GM had to step up, especially since his cellphone went off at that exact moment. Snatch nominated Dan for offering bone-breaking treatments in exchange for free food. Tasha gave Tooth Fairy the Hiding Food Award for insisting that the BBQ should be out back.

Spanky, who by now was singing loudly, noticed that DMT wasn’t even trying. She was joined by serial leaner Captain Mortein. Snatch nominated Ninja for trying to dob in his jealous wife, when he was at Hash with two girls. Snatch had to join them out of lesbian solidarity.

We then had a naming ceremony for departing Hashers Jo and Dan. Henceforth they will be known as Cockjockey and Bonecrusher. They were farewelled together with Christine.

As the beer was still flowing, Slim Shady nominated Alfred for being a good host, but he can’t light a fire! On that note the GM felt compelled to congratulate the Brewmaster with a big one. Fang got the Garlic Thief Award for trying to get her hands on POD’s ula (made from garlic to ward off vampires).

Latecummer Sassygirl BJ was saluted and then the Host and the Hare, with only Slim Shady and Tasha remaining standing.

Spanky will be starting a more proactive calendar for our upcumming runs, specifically for Mondays. So our next two confirmed runs are next week at Sassy’s house (theme should be cat’s away, SOTB will play) hosted by Tooth Fairy and SOTB. The week thereafter will be at Slippery’s by NUS.

SOTB will be posting the directions, and your Scribe will be absent for two Hashes, so hope the GM can convince someone to do this.

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Hash Run 1560 - Moamoa

Morning All,
Hash next week is being hosted by Slim Shady, Tasha and Catherine in Moamoa. The Theme for the run will be "Vampires", so wear a vampire outfit if you have one, or dress in black or purple.

The hosts have kindly offered to provide the food so this is NOT a byo run. There will also be a 2nd keg on tap as the hosts want to party it up...

Directions: Head up to Moamoa, go past the Sinamoga bridge, and keep heading up the road, on the right hand side, there will be a sign pointing out the turn off to the house. Below is also a map for those that cant figure it out... :) If you really get lost, call Tasha on 7721947

ON ON

Hash Trash- Run 1559

Run#1559 was hosted by Hot Nuts and Nutcracker at their beautiful home in Vaoala. We thank them for hosting last minute, as we were lost for a location (Thanks Do me Twice). The run was a steep jungly sweaty mess but all survived and made it home! POD was our sparkling GM for the last time this week and we are grateful for all her support throughout the time she GM'd.
We held a minute of silence for all the people who have suffered due to natural disaster in the recent past; Christchurch, Queensland, and Japan were foremost in our minds and hearts.
There were many new faces in the circle this time, Ninja brought half of Japan to the circle, and we were happy to welcome them and Swinger and CB brought a clutch of greenies from Conservation International (who have been drinking more than working). Andrew was visiting from Melbourne, as was Emma.
Retreads: Lesbian Vampire Killer made a resurrection and showed up after a one year hiatus, Home and Away won the prize for having missed three years worth of Hash, and Snake came out of the grass to take his down down like a man.
As for New Shoes, Yoshi still had the size stickers left on his shoes, which forced him to drink, but Ninja had not informed him of this very important rule and thus had to drink out of the other shoe- a very gross thing for us to watch.
Swinger was awarded “Lecherous Old Man” for telling a young attractive Blonde that he was turning 40 when in truth he was turning 44- He claims no memory of this, as any old man would. For the most inappropriate birthday gift, Hot Nuts presented Swinger with a “Wally Washer” supposed for washing dishes but most evidently for washing other bits too. Both drank.
CB drank for “Ring Abuse” and “Toilet Tantrums”, no one likes to be rubbed by a floatation device nor have pee dripping down their toilet. Karaoke was given the “Pussy Replicator” award for making a vagina cake, and Eveready was awarded the “Pussy Consultant award” for vagina critique. No celebrity awards because Poumuli was absent. Joe and Dan for dancing like freaks and for winning Chicken “For all the skinny white girls”. Latecomer award went to TittyG and Pussysnatcher.
Vampire nominated slimshady for getting her departure date wrong and throwing a Vampire party without her. Do me Twice for just being annoying. Gag me drank for “Chip Sandwich” and because she leaves soon. Rebecca, Wax, and Slimshady for not getting anyone’s name right. Snake for fixating on Pirate Princess’ breastfeeding. GM gave the new list of Mismanagement:

GM- SOTB
Hash Cash- Sassy/POD
Hash Trash- Poumuli
Hash Haberdash- Slimshady
Hash Flash- Slippery
Hare- Crime
Hare raiser- Spanky
Brew Master- Lewinsky
Hash Mugs- Crash
Hash BBQ- Captain Mortein
Captain Mortein was caught eating in the circle and then tried to pass it to his kids as if any of us believed that! He drank for his sin! Drinks were had for outgoing GM for a job well done. Drinks for the Hare and Host, Dan & Joe and DO Me Twice.
Food was had, vagina cake was eaten, and incoming GM reconvened the circle as his first act as “Cartman”. A farewell song was sung for Vampire and Brynne and then some of the burlier members of the circle chucked Vampire’s blood-sucking butt in the pool.
Fun was had by all!


