Hash Run 1525

Next weeks run will be hosted by Psychadelic, Mad Hatter, Nut Cracker and Gloria at Psychadelic's House in Taumeasina. The house is at the end of a village track that runs immediately opposite the bowling green at Apia Park, midway between 2 main front entrances to Apia Park.

There will be a run and walk circuits but they will be a little different than normal being based on clues and a quiz, so bring a pen or pencil. A little bit of background swotting of the area may be useful.
This will be different to our normal paper/flour trail, its more like....the amazing race..but with a smarter bunch of people...haha..anyway, bring a pen/pencil and some scrap paper and your sharp minds

Run starts at 1730 Hrs and as per the norm, we will have our Keg present.

On On

Hash Trash 1524

Your Scribe is back from international climate change exile, and raring to go. Having watched the blog from abroad there was a distinctive lack of enthusiasm from the Assistant Trainee Scribes as they realized that there was work involved in this lark. So it’s going to be further downhill from here I am afraid!

The run was hosted by Swinger and BB in Siusega. Swinger had been observed on the road sweating like the well proverbial porcine, and we all knew that he intended for some serious running to be done. It started off easy enough out the gate and then while Poumuli led off to the right, BlowMe found the trail heading off towards Aleisa. We ran up the gentle slope, several catching a breather before the top, when the trail led off through a garden path and into the bush. While this lasted a few minutes it was enjoyed by all, strange barking creatures amused, as we headed onto the road on the other side. A decidedly well-marked trail led away up the hill again, to which Godfather remarked “’thats too easy”’, but BlowMe gamely trotted away followed by Hot Nuts and Poumuli. Yes it was too easy – false trail, and curses at the lack of an established rule for such things. Down the hill instead, and the sun was just cresting the clouds as we hit the sports complex. A moments hesitation but the trail led into the cross roads bisecting the complex, and eventually all made it back home. BlowMe, Poumuli and Zsa Zsa ended up taking a slightly longer cut home, as determined by the fact that FBI was in front of them!

Hot Nuts had been designated GM for the evening and welcomed all to the run. Lots of newcomers – there was PokeHerHiney, Weapon of Ass Destruction, Fat Upper Pussy Area and Will from South Carolina who were visiting on a yacht. There was also Son of Long Dong from Australia. At this point Cockblocker arrived late with a bunch of friends, nothing but lame excuses, and joined the newcomers in a down-down with Matt, Brendon and Louis. CB had drilled them well, as even the baseball cap came off at the last minute – it was not repeated though.

The rethreads were Adric (been doing pilates), Hot Nuts (forgot why), Long Dong (plain forgot), Shelly (socializing) and Poumuli (internationally gallivanting). FBI and Lezzie managed to sneak under the radar for a while, but FBI was eventually brought in, claiming some strange medical defence and getting CB as his whipping boy.

The GM opened for nominations, and Captain Mortein quipped that it was the first time a GM had chipped a tooth while opening a coconut – no contest there. Poumuli nominated the Assistant Trainee Scribe, ostensibly an education adviser, for getting Psychadelic’s name wrong on the blog. The GM agreed and called it the Illiteracy Award. Many celebrities this week, but only one with a closest living relative – CB took one for Cherelle for having her photo in the Observer.

The GM, having pondered the loss of his tooth, all of a sudden remembered that he had asked Swinger for advice as to where he could go fishing legally on the weekend. Where Swinger sent him it was a) illegal, and b) a large matai to make him cease and desist – so for uncivilized behaviour and putting a fellow hasher in danger Swinger took his just awards, while muttering that he gotcha’.

Shelly told a horrific story of having been slapped by a Hasher in front of guests, so CB received a Vicious Brute Award. Pirate Princess, always a bit slow on the nominations, remembered that Godfather had been on TV, to which BlowMe added the Ancient Wisdom Award for his “too obvious”’ comment on the trail. Screamer nominated Pirate Princess for the Bad Parenting Award for first having left the childs bottle behind, then yelling about trying to find it, and eventually not caring less that it had been located. BB got Screamer for another late celebrity award for having spoken at the MDG rally at Government plaza, square, buildings or whatever it is called. Psychadelic arrived late and nonchalantly took her award.

Another latecomer Pele was sought coerced into the awards by Screamer, but for some reason Swinger had to take it. Screamer had also bought a load of Hashshit (stuff left over at last hash by people without a care), most memorably Godfather and his jandals! Psychadelic had apparently left all her clothes, but avoided the GM for some reason (must arrange something next week!). And then Screamers phone went off again!

CB made some blatantly self-serving accusation about hashers who call themselves environmentalists, so Hot Nuts, Poumuli and Zsa Zsa had to take the Making CB Feel Good About Himself Award. Screamer rejoined that Swinger had been the one to complain about Styrofoam, but for some reason (GM was getting loaded) he got out of it. That was because some New Shoes had been discovered, and newbie PokeHerHiney took the award very well. BB then nominated the former Miss Samoa and Miss South Pacific for a down down – I guess only because Mana is pretty and has finally decided to run with us.

For a further inexplicable reason Poumuli was singled out for opprobrium over the International Whaling Commission, and under protest that he hadn’t eaten whale in years, that it tastes like shite anyway, he accepted the Minke Award. Louis accepted the FIFA World Cup Participated Award on behalf of France, while Pirate Princess, Wahoo , Mana and Kiwi Tiger Woody got the Lost Shortcutters Award, which PP sprayed all over Adric.

The GM wanted to acknowledge the visiting hasher with the hash name of worst connotations for the Pacific. While the GM had thought the name was WMD, he didn’t realize the doom it spelt for the 3rd sex, so a Fa’fafine Endangerment Award went Weapon of Ass Destruction. CB nominated all the kiwis present for doing so well in the World Cup – Blackadder, BlowMe, Matt, Brendon and CB. A cap was worn during the award so a double for the offender!

Poumuli noted that we were getting very close to the shortest day of the year, so close in fact that it was today – so he nominated the shortest runner present for the Unusually Sensitive to Gravity Award – Shelly. PP caught Allan and Kiwi leaning, while Screamer nominated our ocean going visitors for an extra down-down (must find out about the name of their ship – William Picket). The longest person doing the run was also honoured – Long Dong got the Viagra Award.

CB wanted another nomination to all the Samoans in honour of the Manu 15 playing like well dogcrap. Bits and Pieces got one for the hell of it, and then we saluted the host and the hare. Psychadelic chimed in that as hosts for next week they would like everyone to bring a pen or pencil, and paper, for writing on. So we are in for a non-traditional twist to the run next week.

On On

Poumuli, IKA Slit

Hash Run 1524

Next weeks Run is kindly being hosted by Swinger and BB at their home in Siusega, Faafetai Lave. The house is across the main entrance to the Cricket Grounds at Tuanaimato. Run will start at 1730Hrs and as usual, there will be a keg so bring your drinking boots...

No theme has been mentioned, so come in what ever you want and bring a change of clothes as it tends to get a lot cooler in the evenings now. If you need any more info, you can call BB on 7572222 or Swinger on 7770787

Map is below for directions

Hash Trash 1523

HASH RUN 1523 was hosted by the one and only Screamer and first time hare Allan.

New People: Aro, Pirate Princess’s Sister who was having her 20th birthday, and many guests from the Vaka! The rethreads were also plentiful, with Crash, Crime, Delicious (Whipping boy of Lewinsky), Murray and Cath (who did hash when they lived here in 1984!), Brynne who had the best excuse of being on the Vaka, and Allan and Mana.

DOWN DOWNS:
Apparently last week at the Snake Pit, CB generously volunteered to use his extremely large muscles to climb over the bathroom door to unlock it. After making it over the door, he found out that it wasn’t even locked!

Down down to Sassy and Mana for complaining about how long the run was when they even took a shortcut! Tisk tisk!

Twins award to the two blokes named Murray, the two named Kent, and to Princess and her sister for having the exact same running style.

Celebrity Award to Godfather for being in the paper twice and on TV once.

As the run started a bit late, Murray expressed his worry about his wife because she hadn’t returned by the time he got back, yet Lewinksy returned before POD but wasn’t at all worried about her!

New Boots for Pirate Princess’s sister who wore her new netball shoes that Captain Mortein had bought for her. Down Downs for the whole family! Soon after this, Telephonus Interuptus to Princess’s sister – and a down down to Princess for not explaining the rules!

Since the fence on one side of Screamer’s lawn was locked, everyone had to go around to the other door which was through a muddy driveway. When Crash arrived, he originally asked his beautiful pregnant wife to climb over the fence! Then when she refused he asked her to walk down the driveway on her own so he wouldn’t get his tires dirty! Shame!

Down down for Wahoo who was heard proclaiming she was only at hash this week to get drunk and had no intention of running – “Poumuli’s not here so I’m going crazy tonight!”

In another shockingly honest moment, when Lewinsky asked for Mosquito Repelement (not a typo – he actually said that), Everready replied that when he can’t find repellent he “pulls out his dipstick and rubs it on his head!” Everready claims this had something to do with a car, but none of us agree.

After weeks upon weeks of missing mugs, the mugkeeper finally returned, but a few mugs are still MIA. Down down for Crash!

Swinger went for show and tell, citing a certain Hash Mary for skinny dipping and leaving all her clothes AND her wallet behind at Sinalei AND for not remembering until the next morning! Screamer came forward to collect her belongings and thanked the two Hash Men who drove her home despite her obnoxious behaviour. GM gave SOTB and CB the Chivalry award. All three drank, although Wahoo had to stand in as whipping lass for Screamer.

CB added that this was the second time he had driven Screamer home in a similar situation and GM noted CB was advertising about how often he gets to drive Screamer so he got a second down down.

Down down to Spanky and Peter for telling the cooks to be careful with the bbq because it was marinated in their tears.

GM observed that Ring Ring, who had led the pack during the run, had found and ignored both false leads. Ring Ring got a down down along with Allan and Crime for setting falsies that nobody fell for.

Little Kent got a down down from Sassy Girl BJ for something that co-scribe can’t recall.

Sassy Girl BJ gave Screamer a wanna-be Sinalei Staff Award for wearing a puletasi in similar colours.

Fang was cited for leaning.

Peter nominated Spanky for coming home at 3am and having to wake him up to let her in because she lost her key – AGAIN.

Sassy nominated Psycho and Slippery because they hadn’t had one yet.

Screamer supported her fellow nautical Hash Mary Brynne for her superhuman sailing skills and for spending so much time on the Vaka. Malo Brynne!

SOTB nominated Captain for the Poor Parenting award for “leaving his daughter alone walking by the pool.” It was noted that this was a complete fabrication and SOTB was welcomed front and center to take his punishment.

Tough times for SOTB when he was then nominated by Little Kent – turns out SOTB said he would go surfing then just sat in the boat and rode NO waves! The real kicker is that CB asked SOTB how the surfing went and SOTB lied to say it was nice!

SOTB was maybe a bit perturbed at being caught lying twice now, so he changed the subject by nominating BB for not doing enough work as the Hare Raiser. NOTE – was just confirmed on Friday that run will be at BB’s and Swinger’s in Siusega.

Malos go out to: BBQ boys who didn’t even need to be asked to help out with the cooking, to Screamer who was coerced into hosting, and to POD, as per usual, for being a great GM! Speaking of which, POD is looking for future GMs to take over for a couple of nights every now and then. Interested? Speak up!

At this point as the circle was finishing up, Godfather got his fourth telephone call! As it was finally too much to ignore, Godfather took the last down down of the night.

Next week will be at BB and Swinger’s place in Siusega. Check the blog for directions and see you there!

Hash Trash 1522

Run #1522, dubbed the “Manu Samoa Special”, was hosted by Snake and Fang at the Snake Pit in town. The trail itself was another Ring Ring special.

The long weekend laziness appeared to have set in as Hashers wandered onto the main road and headed for the hills at snail’s pace. They eventually gained momentum as the trail was sniffed out and the pack turned left at the Ah Liki complex whereupon the usual chain of events ensued. Cock Blocker and Pussy Snatcher took off wildly down the road, not stopping to look for markers. A few others followed unsuspectingly. They were eventually called back as some of the more astute picked up the trail, which led down a small side street and back up towards Palisi. At this point, there was some concern about the steep uphill climb but most managed this without too much complaint. The rest of the run was largely uneventful for the followers (your co-scribe being one of these). The lead team followed a few false trails but found their way back fast enough to still stay ahead of the followers. The trail led back onto the main (Airport) road, past the market and Bluebird Hardware and then on home. The excessive stretching that ensued suggests that it was a good run for even the fittest.

The Hash Circle was called to order by GM Ever-ready, who opened proceedings with a toast to the Manu Samoa, followed by a second toast to the SegaVau Fautasi team that had recently emerged victorious over the “Eastern Block”.

Pro Boner, Black Adder, Renee(#1), Lewinsky, Aina and Cherelle drank for not wearing blue in honour of the various Samoa victories of late.

A throng of visitors was introduced: Sanna and Brandon (who had come with Aina), Steve, Ellen and Peter (Spanky’s family), Chris (Spanky) and Renee #1. Renee said she had come with someone called Schanelle and there were riotous calls for a CB down-down but GM ruled that Renee#1 had indeed been well-schooled on the correct name of her host so she ended up with a double.

Rethreads were Blow Me and Dizzy, both apparently on recent reconnaissance visits of Hash meets in other countries. Blow Me however, was unable to sate GM’s curiosity regarding the attire of Rarotonga Hash Marys.

Black Adder was sporting new shoes and he proceeded, with absolutely no prodding, to drink with aplomb out of one of these. Not a drop spilled. “Inspirational!” yelled the rather impressed Hashers.

GM then cited Lilly for overly enthusiastic shaking of something during the Hash song and SOTB for confused messaging on the Hash blog regarding whether or not this was a BYO hash.

Screamer was cited for incompetence for failing to deliver the Hash trash on time and then apparently having the gall to ask SOTB whether he had managed to upload it. She attempted some explanation but this of course, was ignored.

Fang had an anti-environment award via CB, who was indignant on behalf of the whales about the use of foam cups despite several earlier attempts to stop this.

Titty Galore was nominated for failing to take advantage of the hard work of the Hare and for consistently turning up to Hash after the run. It appears she was handed a double.

A lengthy discussion regarding half priced Crown beer resulted in both Lewinsky and CB being awarded for trying to flog expired beer to the community. CB’s alibi that he had been in Savaii when the offending activity took place was dismissed as “details” by GM, who, it seems, was sticking to his earlier promise to run a “tight ship”.

Sassy Girl BJ had been a naughty girl for heading to Sinalei for lunch at 10am, not returning till midnight and not calling home. Godfather was also cited for leading her astray.

Spanky had to take one for the family as her mum (Ellen) was caught not wearing the requisite blue.

All the Hash paddlers for Nafanua were awarded for coming 2nd in some paddling race earlier last week.

Screamer and Black Adder attempted to nominate TG for claiming to be “special” (TG’s explanation for why she gets away with never having to run) but they were yelled down for repetition by (strangely enough) SOTB and CB. In a none-too-surprising turn of events, Screamer and Black Adder joined TG in the circle.

Captain Mortein launched into a description of some rapid hand actions by a young man loitering by SGBJ’s office but failed to clearly explain what this was about. SGBJ came to his rescue providing the correct medical term for this activity. Both drank.

Lewinsky noted that Crash had yet again failed to bring back the missing Hash mugs and, in Crash’s absence, nominated Karaoke as his closest living relative. Karaoke returned this accusation with a “he’s not my relative” but stated that clearly Lewinsky was. Both drank.

GM, who was obviously getting thirsty, called someone “Ros” and had to take a quick slip-up quench.

Psychodelic noted that a bunch of Hashers had turned up at the races last Tuesday to support a fellow Hasher’s horse, only to have to bear witness to the poor animal coming second to last. CB added to this, claiming that it was the only situation where the jockey was bigger than the horse. Although it turned out this was an Annandale family horse, thus implicating both Godfather and Swinger, Swinger, did the respectful thing and took one for the family.

A birthday award was doled out to Aina, who drank poised on one leg. “Inspirational!” yelled a twice-impressed crowd.

Swinger received the chauffeur award for having complained about constantly having to drive his Hash Mary to the airport.

Awards were handed out to Casey, Captain Mortein, Pirate Princess, Rachel and Lilly for participating in the 10km run on Saturday.

Lewinsky received another award for extra effort – having finished the entire run without short-cutting or catching a cab. He attempted to refute this, claiming he had actually, in fact, short-cutted with GF but this didn’t carry.

Dizzy was nominated for continuing to insure and thus support the rebuilding of the disastrous government slipway (better known as ‘spillway’) at Aleipata.

Peter and Sanna took tipping awards – Peter for gullibility and Sanna for cashing in on it.

Renee, Ellen and Steve were all leaving the next day and were appropriately farewelled.

Cherelle nominated CB for the Gigolo award (although less kind phrases were heard being muttered around the circle) for managing to tag team visits from two Renee’s over the course of a 12-day period. Whether CB has learnt anything from this episode remains to be seen.

Savaii-based PCV’s, Lilly and Rachel were awarded for failing to return home on time to start school the next day. Co-scribe observes that by this stage, GM was fast losing control of his ship – and the keg was showing signs of floatation. Pirate Princess managed an additional nomination for the PCVs, citing them as best dressed on the 10km run. Chris, who had made the uniforms, also participated in this almost-final award.

RingRing (the Hare), Fang and friend (Hosts) took their awards and the pack then fell in a frenzy upon the food before gathering again in a slightly smaller circle to join Godfather with some post-Hash crooning and dancing.

The next Hash will be held at Screamer’s in Siusega. This will be a partial BYO – Hashers who can might want to contribute a salad or some bbq fodder. Screamer assures us the pool will be clean and there should be at least a couple of sausages to go around.

Hash Trash 1521

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Hash Run 1522- Snake Pit- BYO Food

Morning All,
Hash this week will be at the Snake Pit in town. Snake has kindly offered the venue for us to have hash, unfortunately neither Snake or Fang will be there as they are both heading to NZ on Sunday. In any case, Lewinsky, Snakes closest relative will no doubt take the down downs on Snakes behalf as the host :)

It will be a BYO Food Run so bring something to throw on the BBQ and there will be a Keg. If you have any Manu Samoa clothing or anything blue, please wear it as we will most likely run past the big Manu Party in town!

Run starts at 1730 Hrs so make sure your there! Also, does anyone want to voluteer to be the Hare???

On ON

Hash Run 1521- Lewinsky, POD & Family

Morning,
Todays hash run will be hosted by Lewinsky and POD at their home in Taumeasina. Todays run will be a special one. We will be celebrating our Independence, Our Manu Samoa 7s for winning the world series, and now, the Digicel Segavao Fautasi Team for beating the Yank's in their fancy boat and on top of that, it will also be Sid from BOC's farewell hash. So tonight will be a big one! Car pool if you can as there will be numerous down downs, boat races, and all sorts of shenanigans..

Bring a change of clothes if you want to go for a swim after the run.

Check the Map for Directions and the Scribe, as hopeless as he is..has asked if someone could please be co-scribe tonight as he is out saving the world at the moment..Run will start at 1730 hrs

The Theme is Blue to celebrate the Win by our 7s team,and as its the country's national color, lets all make sure we wear something blue to represent Samoa!

On On

Hash Trash 1520

Hash Trash 1520

The Hash was hosted by Bits & Pieces (Goer is still overseas) at their house on Bank Street in Vaoala. Ring Ring and Buzzer were the hares, and they had set a trail with many déjà vu moments all over again. We went down Bank Street and headed up a path into the woods, part of which had been used before. Poumuli led the way until some of the new girls took over with Pirate Princess in tow. As we slithered back onto Bank Street we ran into Godfather who had turned up in the nick of time but had shortcutted with Ring Ring. The trail continued down towards the cattle paddocks on familiar territory and into the valley belowm led again by Poumuli but soon overtaken by Hot Nuts and Cockblocker. The trail took a few new turns here, as we went through a bunch of gardens and back roads until we hit Bernard Street and then on up to Bank Street. A fairly hard run in the end, with some new pieces of trail, so well done to our hares.

Princess of Darkness had thankfully joined us as GM to save us from the vindictive SOTB, and she called forth the newcomers to Apia Hash. There were two young ladies from New York, Rachel and Gwen. Several rethreads were brought forward – Lewinsky, Crown of Thorns, Screamer, Slippery, Strangler, Mad Hatter, Walking Eagle, Nicole, Sonny and Zsa Zsa. Only Strangler had an amusing excuse, that Hash interfered with conjugal activities. The rest were boring but the GM gave them all a down down. Sonny had his hat on so he got another, and CB was brought in on name recognition. There were no new shoes, but the Shoe Inspector avoided his punishment somehow.

The GM had been informed that on this day in history the Brooklyn Bridge had opened (1883), so our three visiting New Yorkers took that award with notable speed. The GM then wanted to know who had brought the chicken franks, which had turned rather small and wrinkled on the grill. Ring Ring stepped forward to cries of “thats what she gets at home” from Eveready, who Ring Ring tried her best to hit with her beer. Celebrity Awards went to Poumuli (letter to the Editor), Captain Mortein (practice makes perfect – ad had his phone number this time), Bits & Pieces (lost sail ad with misspelling) and Pirate Princess (for complaining). The GM also joined in for calling someone Henk.

A Fashion Award went to Zsa Zsa who had been spotted by the GM and Lewinsky wearing a shirt with long sleeves for a change. Sonny got the Fisherman Award from last week, with Lewinsky joining in the Drinking Not Fishing Award, claiming that his lines had been jinxed by COT. Lewinsky’s was made a double for not getting the names right. Eveready gave a Sneaky Award to Crash Bandicoot for having gone to On the Rocks with the GM, ostensibly to help her with the wages when he should have been bringing cocoa Samoa to Eveready. To compound this he had tricked Eveready into preparing a 3.30 breakfast so they could watch the Rugby 7’s in style, which he had to consume solo.

The GM gave an Advertising Award to Gwen for running with a shirt describing her as Really Really Ridiculously Good-looking. COT, who had not been back a few days in her week-long visit, only to be told by CB, SOTB and Crash that not only was her ex Kui Kui married, but expecting a child. The three accepted their Rubbing Salt in Wound Award, while SOTB stated that they were intending to beat Kui but he kept shouting them drinks. Slippery presented Sassygirl BJ with a bag called Sassy Pants from Oz. Zsa Zsa wanted to nominate Hot Nuts for some offence, but not only had Hot Nuts left, the nomination went beyond FBI standards, so a Sesquipedalian Award to Zsa Zsa (look it up).

Sassy nominated a special hasher for offering to rearrange the constitution of anyone trying to break in to her house, so a Hulk Hogan Award to SOTB. Eveready recalled how he had been called to a special Peace Corps fundraiser by Spanky, only to find Gwen, Lily and Rachel out of control on the dance floor. He wanted to award them for shaking him rigid and for arousing the natives. Screamer countered that the natives should join in for getting aroused, but the GM ruled that she should join for defending women’s rights. COT tried to give an award for a sign saying laptop dancing lessons, but it backfired. On the subject of signs the GM had spotted a sign about conserving water in B&P’s house, so he got the Taking Work Too Seriously Award.

Sassy recounted how she had been busy with the BBQ as a hasher came through the gate huffing and puffing, out of breath but all cocky. But he hadn’t even gone on the run, so a Faking It Award to Snake. SOTB nominated Poumuli for the prissy solar lights he had brought to Nusafee, but he pointed out that the lights had been installed by SOTB and CB. All three took the award. Latecummers Chilindrina and AC/DC showed up at that point and also joined in. Poumuli wanted to nominate SOTB for slacking with the posting of the blog, but SOTB used such abusive language in his right of reply that he took the award solo. But then he was joined by CB who got Poumuli’s name wrong. The Host and Hares were then saluted for a great run as we descended on the BYO food, brought by several people and of a great and tasty variety, especially the spicy chilli.

Next week’s run will be at Taumesina at Chez Lewinsky and POD.

Your Scribe will be away for a few weeks so would like to appeal for someone to do the scribing for the next 3 hashes.

On On

Poumuli, IKA Slit

Hash Run 1520- Bits and Pieces & Goer- Vaoala- Bank St

Next weeks run will be a BYO Run hosted by Bits and Pieces and Goer at their home in Vaoala on Bank Street. This is just down the road from Hot Nuts and Nutcracker's house.

Please bring something to throw onto the BBQ or something precooked and make sure you turn up early as it does get dark rather early now. Run starts 1730Hrs. Bring something dry to change into in the even it gets too cold for any of you wussy's.

Check the Map for the Location if you are still confused. There is no theme so far but keep and eye on the blog in case we decide last minute to choose a theme.
On On

Hash Trash 1519

Hash Trash 1519

The hash was hosted by Poumuli, IKA Slit and Wahoo in Malololelei, and a big thanks to Norman Paul for letting us use the premises, and for cleaning it up for us! This was truly a day of hash miracles. It was a beautiful day to celebrate Norway’s Constitution Day, and because of the lack of streetlights up there most of the runners had turned up on time. It was a lovely cool evening as the run started out of the drive. Cockblocker was leading together with some visiting Peace Corps volunteers. The trail was set on finely shredded paper courtesy of Swinger, and your Hare/Scribe had some fun setting the trail as cunningly as possible. CB missed the first turn and was called back, and he then missed the turnoff into the bush and was again called back. He really needs glasses as well as a custodial sentence for his serial pilferage of other people’s shirts. The trail had been hacked through the bushes, and your Scribe valiantly directed runners away from the deep hole that he had found while setting the trail. That was the first miracle – fell in, arse over tit while holding the bag of paper and a sharp machete - only a scratch and managed to get out unaided. The trail then continued up a narrow access track past some cows and their pats, up on to the cross road, where a few false trails claimed our Peace Corps runners. As your Scribe was awaiting the last of the runners by the hole, short cutting cannot be completely verified, but some of you did! Tiger Woody had also been out messing with the trail and sent some people into the back woods – what was he planning? All returned safely to the house where unfortunately there was no running water or coconuts. But there was a keg! If your Scribe may modestly be so bold as to describe that as one of the better runs of recent vintage – and so it shall be recorded.

We were given a surprise visit by Eveready, convalescing after his Lotopa Chain Saw Massacre, but he declined to be GM as he was deliriously on drugs. SOTB took up the GM-ship once again, and welcomed those new to hash. Being quick off the mark, he made the males introduce themselves first. There was a whole bunch of Peace Corps teachers from Savaii brought over by Spanky – Dan from New York, Paul from Minnesota, AJ from Noo Joysey, and Jordan. The girls were then brought forward so that SOTB needn’t waste beer on the guys – Emily from Texas, Lisa from Seattle, Ally from Pittsburgh, Lily from New York, and then the fishergal Mia. Down downs were dispatched at quite varying speeds. There were no new shoes to be found by Deputy Shoe Inspector Snake, so he took that award.

Quite a lot of rethreads – Eveready had been flat on his back, with Karaoke playing doctors and nurses, Slim Shady had been a slacker, Tiger Woody had no real excuse, Blackadder had been visited by his wife and Trina had been in Savaii. As Eveready haltingly made it into the circle on his crutches he complained that the only hashers who had visited him were Lewinsky and someone called Shenene, so it was a double for him. Assisted by Slim Shady to hold the crutches and two glasses, he cast away the crutches after one. Its a miracle – he can walk!

Celebrity Awards went to Shelly (umpteen stories about her fishing prowess resulting in one per story), Titty Galore for hamming it up in the community pages (double), Cherelle for two page story, and FBI (photo in the Observer) which was taken by closest living relative – Snake!?

The GM had been told how one Hash Mere had been complaining of being too sick and tired and couldn’t go anywhere, yet here she was with a brand new Manu Samoa shirt, so an Obviously Scrumming Award to Spanky. The GM also proudly announced that it was a Samoan boat that won the fishing tournament, with Mia as the sole representative getting the Fish Fear Me Award, being joined by Spanky who was getting lippy. Reassembling his blurry mind from last week, the GM recalled the fine form that this one Hash Mere had exhibited as she was pissed off with her beau – an Ungentlemanly Award to Swinger, accompanied by the Hash Anthem.

Poumuli complained that someone had been screwing with his signs on the trail, but since Tiger Woody had left, his closest living relative was deemed to be CB. Once again forgetting his hat, it was made a double. Slim Shady nominated the Peace Corps people from New York and New Jersey – her other village – for leaving to come to Samoa. It was not clear whether she meant that either or neither place had been improved by the move, but Spanky was too boisterous for us to pursue that line, and she joined in the Village Improvement Award.

Shelly, emboldened, made her first nomination for a certain Hash Mere, late and last in the fishing tournament rushing to get her fish weighed in. The reeling walk of yes, Titty G, was described as DUI – drinking under the influence – too much laughter, especially when we got the re-enactment from both of them. CB nominated Karaoke for the Non-Caring Award for neglecting her lovely partner’s sickbed to stop off at the bar. In her defence Karaoke said she needed to get her strength in order to properly carry out the doctors and nurses gig referenced earlier. Eveready had no knowledge of this, so the GM put it to the vote, where not surprisingly CB joined in the award.

The GM had been helping himself to the keg, but in a rare moment of lucidity remembered that it was in fact World Plant Conservation Day, and handed an Environmentalist Award to Swinger (works for CI) and BlowMe (SPREP). Spanky tried her luck at nominating some of the fast guys with their revealing low cut shorts, exciting and/or revolting the Hash Meres on the run, but this became too much for the GM who told her to “put a sock in it woman!” Quite extraordinary. Nevertheless, Cherelle jumped in to the defence and nominated CB for indecent exposure and false advertising (apparently his pants were somewhat see-through – I wouldn’t know, don’t look at such), somehow CB accepted on behalf of King and Country.

Slim Shady, in near FBI form, had been having dinner with Pussysnatcher and Cherelle, the latter grabbing his mamoe bones off his plate as he “doesn’t know how to chew the bones”! This lengthy but rather funny delivery saved Slim Shady from joining Cherelle and PS for the Boner Award. Titty G accused SOTB for not turning up for an important meeting, but he was in fact installing wireless internet for Godfather. But since Spanky could do that in a few hours and not a whole day, the GM reluctantly took the Samoatel Efficiency Award.

Swinger nominated Captain Mortein for the Cranky Award, using an unlicensed taser (there is no license to be had). Poumuli nominated CB for disrespecting Norway Day by not only swiping his shirt at the last hash, but wearing it on the run and only handing it back after wiping his pits with the shirt! The GM also called forth the Chariot Riders – Snake, Swinger and Blackadder. A birthday award was given to Captain Mortein, while refusing to disclose his age, his crankiness made that exercise easy to deduce. Cherelle nominated all the Peace Corps teachers from Savaii for the Resource Depletion Award for threatening the resources of Upolu with their prolonged presence here (not sure which “resources” she felt was under threat?).

The Hare and the Host were honoured, with your Scribe being asked to sing the Norwegian National Anthem. As custom dictates we immediately downed the cup, so it had to be refilled for the actual Hare and Host Award.

The GM closed the circle, lucky for Chilindrina as a latecummer as 1519 was the year Cortez started his pillaging of Mexico. Poumuli had provided reindeer meatballs in gravy, homemade mashed potatoes and Norwegian pea soup (the latter had fermented a bit, sorry if any got upset stomachs), while Karaoke had brought chop suey and rice.

Next week’s run will be hosted by Bits and Pieces as a BYO, details will follow on the blog.

On On

Poumuli, IKA Slit

Hash Run 1519- Malololelei- Poumuli & Wahoo

Morning to you all. Hash tonight will be hosted by Poumuli/Slit and Wahoo up in Malololelei. As its up in the hills, the host hash asked that we please be there early to get the run started on time at 1730Hrs as it does tend to get dark quite quickly up there.
In any case, bring a torch with you to hash and take it with you on the run and maybe something slightly warmer to change into.

Malololelei is up the Cross island road past the Bahai Temple but before Taito's famous tiled house. Look out for the turn off on Kelsey Lane.
The Theme is Red/White/Blue..so wear something along those lines
There is talk of an interesting meal tonight too, so you've been forewarned.
See that Map for directions

On On

Hash Trash 1518

Hash trash 1518

This absolutely marvellous hash was hosted by Godfather, in both Poutasi and Nusafee Island. Many hashers gathered on Sunday at Godfather’s house for a sumptuous toonai, followed by the loading of the boat for the trip across. A lot of beverages and tuff required two trips to complete the transfer. After setting up tents, hammocks and a bar, we enjoyed the afternoon with swimming and relaxing, followed by a barbeque and a bonfire accompanied by raucous singing. Those who went were Godfather, Cockblocker, Titty Galore, Wahoo, Poumuli, SOTB, Aina, Pussysnatcher, Cherelle, Sassygirl BJ, BlowMe and Psychodelic. And while CB claimed that what happened on the island, stays on the island, many stories were recounted the next day.

As we had to wait for the tide, we spent the morning eating, swimming and relaxing, before starting the hectic clean-up as the boat approached. More hashers started to arrive at Godfather’s house as he set off to mark the trail. A bit of confusion at first, as we went up and down the beach road. CB had found a false trail cross, and it took an intervention by Godfather to point Hot Nuts in the right direction. Poumuli picked up the trail next to the bingo hall, and this took us up through the gardens to the main road. A few more false leads, with Captain Mortein being sent on a wild goose chase by Hot Nuts. Down along the main road we passed the Poutasi entrance and found the trail leading through more gardens and down to the beach, and on back to Godfather’s house. It was a really hot but short run, and the hashers who had been on the island were perhaps a bit out of breath. But we gratefully returned to the deck and a cool dip in the water.

SOTB was volunteered for GM, which he unfortunately accepted. There were no newcomers that stepped forward, but Godfather’s phone interrupted the proceedings. Rethreads were Wacko and Luaao from Pago. The GM called out Aina for not introducing herself as new to hash, and she joined the rethreads in the award, which was also in honour of their 25th Anniversary. A New Boots Award went to Psychodelic for her brand new jandals. The GM started off his awards with a Maikolo Award to BlowMe for being a night creeper out on the island – he had done a fair impersonation of a landcrab as he tried to reach his hammock. Poumuli was awarded the Meet Thyself Award for smashing his skull on a poumuli tree, unnecessarily made into a double by the GM.

Swinger, while we were grateful for him bringing the keg, had only brought one bag of ice which had melted, so the GM gave him a Stingy Prick Award. Turning back to the island activities, apparently Godfather had set a rule about no clothing. While some of us had missed this, Titty G had surpassed all expectations as the leader of the pack in this regard – Flaunting Award!

Chilindrina was silenced with a Talking Too Much Award, doubled because of her wearing sunglasses. The GM expressed his confusion as to why two hash meres would go camping on a deserted island and not bring a bikini – Wahoo and Aina were awarded for borrowing bikinis from Titty G. But they did look good, though.

Captain Mortein was spotted leaning, but was asked to remain front and centre for a Male Blonde Award. After receiving his tsunami relief payment he had placed an ad in the paper for a new truck, and was concerned that he was receiving no offers. He had of course forgotten to put his phone number in the ad. Poumuli recounted how Swinger had been given a Genius Award last week, and nominated him for a Now We Know Where He Gets It From Award for his father’s many letters to the Editor. Hot Nuts offered to read out the text, but the turgid prose and delivery only landed him an award of his own. A Cellphonus Interruptus went to Captain Mortein, and no, it was not about a new truck!

Turning back to the island, the GM described the scene, music blaring, and a makeshift stripping pole set up and vigorously utilized by Psychodelic. Your Scribe was either knocked out at this point, as he knows not what a stripping pole is, but we will take the GM’s word for it. Since this was also a major Hash Birthday, Sassy got a double. AC/DC made a latecummers entrance with a full crew in tow. After AC/DC and CB (for name recognition, not). Your Scribe didn’t get all the names but it was a fairly multinational crew that AC/DC had brought.

Since this was International Migratory Bird Species Day, Poumuli nominated Swinger and Hot Nuts for the Professional Bird Watcher Award. Sassy nominated CB for unsafe conduct with a hash mere on the rocks at Nusafee, and was joined by Psychodelic. Getting his wits back, CB nominated Swinger and Poumuli for Not Doing Their Job Award (there was a climate change meeting going on). Poumuli tried to get out of it by saying that he had delegated that responsibility, just as he would delegate his down-down to oops, got BlowMe’s name wrong – doubled!

Sassy nominated CB and SOTB for streaking on the island, with your Scribe joining in for something that is now forgotten. Swinger nominated Hot Nuts for the Stolen Laptop Award (something about late notification to HQ). Sassy also wanted to thank Hash for giving her the best birthday ever, on a beautiful island, with beautiful people and a great bartender – Aina got the Cocktails Award.

Poumuli, who should know when to shut his trap, tried to nominate BB for the honour of leading the Samoan Delegation to the PPSWA in Bali, but the GM thought this too lame so the down down went to Poumuli. AC/DC had been describing how he would be carrying the Olympic torch on its relay through Samoa, but since it was actually the Commonwealth Games torch he got a double Self-Promotion/Delusion Award. BB joined for name recognition.

While AC/DC was introducing his crew his cellphone went off. There was much hilarity as Titty G mistakenly made a baa-baa sound to demonstrate what noise cows make, and BB joined in this Blonde Award. Sassy had been perturbed to see the paths in which the footprints had taken on the island, and nominated Godfather. Sassy joined for making an FBI length nomination. Pirate Princess nominated Hot Nuts for the Kiss My Butt Award, something about short shorts, which Nutcracker joined in for not keeping Hot Nuts in line.

CB wanted to get a group nomination award to all those who did not streak on the island, which the GM unfairly commuted to a single award to Poumuli, accompanied by sundry insults. Sassy thanked Godfather for giving her the best birthday ever, that it had taken her 50 years to get to Nusafee. She also nominated her mouthy son SOTB for cooking breakfast so early in the morning for all. Titty G nominated CB for the Low-riding Shorts Award (really, we do not need to see that crack at dawn). A special award went to BlowMe, who had been sitting in the ocean, rocking along and after a tequila shot exclaimed – ooh, tequila is really nice! That was before his crabwalk back up the beach.

Captain Mortein snagged a Competitive Running Award for trying to be the first Dane to beat a Norwegian, while Sassy commented that for 50 years she had been waiting for grandkids (a bit ambitious that) only to see her son playing happily with Happy Feet – a Whats Up With That SOTB Award. Sassy thanked Godfather profusely for his effort at making the Nusafee trip a success, and noted that this very special person in Hash – our Godfather – rules and rocks! Godfather led us in the birthday serenade. SOTB started to close proceedings by saying how privileged he was to have the best Mum in the world, and the only one that he could call The Bitch. Poumuli snagged a final Whiny Bitch Award for leaning and hiccupping.

Next week’s run will be hosted by Poumuli and Wahoo at Norman’s new place up in Malololelei. Please be on time as there are no streetlights and we need to finish the run on time for safety’s sake. The theme will be in honour of Norwegian Constitution Day, so please wear red, white and blue.

On On

Poumuli, IKA Slit

Mothers Day Hash Run 10th May

Morning All, Mothers Day Hash Run will be at Godfather's house in Poutasi. The run will start at 1500HRS, That's 3pm for those of you that cant figure it out...Godfather has said that he will be supplying sausages and an Umu and possibly a pig, but it would be great if we could all bring something to throw on the BBQ for the day. You are more than welcome to come earlier on and make use of Godfathers house and relax on the beach so bring some snacks and Drinks if you wish to do so.

Swinger will be bringing the Keg out on Monday which Sassygirl has kindly shouted as it is her birthday on Monday..yes, its the BIG 50!..woot woot!...as well as softies for the..well, softies..
Godfather has also offered his house to anyone wanting to come out on Sunday and not camp on the island overnight. There are 2 bedrooms available to anyone that wishes not to rough it out on the island.


CAMPERS...
For those intending on Camping out on the Island on Sunday. We are to meet at Godfathers House at Poutasi at 11am so we can arrange all our gear and load up the boat and head over to the Island. We will have a small lunch with godfather, To'onai style so we are all to bring something to contribute to the To'onai on Sunday.

Please make sure you bring your poison of choice as hash will not be supplying drinks for the camping trip but only for the run on Monday.

Please make sure you bring food to throw on the BBQ for Sunday night and Monday morning Brunch.

Dont forget your camping gear, change of clothes, and any other bits and pieces you think you might need.

So far we have a few tents available, but if you have your own, then by all means bring it. There are lots of Tarps that Godfather has for us to use out there so maybe just a mozzie net if you feel like it.

If you have any further questions, please call SOTB on 7500767

On On

Hash Trash 1517

Hash Trash 1517


The Hash was hosted us all in that it was a BYO, but was organized by Mismanagement and Ring Ring and Buzzer were the Hares. We met up at the fales over by Taumesina. It took people a while to get there, but we set off at a brisk pace out past the rugby fields, with Spanky swaying for attention. Poumuli was in the lead for a while, joined by Swinger, Cockblocker, Pussysnatcher and BlowMe. The trail went down Matafagatele Street and led into the Moataa mangrove reserve. As we crossed the properties and onto the embankment it was not clear whether it was mangroves or trash that was being reserved, but the trail was gentle on the feet. No false trails had been set, but there were a number of necessary checks. CB was unusually attentive to the progress of the main pack due to their being some visiting ladies. Out of the swamp we entered the Vini and Faatoia dirt roads, where Poumuli got to try the taser on some surly canines, and the trail progressed down towards the Vaiala-Vini Road before veering off onto the track connecting to the bridge after Aggie Greys. Several Hashers took the shortcut on Vaiala-Vini, while the rest pressed on past the harbour around to Vaiala Beach and across the narrow river outlet at Vaipuna before getting back along the beach and track to the fales. Those with dry shoes should have been awarded for short-cutting, but this was forgotten. The weather was gentle enough, the track was totally flat, but total length was over 5k.

Princess of Darkness was present as GM and called the circle to order. There were two newcomers to Hash – Stephanie from Melbourne and Alex from Canada, but both were lawyers in Melbourne. One rethread, BlowMe, was welcomed back from Fiji and Tuvalu, but the hash song was done in a whisper as we were not sure if saa was over. We also honoured Shelley’s birthday which she assured us was not a biggie.

To the GM’s displeasure Lewinsky had been chariot riding, with the defence that he was lost in the area! Keeping it in the family Pro Boner had left Titty Galore alone and in the lurch on the seawall, but had to join in for conducting extra training. The GM was pleased that we could now finally see the BBQ due to the wonderful lighting provided by Snake who took his Fiat Lux Award with grumbles. The GM had much more to say, recounting how Captain Mortein had examined Pirate Princess post-run to see how much weight she had lost and then stealing her chips. This became a large Nina von Reiche Award. There being no celebrities this week, there was the revelation that a Genius Award needed to be given to not one but two hashers, for publishing a dry and weighty tome on conservation in Samoa – Swinger and PS.

Opening it up to the floor, Poumuli announced that this was Teacher Appreciation Day in the USA, and since our only teacher present – Spanky – had been defrocked by an inquisitive dog – in front of some kids – she brought a whole new meaning to this special day. Latecummer AC/DC brought with him Annalisa and Andrea from the US, who had been taught the proper Hash protocols this time. Snake had been reading the blog and was unable to understand the new signature that your Scribe is using (Poumuli, IKA Slit). Spanky who of course teaches 5th graders had the answer in a flash, but Poumuli and Spanky had to join Snake in his Not Smarter than a 5th Grader Award.

CB had been attending some high level function (how on earth could that have happened? Lax security?) and had been completely ignored by Swinger. Although he was backed up by PS, Swinger ensured that CB joined in his Snobbery Award for whingeing. This was quickly followed by an Accoutrement Award to CB who had left his hat on. Keeping up the spirit of victimization, Foxy told an unlikely tale (of FBI proportions) of how he had been crowded out of a beach fale by two hashers surrounded by ladies who then drank all the beer. Since he claimed that the perps were CB and PS, the GM decided that this could not possibly be true, and handed Foxy a Tall Tales Award.

Cellphonus Interruptus Award then went to TG, while Captain Mortein was bravely reported for leaning by Buzzer. Strictly enforcing the rules, the GM got CB for trying to chat up the ladies, which was doubled due to the un-CB like behaviour last hash and during this run. AC/DC tried to get away with a phonecall, but his award was doubled for wearing his sunnies. Our newcomer Alex nominated Stephanie and TG for talking, and this became a complicated issue of arguments on the proper award. The GM opted for a boat race with the two lawyers joined by Pro Boner, to compete with Spanky, Ring Ring and Wahoo. Even though Snake and Captain Mortein were appointed judges (about as organized as a dog’s breakfast), the race was fair and the shysters were beaten. Ring Ring celebrated the win with a repeat since she had her hat on during the boat race (not sure about the rule there though).

The recon to Nusafee had been a success, albeit with some automotive problems, and TG wanted to give Lewinsky an award for being so kind to drive the stranded ladies home, but then boring them to tears on the way back to the point that Spanky fell asleep. Trying to defend himself he slipped up on Pro Boners name, so it became a large Boring Old Gentlefart Award. Further tales of woe from the trip down, as Spanky described the vampire features of TG’s car (only active at night), and how they had been vacuously passed by Lewinsky and Crash (so that’s why he tried to be a gentleman – guilt!). She also dobbed in CB and PS for having whinged about the lateness of everyone, when in fact the recon all started in good time.

Lewinsky had complained to Poumuli that while he appreciated the BBQ chops brought to him on Sunday, he had only received one chop. POD was adamant that he had gotten all three chops, and that Lewinsky was stirring up domestic and workplace strife. Pirate Princess was dobbed in for not taking any chops, but under suspicion, and Poumuli for the confusion caused. The GM gave a Breach of Rules Award to Foxy and the visitors for talking.

Stephanie nominated the BBQ cookers for their slowness, which was narrowed down to Snake for being the BBQ owner, and was joined by Stephanie for complaining. In the midst of all of this the GM knocked over your Scribe’s beer, but she nominated Wahoo as her whipping girl. The final awards went to Captain Mortein for Child Endangerment (charging a taser in a child’s bedroom), while Spanky got CB to join in on an Acting like a Child Award (for complaining that he didn’t get to use the taser) – that’s more like our CB – well done!

The hares – Ring Ring and Buzzer – were saluted before we descended on the by now slow-cooked food. The rains erupted briefly but we had the fales for shelter. Check the blog for details on the Nusafee picnic and run, and make sure you sign up for either or both with SOTB or TG.


On On

Poumuli, IKA Slit

Mothers Day Hash Run- Nu'usafe'e Island & Poutasi @ Godfather house

Talofa,

We need to get a fair idea of who will be attending the Mothers Day hash Run next week.
The plan is to head over on Sunday to Poutasi, take the boat across to Nu'usafe'e Island and camp over on Sunday night, return on Monday afternoon to Poutasi by boat and have the hash run and On On at Godfathers House.

The boat will be running ferry trips in the afternoon on Sunday as well as Monday (depending on the tides)

If you intend on coming to camp on Sunday, please post your names below so we can get an idea of numbers to sort out tents and so forth. If you are coming and you have your own tent then by all means bring it. Remember this is real camping, not a 5 star camping trip, its all natural out there.

Its best if we car pool as it is a fair drive unless you want to bring your own vehicles. Appreciate your response so we can arrange this and not leave everything to the last minute as it will be hard to sort things out on Saturday as most of us will still be busy.

If you want to know more about the run, please contact TittyG on 7205455 or SOTB on 7500767.

On On

Hash Run 1517- Taumeasina Reserve

Morning All,
Hash today will be a BYO Food Run at the Taumeasina Reserve where the old "swimming lanes" used to be in Taumeasina. Bring something to throw on the BBQ and make sure you come early as it now gets dark quite quick. Head down towards Lewinsky's place and turn left before taking the dirt road to Lewinsky's house. Look out for the paper.
There will be a Keg there so bring your drinking boots and swimming gear if you fancy a dip after the run.

There may be a small fee to pay when you take your vehicle, so please keep that in mind.

On On

Hash Trash 1516

Hash Trash 1516


This lovely (not) run was hosted by Pirate Princess and Captain Mortein at their house in Vaoala. As he was too busy cooking the Cpt had asked Ring Ring and Buzzer to set the run with the usual sweat inducing effects. We set out from Seascape onto the cross-island road led by Tramp, Poumuli, Hot Nuts and Cockblocker, and for once CB actually found the false trail cross! So off we went down Bernard Street and took a similar route through BlowMe’s house and down into the ravine as we did during Hot Nuts sojourn into the bushes. I am not sure if it is harder to go up or down that trail – as your Scribe has now arse-over-titted in both directions. As we got down to the river it was easy going, but the trail had been cunningly cut back to take us over the top and into the developments by the cow pastures. A lot of checking, but we found it and off most of us went- walkers short-cutted up through to the road by Mynahs. Oh but what a sickly feeling to see the hard rise of Bank Street, and your Scribe was using profanities the whole way. But over the rise and down the cross island road and on home. Late starters Godfather and Pro Bona made it in safely and the sweet nuts could be sucked down as the full moon rose over the hills of Upolu. This was one of the harder runs this year, and while flat on average, was a challenge that needs to be revenged a thousand fold upon Ring Ring and Buzzer.

Our beloved GM, Princess of Darkness had deigned us with her presence away from her breast feeding duties, and Lewinsky had no doubt found a sitter. With her usual no-bull attitude she got the circle assembled and called in the newcomers of which there were plenty. For some reason she started with the blonde AC/DC brought chicks, Lena (Germany), Linn, Lina and Jannicke (from Norway) who all ensured a Name Recognition Award for AC/DC. Helger (Germany) and Irie (methinks USA) were also welcomed by the Hash. For some reason CB joined AC/DC in his award but this was yet another surprise departure from usual behaviour, more later.

Many rethreads were with us, Tramp (no good excuse), Underrated (finding the meaning of life and returning to hash instead), Adrick (too friggin lazy), Delicious (too pregnant), Skunk (overseas), Handjob (travelling the world). All were saluted and serenaded. At this point our hosts had decided that the awards should also be accompanied by a shot of Vanuatu Kava, which after two cups in Vila made your Scribe absolutely legless. This was not going to be your average Apia Hash night, for some. The Shoe Inspector had such an easy time this evening, with the moonlight positively shining off Lewinsky’s new boots, and Snake added that he had even observed their purchase.

Celebrity Awards went to Poumuli (Observer story and letter), Sassygirl BJ and SOTB (photo), Godfather (NZ TV news).Lesbian Vampire Killer had a full page photo in the paper so closest living relative Slim Shady did the honours. As your Scribe emptied his bag at home he realized that BB had been missed out for her photo in the community pages, so hopefully she can be honoured next week. The GM was in full form as she called for a Sleeping on the Job Award to CB, for his inattention to the several beached whales that had appeared and been consumed in Samoa. Unexpectedly, there were no protests, the hat came off with no prompting and there were no whiny bitch comments as to why for example Swinger should not get this award. Well done CB.

But then the GM recounted how Captain Mortein had inadvertently sent a text intended for his wife to Swinger, describing what he had in mind for the evening. Both got the Tainted Love Award, but the rest of us were all left somewhat disturbed. Sleep tight my love indeed. After consultations with the local history oracle, the GM announced that in the year 1516 the Germans introduced the Reinheitsgebot and it was enacted first in Bavaria. This is why Vailima tastes so good, because it only consists of four ingredients – and doesn’t add rice like those absolute gobshite things they call beer in America like Buttwiper, and called for the hashers of German descent to take the Beer Taste Appreciation Award – SOTB, Hobbes, Tramp, Lewinsky and the German visitors.

A disgraceful breach of hash rules had been observed and Snake was Chariot Riding awarded. Returning to the Celebrity Awards, the GM noted that Poumuli’s letter to the Editor had not been signed by his usual nom-de-guerre, but rather as Poumuli, so obviously a Hash spy for the Observer needed some attention. As the only hasher present engaged in that nefarious occupation our resident legal eagle Pro Bona had to be the guilty person in need of the Squealer Award. (Your Scribe breathed a sigh of relief at this relief)

Sadly, our replacement GM for much of POD’s pregnancy, recovery and return, Eveready had had a small accident with a small chainsaw (logically this makes no sense) and according to Karaoke he had done it only to get more attention on himself. So why would the Eveready do such a thing? Obviously the pregnancy of Delicious was getting to be too much on Prime Time, so the culprit for the accident was really Crash Bandicoot for – how does that Samoan banana story go again? Sassy in her usual form, started a story about the Hashers going out to the resort in the hope of getting lucky, but Godfather added the crucial cement to their Italian Watershoes that they had asked him to come along. Yet he had waited for hours for them with no sign of them, nor a call or a text. While Godfather Abandonment is not yet on the statutes in this country as a serious crime, deserving of at least a Fatal Beating or Jandal-whooping, it was agreed by all that CB and SOTB should have a double. Again, no whimpering from CB.

Lewinsky wanted to bring our attention to the excessive aggressiveness shown by Crash towards Delicious, as exhibited by his breaking their bed during an evening of passion. Delicious pointed out that this had taken place months ago (or so we would hope), so Poumuli wanted Lewinsky to have a Chronologically Challenged Award as a result. Our beloved GM was one step ahead though, as she had already decided that Lewinsky should get the award for not breaking their bed, ever!

At this point the keg was running low, so Sassy’s award for over-fit youngsters was combined with the salute to the hosts and the hare – Captain Mortein, Pirate Princess, Ring Ring and Buzzer. A special happy birthday to the lovely Annelise, and then we set upon the table of unhealthy Danish food concoctions that was guaranteed to clog up any arteries cleared through by our vigorous run. (actually food was good and healthy, but the Cpt made a comment about Norwegian heritage that needed retribution)


On On, from Suva

Poumuli, IKA Slit

Nu'usafe'e Reconnaissance trip - 29th April 2010

Afternoon,
On Thursday, we will be doing the reconnaissance trip to Nu'usafe'e Island to see where we can camp over night for the Mothers Day Hash Run followed by a BBQ and Drinks at Godfathers house in Poutasi. For those interested in coming across, please post your name below in the Comments link so we can sort out numbers as well as car pools.

The boat will leave at 3pm due to tide restrictions so if you wish to come over to the island, please be at Godfathers house in Poutasi before 3pm.

If you head out for the bbq, please pick something up to throw on the bbq and grab a few beers or your choice of poison.
If you have any other questions you can call SOTB on 7500767, Godfather on 7773949 or Titty G on 7205455

On On

Hash Trash 1515

Hash Trash 1515

The Hash was hosted by Slippery and family and Spanky at the Slipstream House in Toomatagi. Tiger Woody (AKA Kiwi) was supposed to set the trail, but was prevented from doing so by the sudden appearance of one of the fruits of his loins. Ring Ring therefore took up the challenge to set a decent trail into the backwoods by NUS. As it was getting close to ANZAC Day, Slippery had insisted on red, white and blue, the garish Wallaby colours or Southern Crosses. It was a really warm day with hardly any breeze, so it was with some trepidation that we set out from the gate and up into Toomatagi and past the Magiagi School. We were led by Cockblocker, Pussysnatcher and Cherelle, as Poumuli had to try and deal with the dead rat on top of the car. A few visitors were also making good progress, especially Janelle and Blackadder. With CB in front it was bound to go wrong, so we were grateful to a local fa’fafine for pointing to the paper leading through a garden and into a narrow bush path. This took us through to a taro plantation and up a rather steep hill and down a muddy narrow track before emerging on the road again. Here Ring Ring had created a devious false trail which took ages to unravel as CB was again in front. Captain Mortein and Blackadder came to the rescue at the first point, then Hot Date found the trail the second time CB missed it. It was then an easy but hot run down past Kiwi’s house and onto Cemetery Road before returning up past NUS to the Slipstream House. Apart from all the fluids that were lost it was an enjoyable length for a run and we were all ready to get at Godfather’s sweet nuts.

Eveready was asked fairly nicely to act as GM, and he called the Hash Circle to order. He invited our visitors to identify themselves, disclose marital status and phone numbers as well as why they were in Samoa. There was Nadia from Russia (married to a Samoan), and Janelle and Peter from NZ (visiting Sinalei for a week, he a sheep farmer and kayak manufacturer, she a very good runner!), and the GM decided they should have a down down. The rethreads were Foxy (here for 2 months, but ran with Hash 9 years ago) and Sassygirl BJ (been overseas for an AIDS test). One rethread who declined to step forward was admonished by the GM, but since her Hash Name is Christmas she only comes once a year, to Hash that is. Late cummer Snake was pointed out by Pirate Princess so he joined in the awards. Poumuli mistakenly identified Cherelle as a rethread, based on crap information from Pirate Princess, and took a False Accusation Award.

CB had brought new boots to Hash, and drank from them with no hesitation. Foxy was caught leaning, just as the Celebrity Award was given to SOTB (best man in wedding story in Observer). Sassy commented that it was the closest thing he would ever get to the altar, which raises the point that – Heredity: Everyone believes in it until their children act like fools! SOTB noted that Crown of Thorns had been on TV and that CB as her closest living relative should have her award, which he took with the usual whiny bitch grace.

The GM had a special award to the Hash Mere who didn’t show up where she was supposed to, went to Aleipata, and Spanky for spanking someone else. Slippery assisted in the down down, with the GM earning himself one for slipping up on Slim Shady’s name. The GM gave a Sexual Discrimination Award to Pro Bona for not kissing her dad goodbye, only mum. The GM’s next award went to Titty Galore, for repeating a Crash Bandicoot Award from months back, for bumming a ride to Savaii with Godfather. This was all done in Samoan by the way, so I have no idea why Ring Ring got a down down for asking who ate the bananas.

Pirate Princess was spotted leaning, but in her defense she said she had run the whole trail with the baby in a carrying thingy, only so that Captain Mortein could enjoy himself. An obvious Lack of Chivalry Award to the Captain. SOTB egregiously denigrated Samoans by nominating Poumuli for a Samoan Redneck Award for riding around with a dead rat on his car (there will be repercussions). Keeping it in the family Sassy described how she had had the pleasure of two young hashers, er company, but who had exhibited seriously disturbing behavior involving hands and mouths throughout dinner, and they were not eating food. Pussysnatcher and Cherelle got a Deep Tongue Award.

The GM had been informed of some antics being played out on the Black Sand Beach by a Hash Mere that had now turned the beach into White Sands. Something about this prompted a Indecent Exposure Award for Slim Shady. Sassy nominated Godfather for having Forgotten His Stroke Award, but this was deemed a False Accusation. Again the family tried to emulate her, as SOTB inaccurately relayed what had been the theme for the run, trying to get Poumuli and Wahoo, but the Southern Cross was there on their Manu Samoa shirts so down he went. Still trying hard, SOTB nominated Poumuli for not getting an Assistant Trainee Scribe to document Hash 1514, but Poumuli had a rock solid alibi and nominated Chillindrina’s closest living relatives Spanky and Pussysnatcher.

Slim Shady called out Nutcracker for having worked at NUS for months but no knowing where the toilets were, and a What Smelly Bush Award was given. CB nominated someone called James for the Not Doing Your Job Award (rat eradication) and joined Swinger in this one. SOTB, ticked off by the constant power cuts, had called up EPC to find out more about the problem, only to be told that this section of town was taken care of by Taylor Electric, so Snake got a more appropriate Not Doing Your Job Award. Sassy had enjoyed the run, but felt sorry for a visitor with some cheap sandals, that snapped as he passed her – Peter up for the Cheapo Crocs Award.

Poumuli recounted his return from Europe, meeting up with two legless hashers who had done a Keg Liberation Front move after Hash 1514. But since the two were not present, Wahoo got the award as closest living relative. Karaoke got a Cellphonus Interruptus at that point, while the GM berated Lewinsky with the No Diet Coke Award. Blackadder also had a Cellphonus Interruptus, and informed that it was a call from NZ intended to put him in that spot. The Hosts and the Hare were saluted, before we descended on the feast put on by Chez Slippery.

Next weeks run will be hosted by Pirate Princess and Captain Mortein, with the theme pink girls, blue boys. Also watch out for news on the Mothers Day Hash. It will likely be in, on and around Nu'usafe'e Island, with Sassy putting on an extra keg as it is her birthday. Titty Galore was put in charge of organizing.



On On



Poumuli, IKA Slit