Hash Trash 1577

Ni hau from Shanghai. Below an excellent and amusing account from Tallyho.
On On Poumuli

If Cecil B De Mille had ever made a blockbuster movie about the Hash, a sort of Ben Hur without the chariots, I am sure the opening scene would have resembled Karaoke and EverReady’s garden on Monday evening. A motley throng of thousands of extras, ill-dressed in some sort of Maoist pink (more like poofter pink in CB’s case), milling about aimlessly as if waiting for a great leader to step forward, call them to order and to inspire them into some revolutionary action that would change the history of the world. And of course someone does step forward, not exactly Spartacus or Moses to lead the AHHH pack forward to glory, but AHHH has SOTB, our less-than-great-and-glorious GM: “Hashmen and meres”, he mumbled, “it’s set on paper, just wander down to the road and check it out from there”. And so the words that launched a thousand hash-feet on their way into the nether regions of Lotopa were not quite in the same league as King Henry before Agincourt or Churchill at the Battle of Britain, or even Peter Pan encouraging Wendy, Richard and Tinkerbell to fly, but it got the pack shuffling off down the driveway, more like Napoleon’s retreat from Moscow. Once on the Lotopa Road Tallyho checked left and everyone else turned right, guess who was right, not the one who went left. On down towards Lepea, past the beautiful and tidy Lepea Green and then left down over the bridge and into the dry bed of the Lepea stream. No wonder Lepea Green looks so neat and tidy, the villagers just throw all their rubbish into the stream-bed waiting for the rain to come and wash it away into Vaiusu Bay. What a mess; what about the Samoa Waste Management Policy, what about the Environment Policy; where are the guardians of the region’s environment those eco-warrior stalwarts of the South Pacific Recreation and Entertainment Programme, commonly known as SPREP?? At least one encouraging sign of enterprise was a couple of kids in the stream-bed sitting on a rock amongst all the rubbish with a small tray of cigarettes and lighters and what looked like bingo markers, soliciting for business from the hash-pack. Now if they had had an esky of cold beer they might have made a few sales. Anyway a kilometer of stumbling over dead nappies, dead dogs and empty eleni and corned beef cans brought the pack up onto a link road between Lotopa and Tulaele and out into Tulaele Road. Much to your scribe’s amazement SOTB was already there directing the pack across and into Vailoa Road, where even more amazingly Steakman was almost an FRB. I say “almost” because the real FRBs had done their usual arse-in-gear-nose-in-air caper and headed off into the dim distance with nary a call of “on-on” or checking of the false trails. By the time the Talimatau Road was reached the pack was spread out across every road in Lotopa, Tulaele, and Vailoa. Your scribe thinking that the hare might possibly have shown some initiative and taken the pack through the botanic reserve checked it out, but to no avail, it was left and left again and on home. As the pack neared home SCBs, BWBs and the generally lost could be seen returning to the fluid of substance from all points of compass as the sun set over Lotopa. Surely this run could not have been set by that upstanding hashman EverReady…. so who was really responsible …..

After allowing a suitable time for the pack to replace lost fluids the GM called the circle to order, and an impressive number of new footprints/hash virgins stepped or were thrust forward: Mike from HNL (brought by CB/Swinger); someone from WLG brought by Tickled/Seismic; Mike and Kane brought by Hotnuts and Nutcracker; Dori from AKL and Coney from US. If the scribe has misspelled your names it’s cos the lead in his pencil had gone soft and smudged his note book. Anyway welcome and hope you cum back again, especially you young (and not-so-young) meres.
Then we had a staka retreads and failures: Fang has been in Kiwiland being bitten by Snake; ZsaZsa had been trying to learn how to play in a band, Shelley, Dizzy, Lady Finger and Dry Nuts and a few others whose names also fell foul of the Scribe’s smudges.

After this we had few new boots too: SassyGirl. Molia, Lenora and Shelley, some expensive looking runners, and shiny white to... what sensible hashman ever buys new white shoes???

And then we could wait no longer to find out who was the hare….. step forward Crash…. Anyone surprised by this revelation…..???
Moving into the dobs the GM, much to everyone’s surprise (NOT) called up Captain Mortein and blamed him for the weekend’s riots, don’t ask me, I have no idea how the GM’s mind works, if indeed it does.

HornyHo was then dobbed for perving her (male) cousin’s nipples, or was it the male cousin perving HornyHo, or maybe it was female cousin…. Well you get the gist anyway
Screamer had another 24th (or was that 44th ) birthday and Lewinsky and ToothFairy were dobbed for wearing their wives’ pink T-shirts. Personally the Hash Scribe thought that Lewinsky was just a big-girls blouse anyway, his T-shirt would have been a tent on poor POD.

There followed a “kinky pornstar” dob from the GM to Godfather and TG, this seemed to take Godfather by surprise, although TG did look rather flushed….
Dumbarse was caught for dropping ginger hairs in everyone’s fluid of sustenance, and Hotnuts got dobbed by Mike, or was it the other way round. SassyGirl dobbed Mustang Sally and Seismic got one for not warning the hash before the earthquake on Sunday.
Captain Mortein was called forward by Spanky for allowing his daughter to wander round in knickers with holes, CaptainM blamed Pirate Princess who took the mug.
For this day in history Slippery took one for being the only Australian to celebrate the formation of federal Australia, EverReady was proud, sort of, to recognise the birth of the founder the Budweiser brewery, Captain Mortein celebrated (under much sufferance) being the nearest thing the hash has to a Swede to celebrate the anniversary of the Swedish navy’s victory over the Russian fleet in 1790, they hung-up their oars after that and became neutral so at least they went out on a win; Swinger stood up for King James III of Scotland who was born on this day in 1452 and Spanky, an inspired choice since her Dad was a doughnut vendor on some street corner in the states, took a big swallow for the inventor of the doughnut cutter in 1872. Yes the doughnut cutter it is a patented invention, who would believe it.
And finally on this day in history, ten years ago Wild Bill donated Monica to AHHH, unfortunately Kiwi and Monica were AWOL so this momentous event was celebrated by Lewinsky.

By this time the pack was getting into some serious dobbing, or score settling it seemed in some cases. But who could complain when the hash’s eco-warriors CB, Screamer, Pussysnatcher and Swinger were called forward in shame for failing to save the environment in the Lepea Stream.

Tallyho was dobbed for failing to spot any celebrities in the media, his defence that he didn’t work for SPREP and wasn’t able to spend all week reading the papers fell on stony ground; he was joined by Spanky, Snatch & Pussysnatcher who were all spotted in the foto of the 4 July party. Sassygirl was caught on Facebook admitting she had been unable to get herself up on Mt Vaea, and Hornyho had another dob for something to do with the GM’s nipples…. Don’t ask. Shelley was lauded as a welcome returner and she promised to cum again.

And finally (I think, at least that’s where the Scribe’s notes stop) EverReady and Karaoke stepped forward to loud acclamation from the assembled throng for a great evening as ever, including two kegs and delicious food, and a toast to absent friend and much missed hashmere Desirable, who was no doubt looking down with a smile from the great hash in the sky. For the rest of evening eating, drinking and music from AC/DC, Godfather and assorted other buskers and warblers held sway and another memorable Monday evening was had by AHHH.

On On - Tallyho

Hash Run 1578 - Tooth Fairy, SOTB & Tina - Vailoa

Hello All,
Next weeks run is being hosted by Tooth Fairy, SOTB & Tina at Tooth Fairy's home in Vailoa. The hosts will be providing the food for the evening, so no need to bring anything. There will be a theme for the run, and it is "Pirates of the Caribbean" so don your coolest Pirate Gear and see you all there.

There will be a keg as usual and the run starts at 1730HRS. Please also make sure you bring your hash cash on Monday :)

See map for directions.

On On

Hash Trash 1576

God morgen Apia Hash from the mountains of Norway. Wahoo and I are enjoying our vacation and a good laugh at the Trash provided by Tallyho below. Enjoy

On On
Wahoo and Poumuli, IKA Slit



Our hare for tonight, Swinger, stood in his garden grinning like a Cheshire cat having just spent a month in Fiji attending various workshops, cocktail parties, creating large carbon footprints and ensuring that BB was being “taken care of”. No wonder he had solicited the assistance of various assistant hares for the evening, he must have been exhausted… After a short circle to tell the baying pack that it was out the gate turn right we were off. Hornithologist led way with another front-running mere and off they went right and right again towards Tafaigata. They quickly came to a halt as Hornithologist tried to decide whether the tangle of paper on the ground by the first EPC pole was a nest created by the Greater Spotted Hash Warbler or simply an “on-back”. As all good hashmen know “never follow a FRB hashmere” unless of course said hash mere is very nubile and wearing a pair of short-shorts. Thus following this sound advice Tallyho was already on his way on-paper up the Aleisa Road. CB, Hotnuts and various other assorted FRBs [that means Front Running Bastards – ed note] were soon way in front, noses in the air, arses in gear heading for Tanumapua. Fortunately some of the middle-running bastards were actually looking for paper and the true trail was down towards the Orator Hotel, left by the hotel gate and off the FRBs went again. Bugger-me these FRBs only go in straight lines and never see paper. It was Tallyho, a hashman with a good trail-sniffing nose, especially when his nose is leading the way into a bush, to find the trail off to the right. Under some dangerous head-high barbed wire, round a few corners and the pack was off towards Tafaigata on the back-road. Finally getting back onto the main road CB and the FRBs were off again not bothering to check any of the false trails down towards Vaitele. But some real hashmen and meres had to check them and Hotnuts, Lewinsky, Hornithologist were seen straggling back from the nether regions. For those who followed the paper, a long on home took the trail round the back of Swinger’s house and up then back from Siusega. A few misguided hashmen thought they could get in through Swinger’s back-passage but an encounter with Greenie’s pikininis, barbed wire fences, a white a stallion and a locked gate meant that these short-cutters ended up arriving back last.


In the absence of the GM and any other volunteers, Hotnuts was apparently elected as the guest GM for the evening. Much to everyone’s surprise there were no new footprints this week, but this was made-up for by a stack of retreads: Swinger had been servicing BB in Fiji; Hotrod had been somewhere; Very Busy had been very busy, as had been Nutcracker although it was not clear whether Nutcracker and Very Busy had been very busy together, and then there was CB who had been sailing somewhere.
AC/DC failed to finds any new shoes, but by general acclamation Screamer got a DD for her leather boots.

Swinger got the media award for something or other, and Orgy Georgy, Karaoke, Steakman and a few others got an SCB [short-cutting bastards, ed note] award for not following the trail round the back of Swinger’s estate.

For some reason many hash runs have recently had fancy dress themes, it’s a bit of a worry especially when some hash men seem to really like dressing-up, what’s wrong with wearing a regular hash shirt. Anyway DMT, Captain Mortein, Lewinsky, Very Busy, Hotrod and assorted others got dobbed for not dressing-up. On the other hand Screamer, Swinger, Wax, Hornithologist, and CB were all commended by the GM for looking like complete pillocks. Steakman also got a commendation but it’s so difficult to tell whether he is dressed-up or just dressed-normal, well normal for him anyway.

Being 4 July assorted Yankees were brought forth, including Orgy Georgy Senior and Junior and EverReady.
Screamer and Wax were dobbed by each other for something to do with watered down gin, that well known cause of mothers ruin, and both of these meres look pretty ruined already, watered down or not.

CB was dobbed for paddling backwards and going round in circles, AC/DC took the events in history for Samoa changing the dateline 110 years ago and now going back to the other side, captain Mortein is the only Dane to keep a slave in Pirate Princess after Denmark banned slavery on this day in 1848 and DMT was proud to take the Pamela Anderson and Gina Lolobridgida big boobs birthday award. In AHHH history Swinger stepped forward as Godfathers n-l-r to commemorate the thirteenth anniversary of AHHH 900th run on this day in 1998 held at Margeritas of blessed memory. Ring Ring thrust herself forward to commemorate setting the run exactly ten years ago when the hash was traumatized by the sight of Insecurity in a wrap-around tea-towel. It was a horrible sight then, just imagine how much worse it must be ten-years on, poor Ring Ring.

And almost finally it was farewell to Wax. With the 1600th coming up we need to practice our rendering of the hash anthem so this was a fitting occasion to start our practice. The rousing choruses of the Hash Anthem complete with actions wafted over Siusega,, but some of you bastards need to concentrate and shape-up. There’s not enough feeling being put into the actions. Anyway it’s on-on to Wax as she searches for her destiny in Kiwiland.

And so to the assorted hares; wax, Swinger and his mate Gretel with Wax. A good run, great kai and a fun evening as always.

On On
Tallyho

Hash Run 1577 - Karaoke, Eveready & Hot Rod - Theme: PINK!

Hello All,

Next week's run is being hosted by Karaoke, Eveready & Hot Rod at their home in Lotopa. This is going to be a hamburger run...or so Ive been told...

The theme for the day is PINK, so bring out your best Pink g-strings, shirts, pants, whatever you like..outfits and get ready for a fun run. There will be a prize for the best Pink outfit...you'll find out on the day what the prize is!

Map is posted below for Directions, and make sure you pay your hash cash...only life members are exempt from paying :)

On On

Hash Run 1576 - Swingers House, Siusega

Talofa All...

Next week's run is being hosted by Wax, Josh, Seve and Swinger in Siusega at Swinger's pad. The hosts have kindly offered to provide the food so bring yourself, your drinking boots and running shoes.
This run will also be Wax's farewell run as she will be heading to NZ...to take up farming? :p

The theme on Monday is "Brothers Grimm Merchanwald" (So in other words, dress up as your favorite fairly tale character)

There will be a keg on Monday too as well as softies and Godfathers "sweet nuts"...

Run starts 1730HRS and please bring your hash cash ($15 SAT)

See the map for directions
On On

Hash Trash 1575

The Hash was hosted at the Millennia Hotel by AC/DC, Ray Charles and Lezzie, except the latter was a no-show. As per his usual, AC/DC had not actually set a trail, and instead directed us on a run around town, down to Magik Cinemas, past the school and on to the Samoatel HQ, then back along the seafront. So a decent length run, except it was rather dull. AC/DC’s claim that he was conscious of all the trash in town was greeted with derision, but we forgot to add it to his awards.

SOTB miraculously took up his duties as GM – this is becoming a winning streak! He called forth those new to Apia Hash, and these were Streaker, brought by his Dad Pussyindah, and Holes, brought by Godfather. The Rethreads were Slippery, Alfred, Tooth Fairy, Andrew, Pussyindah, Mad Mel (last time was the 1000th run), Steakman, Julia (also here for the 1000th run) and Redleg (was here in 94). Redleg forgot to remove his hat, so was duly rewarded with a double.

Shoe Inspector Lewinsky found no new shoes and took his Failure Award. Celebrity Awards went to Pussysnatcher, Snatch, Zsa Zsa and Sassygirl BJ – Captain Mortein was deemed again to be closest to Hungary, Do Me Twice for PS, and Lewinsky for Snatch due to Savaiian connections. Latecummers Chilindrina, Tiger Woody and Dumass were also dobbed in.

This Day In History was interesting as a new word has been added to the Urban Dictionary – aarping, or to aarp – defined as when an elderly person, such as a grandfather, complains incessantly about nothing. Karaoke went to Eveready’s defence that he never complains and never says no, but he got it anyway. 27 June 1954 was first recorded mass violence at a soccer match, both on and off the field. This was between Hungary and Brazil, so Chilindrina and Wax took that one in lieu. 28 June 1969 was the Stonewall riots that started up the gay rights movement – AC/DC.

Greenie was spotted sitting down during the circle! His lame defence was that he had seen a new lady and wanted to chat – in the circle! The GM continued by giving a Slavedrivers Award to Lewinsky and Crash Bandicoot – Flash Gordon was back for a funeral, and had been worked so hard by the two that he was too tired to come to Hash.

The GM had also received an email from Immigration regarding a new overstayer – Steakman got the Dawn Raid Award. The GM also had enjoyed a beer after last week’s run with the host, Seismic, but he had dropped full beers and left the tap open – Sacrilege Award to Seismic. On a similar topic, we were all marvelling at the absence of the Hash Mugs, and Crash had assured that they were at his house. Not! They were at Lewinsky’s, and since neither had brought them, both took the Gross Negligence Award.

Opening up for nominations, Redleg recalled that back in 94 the first run in Savaii had been set, and they had all stayed at Manase at the Stephenson’s then new place. So new in fact that they had been given a key to a room with no door. The Better Late than Never Award went down Lewinsky very slowly.

Poumuli asked the GM to control Greenie’s talking which he did using the implement of a large down down. Didn’t work for long though. Sassy commented on the fact that none had really followed the theme of Pacific Style for the run, but that Seismic and Tickled were well-turned out, yet didn’t even run. Ring Ring was given the Good Parenting Award for stopping Buzzer from having a beer – although not much consistency here, as we all know.

Poumuli had been sent some pictures of the wedding by Strangler, and luckily he checked them before posting. One of the photos, while censored, was fairly graphic. But asking the GM for advice on posting it was like talking to a brick wall. So the GM took the Inducement to Pornography Award. Sassy nominated Steakman for Unbecoming Behaviour for pinching her ass on the run. Horny Ho had some cellphonus interruptus. Pussyindah complained about the late posting of the venue on the blog. Poumuli admitted that he could have posted it at 8 AM, but forgot where it was going to be.

The Mad Hash Monk appeared, and called forth Alfred. Kneeling in front of her might she praised his agile handling of sausages, and henceforth he shall be known as Curly.

DMT was dobbed in for yapping and jabbering. Horny Ho got Lewinsky for Malicious Advice, in that she had brought the BBQ at his insistence, when clearly it was not needed. Sassy nominated Dumass, Titty Galore, DMT and Horny Ho for the successful paddling regatta over the weekend. Dumass responded that they were late for the race because there was no finishing line, which was the task set for Sassy and the GM. The GM ruled that no, this was Dumass’ duty, and moreover his jetski had died at an inappropriate time. Titty G nominated Godfather for wearing the skimpiest outfit to the regatta. Titty G had to join in for apparently putting Godfather off his stroke.

The Hosts were saluted, AC/DC and Ray Charles. Poumuli suggested that since the was no Hare, that those with no hair should be rewarded. However, Godfather offered to prove he had hair, which would have been too much for the Hash Meres, and a riot was narrowly averted.

Next week’s run will be hosted by Swinger in Siusega, as a farewell to Wax. It will have a fairy tale theme. Details will be on the blog.

Your Scribe and Wahoo will be away for three weeks so Tallyho has graciously accepted to be the Assistant Scribe for the duration. Please expect grotesquely cynical prose and unwarranted slurs, but assist him with names and by shutting up during the circle.

Thanks to Slippery for the photos from this week’s Hash, already posted.

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Hash Run 1575- Millenia Hotel with ACDC, Ray Charles, Lezzie and crew

Afternoon All,

Apologies for the late posting. Tonight's run will be hosted by ACDC, RC, Lezzie and others at the Tiafau Fale at Hotel Millenia. The hosts have kindly offered to cater and I hear there will be all kinds of neat treats and meals.

The theme for tonight is "Pacific Style" so don your best or worst Pacific wear and come for a run. There will also be 2 Kegs tonight, yes, TWO!!!, so bring your drinking boots with you too...

Run starts at 1730Hrs and bring a change of clothes and your hash cash ($15 SAT)

On On....map below...

Hash Trash 1574

The Hash was hosted by Dave and Theresa at their home in Vailima. Dave was a newbie Hare and requested the assistance of your Scribe, who acted largely in a bag-carrying capacity. The difficulties in finding a trail made it necessary to have this as a run that would end, then backtrack back on home. Of course, the Hash was not told this. The pack set out, led jauntily by Tallyho, Hot Nuts and other fit people. A false trail down to Manumea was quickly discounted by Captain Mortein, and the false trail to Mt Vaea attracted a large following that needed to be called back (please all note – if the paper disappears you are going in the wrong direction). The nicely placed arrow by Ray’s Taxis had been disintegrated by a combination of wind and local pickaninnies, so the route was now blindingly obvious for a while. However, another sneaky false trail led into the plantations and this was taken by several, including Pussysnatcher and Hot Nuts. Further down towards the water reservoirs there was another false trail leading up into the water fall – again the paper ended, but PS did some serious mountaineering making us think he was already trying to escape! The trail then ended in a On Home sign, which was not greeted with universal joy by the Hashers.

Back at the house, Son of The Bitch took up his GM duties again, seemingly recovered from the weekend. He welcomed those new to Apia Hash, namely Nadine from NZ, brought by ProBoner, and Naoko from Japan, here until March, brought by Ninja. Since they knew the rules the GM decided to test their down-down skills. The only Rethread was Tallyho, who protested that his hashing in Tonga should be counted against his absence, resulting in the inevitable doubling of the award.

Lewinsky stepped in as Shoe Inspector, and while all had seen Captain Mortein’s glorious new shoes, the proof could not be located. Screamer’s shoes were given a once over, but she claimed that they had been tried and tested before, much like Screamer according to Tallyho. Celebrity Awards went to Poumuli (letter to the Editor), Godfather (large spread in paper, and closest relative to Alan so a double), Josh (for having same name as Josh – Rock the Boat ad with Bunga Bunga – missed relative for her), and Spanky for the headline PM meets Fugitive (Crime and ProBoner took that one).

This Day in History the US Congress approved the Great Seal (1782) and two hashers had pretended to be seals during Hash 1573 (not the Navy variety, just large, furry and in the water – I know this was in last week’s trash but still amusing) – SOTB and Lewinsky. It was also International Surfing Day so theirs was doubled. Zsa Zsa was absent for the Day of Independent Hungary, but since Denmark is fairly close (not really) to Hungary this went to Captain Mortein, with the inevitable grumblings.

The GM launched into his own awards, berating Hot Nuts, PS and Godfather for leaving their stuff behind at the beach. They missed Poumuli’s cooler, which has now been abdicated. On Sunday the GM had been challenged to a jousting contest by Poumuli, which he gracefully conceded to the surfing talents and obvious cheating of the GM who broke his jousting stick.

Normally some of our Hashers bring their kids, but during the wedding there was a serious lockdown in one family, quite unheard of as we noted little Ninja running around. Good Parenting Award to Ninja sr. who took it in Coke, so it was a long way going down.
One of the Hashers was having a beer with the GM on Sunday, and went away to relieve himself, but in a moment of confusion went to close to the waves and had his front drenched. Well that was Lewinsky’s story, but we all know he wet himself. Finally Poumuli’s t-shirt of Norwegian comedian Rolf Wesenlund portraying his character Marve Fleksnes was deemed to close to being a Gaddaffi-lookalike. Several culturally insensitive remarks came, like Norway doesn’t have any comedians, to the delighted chuckle of the Captain.

It was also the birthday of our host Dave, who apparently will be celebrating in Vienna? The GM then gave his final award to Orgy Georgie, who was no longer disappearing into bushes and was apparently behaving himself throughout – a Not Living Up to Name Award.

Opening for nominations from the floor, Sassygirl BJ recalled that we had all wanted the GM to speak on behalf of the Hash at the wedding, but he got himself so shitfaced Godfather had to do it. Well – true, but we all preferred Godfather’s sonorous tones to the usual slurring by the GM.

Poumuli nominated SOTB for a Spelling Bee Award, since the new webpage for the 1600th Hash has got heaps of spelling mistakes. For some reason Poumuli had to join this one. And the slacking bastard still hasn’t fixed it on the blog! Lewinsky nominated ProBoner for borrowing his truck and snapping of the key in the lock. Obviously practice for future jailbreaks.
Buzzer nominated PS for subjecting him to hard labour in carrying all these boxes. PS took it but corrected that it was indeed a Child Labour Award. Latecummers Snatch and PS sr were welcomed into the circle.

Buzzer also had a nomination for a Hasher who had been particularly annoying him on the run by constantly coming up behind him and shouting. This extremely dodgy, suspicious and likely illegal activity landed Hot Nuts the Running Behind Boys Award. Sassy gave SOTB a Geek Award for wasting his time developing a Hash Website app during work hours, to which SOTB gave the company motto Family First for his award.

Sassy, on a dangerous roll, gave Ring Ring the Good Parenting (NOT!) Award for boozing with her boys. While she claimed this was not true, she gave the last of her glass to Buzzer. We then had a Real Celebrity Award to visiting radio guru Clement.
By now Tallyho had his goat up and ranted about how the wedding hadn’t been postponed to take account of his travels. After much back and forth this one backfired, with mutterings of “justice will come to you” hanging in the air! We had cellphonus interruptus by Pirate Princess and Ida from Japan, whose wife thoughtfully hurled the last of the cup at Lewinsky. Well done, we need more of that.
Proboner wanted her friend Nadine for being a tease to the Samoan boys ever since arriving. Something about cockblocking and jealousy caused her to join the award.

And at that point the Hash Monk appeared (or rather the Transformer Hash Monk). She called forth OG’s lovely lady, who 18 months ago had disappeared in the bushes and was now carrying the results, and that she had also been stargazing at the time. Henceforth she shall be known as Stargasm.
Theresa was called forth, and her husband is a star fisher, who apparently can land large fish by tickling their belly or throat. Henceforth she shall be known as Tickled.
Dave was then called forth, our resident tectonic plate expert, who shall now be known as Seismic.

As we saluted the Hash Monk, she actually started the down down too early, so it was doubled, but most of us agreed she was doing it on purpose out of severe thirst.
Back to the wedding ProBoner accused POD and Lewinsky for not even getting jiggy on their one night away from the kids. Lewinsky called this a false accusation, as their fale had been leaning, although technically that was the side Lewinsky was sleeping on. Deciding factor went to Hot Nuts, who upon requesting a dance had been told by POD that she only has eyes for Lewinsky.

Snatch nominated two Hash Meres for the Barely Covered Hooters Award – Sassy and Screamer, and POD joined for various reasons.But photos show that she was also not covering other parts! We then had a revelation as Seismic spotted PS hosing down Stargasm as if in a wet t-shirt contest.
The Hosts and the Hares – Tickled, Seismic and Poumuli were saluted and then we chowed.

Next week’s hash will be hosted by AC/DC and sundry criminals. Watch the blog for details, but the theme will be Island Style.

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Hash Trash 1573

The Hash was hosted by ProBoner, Lewinsky and Princess of Darkness at the extended compound in Taumeasina. The run had been set by Buzzer who warned of several obstacles on the route. It was on out the gate, false trail to the left quickly found by Poumuli, then off we went down along the coast past the fales and over a dead canoe. The trail then followed the rocks on the poorly constructed seawall, which was a bit tricky at times. Many nearly did a Slippery, as the foliage was covering the holes between the rocks. In some places the paper had been blown inland by the wind, but the trail was easily reacquired. As we neared the other side of the fake peninsula, it was clear that some swimming would cut the run by a lot – so Lewinsky and SOTB did their best seal impersonations – I mean the wallowing types, not the bin Laden fixers. Others followed, while the rest took the hard but dry route back. A good run for those who did the lot.

Back at the compound SOTB as GM called the circle together in a voice not hazed over as is often the case. He called forth those new to Hash. They were Brett and Micheline, brought by Lewinsky, and Taulili Ete who had been brought over from Savaii by someone called Bolu – Pussysnatcher’s first of many.

The Rethreads were Screamer, Orgy Georgie and his sons David Tui and Taulolo, Snake, Crash Bandicoot. The Shoe Inspector Snake had observed a shiny new set of boots on one of Orgy’s sons, but as he was underage, his brother gallantly drank it for him (you would NEVER see me do that for my brother!).

Celebrity Awards went to Poumuli (someone had faked a letter to the Editor in his name) and SOTB (Sassygirl BJ in a full colour picture in the Observer). This Day In History we had the Queen’s Birthday and the Feast Day of St. Anthony of Padua. The GM decided that Cockblocker was our only Queen, so he joined him in the award.
The GM had been hearing stories about the Hen’s and Stag parties over the weekend. Starting with the Hens, a Hash Mere ended up in jail for abusing a cop. Spanky had nothing to say, and had to take her award using a penis-shaped straw – this took a loooong time. Afterwards Eveready exclaimed that he had never seen such a display and demanded a re-naming to Wanky. While Spanky was about to languish in jail she was rescued by three intrepid Hash Meres, Horny Ho, Slim Shady and legal beagle ProBoner, who all got the Jailbreakers Award, even though they were entirely responsible for getting her into that state in the first place!

Turning to the Stag, Godfather had stayed up all night, and had even done a strip for the boys to show off his budgie smuggler, after which he needed to fend off the ladies at the beach. (Methinks he went to the wrong party – should have gone to the Hens). Also during the Stag, PS had to carry out a number of Samoan tasks. One was the grating of coconuts, during which he also grated his hand. Then there was the killing of the pig – rather than the more traditional strangulation in Samoa or vein-opening elsewhere, PS deftly reversed the axe and smashed the porkers brains out – through its eye. Check out the photo page if in doubt!

Then there was a Hasher who was incoherently drunk and disorderly, constantly disappearing and sitting down with strange women. I have no idea what they were talking about!

Moving to nominations from the floor, Poumuli nominated Screamer for a Usury Award for having a Tongan bodyguard to housesit for her, and charging him rent. CB wanted to know in which “currency” was he paying her. Chilindrina got a name wrong, while Crash got a Rabbit Award for getting Delicious pregnant again.
Poumuli nominated Snake for the Dog Training Award, as anytime a beer was opened in the house, Murdoch became all agitated. After a vote it was agreed that Snake was an excellent Hash House Hound trainer. Snake managed to get Lewinsky a disrespect award for chatting excessively with his mate Brett. Slim Shady nominated Eveready and Karaoke for the fabulous cake for the Hen’s night (see the photos – its shaped like a willy). Eveready countered that in 20 years of cake making he had never made one that took so long to eat – apparently it was being licked! Questioned about the model for the cake, Snatch said he would not be standing like that.

ProBoner nominated Crash for advertising. Godfather cleared up the Speedo situation, as they had been bought for him only for swimming, and he was asked by Titty Galore to wear them on a dare. Titty G for the Stripper Enticement Award.

Horny Ho produced some Hash Shit that had been left behind at 1569, which all belonged to Slim Shady! A few leaners were caught – Crime and Snatch’s sisters Omega and Judy. Do Me Twice turned up late, had no excuse so down down. ProBoner had been accused by Hot Nuts of stealing a hard drive, which she refuted, but as Hot Nuts had left, Captain Mortein was deemed to be the closest living relative.

Lewinsky revenged the earlier Chatty Award by catching Snake talking with Brett, and this time both of them got the award. Slim Shady nominated Snatch for not covering the susu (not sure about this one, but no details were given). Our chefs, Alfred and Tiger Woody were thanked, and the GM reminded that from now on this would be a shared duty. We then saluted the Hosts and the Hares – Buzzer, Ring Ring, ProBoner and Lewinsky.

Check out the new webpage for the 1600th run arrangements.
Next week will be at Dave and Therese’s place in Vailima. Map on the blog.

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Hash Run 1574 - Vailima - David and Theresa

Morning All,

Trust your week is going well...Next weeks run is being hosted by David and Theresa at their home in Vailima. They live behind the Carmelite Nun's house....fingers crossed we get to run past them :)

The run will be a BYO MEATS for the bbq, and the hosts will provide the salads and other bits and bobs...

There will be a keg and softies...and don't forget to bring you hash cash of $15 SAT...

Don't forget that as of Monday, BBQ duties will be shared amongst the hash family, so Mismanagement will pick out a few people on Monday to do the BBQ..

Run starts 1730 Hrs so try be there early as we're up in the hills and it gets dark quite quickly..

On On
See the map for directions.

How Hash Works! (Keep hash fun, do your part)

Apia Hash House Harriers Run

The Hash run is held every Monday of the year at 5:30pm, rain or shine.
Hash supplies the beer and soft drinks.
Host of the run optionally supplies food at their own expense.
First Monday of each month is a Bring Your Own Food (BYOF) run.
Standard Hash Fee is $15.
New Hashers and Guests pay the standard fee + $5 for their first three runs.
Fee used to supply beer, supplement food, and provide shirts.

Hasher Etiquette
Hash is great fun for us all. Where else can you join your friends for a fun island run, a great BBQ, and usually all the beer/soda you can drink for $15? You can't. What makes this great experience possible is you. Everyone doing their little part so that Hash can be enjoyed by all each Monday.

This is an introduction to those new at Hash and a friendly reminder for our veterans on how to do your part and keep Hash fun.

The Runner:

Show-up and have fun!
Bring new people along to join us.
Make an effort to make new Hashers feel welcome.
Pay Hash Cash promptly (don't wait to be asked).
If it's a BYO Hash, be sure to Bring Your Own.
Be sure to thank the host.
Now and then, try to host Hash.

The Host:

Schedule your Hash weeks in advance.
Make clear your expectations for attending Hashers.
(is it BYO meat, BYO salad, or just bring yourself?)
Provide a map to the venue a week before the run.
(critical for turn-out and beer/soda delivery)
Make sure someone is home by 4:00 PM to accept delivery of beer/soda.
Do not cancel your Hash at the last minute.
If you'd like Kiwi to set the run, please ask him in advance.

The Volunteer:

If you volunteer for a duty, do it (don't ruin Hash for others).
Be proactive, if you see that something needs to be done, do it.
(i.e. ice down sodas/coconuts, help carry the ice cooler, etc.)


Please do your part. When you do not, someone else must during work hours or Hash itself to scramble and make up for the failure. This is very stressful, ruins their Hash, and is just plain mean.

On on,

Hash Run 1573 - Taumeasina with Proboner, POD and Lewinsky

Morning All,

Next weeks run is being hosted by ProBoner, POD and Lewinsky at Taumeasina. The hosts have kindly offered to cater for hash so there is NO BYO next week. There is no theme for the moment, but check back on Monday in case there are any changes.

Run starts at 17:30 Hrs and bring a change of clothes if you fancy a swim after the run...or in the event that you have a swim during the run :)

There will be a keg there as usual. See the map for directions.

On On

Hash Trash 1572

Greetings again all Hashers. Run 1571 does not have a separate trash, but attendance at the 10km run was moderate. There was Captain Mortein, Godfather, Nomura-san and Poumuli, with Ninja apparently doing the half-marathon. The On On was totally SNAFU’ed by our GM SOTB who had decided to go fishing and hadn’t made any arrangements for the festivities at Y-Not with Dumass. Wahoo and I cruised by twice to no avail.

Anyway, back to 1572, which was hosted by Crime in Fogavai by Apia Park. We started off with a quick run around the area, good markings and nicely laid false traps, before ending up at Apia Park where a game of Touch Rugby was arranged. Splitting into fairly equal teams, we were all struggling with our subbing refs – Dumass and Cockblocker, who took turns at exceeding each others outrageous rulings on the field. Eventually the score was three tries to two, and we called it quits.
Back at Crime’s the BBQ was lit and the circle formed. Jehovah, it’s a miracle, but SOTB was lucid, upstanding and able to form sentences, so he took charge of the circle and called forth those new to Apia Hash. There was Alan, Andrew and Chris from NZ who had come with Greenie’s alter ego, Anita who had been invited by Crime, and Rex and Johnny from NUS who had come with someone called Yeah and Chanel. Greenie, Dumass and CB took their awards, which were doubled later for Greenie and Dumass.

The Rethreads were Skunk (at home helping Snake). Lewinsky was dumb enough to accept being Shoe Inspector and of course he failed to find anything. Celebrity Awards went to Nomura-san (in the Sports pages) and Spanky (Peace Corps piece in Observer). Since she wasn’t there, the GM decreed that her closest living relative was Captain Mortein, Denmark being so much closer to Minnesota than Norway!

On this day in history Lewinsky took the St Francis Day for Crash, SOTB and Lewinsky for being Sea Beggars (a Dutch scourge of 1572) and joined by Pirate Princess (they were basically pirates), while Chris, Poumuli and CB joined for World Environment Day. Captain Mortein at first refused the award for the end of the Kalmar Union (ending Danish overlordship of the 3 kingdoms), but after being told to “drink you Danish butt-munch” he relented.

Since we had had more of sports in hash than normal, the GM followed suit with his Play of the Day Award, to the player who lost his glasses, splayed about in the mud, yet managed to get his tackle in – namely Skunk. The Try of the Day went to Lewinsky, for honourably tossing the ladies aside to reach the mark. Slap of the Day went to Pirate Princess for being too deaf to hear the whistle and slapping the ref. Dumass joined in for “taking the slap like a girl”. Player of the Day (we had expected the GM to self-nominate) went Ladyfinger, who had displayed a remarkable panache and fitness, and according to some of the Hash Meres “good hand action”. Finally, the Biased Ref Award went to Dumass, although CB was equally unconscious and blind when he was reffing.

More on sports, a Wannabe Blonde Award went to Horny Ho, having been informed of the 10k run had texted, I’ll be there. Of course not. The Captain could be HEARD spilling his beer, refused to own up, and required a close up inspection by the GM. A bit pointless really, given the saturation of beer smells that his olfactory nerves were battling at this point. Tiger Woody was caught with cellphonus interruptus. The GM reverted back to the rugby and got up all the try scorers – CB, Lewinsky, SOTB and Johnny. Guess he got thirsty from smelling the Captain’s beer-sodden sandals.

Opening up to the floor, Princess of Darkness nominated Horny Ho for living up to her name. During the paddling on the weekend she had borrowed Chilindrina’s zoom lens camera, only to solely focus on checking out paddlers’ butts. Dumass nominated Crime for a Change Award for altering our normal format. POD also nominated the BBQers for an award. Poumuli nominated the Sea Beggars SOTB and Lewinsky for going fishing instead of running. During the award it came out that Lewinsky only wanted to bring SOTB, knowing full well that Poumuli would be coming back and wanted to join. A staggering toll of down-downs for Lewinsky!

The Captain was brought up on charges of tree poisoning – he had slipped away to do some drainage. No one was willing to do the verification. Sassygirl BJ nominated Horny Ho for some classy rugby moves, especially the quick touch and release. The favour was returned with a Loose Limbs Award from last week’s run, when Sassy had done some impressive stretching before the run and even a bit of pole dancing on the run (“I practice yoghurt” came the imponderable reply).

Ladyfinger tried to give an award but messed up on Godfather’s name so instant backfire, pre-trigger. Sassy gave Andrew the Too Loud Award. Foolishly Poumuli tried to get Wahoo an award for not correcting Cindy of Samoa regarding Poumuli’s preferences, but it didn’t work.

Finally our Host and Hare – Crime – was saluted, before we fell upon the food.
Next week’s run will be care of ProBoner. Watch the blog. Below is a gratuitous clip showing just the sort of cruel humour many Hashers enjoy.

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Australian TV ads

Current World Cup ads are playing on TV here, bringing back fond memories.
http://wn.com/Priceless_World_Cup_moment__Samoa_1991.

OnOn.

Hash Run 1572 - 6th June - Crime @ Apia Park

Morning All,

Today's run will be at Crime's place at Apia Park. Today, there will be a slight change to our normal routine (going for a run) instead, Crime is arranging some Touch Rugby and Soccer games for hash at the Apia Park, so bring your normal running gear and be prepared for some sports.
Park your vehicles at Crime's place and then we will make our way towards the sports grounds...

I believe Crime will be providing some food but he has also requested the hasher's if they could bring some meats to throw on the bbq...

Directions are posted below on the map. Formalities will start at 1730hrs and the keg will be there.

See map for Directions.

On On

Hash Run - Sat 4th June 2011

Talofa,

Tomorrow's 10km fun run will be followed by a bbq/drinks at Ynot later on. Time for this is to be confirmed as we are trying to find out if we can get the bar open around 11am for a brunch session.

The fun run starts at 6:30am and if you are running/walking, please make sure you are there at 6am to check in and then get ready for the fun run.
As mentioned in the emails that you all so kindly replied to (not) the starting point is at Funway rentals, Matautu and today is the last day for Registration.

We will discuss the brunch some more tomorrow morning.

On On See you there!

Special Hash Run 1571 - 10km Run Sat 4th June 2011

Morning All,
As per discussions last night, the Saturday 10km Fun run is still going ahead. This will be counted as a hash run (1571) The details for the Fun Run are as follows:

Start Time: Saturday 4th June 2011 @ 6:30am
Location: Funway Rentals Matautu (Opposite the Marina)
Registration Deadline: Friday 3rd June 2011
Registration Fee: $10.00 WST

If you are keen on joining the run, then head down to Coache's Corner (next to Scoops and Quality Furnishings) and pay your registration of $10 tala. Get your number and then get yourself ready for the fun run on Saturday morning.

We will do a bbq/picnic/On On at Ynot later on...Seeing as the run finished quite early, are there any suggestions on a time to have our On On at Ynot Bar??
There will be no hash cash on Saturday.
This will be a BYO something for the BBQ, and we will buy our drinks from the bar. Dumass (Jay) has kindly offered to give hasher's special prices to buy drinks at the bar.

Please post below if you have some ideas..or put it in the chat window...

If you have any other questions, give me a call on 7555767

On On

Afternoon All,

YET AGAIN, THERE HAS BEEN A CHANGE OF VENUE..HASH WILL BE AT THE YACHT CLUB NOW...BACK TO THE ORIGINAL VENUE...SO BRING WHAT YOU WANT, AND SEE YOU ALL AT THE YACHT CLUB 1730 HRS..

The theme for today is Samoan Flag (Dress like a flag....or fag if you feel like it)

BYO Sausage HASH - Competition for most creative sausage condiment!

Please bring one of the following:
- Sausages
- Buns/bread
- Creative sausage condiments! Chili sauce, fried onions, hot
peppers, salsa, guacamole, samoas own chili sauce, crackers, ice
cream, tartar sauce, homemade concoction of some sort, etc! There will be a keg there and its best you bring a change of clothes...just in case :)

Run Starts at 1730hrs..Im not posting a Map...its HQ, you should all know where it is by now...if you cant figure it out, call Lewinsky on 7500592 or SOTB on 7555767

On On

Hash Trash 1569

The Hash was hosted by Horny Ho, Alfred and Slim Shady, with Ring Ring setting the trail. I didn’t run so no clue what it was like, but some came back very quickly!

SOTB was our GM, refreshed from the run. He called forth those new to Apia Hash, there was Ben (Swiss), Josh (brought by Wax) and Oscar from Bolivia who had been brought by Ring Ring. The GM decided to give them all a down down for knowing the rules so well. The Rethreads were Dave (busy) and Karaoke (grandmothering).

We didn’t need the Shoe Inspector to see Godfather’s gleaming new ones, although Dave landed himself one by calling him by some other name. After explaining the thievery that led to this necessity, he adroitly chugged from his shoe.
Celebrity Awards went to Dev and Double D’s closest living relative Josh for the full page Vailima draft ads. Latecummers Proboner and Eveready were also punished. Interestingly Eveready had precipitated a telephonus interruptus as he drove in for Karaoke.

This Day in History we had another event in the Lewinsky saga, when the Secret Service were forced to testify in the case. POD and Proboner took this one in his honour.

Karaoke complained about the lack of soft drinks for her big softie, which went to Horny Ho. Swinger made a completely gratuitous climate change remark and demanded that Poumuli and Chilindrina take a drink for daring to bring together climate change experts from around the regions in Apia. Swinger also nominated Horny Ho for the rackets theme – a bit lame.

Slim Shady recounted how a hasher had been bragging about shooting an eagle, which was in fact a birdie, so for the Golf Misinformation award Dev had to come forth. Then Captain Mortein and Alfred were caught in their usual pre-prandial chowing off the BBQ.

POD raised the issue of non-payment of Hash Cash and called on the Sinners Hornithologist. Dave wanted to give a wet t-shirt award, which immediately backfired into a Perving Award. Cockblocker awarded Poumuli with the Good Husbandry Award for shopping with his wife. As Bunga Bunga and her friend had revealed their bellybuttons to the Hash Flash they got the Flasher Award.

Swinger nominated Wax for the Genius Award for publishing her PhD, and she was joined by Hornithologist. Horney Ho gave Swinger the Snob Award for acting all high and mighty at a restaurant. Apparently he was on a hot date with his Mum.
CB then further added dishonour to injury by insisting that Poumuli doesn’t know how to park. He got it in return for using foul language. The hosts and the hare were then saluted – Ring Ring, Slim Shady, Horny Ho and Alfred.

Watch the blog for next week’s venue, and Slim Shady will be Assistant Trainee Scribe.

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Hash Run 1569- Matautu (Behind Samoa Marina Hotel)

Morning All,
Hash today is being hosted by Horny-hoe, Alfred and Slim Shady at the Samoa Squash Courts behind the Samoa Marina Hotel. Head down towards the main wharf/marina, and look out for the hotel on the right hand side and turn down that driveway.

The hosts have said that you have to bring a racquet of some sort for the run (apparently that is the theme?) The Hosts will be providing the food and there will be a keg there too....

If you have any other questions, call horny-hoe on 7721947

On On

Some Light Reading

Bored at work, then circulate this one to your friends :)

Effective June 2011

Category 1 – Dress Code
1. It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we’ll assume that you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a pay raise.

2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better so that you may have nicer clothes, and therefore… you do not need a pay raise.

3. If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore…. you do not need a pay raise.

Category 2 – Sick Days
1. We will no longer accept a doctor’s certificate as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor….you are able to come to work.

Category 3 – Holiday Days
1. Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday and Sunday.

Category 4 – Compassionate Leave
1. This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have employees attend to the arrangements.

2. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.

Category 5 – Toilet Use
1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the cubicles.

2. At the end of the three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle door will open and your picture will be taken.

3. After your second offence, your picture will be posted on the company notice board under the ‘Chronic Offenders’ category.

4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company’s mental health policy.

Category 6 – Lunch Break
1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat and more so that they can look healthy.

2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.

3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that’s all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.


Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember that we are an employer of choice and we are here to provide positive employment experience. Therefore all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be used wisely in the three-minute given in ‘Category 5’.

Thank You.
Management

Hash Trash 1568

The Hash was hosted by Captain Mortein and Pirate Princess at their home in Vaoala. A nice day for a run, not too hot, and runners had been forewarned that Pussysnatcher was the hare, so we started out easy. Leading the pack up the wrong way was Cockblocker. He started up towards Bank Street and complained that no one had called him back. Boo hoo. Anyway, Strangler, Poumuli and Alfred, plus some super fit visitors led the way down to Mynahs, in Hollywood Lane, reacquired the trail on the dirt path down to SPREP and then into the creek. We followed a familiar path, with CB again taking the wrong turn at a false trail. No way could PS have set a trail that way without crossing paths! Up and across the creek we got up to the houses below the cow pastures. Strangler and CB had apparently irritated some wasps, which found Poumuli and Alfred. Felt like being hit with a baseball bat! Cursing we set up the side road by the pastures, to find that the trail led into the bush, appropriate for our Hare, but this became a circular bushwhack that really only got us to spend more time with nature than making progress. On up Bank Street, where the damned corner shop was closed, so no thirst quencher. We ran down Cross-Island Road until the Manumea Spa sign, into more bush. Here PS had missed his bearings so we ended up to far down and went the last bit by road. All in all a good length run, inventive use of a trail often used, and Godfathers plentiful sweet nuts and the beer tasted great.

Miraculously, our GM Son Of The Bitch was sober and lucid, had no unmentionable social or otherwise diseases troubling him, and so was able to take up his duties for the evening.


He called forth those new to Apia Hash – they were Martha, Phil, Laurie, Scott, Alex, Kenny, Colleen, Filipo, Defendant and a hasher whose name was something with Hiney. As some had come with PS he took the award for not explaining the rules. Snake intervened that while Lewinsky’s guests had been exemplary in the circle they hadn’t been told the leaning rule, so up came Lewinsky in what would become a pattern this evening.

The Rethreads were Lewinsky (“fishing” in Pago), Snake (looking after little animals), Bunga Bunga (Fiji) and Proboner (working). Shoe Inspector Snake yielded no victims, so he took the New Shoe Detection Failure Award himself. This Day In History went to Swinger (continuation of the Curse of James on Queen Mary) and Poumuli (Norway Day). Somehow the celebration of St. Ubald Day was escaped by Godfather and Snake. The only celebrity was Dev, and the GM decided that CB was the closest living relative. It also emerged that SOTB had been in some eurotrash magazine and had been identified as Captain Sass! God help whatever ship, plane, garbage truck that he would be captaining.

Eveready, being a keen observer of certain celebrities with, er, certain attributes, noted that this was the birthday of Megan Fox and Janet Jackson, and called for Bunga Bunga to take an award replete with a re-enactment of the equipment failure at a past Super Bowl. She demurred on the latter element. Latecomer Hot Nuts went straight to the keg.

The GM continued with his awards, for Hasher of the Month, for leaving kith and kin behind to fend for themselves, run the businesses and all, while he went to Pago to, er, fish – Lewinsky. On a similar master fisherman theme, we were informed that a hasher had gone fishing with kayaks, caught nothing but brought back fish from Mynahs – step forward Captain Mortein.

Turning to the run, the GM decided to berate the Hare for setting part of the run from his car, as it was parked down by the creek, and endangering the Hash with the angry wasps nest. PS huffed that he had run down to fetch his car after, so he had done the whole run on foot and that this was a time saving device to allow him not to skip work so that he could assist the hapless Captain. Moreover, the wasps were endangered by the Hash not the other way around. (Tend to agree here, must have been the pungent sweat off Strangler and CB that first upset the little bastards, just in time for Alfred and me).

Birthday Awards went to Sassygirl BJ and Captain Mortein, celebrating theirs this week. Such an occasion should have meant that we had to have Monica being blown on the run, but Tiger Woody had forgotten to bring her, so this was an obvious additional award. Poumuli tried to get Wahoo an award for forgetting that it was his birthday as well this week. For some inhumane reason this was turned on its head to become a self-promoting whinge to remind all of his birthday, hence a backfire.

Sassy nominated the chef Alfred for forgetting to light the BBQ, or rather a Come On Baby Light My Fire Award. CB nominated the GM for the Finally! Doing His Job Award. The GM’s payback came in the form of the negligent handling of the Hash Mugs by CB and Godfather, which surprised Godfather, but not the informant, Titty Galore.

POD complained that Lewinsky had returned from Pago all conservation minded, and accused the environmentalists for brainwashing him. (Can’t wash what ain’t there, and he’s obviously getting worse at fishing) Poumuli took it for SPREP and Swinger for Conservation International. Eveready added insult to injury, pointing out that Lewinsky had invited all these people to the Hash and then makes them pay.

At this point AC/DC showed up, which allowed us to double his Latecummer Award with this Day in History (it was International Day against Homophobia and Transphobia). Your Scribe also had a lucid moment and found the note about a TV reality show started this week in the US in 2003, in which a certain woman gave advise to young ladies about the attributes of masked male contestants – Lewinsky again! The gift that keeps on giving.

Pirate Princess had been working and one of the visitors hadn’t paid for drinks in the bar, and tried to make a run for it. Apparently his Hash Name is Defendant, but we’ll need to check. He later nominated his whole fishing team for an award, since if one drinks, they all drink!

The hosts and the hare were saluted, before we adjourned to a sumptuous feast prepared by Captain Mortein and Pirate Princess.

Next week’s Hash will be at the squash courts in Matautu (I think). Check the blog for details, but we have been asked to bring a racket of some sorts.

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Hash Run 1568 - at Vaoala with Captain Mortein and Pirate Princess

UPDATE

Hi everyone, next week's run will be hosted by Pirate Princess and Captain Mortein at their Home in Vaoala. Their house is just next door/behind Einstein's house. Take the cross-island road, up past Mynahs, and its on the left over the rise.

This will be a catered event by Captain Mortein and Pirate Princess. The Captain has also asked for assistance in getting someone to be Hare and paper can be picked up from me at SPREP.

As per the norm, the Keg will be there, so hopefully there will be enough for all the thirsty Hashers...Run starts normal time- 1730Hrs

It is Norwegian National Day, so please wear something red-white-and blue or bring something fuzzingly pro-Danish to appease the Captain!

Map posted for Directions

On On

Hash Trash 1567

The Hash was hosted by Strangler, Wax and Hornithologist at Tafatafa Beach. Since it was Mother’s Day we had been asked (the males) to dress like fa’afafines, while the Hash Meres were all bedecked with moustaches. Lovely warm day out at the beach, but instead of a run, the hosts had organized a bit of fun and games eventually culminating in the production of four bowls of coleslaw. Good fun was had by all, and your Scribe forgets which team won, but somehow thinks it was his team. The photos will show all the silliness when I get around to posting them!

Tallyho was dobbed in as GM for the day, as our GM SOTB was uncontrollably and sobbingly hung-over. He called forth those new to Apia Hash, and they were Ches (DMT’s mum), Two Story (DMT’s Dad, more on that later) and Lance from Whangerei (brought by Mike and Rene). The rethreads (or failures in Tallyho parlance) were Slim Shady, Sassygirl BJ, SOTB, Dried Nuts, Long Dong and Nao. They were all suitably awarded.

As no one was really wearing shoes, the GM decided to have a painted toenails assessment. He decided that DMT’s matching orange toes and dress warranted an award, Slim Shady for having photographs on her toes (?), Pam who had just completed painting hers, and Long Dong for having such pale feet they blinded the GM.
Celebrity Awards went to Poumuli and Wahoo (TV3), and Snatch (double appearance in Observer). For this Day in History Award, your Scribe had found a fabulous one for Swinger but the bastard was absent. It wasn’t completely wasted as we found someone with Scottish heritage to take it – Steakman, Ladyfinger and Dried Nuts (Mary Queen of Scots has to marry Earl James, one month later is defeated in battle and one month later has to abdicate for her 1 year old son James – The Curse of Swinger-namesakes!). Sassy, Joanna and Zsa Zsa took the honours for Europe Day.

The GM then falsely accused several Hashers of having enjoyed dressing like fa’afafines too much, and called forth Zsa Zsa, Cockblocker, Nimura, Ninja and Poumuli for the Dame Edna Award. Opening up for nominations, Wahoo nominated Ninja and Mrs Ninja for leaving their baby all alone in the fale. Funny that Mrs Ninja handled the beer rather niftily. Schumacher nominated Captain Mortein for the Crisis Moment Award, as he had been observed washing his foot with beer! This sacrilege resulted in a large one and an even grumpier Captain, and he was joined by Pirate Princess for unknown reasons.

Sassy nominated Princess of Darkness for not washing the hash mugs, as they were covered with moldy stuff. The GM exclaimed that hash mugs are NEVER supposed to be washed, and that at his age he welcomes growth of any kind! Inexplicably POD managed to get out of this one because Steakman was being lippy with the GM.

Snatch nominated Two Story for Pre-empting the Hash Monk, as he hadn’t actually been named yet, and he just made it up. He started the award before the song started, so he was joined by DMT for not knowing the rules and she not telling him, but she was way quicker, which may have something to do with gravity.

Sassy nominated Horny Ho and Alfred for being late with the BBQ, and Alfred’s was doubled as he hadn’t recognized your Scribe in disguise and was quite shall we say attentive at first. Slim Shady recounted how a heckler had disturbed Zsa Zsa’s saxophone performance at Millennia, saying it was crap. This lengthy FBI-style explanation posed a dilemma for the GM, as he was assured that verily Zsa Zsa on the saxophone is indeed crap (remember the awful attempts to accompany Godfather’s ukulele during Hash 1466. Well I do!). In the end both took the Combined Award.
The hosts were saluted and congratulated for the inventiveness.

SOTB, by now suitably lubricated to get his voice back, managed to get the GM an award for chickening out of the Rethreads Awards. Finally we get some use out of the lugubrious one.

Next week’s run is supposed to be hosted by Captain Mortein and Pirate Princess, but they were making moves to chicken out, so watch the blog.

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Hash Run 1567 at Tafatafa

Afternoon Hashers
Thought I would get this posted now so you can all prepare. The Hash will be hosted by Strangler, Wax and Hornithologist at Tafatafa Beach on the South Side of the island. Take the Cross-Island Road all the way over until you get to the four corners intersection at the bottom. Turn left and carry on for about 12 to 13 Km, until you come to a sign that says Brenda's Beach Fales. It is a right turn and is just before a Mormon Church. Strangler hasn't told me whether its in the fales on the right or left but keep checking the blog. But he will put a Hash marker on the road and then place another marker at the end of the road to indicate which side. If in doubt look for the cars.

This will be a BYO BBQ, so please bring something (please no more sausage fest!). We will either have a keg or crates.

I have also been informed that the theme for the run will be a Mother's Day Hunt and Gather Relay Run, and that in honour of Mother's Day the Hashers are invited to come dressed as fa'afafines! High heels, fishnet stockings, etc. This could be seriously embarrassing! The Hash Meres can ham it up any way they like.

Keep checking for further updates.

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Hash Trash 1566

The Hash was hosted by Greeny out in Siusega. It had been raining in the afternoon so it was a relatively cool run, made more so by the late start given the piss-poor directions posted by SOTB, who could not be reached as he was out fishing. Anyway, it was a grand day for a trot, and we set out expectantly from the gate, having been informed that the trail was set on paper. That’s it for the run report. A group of front runners found the initial three false trails out the gate, one towards Tafaigata, one down the road to the left that goes to Screamer’s back yard, and one that led straight up into the bush. We went back and forth for a while, until some of us decided to take a trot up the bush again, hoping to find the trail, didn’t and instead found a nice parallel route to the Tafaigata road, down to the main road and back. No clue where the trail was really set, but a nice sweat out. I had to promise not to whinge too much this week.

Said GM SOTB being fishing, Princess of Darkness stepped in. She called forth those new to Apia Hash and boy there were a lot of them. There was Pussyindah and Susumarah from an Indonesian Hash who are joining us for a few months. There was Dave the neighbour who had taken delivery of the keg thinking his landlord was overly generous, but had joined the run instead. Pam from Samoa, Jo, Filipo, Richard, Howie, Anthony and Kili, all invited by Godfather (although Filipo messed it up, giving Godfather the first of many awards). Finally we had Steakman from Auckland. The Rethreads were Vulture, Jade, Tooth Fairy, and Lady Finger. Vulture doubled his for wearing a Tongan sombrero in the circle.

There were no new shoes found by Volunteer Shoe Inspector Vai Vai, so he took that award. Then the GM called forth the Hare, getting this out of the way immediately amidst calls of Worst Ever, Greeny took a large one.

The GM awarded a Pussysnatcher Lack of Rhythm Award to the Atherton brothers, Swinger and Malvern for their incredible disconnectedness between the music that was playing at the 70’s Party and the associated movements required.
This Day in History went to Swinger for the publication of the King James Bible (2 May 1611) and for the Feast Day of St James the Less (Greeny had complained of not enough paper being provided to him by Swinger). In honour of Lei Day (Hawaii) to Screamer for her intention to get leid in Hawaii soon. Poumuli for Marshall Islands Constitution Day and Nimura for Japan Constitution Memorial Day.

There had been another Day in History award reserved for Bunga Bunga, but in her absence the GM called forth Do Me Twice for looking like a hooker at the 70’s Party and Cockblocker for saying she looked good. Poumuli tried to get Vai Vai for wearing the same shirt he wore in the 70’s to the 70’s Party, but this backfired miserably, as the assembled lot had disconnected their brains sense of humour synapses with Vailima.

Greeny then tried to get an award for the entire Hash for not finding the trail. No need to explain how that one ended. The GM nominated Steakman for the Customs Violation Award for bringing in sausages from NZ.

Screamer received a Blonde (non) Award for being unable to count – she said she had no gossip since its only been 4 days since last Hash. She was so blonde she needed help from Malvern. (She should have had it doubled for her musings on the Hash Chat!)
CB nominated Swinger for the Team Player Award, having tried to organize a paddling team only to send his brother in his place, and unfortunately the brewing gas explosion in the BBQ didn’t happen quickly enough to also set his backside on fire. Steakman was spotted holding up the building, and the rules tirade from the GM reduced him to a Gollum-like state, and this impersonation and the harassing gave him a double.

Godfather announced that the last Hash at Sinalei had raised $1750 for the Christchurch Appeal, and that this would be earmarked for Maori and Pacific Islanders in particular need in that region. He invited further donation and is planning to ask the Prime Minister to hand over the funds.

Eveready observed that today was The Rock’s birthday, and since Godfather had the same hairdo and CB the same body (he needs glasses), he called for their joint Rock Award (which reminds me we forgot to demand the Elvis impersonation!). They were joined by leaving Hasher Malvern, going back to the US.

We then had a request by Steakman for Howie to do Pearly Shells, which he only knew part of, but was helped by Godfather. Then there were two lengthy jokes from Greeny and Filipo, the latter of which was memorable because it had a wet pussy as a punchline.

The Host and Hare, Greeny, was saluted and we descended on what was mostly a sausage fest, except some chicken and a delicious lamb stew from Poumuli.
Next week will be hosted by Wax, Strangler and Hornithologist on the South Side of the island – watch the blog.

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Hash Run 1566 - BYO Run @ Greeny's- Siusega

Morning All,
Next weeks run is being hosted by Greeny at his new pad in Siusega. Please remember that this is a BYO Food run so bring something for the bbq or something precooked or a salad...something to contribute to the spread and please dont rely on a few hashers, you dont bring, you dont eat :)haha

Run starts at 1730Hrs on time. There will be a keg there. Map is below. Im not 100% sure of the exact location but the crap details that i was given is what i have used to draw the map...you can also get hold of greeny on 7771414 if you cant find the place.

The Theme for Monday is Cinco De Mayo...Mexican Holiday..so dress up in Mexican Colors...red, green and white..and if you got some cool hats to go with it..then by all means..put em on!

On On

Hash Trash 1565

The Hash was hosted by Godfather, assisted by Titty Galore, at the beach between Maninoa and Lupe’s on the south side. The run was set on the Sun, Gobi desert, inside a nuclear reactor – your Scribe has no words to describe this for he lost so much fluid on the run. This was serious torture, with all those false trails set and the sun burning down. OK, the run was set on paper, on out through the bushes past surprised revellers at Lupe’s bar. Up to the main road, we were tricked into a long false trail with an apparent double false trail where Godfather had place a cross. Apparently a large pony must have rolled in it as it resembled more a comfortable spread. Anyway, back to where we started the trail was reacquired leading straight up into the plantations on the semi paved track. Again a false trail off to the side confused many. It was at this point that the curious and unique geographic and meteorological conditions came into play, as it was sunny, hot and muggy and dusty all at the same time, with a nice whiff of smoke from the burning trash thrown in. The combination did also keep the local dogs to a nicely docile state. Catching up with the main pack, who had continued far up the hill on a false trail, we set off across until we reached the Cross-island Road. All the way we could hear Monica being blown to Kiwi’s content across the forest, but it was too dense to risk a shortcut. The heat may also have been creating sound mirages. Down the Cross-island Road your Scribe bought two nius on credit but the newly paved connecting road evaporated all the fluids with a new torture thrown in, namely running on newly deposited hot black tar and its associated reflective capabilities viz the sun. Gasping and puffing we arrived back to gulp down Godfather’s sweet nuts, plus gallons of cold water, before dropping into the ocean for a more complete cool-down.

Ok, this was a bit whingeing, but I am still in pain. It was an imaginative run set by Godfather, and we should have cottoned on that some of the false trails couldn’t have been set from the truck. And as he rightly pointed out, the beer tasted heavenly after the run, what was left of it after the surf dudes had been at it! We should also avoid having blind people as front runners, no matter how fast they are!

SOTB our GM was again too hung-over, tired and emotional from surfing that he couldn’t string a sentence together, so Princess of Darkness came to the rescue as acting GM. She called forth those new to Apia Hash and they were Ernie and Becky from Texas (here on holiday), Rikomi from Japan (with APS), Mini-Ninja, Joyce from here, Mihoko from Japan (UNDP) and Michael from Oz.

The rethreads were Pussysnatcher (been busy getting Snatch to accept getting snatched), Crash Bandicoot (busy being a father, or holding up the bar at On the Rocks, take your pick), Sassygirl BJ (busy playing with Daddy), Anna (she’s from Denmark, been away 2 years, back to see AC/DC in Tokelau), Malvern (Swinger’s brother, here from the US), AC/DC (swimming in Tokelau), and Godfather (fare-welling the va’ a crew in Auckland).

The announcement by PS caused a congratulatory award to be offered, which Snatch refused on the grounds that she is pregnant and that’s why she agreed to the above. Celebrity Awards went to Dumas and Joyce for their photos in the Observer. This Day in History Awards, for ANZAC Day went to Poumuli and Eveready as the only veterans who marched and Kiwi, Hot Nuts and Michael as token NZ and OZ representatives – Michael nearly went twice for wearing his sunnies, but Titty G took that one for poor instructiveness. For the founding of Rio de Janeiro in 1565 by someone named Francisco something we got Crash and Wax.

The GM had been told of a weekend party where guests had been warned about the glass doors and to be careful, yet Do Me Twice managed to go smack into one, resulting in a Pure Blonde Award (the Scribe objects to this type of stereotyping – should have been a plain Bimbo Award). Schumacher had observed a hasher trying to undo a lavalava on a Hash Mere. While PS claimed he was only helping Karaoke he got the Doing Eveready’s Job For Him Award.

Lewinsky, worse for wear for not having done the run, nominated Cockblocker for trying to beat up the host of a party. The GM took a vote, and Lewinsky joined CB for the Deck The Host Award, later doubled for Lewinsky for his inability to perceive that his hat was still stuck on his head. AC/DC and Anna were called forth for sitting and leaning respectively – must have been a long swim from Tokelau or something...

Vai Vai, inspired to see how much of a backfire he could create this time, nominated Ernie for being late to the Hash, which unsurprisingly went straight back to Vai Vai for not giving good enough directions and instructions.

At this point the Mad Hash Monk appeared, growling about naughty people in the Hash and sundry scandalous behaviour. Tasha was made to kneel before her, and in a cascade of flour, ketchup, beer and a torrent of abuse from the Mad Monk about her sexying it up, she will hence forth be known as Horny Ho.

Now Rebecca was made to kneel, and in the same manner we were told how this birdwatcher loves the two legged kind. She will hence forth be known as Hornithologist. Dev who was taking photographs of all this, had his hair used as a hand towel by the monk and looked like he had been named too! Susan was next in line, but instead was observed sprinting for cover on the beach and disappeared. The Mad Monk then amusingly tried to make her own exit through the dumpster, stepping into all sorts of unholy crap. Dev moved away at that point, knowing what the Mad Monk likes to do to him.

SOTB then nominated Lewinsky for his precision parking of the truck, just-so that the lid gave a little gap for the beer droppings to fall and fertilize the soil. Lewinsky countered that he had just hit the building and then moved gently forward, or pulling out as he described it. We were interrupted in getting to the bottom of what he meant by that by latecummers Ray Charles and Mermaid.

The GM tried to wrap things up, but Swinger interrupted with an award for Macho Man AC/DC for running barefoot. Swinger joined him for being so macho he thought he could interrupt the GM. Sassy nominated the chefs SOTB, Crash and Lewinsky.

We then had some announcements for events next weekend. DMT brought up the paddling regatta and Sassy that there will be a 70’s party on Saturday (tickets from Sassy or Ring Ring). Eveready informed us that there was a beer drinking contest at the Gekko’s Bar (Sassy said the prize was a 2 week date with Horny Ho). There is also a special fundraiser for Christchurch that weekend, and due to the clashes Godfather requested that the Hash still make a donation. This was duly done, results of which will be communicated by Sassy when she wakes up.

After wishing Malvern a Happy Birthday we saluted the Host and Hare, with a promise that Godfather would do his Elvis impersonation at the next Hash. The spread that Godfather, Titty G and the extended family had put on was quite simply amazing, delicious, super-tasty, stupendous.

Next week’s Hash is scheduled for Greenie’s new house in Siusega. SOTB will get us a map and directions.

A completely gratuitous joke attached below relating to some poor sod who won the lotto.

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Hash Run 1565

Easter Monday run at Lupe's Bar

Morning to all Hashers.There has been a change in plans for Monday's Easter Run. Godfather had offered to host at Sinalei but there is now a Wedding Booked for Monday so Hash will now be at Lupe's Bar (Next door to Coconuts Beach Resort) Dont worry, its next to Sinalei, so your beach plans aren't all screwed yet!

We are meeting at Lupe's at 12noon and the run will start at 2pm. Also bring your change of clothes and swim gear.

Same Directions, Head down to the south coast via the cross island road and make a right turn at the bottom. Head past Sinalei and look out for the turn off on the left to Coconuts Beach Resort. Head down this road and you will see Lupe's Bar.

If you get lost, dont bother calling me as I will be surfing.

On On
GM

Hash Trash 1564

The Hash was hosted by Hash at Snakepit #2, in Vaitele. A bright day with some rain threatening, but it didn’t appear. So it was off for a hot slog down the roads of Vaitele, courtesy of the Hare – Tiger Woody (AKA Kiwi).He had set the run on flour and there was a lot of space between the marks, seeking to ensure that the pack stayed together. And boy did Cockblocker and the paddlers find lots of false trails. Basically the trail took us all around the backstreets of Vaitele until we came back down the hill past Moata Samoa. A fairly arduous run that got the heart pumping – malo Kiwi.

The GM, SOTB was absent with undisclosed diseases ravaging him, so Hot Nuts stepped in for the evening. He called forth those new to Hash, and that was Diane from the Cook Islands, with us for at least 3 years. The rethreads were Hot Nuts, Screamer, Swinger and Fang. They had been travelling all. After the award, POD made a point of order, as Dev had not fessed up to being a rethread, for which he was suitably rewarded.

On this day in history, Poumuli could inform that Brazilian armed forces had liberated the town of Montese in Italy (1945), and this one went to Wax as closest living relative. It was also Bicycle Day which went to Swinger and Hot Nuts. Opening up for nominations from the floor, Swinger was nominated for not running Hash while in Fiji.

Vai Vai opined that a letter written to the Observer some weeks ago had to be a work of fiction, as it referenced Poumuli as a responsible drinker and dabbler in witchcraft. Protests that this had caused a down down at the time didn’t stick, so Poumuli took it like a man, so fast the GM missed it.

Tasha nominated Alfred for breaking off the knob again on the Hash BBQ. Do Me Twice tried to back her up but inadvertently used Lewinsky’s other name, and joined Tasha and Alfred in the Knob Fixation Award. Lewinsky nominated Screamer for taking a seductive phone call during the circle, which turned out to also include best wishes from the va’a crew.

Karaoke nominated Nutcracker for the Freakout Award, as she had screamed “no vagina cake” should be made for Hot Nuts birthday! As if she would create something like that. Well she did make a Barney Cake for Lewinsky so its not a far cry from that, after all Barney is a real C@#&. The GM was joined by POD for his birthday award. At this stage we couldn’t sing too loud as the family next door were having their sa.
Tasha had been on Rock the Boat, no surprises there, and then Ynot and had observed the very public argumentation between CB and DMT. POD informed us that SOTB had promised to bring the gas for the BBQ but hadn’t, so Lack of Gas Award went to closest living relative, former flatmate DMT, who staggered back in the circle.

Swinger nominated Dev for the Leaning on Fa’fafine Award – that’s just not on! Latecummers Spanky and Proboner were then greeted into the circle, but drank so damned slow the GM nearly fell asleep. CB then nominated Proboner for the Anti-conservation Award for her Exxon Mobil t-shirt.

Screamer explained how she and Spanky had been having a nice quiet dinner at the Yacht Club, when they were rudely interrupted by Poumuli and Wahoo seeking a place to sit. CB tried to explain his side of the story as they had also had free seats at their table. Poumuli chose to stab him in the back by concocting a story on DMT and CB.

The GM awarded the Troopers Award to Eveready and Snake for getting the gas. DMT nominated Dev for his “Getting High At Hash”t-shirt, and he was joined by Eveready for his extraordinary flashing t-shirt. Vai Vai was about to make a nomination based on the run, but then caught newbies Mike and Rene snuggling in the circle. This is not on – they should look to examples of such prudish self-restraint as Hot Nuts and Nutcracker, POD and Lewinsky, or even Poumuli who hadn’t even brought Wahoo! Rene had to take two for wearing sunglasses.

Eveready nominated Wax for driving her roommate home due to some undisclosed ailments – not quite sure about that one. Poumuli nominated Diane for the Preservation of Marriage Award for taking on so much of his work travel. Snake exclaimed that she must be a Hasher as she warmed the beer! ProBoner caught Tasha with cellphonus interruptus. POD nominated Karaoke and Eveready for the Cutest Couple Ever, but Karaoke claimed the flasher didn’t work! Eveready also nominated Screamer for the violated house sitter award. Lewinsky and CB were also brought in for their incessant chatter. We must retrieve the Dome of Silence!

Proboner nominated Lewinsky for leaving the GM hanging with no beer, but Lewinsky claimed that his runner CB wasn’t working. After calling Lewinsky a dick, the sole award went to CB. Mike nominated Tiger Woody for constantly breaking out of the circle, and this was doubled for his services to CB exhaustion for making him run all those extra false trails. As we had no Hosts per se, Spanky, Snake and Fang were saluted for their efforts.

Next week’s run will be on Easter Monday at Sinalei. Godfather has asked that we arrive by 12 and run by 2 PM.

The GM closed the circle with the piece of advice to any would be acting GMs in the future – always keep POD by your side!

Video clip below in honor of Bicycle Day!

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Hash Run 1564

Greetings Hashers

Monday's run will be hosted by Snake at Snakepit#2, which is by the Senese School in Vaitele. Head towards the airport road, past the brewery and when you get to Vaitele, turn left opposite BOC Gases and head up the road about 1 - 1.5km and look out for the Senese School on the left hand side.

This will be a BYO run so you are all requested to bring some food, salads, BBQ etc.

No theme has been announced, but stay tuned in case this changes.

There will be a special Hare coming on Monday so make sure that you are prepared. This cryptic message supplied by the GM, Son of The Bitch.

Directions in the map below



On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Hash Trash 1563

Your Scribe is back from overseas purgatory, and will endeavour to produce the Trash on time.

The Hash was hosted by Slippery in To’omatagi up by the National University of Samoa. A kerfuffle had been caused by the non-appearance of Crime to set the trail, but Strangler was on hand to give it a go as Hare. Slippery explained that the trail was set on paper and on on we went out the gate. We followed the To’omatagi road up for a bit before launching us through someone’s garden and down a slippery hill. We have run this way before, but ended up in a dead-end. Strangler had found a connection to another garden which eventually took us out onto the Vaimauga Road. We went up and down a bit here, as Cockblocker and the hyper-fit bunch brought by Dumas couldn’t spot the trail. We ended up doing far more exercise keeping up, but eventually we headed down to Vaivase-uta Road, then Vaivase-tai and back. A good and interesting run made all the better by the light rain.

Back at Slippery’s Princess of Darkness filled in for a hopelessly hung-over GM. She called forth those new to Hash, they were Hans, Moana who had been brought by Pirate Princess and Captain Mortein (he whooped at her diligent response), and Bruce from APTC who had come with someone called Mike. The GM made him drink for disrespecting and being a cheeky bastard. The rethreads were Poumuli, Wahoo, Chook, CB and Hot Rod. Poumuli then made a point of order since the Assistant Maestro Slim Shady had started the song before explanations of absence could be made.

Snake the Shoe Inspector couldn’t find anything initially, but Pirate Princess yelled out that CB was hiding his shoes and that they looked very new. CB protested that he had drunk from them before, but went along with it anyway. Pirate Princess joined for false accusation. On the topic of shoes, the GM was told that one of the Hash Meres lost a shoe on the trail, only to pick up a stray jandal and continuing merrily along. Wild Turkey got the Islander Award. Spanky pointed out the nice hat she was wearing during the award, so it was doubled. But in helping her as whipping girl, Spanky was wearing same said hat, so she also got another.

On this day in history, Poumuli informed the Hash that in 1775 it was the last time that they burned a witch in Germany – this one went to SOTB, Johanna, joined by Tasha for bitchcraft, and it was also the day in 1999 that Clinton got indicted for contempt of court for giving intentionally false statements about – Lewinsky. Tiger Woody had to join him as he was not blowing Monica.

Celebrity Awards were brought to us by SOTB. There was Ninja (in the Observer), Spanky (TV?), Wahoo (Rotary at Manumea story) and Lewinsky for story on HQ (your Scribe couldn’t get the whole story). Bunga Bunga was also in the paper, but nearest living relative was forgotten. During this CB dropped a full cup of golden nectar, and Pirate Princess pointed out Karaoke’s hip-shaking butt-swinging.

Opening up for nominations, Vai Vai was too quick off the mark in trying to get Hot Rod one for running in jandals. Total utter backfire! We are in Samoa, hello! Tasha nominated Karaoke and Eveready for leaving her behind on the trail, reducing her to tears behind someone’s toilet (“well that’s been known to happen” noted SOTB). Eveready launched into a vigorous FBI defence, culminating in his counter that Snake should get it as he was behind, and that he only shouts out On On at home! The defence breasts. The GM decreed that Snake join Eveready and Tasha in a Hash Sandwich. Poumuli tried to get a repeat as the sandwich re-enactment had been faulty – Snake should have been the meat, but was turned down.

We then had a Birthday Award for Lewinsky, accompanied by the most horrific caterwauling of Happy Birthday, probably thanks to Strangler and Slim Shady. Bruce got a Sour Grapes Award for something. Chook tried to get two chariot riders punished but mistook Pirate Princess for Princess of Darkness, and had to Join her and Moana for the award. There was also a Master Chef Award for the BBQ masters, who joined the Host and the Hares for the salute.

Trying to wrap things up, the GM was interrupted by Tiger Woody’s cellphone. The glitch in setting the run went to Crime, who tried the I Have No Car defence. Poumuli tried to get SOTB for Dereliction of Duty in not getting an Assistant Scribe the last two weeks, but this instead went to Slim Shady and Poumuli.

Next week’s run was supposed to be hosted by Dave and Theresa in Vailima, but they cancelled towards the end of the evening. Instead this will now be a BYO run at Snakepit #2, details will be posted on the blog.

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Hash Run 1563 - Slippery @ To'omatagi

Morning All,
Next week, Slippery has kindly offered to host hash at his house in To'omatagi. There is no theme for Monday, but stay tuned and check back on Monday in case it changes.

Head up to NUS and go past the NUS Main gate and its the 4th (Last) house on the left hand side.

Run starts at 1730 HRS Sharp as it now gets dark earlier in the day.

See map below for directions

ON ON