Written by Slimshady & Vampire.

Hash Run 1559 - Bank Street

Morning All, trust you all had a great weekend.

Today's run will be hosted by Do me twice, Dan and Jo up at Hot Nuts and Nut Crackers home in Vaoala (Bank Street). No theme for the run, just turn up with your running gear and a change of clothes.

Please note that it is also a BYO Food run. There will be a BBQ there, so pls bring something to contribute to throw on the BBQ or a salad or something. There will be a Keg as per the norm.

See the Map for Directions.

On On

Hash Trash 1558

The Hash was hosted by Princess of Darkness and Lewinsky at their home in Taumeasina. It was a overcast day, which cleared up by the time the run started. A fully fledged marathon had been set by Ring Ring, who took us through the mangrove reserve and way up to the Fagalii airport road, then meandered back past angry mangy dogs and back to the house. Many were spent for breath and the ocean beckoned.

Eveready was ready to GM, and called forth the birthday girl, Happy Feet, which Snatch mistakenly mangled, so she got the first award of the evening. “Journalists should check their facts!”

There was one new visitor to Hash, Kathy who lives here, and was brought by Wild Turkey. The rethreads were Rebecca from NZ, Wax, and Nileema (who had been away on pleasure!). No new shoes were found, and no shoe inspector either.

The GM had noted that the music at Hash was somewhat more melodic, and demanded that Godfather take a Ukulele Award for his new strings. He demurred from drinking from the ukulele, but it was certainly dribbled upon. On the same (false) note, the GM demanded to know what was happening to the ukulele lessons that Godfather was graciously supplying, and the hapless stringers Cockblocker, Zsa Zsa and Swinger too the Useless Pupils Award. Zsa Zsa demonstrated the can’t play, can’t drink principle.
Celebrity Awards went to Poumuli (Vanuatu Daily Post), Greenie (elections) and Snatch (apparently also known as ardent rock thrower from Savaii). This Day in History went to Captain Mortein (1st International Womens Day inaugurated in Copenhagen 1911), Wax (its St. John’s Day) and Jeff (Labour Day in WA). It was also Wahoo’s birthday on Sunday, and because your Scribe was busy she had to be helped by Dawn Raid.

In addition to Wahoo’s bash, the GM had been informed that another party had taken place, without the knowledge of the house occupants! Eager partiers had been calling Zsa Zsa in the Cook Islands to ask for directions to the party, at which apparently Bunga Bunga showed how Bunga Bunga was done, getting the natives to stand to attention. Fittingly she had to be assisted by Gag Me.

As we all know the GM is an avid and perfectionist guacamole producer, and he always brings some to Hash. But last week someone thieved his avocadoes, and he was also informed that the illicit party had resulted in similar purloining. Tasha and Zsa Zsa were the initial targets for this award. Screamer school-marmishly informed that Dawn Raid had abetted the crime, and eventually he, Slim Shady and Christine took the Award. On the same subject, the GM had been talking to Snatch who had complained of a bad stomach due to the guacamole produced by inferior chef Pussysnatcher, who got the Gordon Ramsey Award.

A belated Dummy Award was attempted served on Godfather for getting in the wrong line in Auckland (he was on Poly, not Air NZ), but this turned out to be Titty Galore’s fault. Godfather always looks forward to runs here at Taumeasina, but since Lewinsky didn’t set the run, he called for a Lazy Award. Sassygirl BJ nominated Dawn Raid for using the Hash run for ulterior purposes – “you take your hash seriously”, chimed Lewinsky. Greenie got a Leaning Award.

Pirate Princess nominated Captain Mortein for various traffic offenses and being stopped by the cops with an expired license, which earned her a muffled butt slap. Dan, irritated by the constant yapping across the circle, was only too happy to relinquish the Dome of Silence to Zsa Zsa, but it didn’t really work. Sassy nominated Dan for making her legs weak and seeing things, which Dan attributed to the medical condition of Severe Hangover. Sassy joined him for pre-empting the Hash Monk by calling him the Bonebreaker, courtesy of Poumuli.

Slim Shady, not wishing to be known as the Nipple Police had to confess her horror at first being told that the GM had waxed his chest, and then showing her. The GM complied. Sassy complained that Gag Me had short term memory loss for not remembering her name. She even talks to a snorkel underwater! On a roll, Sassy also nominated AC/DC for leaving. On that point, Poumuli nominated Dawn Raid for finally leaving, and himself for the lack of grief that this was finally coming to pass.
Sassy had arrived early and upon running out with the pack had heard Alan and Crime say – seriously, you’re starting on time? Poumuli assisted the GM by pointing out that the Dome of Silence wasn’t working properly. Slim Shady nominated Swinger for the Extremely Unhelpful Award for not delivering his video promise.

As far as the GM is concerned a Hash isn’t complete without an award for Screamer. Your befuddled Scribe helpfully pointed out that Screamer was making the SPREP staff look like a bunch of cheerleaders on their upcoming trip, and was forced to join. POD nominated Slim Shady for the Elevated Award for her new matai title (sorry, can’t read my writing). Poumuli got Snatch for the Dog Ate My Homework Award for no Trash. Spanky joined her for stating that no one reads the Trash.

On a serious note, Sassy nominated Greenie for his election efforts. Wild Turkey finally joined the circle and got the 5 Year Absence Award. Sassy managed to sneak in something for the BBQ assistants CB, Lewinsky and Do Me Twice, while Snatch got Sassy the Early Retardedment Award.

The Hosts and the Hare were saluted and the we chowed.

Next weeks Hash will apparently be hosted by Do Me Twice, but for the life of me I can’t remember where she lives. Check the Blog as SOTB will post. Your Scribe will again be absent for a week, but Spanky has offered to do the Trash. Picture of SOTB's boot below.

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Hash Trash 1557

Finally the long awaited Hash Trash from star journalist Snatch, although a few edits were needed. Many thanks for your assistance in documenting this Hash and especially the namings. On On, Poumuli, IKA Slit


The Hash was hosted by Eveready, Karaoke, Delicious and Crash at their home in Lotopa.
I have no idea who the Hare was, but I’m almost certain it won't make a great difference to this blog post. Anyhow, after dodging cars, dogs, cats and the occasional drunken Lotopa resident, the trail lead to some sort a stream thingy near USP, and for the lazy ones who decided the take the short cut, it was pretty straight forward, tar sealed dusty track that only a Hasher can calmly run through without any effort or complaint.

Princess of Darkness was at the helm and was all too happy make her presence felt. New to hash were Judy and Allan from New Zealand brought by Jo and Dan the bone breaker dude, there was Felicity, Holly, Christine and Jonny who all took a down down for gracing us with their presence.

The GM was the first to take a down down after one of the newbies said her name, anyhow I think it was a set up by ProBono, but I’ll need some evidence before I can bring that to the fore.
Retreads were plenty, ProBono (galvananzing in NZ – surely gallivanting?), Schumacher (fought in a war somewhere), Dawn Raid (probably overstaying in another country) SOTB (have no idea – he was in Vegas as you point out below!)

Indeed it was the hash of the New Shoes with three sorry victims to the show drinking contest. Holly, Allan and Kiwi all drank happily from their stinking shoes for wearing them in the first place.

Celebrity awards went to Godfather and Swinger for the Vaka departure in the paper, and Wahoo had to take the down down for Poumuli who received honourable mention as sports channel ESPN at the Laughing Samoans concert!

Nominations from the floor brought forward SOTB for messing around with strippers when he was in Vegas, Swinger was nominated by PS for receiving the attentions of the Miss Samoa earlier in the week and then arriving with a hot brunette (KMB) who was not his girlfriend at Hash. Naturally PS was then awarded with the Jealousy drink for being all too envious of Swingers success with the ladies. Titty Galore arrived late and was honoured in the usual fashion, Crash was trashed by his father in law for not bringing the pig and taro in time, but it arrived and boy did we love it!

After a short period of non-silence the Monk arrived with an interesting little head dress which resembled a peacock or a WWF boxer of some sort, anyhow, four hashers were named, and one was renamed by the Monk.

Carin the Italian intern was named Bungabunga after the famous parties hosted by the infamous Berlusconi in his home. Ophelie the talkative Frenchie was honoured with the name Gag Me. Bruce from NZ and a keen banana grower or exporter was aptly named Lady Finger while his lovely wife Anne was called Dried Nuts.

Delicious was renamed Cougar, as the Monk felt it would be more appropriate.

Hare and host took a drink and the feast ensued, with the usual wonderful colours a Samoan feed!
On, on!
Snatch

Hash Run 1558

Morning Hashers
Monday's hash run will be hosted by Lewinsky and POD at their home in Taumeasina. Go down past Apia Park until you see the defaced signpost for the Taumeasina reserve, where you turn left, go past some playing fields and somehow head towards the houses fronting the water. I know the map looks confusing in comparison, but its all I could salvage from SOTB's files.

Bring a change of clothes if you want to go for a swim after the run.

Check the Map for Directions and run will start at 1730 hrs

No theme has been set for the run, but will await last minute notice from POD or Lewinsky and post, and anything else that they would wish to convey. As your Scribe was absent last week and I have gotten zilch from SOTB or Snatch, I can't tell you anything!


On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit