Hash Run 1529- Hot Nuts & Nut Cracker- Bank St, Vaoala

Morning All,
Tonight's run will be hosted by Hot Nuts and Nut Cracker at their home in Vaoala, on Bank Street. This is just down the road from where we had hash last week at Shelly's place. Bring a pair of togs if you want to jump in the pool after the run, and also something warm as it gets cool at night.

Head up to Bank Street, and look out for the driveway on the right, you can park at the top of the property where the Outrigger canoes are.

Thanks again to our hosts from last week and hope your all ready for another mountain run...Call SOTB if you get lost on 7500767

On On

Hash Trash 1528

The Hash was hosted by Shelley and her family at their house in Vaoala. And what a lovely place it was. Coincidentally, an ancient meaning for Shelley is “from the meadow on the ledge” which seemed rather appropriate at those lofty heights overlooking Apia.

It was a lovely sunny afternoon after the morning rains, and the temperatures were just right for the sort of trail punishments that Ring Ring as Hare normally metes out. Sending the pack off on a wild goose chase down the long drive to the Cross Island Road, while your Scribe had prudently hung back, we were directed down the side of the property fence, led for once by Sassygirl BJ, who let Poumuli overtake. Somewhat slow going trying not to step on the taro (apparently the rest of the pack were less respectful of agricultural bounty), we emerged onto the road above, where the trail was reacquired heading right and then straight up into the bush again. While the trail was well marked it was rather murky and the terrain underfoot was treacherous, so not much sprinting was done until Cockblocker in usual hell-bound fashion clopped past. The bush trail continued through some woods until eventually coming out at the foot of Malololelei, where after some searching there was really only the on home down the Cross Island Road. A pleasant natter was kept up by Vai Vai, commenting on the various running styles of the Hash, and generally abusing Swinger and anyone else he caught up with. The taser was only employed twice, to much hilarity and yelping of dogs, but Mad Hatter made a request for taser carriers to escort her next time. All agreed that this was an excellent run set by Ring Ring, a tad hard on the legs, but great scenery and variety. Godfather’s sweet nuts felt better than ever.

Pirate Princess was the guest GM, and with some difficulty called the circle to order (a bit tricky to yell out orders with a sleeping and/or lactating baby attached). The New Boots were warmly welcomed – they were Ralph and Rebecca from NZ who are over studying some bird (nice work if you can find it), Cameron from Oz (also an inmate of the SPREP compound), and Brian from University of Hawaii. The Rethreads, and there were several, were quizzed on their lame excuses for missing hash – Art Whistler (real name, seriously distinguished ornithologist/botanist), Strangler (more conjugality), Sassy (think she was overseas), Greenie (mucking about with projects), Brent (back from the US to stay for a while – he was with us in 2009), Aina (making cocktails, and “been around”!?), Popeye (overseas), Psychadelic (in Oz), Slippery (in Oz) and Pussysnatcher (in Californication).

Pussysnatcher stepped in as Deputy Shoe Inspector and found several new shoes. These were demanded presented to the most sensitive nose we have, namely Snake (not so sure about that, but I guess he can differentiate factory smells from foot mushrooms). Mana, Marc and Cameron were all charged, but Cameron managed to sneak away. Marc did his shoe with Coke! Celebrity Awards went to Sassy (Observer appearance) and Godfather (TV). The GM tried to get Poumuli included, but it was pointed out that the Poumuli mention in the Observer was in relation to pepper plant cultivation and how they best grow on 6 foot Poumuli stumps, so obviously not a reference to your Scribe.

The GM had a few awards of her own – a Vandalism Award to Ring Ring (trail through the taro patch), and Plastic Surgeon Award (Dental Order) to Hot Nuts (new tooth inserted). Opening it up to the floor, Poumuli questioned whether Australians were so thick they needed to be told not to drink from urinals, whether the water was recycled or not, so Vai Vai was given the Water Used Twice Award. Sassy tried to get a child endangerment to someone named Tammy, but in the end Confused By Geography Award went to Titty Galore, Nutcracker and joined by Sassy.

Popeye nominated Greenie for the Meeting Convening and Abruptly Cancelling Award, to no one’s surprise. Eveready, after first overcoming being shook rigid by the GM (she was in lactating phase by now), recounted how Spanky had offered to help Karaoke across a fence on the trail and failing miserably, making Karaoke useless for the rest of the week, so an Honorary Cockblocker Award (Unintentional Order) for Spanky.
Vai Vai had been hankering for some food from one of the local restaurants, only to be told that Lewinsky had just been there and eaten all the beef stew – a Gastronomy Dominance Award was how double-V described it. Sassy then nominated Snake for NOT ogling the GM, at which Snake confusedly looked at the GM, eyes went wide, and an Obvious Peeping Tom Award was handed down. Screamer, in a fit of pique, had most charitably (in her view) agreed to be the Co-Scribe (should be Assistant Trainee if you saw her spelling) last week, and did she get a thank you, noooo, except a tirade from Poumuli (who had to post the blasted thing). Ungrateful Award to Poumuli and Whingeing Award to Screamer.

The Hash was reminded that this would be BlowMe’s last run for a while as he heads back to Wellington and impending fatherhood. We didn’t get a speech as he was quite out of breath after quickly downing the biggest glass. CB wanted all Samoans to take the Tua Let Us Down Award, and Aina and Brian were picked, but CB joined in the Appalling Dutch (Repeat) Award, which he griped about for hours after (you guys messed up my plan, and ganged up on me! Boo hoo). Sassy had retained enough focus to spot that CB had his cap on, so back in he went.

Brazilian Wax was spotted by Swinger trying to sneak in, while BB simply drove up for her Latecummers (Excellent Timing) Award. Vai Vai tried to get a Animal Cruelty Award for Poumuli (saved your arse, won’t happen next time at this rate!), but he somehow got overlooked in the confusion as the GM called for 6 to get their For The Hell Of It Awards – Wahoo, Fang, Swinger, Rebecca, Crime and Chook. The Hosts (Shelley and Tiff) and Hare (Ring Ring) were saluted in the traditional manner, before we descended on the feast laid out for us. We also farewelled the Va’a crew (Marc, Brazilian and Godfather), who mentioned that there was a spare bunk for anyone wishing to go to Tonga.

Next week’s run will be announced on the blog. Also take a look at the fabulous series of photos donated by Slippery from several past hashes, including this one. Malo Slippery!

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Hash Trash 1527

Hash trash 1527

Assistant Blogmaster’s notice – this column has been modified to fit your expectations, and to keep it to Family Hash language. It has also been re-titled to 1527, as Screamer was getting ahead of herself, but thanks to Screamer for the Trash. Poumuli, IKA Slit.

Hash Run 1527 was hosted by Snake and Fang at what has been dubbed “Snake Pit 2” – Senese School at Vaitele.

The much-maligned hare, then known as Peter (aka Spanky’s bro), set his inaugural – and possibly final - trail that seems to have confounded most. Since the co-scribe managed to miss the actual run (a first, she would like noted), she has had to piece things together based on the various whingeing’s of the pack: “false trail right at the beginning going uphill”, “climbing a dirt pile” and “it was all wrong” were heard as the pack trailed in slowly.

Today’s interim GM was Wahoo who had to enlist several (un)helpful hands in calling the circle to order. There were no new boots – a bit of a novelty for Apia Hash of late (CB must be slipping) but several rethreads stepped up – Mana, Alan, Sarai, Mele and Sassy.

Swinger was called on for “Falling in the Snake Pit” (he dropped his car in a hole) but since it was actually Snake guiding him, they both took a drink.

Spanky received the Michael Jackson award for whining about being on a faculty choir.

Hussy of the Week went to Slim Shady for flashing her breasts at the leader of this nation…for 15,000 bucks, co-scribe figures it’s not a bad deal. So impressed was the Circle, that Slim was given the special mug to drink from.

Brazilian Wax received a special award for general good humour and affability – something to do with good behaviour on Rock Da Boat.

The Big Loser World Cup award was taken by CB, SOTB (not quite sure why – he’s German) and Sarai (Lewinsky stood in as whipping boy since she had a medical certificate).

Peter received yet another Overstayer award and we are told he is definitely leaving on Sunday.

Screamer was handed a celebrity award for being generally awesome overall and deserving of such things. (Ed note: is this correct? Shurely some mishpelling…)

A number of awards were dished out to several of those who had participated in boat-based revelry to celebrate Screamer’s birthday. CB was cited for vandalism (generally having a good time, getting excited and breaking a light); SOTB for his puking girlfriend, BB for good behaviour (WHAT?) and Wahoo for getting on the wrong boat and trying to rock da dinghy instead.

Several other nominations continued: Peter for generosity as hare and pointing out the trail to all; Snake for poor advice to a new hare; Marc for indecent exposure (cited by Sassy who was promptly had up for perving at Marc in the first place); Sassy again for apparently getting so worked up thinking about it, she needed “another” shower.

A special mention for SOTB who got the “Please Abuse Me” award for his harem of chicks who seemingly did things to him that had both BB and Titty Galore blushing.

Vai Vai and Chook are trying to buy up Apia so a Colonialism/Entrepreneurial Award was dished out.

It started raining around this point and several disgruntled hashers unanimously called Snake up for the “save the children” award as leaks sprung from the poorly-maintained school roof.

Mana leaned and was caught out. Unfortunately, she’d just discovered what a whipping boy was and got Alan to drink for her.

CB was awarded for something that co-scribe can’t recall but figures he probably deserved it.

BB told a story of ZsaZsa stripping to his yellow undies in honour of Spain’s win and tried to get Swinger to take the fall for this (blaming him for getting everyone drunk) but this resulted in a boomerang award when Swinger told of BB leaving the cooking to check out said undies. Swinger and BB took a couple’s award.

Another gas bottle discussion was held leading to SOTB taking the award. Although it seems this one was a congratulatory award. They finally got it right!

Snake was justly awarded for apparently possessing superhero qualities that enable him to control all the traffic lights in the country.

BB thanked Everready for ruining her Sunday by bringing a keg to the breakfast world cup event which ended in her much-loved friends not leaving till 5pm that evening.

Both Everready and Karaoke were awarded for a fabulous feast held in honour of Desirable on the Saturday.

Shelley, Fang and NutCracker drank simply because they hadn’t yet while Lewinsky was awarded for scoffing large quantities of oysters in an attempt to “break the bed”. Seems he failed on that count but he looked pretty pleased with himself, nonetheless. Choohoo!!

Crime, true to his name was hiding in the dark and was dragged out into the light while Snake was had up for inappropriately discussing the various uses of mother’s milk.

Lewinsky and Crash were nominated for being bachelor-wanna-be’s which involved heading out to a ‘jobsite’ at 10 in the morning but not returning till midnight last Sunday.
Peter got an extra one for this being his last run (co-scribe wonders if the GM herself was a tad over the limit at this point as she’s sure there was an earlier nomination on this).

Screamer was awarded for something that wasn’t clear. She took it anyway in the spirit of the quest to empty the keg.

Fang and Peter took the host and hare award and then a surprise for the hashers! Snake had apparently consulted with the Monk and stood in for an impromptu naming. Peter, who has been with Hash for the past 6 weeks was named…Fiapoko (for those who don’t know – this roughly translates to ‘know-all’) (Ed note: I was told “smartarse”). Co-scribe is not too sure about the appropriateness of the name and fears it is a family thing but hey, orders from the Monk cannot be ignored.

Today’s run was a byo and co-scribe is pleased to note there was plenty of beautiful food to feed the masses. Thanks to those who organized the bbq.

Next run at Shelley’s in Vaoala.

On On
Screamer

Hash Run 1528- Vaoala, Shelly and Family

Morning to you all, Next weeks run will be hosted by Shelly and her Family up at their home in Vaoala. Head up the Cross Island Road and look out for the turn off after Bank Street where Le Spa is. Its across the road from the Shrine of the 3 Hearts. Head to the end of the driveway.

As usual, there will be a Keg and the Run will start at 1730 Hrs

Ring Ring, would you be available to give Shelly a hand with setting the run? You can call her on 7574751.
Bring a change of clothes as it gets cold in the evenings. Also, a big thanks to the Snake Family for hosting last week. See you all there!
On On

Hash Run 1527- SnakePit 2 @ Vaitele- BYO Food

Morning All,
Tonight's run will be hosted by Snake and the family at Vaitele...Snake Pit 2...This will be a BYO Food run so bring something to throw on the bbq. There will also be a free keg on tonight. Prepare yourself to climb a few steep hills :)

When you head up the Yazaki Road..its on the left hand side, before Maota O Samoa. Look out for the paper and the Senese School sign
See the map below for directions.

On On

Hash Trash 1526

The Hash was hosted by Poumuli and Wahoo up in Vaoala. As this was a very-last-minute decision because Mismanagement had so royally screwed up, it will be freely admitted that the run that was set was the most abysmal, boring, short and un-entertaining run in the history of the Apia Hash. But – the Blogmaster had issued his continued warning about escaped rapists lurking in the gulley, so safety trumped more fun, at least in the view of your Scribe.

The run basically went down towards Mynahs, but turned in down what has been labelled Mafia Lane, for a false trail. Back up the hill, with Cockblocker leading the way for a false trail down Bernards, then up past Bank Street and the Catholic shrine, before ending up behind a trailer where an arrow and an on-home had been vandalized. Back down to Vaoala and the taste of Godfather’s sweet nuts.

Spanky stepped in as GM, and called forth the first time visitors. There was Syb from Oz, Carolyn and Miriam from Oz via Tonga, and Marc the Ecuadorian Frenchman who steers the Samoan va’a. The rethreads were Venom (back from school), Brynn (sailing the Pacific), Underrated (also back from school?), Vai Vai and Chook (touring the world), Mustang Sally (lost in the bush), and Brazilian Wax (who had been beating the bush). Our American PCers had been in Savaii and had escaped again.
Snake stepped in as Shoe Inspector, and thought he had found a new pair, but nearly fainted upon smelling them and had to be revived with a down-down. He was joined by Marc who had run in jandals! Celebrity Awards went to Marc and Godfather (Observer story) and the rest of our famous sailors Brynn and Brazilian Wax. Birthday girl Stephanie was saluted together with SOTB, since this was also the Feast Day of St. Antony.

Our GM had done her repeat performance again as Wahoo had said she’d rather have a drink, so the GM obliged her with the big cup, which need Poumulian assistance. Ring Ring interrupted then as Peter, Spanky’s brother had burped the hash song, which while an admirable gift is not really the done thing. In return the GM noted how Ring Ring had been working out on the rowing machine after turning up early. She took it down – fast!

The GM rather self-importantly pointed out that these were very important days for certain North Americans (Vai Vai muttered something in Cobber), so she got all the Yanks and Cannucks into the circle. Eveready tried to get out of it because he hasn’t renewed his passport, but it was pointed out he still has the uniform, which doesn’t fit! He managed to stay out. The GM also called in the World Cup Award for any awesome Germans in the Hash, found none, so she gave it to SOTB. Bits and Pieces refused on patriotic grounds, rightfully so, to join the invaders of so many countries.

Showing a prodigious knowledge of history, the GM noted that 5 July 1937 was the day that SPAM was launched on the unsuspecting world and particularly Pacific Islanders, so she called in SOTB (works for IT), Peter (has been to the SPAM Museum), Rachel and some others from the town where SPAM was born (sorry, lost track there), but they were joined by Titty Galore who professed to just love Spam.

The visitors from Tonga had been appalled that the Samoan men tear their shirts off in public, as that is not done in Tonga, but while this state was initially noted, the GM spotted signs of drooling, so a Backfire Award was given but surrounded by some Stripping Samoans. One reason your Scribe took such crap notes this week was the incessant chattering by two Hash Meres, so Karaoke and Titty G got the Nattering Nabobs Award. An innovation to the circle was introduced by the GM – a quiz! Who in the Hash was likely to have said “bugger all lighting, poor workmanship”- after a vote it went to Lewinsky, Snake and Poumuli.

Karaoke told a sad sob story of how she used to run the Hash every week for so long, and that lately she had been missing so many because of Eveready (hospitalization, falling out of trees, chainsawing his own leg, etc.). In his defence Eveready pointed out that he had been injured doing all that work for Karaoke, but Poumuli dredged up his older Hash name of Neveready, sealing the award, and Karaoke joined him for putting up with all this.

SOTB nominated Poumuli and Wahoo for the Hash Heroes of the Week Award for coming forward at the last minute, although Wahoo had only been informed of this joyous news at around 3 PM by Laura. SOTB joined for generally deserving another one. Poumuli nominated our resident grumpy letter writer to the Editor. Vai Vai has been back 4 days and nothing has been sent yet to the Observer – he was joined by the other grumps Snake and Bits and Pieces. SOTB also nominated Marc for steering our sailing hashers safely back. The GM nominated Chook for the Patience Award, one supposes generally for putting up with Vai Vai. Peter had to join in for some reason.
Eveready had offered the returning Mustang Sally the use of a car, but it took her three days to come and get it, so a Drunken Revelry Award (Auto Safety Division) was given. Poumuli nominated Snake for the Demonstrating A Safe Work Environment Award as he had tried to put in a lightbulb precariously perched on two mismatched beer crates. Bits and Pieces finally took his World Cup Award, and was joined by fellow clog-dancing, cheese-eating Cockblocker.

The Host and the Hare, Poumuli and Wahoo were saluted in the traditional manner, before food was served on the balcony, a combination effort of bbq, Norwegian Pea Soup, salads and bread.

Next week’s run will be at Snakepit No. 2 in Vaitele, and will again be a BYO, given Snake’s concern over escalating costs of hosting. And this time Wahoo WILL BE the GM!

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

As a post-script it should be noted that Cockblocker lived up to his name later in the evening, when one of the visiting ladies paid a nice compliment to one of the Hashmen. Not being able to tolerate anyone else within 100 yards of him getting a compliment, Cockblocker proceeded to denigrate said Hashman in meanest terms of heads getting too big. One for next week for CB please.

Hash Run 1526

Afternoon,
Poumuli and Wahoo have kindly offered to host tonight's run at Poumuli's home in Vaoala. The run will be a BYO Food Run so please bring a little something for the BBQ.
The keg has been ordered and hopefully it doesn't rain tonight.

Map is below, Run starts 1730Hrs.

Many thanks again to Poumuli for offering last minute to have us miss-fits at his place.

On On

Hash Trash 1525

Hash trash 1525
A wet and dreary afternoon made many of us apprehensive as to the run, especially since the Hosts had indicated that the run would be a wet one. In any case, the skies cleared enough and we were all energized by the highly alternative approach to hashing that had been suggested by Psychadelic, who hosted with Nutcracker, Mad Hatter and Gloria. It was basically “’An Amazing Race”’ type of quiz run, with different questions for the short run and the long run. We set off through the gates, but immediately Poumuli, SOTB and Screamer went the wrong way and didn’t hear the cries of “’wrong way”’! So we ended up going almost down to Lewinsky’s before rejoining the actual trail at the water crossing at Vaiala Beach. The questions took us down past the port, into Aggie Greys, past the Coffee Bean and the UN building before turning back down the track to the house. For those who had taken the longer version the relief was deliciously quenched by Godfather’s sweet nuts.
Spanky made her first appearance as GM, and welcomed the newcomers to Apia Hash. These were Laura (visiting Stephanie, from Sydney) and Jenny (a teacher at Lufilufi, Yankee). The rethreads were called forward and asked for their lame excuses. Stephanie had been under a rock and on the rocks, Chris had been on the Gold Coast (hashed with us in the mid-80’s), Strangler had been on conjugal duties (he’s used that one before!) and Casey had been playing soccer. Celebrity Awards went to Screamer (MDG march), Swinger and Godfather (Observer vaka story), Pro Boner (twice in Observer, looking lawyerly) and Shelly (Chef de Mission to the Commonwealth Games).
Assistant Shoe Inspector Snake had espied some brilliantly shining new shoes, but Chris had stealthily replaced them with jandals. Snake gave him the option of drinking from the Snakeboots, but Chris demurred and drank through the jandals, which was gross enough. Psychadelic then took us through the answers to the quiz, with Spanky supervising in true School Marm style, which saw Lewinsky getting the Pen Stealing Award and Screamer an Argumentative Loudmouth Award. SOTB, Poumuli and Screamer all took DumbAss Awards for heading out the wrong way on the run.
The GM had been observing some extraordinary athletic activity over the weekend, so BlowMe got a combined Endurance Award and SgtMajor Expansion Award. The GM had also been told that Pirate Princess and Captain Mortein had gone to Savaii for their anniversary, and had found an ad for the Experience of a Lifetime, featuring Lewinsky and POD, which resulted in a large one for our humidorian. Crash Bandicoot had been very helpful to the GM with arrangements, yet she was a much more successful GM than he had been last week, as at least she had turned up!
An amusing story of Opportunity Lost was told, involving SOTB and a Poly air hostess, who had enquired if SOTB was really rich (thats a good one), which makes this a Mile Low Club Award. The GM had spent a nice day at the beach with a certain Hash Mere, who in trying to dispel the myth that she never has fun decided to take some pictures. What was the object Screamer proceeded to immortalize – her own icecream. Poumuli asked if this should be the IceScreamer Award, and had to join in for lameness.
SOTB, reverting to the tales from Savaii, noted that this was very poor form for a hasher when the resort wouldn’t give them a second night for romanticism, but then Pirate Princess and Captain Mortein had brought their daughter along anyway – all three got the down down by vote. Snake then noted how Pro Boner’s first day in court had ended with a guilty verdict for her client – not exactly how it goes on TV, eh? Snake also wanted all the Oz women to step forward in honour of their new Prime Minister, so that we could all see what a backstabber looks like.
Blackadder nominated all the English, for losing so badly, and all the Germans for winning so grandly for a Poetic World Cup Award – BlowMe, Swinger, SOTB, Snake and Blackadder all joined in. The GM had more to tell of the romantic couple. She had been informed by Captain Mortein that Pirate Princess had been sick the whole time over on the boat, but rather than request a stay in the down-downs, he asked her to award as many as possible! Unchivalrous Award to the Captain.
On that note Screamer was incensed that two Hash Meres had to man the barbeque, and asked why SOTB had not offered to cook. He airily replied that it wasn’t his job, and he only stepped up in the past as all the women were too lazy. Pro Boner clarified that SOTB, Crash and Lewinsky had been asked nicely and had all refused to help. The GM did the Solomonic thing and gave all five the award.
Poumuli nominated Eveready for a combined Getting Lost/Chariot Riding Enticement Award. Eveready’s defence rested on being continually (or continuously?) being distracted by Karaoke, but for some reason both he and Poumuli were the recipients. Screamer nominated Hot Nuts and Nutcracker for the Dedication to Sports Award for being timekeepers at the swimming tourney (not judges for the synchronized swimming, as she first thought). SOTB wanted to nominate Poumuli for his new, unasked for, job as Assistant Blogmaster, while Poumuli requested that SOTB join in for his impending Putting At Risk a Whole (Sub-)Continent Award as he travels to India and seeks to insert himself into the community.
Pirate Princess must be getting senile as she tried to get SOTB nominated for his False Advertising t-shirt, but since this has been done many, many times now she was forced to accept it herself. The GM nominated her brother Peter for the Overstayer (Dawn Raid Memorial) Award. Eveready had missed hash last week to go to Pro Boner’s celebration, but had ended up carrying a somewhat inebriated Karaoke home, taken advantage and been treated like a King for a week. As we couldn’t understand what the complaint was about, Karaoke took the award, muttering something about advantages. SOTB nominated Godfather for the Endurance (Paddling) Award for leading his paddling team from start to finish. It was pointed out that this was his job, so Lewinsky and SOTB joined for a Beating the Screamer Team Award. Pirate Princess spotted some hashers sitting in a separate circle, so the two offenders were brought in on a Splitters Award.
The hosts and the hare were saluted in the traditional fashion. BB couldn’t tell us where the next hash is going to be so she was finally given a Lame Hareraiser Award. A sumptuous feast had been laid on for us that was enjoyed by all.
On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Hash Run 1525

Next weeks run will be hosted by Psychadelic, Mad Hatter, Nut Cracker and Gloria at Psychadelic's House in Taumeasina. The house is at the end of a village track that runs immediately opposite the bowling green at Apia Park, midway between 2 main front entrances to Apia Park.

There will be a run and walk circuits but they will be a little different than normal being based on clues and a quiz, so bring a pen or pencil. A little bit of background swotting of the area may be useful.
This will be different to our normal paper/flour trail, its more like....the amazing race..but with a smarter bunch of people...haha..anyway, bring a pen/pencil and some scrap paper and your sharp minds

Run starts at 1730 Hrs and as per the norm, we will have our Keg present.

On On

Hash Trash 1524

Your Scribe is back from international climate change exile, and raring to go. Having watched the blog from abroad there was a distinctive lack of enthusiasm from the Assistant Trainee Scribes as they realized that there was work involved in this lark. So it’s going to be further downhill from here I am afraid!

The run was hosted by Swinger and BB in Siusega. Swinger had been observed on the road sweating like the well proverbial porcine, and we all knew that he intended for some serious running to be done. It started off easy enough out the gate and then while Poumuli led off to the right, BlowMe found the trail heading off towards Aleisa. We ran up the gentle slope, several catching a breather before the top, when the trail led off through a garden path and into the bush. While this lasted a few minutes it was enjoyed by all, strange barking creatures amused, as we headed onto the road on the other side. A decidedly well-marked trail led away up the hill again, to which Godfather remarked “’thats too easy”’, but BlowMe gamely trotted away followed by Hot Nuts and Poumuli. Yes it was too easy – false trail, and curses at the lack of an established rule for such things. Down the hill instead, and the sun was just cresting the clouds as we hit the sports complex. A moments hesitation but the trail led into the cross roads bisecting the complex, and eventually all made it back home. BlowMe, Poumuli and Zsa Zsa ended up taking a slightly longer cut home, as determined by the fact that FBI was in front of them!

Hot Nuts had been designated GM for the evening and welcomed all to the run. Lots of newcomers – there was PokeHerHiney, Weapon of Ass Destruction, Fat Upper Pussy Area and Will from South Carolina who were visiting on a yacht. There was also Son of Long Dong from Australia. At this point Cockblocker arrived late with a bunch of friends, nothing but lame excuses, and joined the newcomers in a down-down with Matt, Brendon and Louis. CB had drilled them well, as even the baseball cap came off at the last minute – it was not repeated though.

The rethreads were Adric (been doing pilates), Hot Nuts (forgot why), Long Dong (plain forgot), Shelly (socializing) and Poumuli (internationally gallivanting). FBI and Lezzie managed to sneak under the radar for a while, but FBI was eventually brought in, claiming some strange medical defence and getting CB as his whipping boy.

The GM opened for nominations, and Captain Mortein quipped that it was the first time a GM had chipped a tooth while opening a coconut – no contest there. Poumuli nominated the Assistant Trainee Scribe, ostensibly an education adviser, for getting Psychadelic’s name wrong on the blog. The GM agreed and called it the Illiteracy Award. Many celebrities this week, but only one with a closest living relative – CB took one for Cherelle for having her photo in the Observer.

The GM, having pondered the loss of his tooth, all of a sudden remembered that he had asked Swinger for advice as to where he could go fishing legally on the weekend. Where Swinger sent him it was a) illegal, and b) a large matai to make him cease and desist – so for uncivilized behaviour and putting a fellow hasher in danger Swinger took his just awards, while muttering that he gotcha’.

Shelly told a horrific story of having been slapped by a Hasher in front of guests, so CB received a Vicious Brute Award. Pirate Princess, always a bit slow on the nominations, remembered that Godfather had been on TV, to which BlowMe added the Ancient Wisdom Award for his “too obvious”’ comment on the trail. Screamer nominated Pirate Princess for the Bad Parenting Award for first having left the childs bottle behind, then yelling about trying to find it, and eventually not caring less that it had been located. BB got Screamer for another late celebrity award for having spoken at the MDG rally at Government plaza, square, buildings or whatever it is called. Psychadelic arrived late and nonchalantly took her award.

Another latecomer Pele was sought coerced into the awards by Screamer, but for some reason Swinger had to take it. Screamer had also bought a load of Hashshit (stuff left over at last hash by people without a care), most memorably Godfather and his jandals! Psychadelic had apparently left all her clothes, but avoided the GM for some reason (must arrange something next week!). And then Screamers phone went off again!

CB made some blatantly self-serving accusation about hashers who call themselves environmentalists, so Hot Nuts, Poumuli and Zsa Zsa had to take the Making CB Feel Good About Himself Award. Screamer rejoined that Swinger had been the one to complain about Styrofoam, but for some reason (GM was getting loaded) he got out of it. That was because some New Shoes had been discovered, and newbie PokeHerHiney took the award very well. BB then nominated the former Miss Samoa and Miss South Pacific for a down down – I guess only because Mana is pretty and has finally decided to run with us.

For a further inexplicable reason Poumuli was singled out for opprobrium over the International Whaling Commission, and under protest that he hadn’t eaten whale in years, that it tastes like shite anyway, he accepted the Minke Award. Louis accepted the FIFA World Cup Participated Award on behalf of France, while Pirate Princess, Wahoo , Mana and Kiwi Tiger Woody got the Lost Shortcutters Award, which PP sprayed all over Adric.

The GM wanted to acknowledge the visiting hasher with the hash name of worst connotations for the Pacific. While the GM had thought the name was WMD, he didn’t realize the doom it spelt for the 3rd sex, so a Fa’fafine Endangerment Award went Weapon of Ass Destruction. CB nominated all the kiwis present for doing so well in the World Cup – Blackadder, BlowMe, Matt, Brendon and CB. A cap was worn during the award so a double for the offender!

Poumuli noted that we were getting very close to the shortest day of the year, so close in fact that it was today – so he nominated the shortest runner present for the Unusually Sensitive to Gravity Award – Shelly. PP caught Allan and Kiwi leaning, while Screamer nominated our ocean going visitors for an extra down-down (must find out about the name of their ship – William Picket). The longest person doing the run was also honoured – Long Dong got the Viagra Award.

CB wanted another nomination to all the Samoans in honour of the Manu 15 playing like well dogcrap. Bits and Pieces got one for the hell of it, and then we saluted the host and the hare. Psychadelic chimed in that as hosts for next week they would like everyone to bring a pen or pencil, and paper, for writing on. So we are in for a non-traditional twist to the run next week.

On On

Poumuli, IKA Slit

Hash Run 1524

Next weeks Run is kindly being hosted by Swinger and BB at their home in Siusega, Faafetai Lave. The house is across the main entrance to the Cricket Grounds at Tuanaimato. Run will start at 1730Hrs and as usual, there will be a keg so bring your drinking boots...

No theme has been mentioned, so come in what ever you want and bring a change of clothes as it tends to get a lot cooler in the evenings now. If you need any more info, you can call BB on 7572222 or Swinger on 7770787

Map is below for directions

Hash Trash 1523

HASH RUN 1523 was hosted by the one and only Screamer and first time hare Allan.

New People: Aro, Pirate Princess’s Sister who was having her 20th birthday, and many guests from the Vaka! The rethreads were also plentiful, with Crash, Crime, Delicious (Whipping boy of Lewinsky), Murray and Cath (who did hash when they lived here in 1984!), Brynne who had the best excuse of being on the Vaka, and Allan and Mana.

DOWN DOWNS:
Apparently last week at the Snake Pit, CB generously volunteered to use his extremely large muscles to climb over the bathroom door to unlock it. After making it over the door, he found out that it wasn’t even locked!

Down down to Sassy and Mana for complaining about how long the run was when they even took a shortcut! Tisk tisk!

Twins award to the two blokes named Murray, the two named Kent, and to Princess and her sister for having the exact same running style.

Celebrity Award to Godfather for being in the paper twice and on TV once.

As the run started a bit late, Murray expressed his worry about his wife because she hadn’t returned by the time he got back, yet Lewinksy returned before POD but wasn’t at all worried about her!

New Boots for Pirate Princess’s sister who wore her new netball shoes that Captain Mortein had bought for her. Down Downs for the whole family! Soon after this, Telephonus Interuptus to Princess’s sister – and a down down to Princess for not explaining the rules!

Since the fence on one side of Screamer’s lawn was locked, everyone had to go around to the other door which was through a muddy driveway. When Crash arrived, he originally asked his beautiful pregnant wife to climb over the fence! Then when she refused he asked her to walk down the driveway on her own so he wouldn’t get his tires dirty! Shame!

Down down for Wahoo who was heard proclaiming she was only at hash this week to get drunk and had no intention of running – “Poumuli’s not here so I’m going crazy tonight!”

In another shockingly honest moment, when Lewinsky asked for Mosquito Repelement (not a typo – he actually said that), Everready replied that when he can’t find repellent he “pulls out his dipstick and rubs it on his head!” Everready claims this had something to do with a car, but none of us agree.

After weeks upon weeks of missing mugs, the mugkeeper finally returned, but a few mugs are still MIA. Down down for Crash!

Swinger went for show and tell, citing a certain Hash Mary for skinny dipping and leaving all her clothes AND her wallet behind at Sinalei AND for not remembering until the next morning! Screamer came forward to collect her belongings and thanked the two Hash Men who drove her home despite her obnoxious behaviour. GM gave SOTB and CB the Chivalry award. All three drank, although Wahoo had to stand in as whipping lass for Screamer.

CB added that this was the second time he had driven Screamer home in a similar situation and GM noted CB was advertising about how often he gets to drive Screamer so he got a second down down.

Down down to Spanky and Peter for telling the cooks to be careful with the bbq because it was marinated in their tears.

GM observed that Ring Ring, who had led the pack during the run, had found and ignored both false leads. Ring Ring got a down down along with Allan and Crime for setting falsies that nobody fell for.

Little Kent got a down down from Sassy Girl BJ for something that co-scribe can’t recall.

Sassy Girl BJ gave Screamer a wanna-be Sinalei Staff Award for wearing a puletasi in similar colours.

Fang was cited for leaning.

Peter nominated Spanky for coming home at 3am and having to wake him up to let her in because she lost her key – AGAIN.

Sassy nominated Psycho and Slippery because they hadn’t had one yet.

Screamer supported her fellow nautical Hash Mary Brynne for her superhuman sailing skills and for spending so much time on the Vaka. Malo Brynne!

SOTB nominated Captain for the Poor Parenting award for “leaving his daughter alone walking by the pool.” It was noted that this was a complete fabrication and SOTB was welcomed front and center to take his punishment.

Tough times for SOTB when he was then nominated by Little Kent – turns out SOTB said he would go surfing then just sat in the boat and rode NO waves! The real kicker is that CB asked SOTB how the surfing went and SOTB lied to say it was nice!

SOTB was maybe a bit perturbed at being caught lying twice now, so he changed the subject by nominating BB for not doing enough work as the Hare Raiser. NOTE – was just confirmed on Friday that run will be at BB’s and Swinger’s in Siusega.

Malos go out to: BBQ boys who didn’t even need to be asked to help out with the cooking, to Screamer who was coerced into hosting, and to POD, as per usual, for being a great GM! Speaking of which, POD is looking for future GMs to take over for a couple of nights every now and then. Interested? Speak up!

At this point as the circle was finishing up, Godfather got his fourth telephone call! As it was finally too much to ignore, Godfather took the last down down of the night.

Next week will be at BB and Swinger’s place in Siusega. Check the blog for directions and see you there!

Hash Trash 1522

Run #1522, dubbed the “Manu Samoa Special”, was hosted by Snake and Fang at the Snake Pit in town. The trail itself was another Ring Ring special.

The long weekend laziness appeared to have set in as Hashers wandered onto the main road and headed for the hills at snail’s pace. They eventually gained momentum as the trail was sniffed out and the pack turned left at the Ah Liki complex whereupon the usual chain of events ensued. Cock Blocker and Pussy Snatcher took off wildly down the road, not stopping to look for markers. A few others followed unsuspectingly. They were eventually called back as some of the more astute picked up the trail, which led down a small side street and back up towards Palisi. At this point, there was some concern about the steep uphill climb but most managed this without too much complaint. The rest of the run was largely uneventful for the followers (your co-scribe being one of these). The lead team followed a few false trails but found their way back fast enough to still stay ahead of the followers. The trail led back onto the main (Airport) road, past the market and Bluebird Hardware and then on home. The excessive stretching that ensued suggests that it was a good run for even the fittest.

The Hash Circle was called to order by GM Ever-ready, who opened proceedings with a toast to the Manu Samoa, followed by a second toast to the SegaVau Fautasi team that had recently emerged victorious over the “Eastern Block”.

Pro Boner, Black Adder, Renee(#1), Lewinsky, Aina and Cherelle drank for not wearing blue in honour of the various Samoa victories of late.

A throng of visitors was introduced: Sanna and Brandon (who had come with Aina), Steve, Ellen and Peter (Spanky’s family), Chris (Spanky) and Renee #1. Renee said she had come with someone called Schanelle and there were riotous calls for a CB down-down but GM ruled that Renee#1 had indeed been well-schooled on the correct name of her host so she ended up with a double.

Rethreads were Blow Me and Dizzy, both apparently on recent reconnaissance visits of Hash meets in other countries. Blow Me however, was unable to sate GM’s curiosity regarding the attire of Rarotonga Hash Marys.

Black Adder was sporting new shoes and he proceeded, with absolutely no prodding, to drink with aplomb out of one of these. Not a drop spilled. “Inspirational!” yelled the rather impressed Hashers.

GM then cited Lilly for overly enthusiastic shaking of something during the Hash song and SOTB for confused messaging on the Hash blog regarding whether or not this was a BYO hash.

Screamer was cited for incompetence for failing to deliver the Hash trash on time and then apparently having the gall to ask SOTB whether he had managed to upload it. She attempted some explanation but this of course, was ignored.

Fang had an anti-environment award via CB, who was indignant on behalf of the whales about the use of foam cups despite several earlier attempts to stop this.

Titty Galore was nominated for failing to take advantage of the hard work of the Hare and for consistently turning up to Hash after the run. It appears she was handed a double.

A lengthy discussion regarding half priced Crown beer resulted in both Lewinsky and CB being awarded for trying to flog expired beer to the community. CB’s alibi that he had been in Savaii when the offending activity took place was dismissed as “details” by GM, who, it seems, was sticking to his earlier promise to run a “tight ship”.

Sassy Girl BJ had been a naughty girl for heading to Sinalei for lunch at 10am, not returning till midnight and not calling home. Godfather was also cited for leading her astray.

Spanky had to take one for the family as her mum (Ellen) was caught not wearing the requisite blue.

All the Hash paddlers for Nafanua were awarded for coming 2nd in some paddling race earlier last week.

Screamer and Black Adder attempted to nominate TG for claiming to be “special” (TG’s explanation for why she gets away with never having to run) but they were yelled down for repetition by (strangely enough) SOTB and CB. In a none-too-surprising turn of events, Screamer and Black Adder joined TG in the circle.

Captain Mortein launched into a description of some rapid hand actions by a young man loitering by SGBJ’s office but failed to clearly explain what this was about. SGBJ came to his rescue providing the correct medical term for this activity. Both drank.

Lewinsky noted that Crash had yet again failed to bring back the missing Hash mugs and, in Crash’s absence, nominated Karaoke as his closest living relative. Karaoke returned this accusation with a “he’s not my relative” but stated that clearly Lewinsky was. Both drank.

GM, who was obviously getting thirsty, called someone “Ros” and had to take a quick slip-up quench.

Psychodelic noted that a bunch of Hashers had turned up at the races last Tuesday to support a fellow Hasher’s horse, only to have to bear witness to the poor animal coming second to last. CB added to this, claiming that it was the only situation where the jockey was bigger than the horse. Although it turned out this was an Annandale family horse, thus implicating both Godfather and Swinger, Swinger, did the respectful thing and took one for the family.

A birthday award was doled out to Aina, who drank poised on one leg. “Inspirational!” yelled a twice-impressed crowd.

Swinger received the chauffeur award for having complained about constantly having to drive his Hash Mary to the airport.

Awards were handed out to Casey, Captain Mortein, Pirate Princess, Rachel and Lilly for participating in the 10km run on Saturday.

Lewinsky received another award for extra effort – having finished the entire run without short-cutting or catching a cab. He attempted to refute this, claiming he had actually, in fact, short-cutted with GF but this didn’t carry.

Dizzy was nominated for continuing to insure and thus support the rebuilding of the disastrous government slipway (better known as ‘spillway’) at Aleipata.

Peter and Sanna took tipping awards – Peter for gullibility and Sanna for cashing in on it.

Renee, Ellen and Steve were all leaving the next day and were appropriately farewelled.

Cherelle nominated CB for the Gigolo award (although less kind phrases were heard being muttered around the circle) for managing to tag team visits from two Renee’s over the course of a 12-day period. Whether CB has learnt anything from this episode remains to be seen.

Savaii-based PCV’s, Lilly and Rachel were awarded for failing to return home on time to start school the next day. Co-scribe observes that by this stage, GM was fast losing control of his ship – and the keg was showing signs of floatation. Pirate Princess managed an additional nomination for the PCVs, citing them as best dressed on the 10km run. Chris, who had made the uniforms, also participated in this almost-final award.

RingRing (the Hare), Fang and friend (Hosts) took their awards and the pack then fell in a frenzy upon the food before gathering again in a slightly smaller circle to join Godfather with some post-Hash crooning and dancing.

The next Hash will be held at Screamer’s in Siusega. This will be a partial BYO – Hashers who can might want to contribute a salad or some bbq fodder. Screamer assures us the pool will be clean and there should be at least a couple of sausages to go around.

Hash Trash 1521

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Hash Run 1522- Snake Pit- BYO Food

Morning All,
Hash this week will be at the Snake Pit in town. Snake has kindly offered the venue for us to have hash, unfortunately neither Snake or Fang will be there as they are both heading to NZ on Sunday. In any case, Lewinsky, Snakes closest relative will no doubt take the down downs on Snakes behalf as the host :)

It will be a BYO Food Run so bring something to throw on the BBQ and there will be a Keg. If you have any Manu Samoa clothing or anything blue, please wear it as we will most likely run past the big Manu Party in town!

Run starts at 1730 Hrs so make sure your there! Also, does anyone want to voluteer to be the Hare???

On ON

Hash Run 1521- Lewinsky, POD & Family

Morning,
Todays hash run will be hosted by Lewinsky and POD at their home in Taumeasina. Todays run will be a special one. We will be celebrating our Independence, Our Manu Samoa 7s for winning the world series, and now, the Digicel Segavao Fautasi Team for beating the Yank's in their fancy boat and on top of that, it will also be Sid from BOC's farewell hash. So tonight will be a big one! Car pool if you can as there will be numerous down downs, boat races, and all sorts of shenanigans..

Bring a change of clothes if you want to go for a swim after the run.

Check the Map for Directions and the Scribe, as hopeless as he is..has asked if someone could please be co-scribe tonight as he is out saving the world at the moment..Run will start at 1730 hrs

The Theme is Blue to celebrate the Win by our 7s team,and as its the country's national color, lets all make sure we wear something blue to represent Samoa!

On On

Hash Trash 1520

Hash Trash 1520

The Hash was hosted by Bits & Pieces (Goer is still overseas) at their house on Bank Street in Vaoala. Ring Ring and Buzzer were the hares, and they had set a trail with many déjà vu moments all over again. We went down Bank Street and headed up a path into the woods, part of which had been used before. Poumuli led the way until some of the new girls took over with Pirate Princess in tow. As we slithered back onto Bank Street we ran into Godfather who had turned up in the nick of time but had shortcutted with Ring Ring. The trail continued down towards the cattle paddocks on familiar territory and into the valley belowm led again by Poumuli but soon overtaken by Hot Nuts and Cockblocker. The trail took a few new turns here, as we went through a bunch of gardens and back roads until we hit Bernard Street and then on up to Bank Street. A fairly hard run in the end, with some new pieces of trail, so well done to our hares.

Princess of Darkness had thankfully joined us as GM to save us from the vindictive SOTB, and she called forth the newcomers to Apia Hash. There were two young ladies from New York, Rachel and Gwen. Several rethreads were brought forward – Lewinsky, Crown of Thorns, Screamer, Slippery, Strangler, Mad Hatter, Walking Eagle, Nicole, Sonny and Zsa Zsa. Only Strangler had an amusing excuse, that Hash interfered with conjugal activities. The rest were boring but the GM gave them all a down down. Sonny had his hat on so he got another, and CB was brought in on name recognition. There were no new shoes, but the Shoe Inspector avoided his punishment somehow.

The GM had been informed that on this day in history the Brooklyn Bridge had opened (1883), so our three visiting New Yorkers took that award with notable speed. The GM then wanted to know who had brought the chicken franks, which had turned rather small and wrinkled on the grill. Ring Ring stepped forward to cries of “thats what she gets at home” from Eveready, who Ring Ring tried her best to hit with her beer. Celebrity Awards went to Poumuli (letter to the Editor), Captain Mortein (practice makes perfect – ad had his phone number this time), Bits & Pieces (lost sail ad with misspelling) and Pirate Princess (for complaining). The GM also joined in for calling someone Henk.

A Fashion Award went to Zsa Zsa who had been spotted by the GM and Lewinsky wearing a shirt with long sleeves for a change. Sonny got the Fisherman Award from last week, with Lewinsky joining in the Drinking Not Fishing Award, claiming that his lines had been jinxed by COT. Lewinsky’s was made a double for not getting the names right. Eveready gave a Sneaky Award to Crash Bandicoot for having gone to On the Rocks with the GM, ostensibly to help her with the wages when he should have been bringing cocoa Samoa to Eveready. To compound this he had tricked Eveready into preparing a 3.30 breakfast so they could watch the Rugby 7’s in style, which he had to consume solo.

The GM gave an Advertising Award to Gwen for running with a shirt describing her as Really Really Ridiculously Good-looking. COT, who had not been back a few days in her week-long visit, only to be told by CB, SOTB and Crash that not only was her ex Kui Kui married, but expecting a child. The three accepted their Rubbing Salt in Wound Award, while SOTB stated that they were intending to beat Kui but he kept shouting them drinks. Slippery presented Sassygirl BJ with a bag called Sassy Pants from Oz. Zsa Zsa wanted to nominate Hot Nuts for some offence, but not only had Hot Nuts left, the nomination went beyond FBI standards, so a Sesquipedalian Award to Zsa Zsa (look it up).

Sassy nominated a special hasher for offering to rearrange the constitution of anyone trying to break in to her house, so a Hulk Hogan Award to SOTB. Eveready recalled how he had been called to a special Peace Corps fundraiser by Spanky, only to find Gwen, Lily and Rachel out of control on the dance floor. He wanted to award them for shaking him rigid and for arousing the natives. Screamer countered that the natives should join in for getting aroused, but the GM ruled that she should join for defending women’s rights. COT tried to give an award for a sign saying laptop dancing lessons, but it backfired. On the subject of signs the GM had spotted a sign about conserving water in B&P’s house, so he got the Taking Work Too Seriously Award.

Sassy recounted how she had been busy with the BBQ as a hasher came through the gate huffing and puffing, out of breath but all cocky. But he hadn’t even gone on the run, so a Faking It Award to Snake. SOTB nominated Poumuli for the prissy solar lights he had brought to Nusafee, but he pointed out that the lights had been installed by SOTB and CB. All three took the award. Latecummers Chilindrina and AC/DC showed up at that point and also joined in. Poumuli wanted to nominate SOTB for slacking with the posting of the blog, but SOTB used such abusive language in his right of reply that he took the award solo. But then he was joined by CB who got Poumuli’s name wrong. The Host and Hares were then saluted for a great run as we descended on the BYO food, brought by several people and of a great and tasty variety, especially the spicy chilli.

Next week’s run will be at Taumesina at Chez Lewinsky and POD.

Your Scribe will be away for a few weeks so would like to appeal for someone to do the scribing for the next 3 hashes.

On On

Poumuli, IKA Slit

Hash Run 1520- Bits and Pieces & Goer- Vaoala- Bank St

Next weeks run will be a BYO Run hosted by Bits and Pieces and Goer at their home in Vaoala on Bank Street. This is just down the road from Hot Nuts and Nutcracker's house.

Please bring something to throw onto the BBQ or something precooked and make sure you turn up early as it does get dark rather early now. Run starts 1730Hrs. Bring something dry to change into in the even it gets too cold for any of you wussy's.

Check the Map for the Location if you are still confused. There is no theme so far but keep and eye on the blog in case we decide last minute to choose a theme.
On On

Hash Trash 1519

Hash Trash 1519

The hash was hosted by Poumuli, IKA Slit and Wahoo in Malololelei, and a big thanks to Norman Paul for letting us use the premises, and for cleaning it up for us! This was truly a day of hash miracles. It was a beautiful day to celebrate Norway’s Constitution Day, and because of the lack of streetlights up there most of the runners had turned up on time. It was a lovely cool evening as the run started out of the drive. Cockblocker was leading together with some visiting Peace Corps volunteers. The trail was set on finely shredded paper courtesy of Swinger, and your Hare/Scribe had some fun setting the trail as cunningly as possible. CB missed the first turn and was called back, and he then missed the turnoff into the bush and was again called back. He really needs glasses as well as a custodial sentence for his serial pilferage of other people’s shirts. The trail had been hacked through the bushes, and your Scribe valiantly directed runners away from the deep hole that he had found while setting the trail. That was the first miracle – fell in, arse over tit while holding the bag of paper and a sharp machete - only a scratch and managed to get out unaided. The trail then continued up a narrow access track past some cows and their pats, up on to the cross road, where a few false trails claimed our Peace Corps runners. As your Scribe was awaiting the last of the runners by the hole, short cutting cannot be completely verified, but some of you did! Tiger Woody had also been out messing with the trail and sent some people into the back woods – what was he planning? All returned safely to the house where unfortunately there was no running water or coconuts. But there was a keg! If your Scribe may modestly be so bold as to describe that as one of the better runs of recent vintage – and so it shall be recorded.

We were given a surprise visit by Eveready, convalescing after his Lotopa Chain Saw Massacre, but he declined to be GM as he was deliriously on drugs. SOTB took up the GM-ship once again, and welcomed those new to hash. Being quick off the mark, he made the males introduce themselves first. There was a whole bunch of Peace Corps teachers from Savaii brought over by Spanky – Dan from New York, Paul from Minnesota, AJ from Noo Joysey, and Jordan. The girls were then brought forward so that SOTB needn’t waste beer on the guys – Emily from Texas, Lisa from Seattle, Ally from Pittsburgh, Lily from New York, and then the fishergal Mia. Down downs were dispatched at quite varying speeds. There were no new shoes to be found by Deputy Shoe Inspector Snake, so he took that award.

Quite a lot of rethreads – Eveready had been flat on his back, with Karaoke playing doctors and nurses, Slim Shady had been a slacker, Tiger Woody had no real excuse, Blackadder had been visited by his wife and Trina had been in Savaii. As Eveready haltingly made it into the circle on his crutches he complained that the only hashers who had visited him were Lewinsky and someone called Shenene, so it was a double for him. Assisted by Slim Shady to hold the crutches and two glasses, he cast away the crutches after one. Its a miracle – he can walk!

Celebrity Awards went to Shelly (umpteen stories about her fishing prowess resulting in one per story), Titty Galore for hamming it up in the community pages (double), Cherelle for two page story, and FBI (photo in the Observer) which was taken by closest living relative – Snake!?

The GM had been told how one Hash Mere had been complaining of being too sick and tired and couldn’t go anywhere, yet here she was with a brand new Manu Samoa shirt, so an Obviously Scrumming Award to Spanky. The GM also proudly announced that it was a Samoan boat that won the fishing tournament, with Mia as the sole representative getting the Fish Fear Me Award, being joined by Spanky who was getting lippy. Reassembling his blurry mind from last week, the GM recalled the fine form that this one Hash Mere had exhibited as she was pissed off with her beau – an Ungentlemanly Award to Swinger, accompanied by the Hash Anthem.

Poumuli complained that someone had been screwing with his signs on the trail, but since Tiger Woody had left, his closest living relative was deemed to be CB. Once again forgetting his hat, it was made a double. Slim Shady nominated the Peace Corps people from New York and New Jersey – her other village – for leaving to come to Samoa. It was not clear whether she meant that either or neither place had been improved by the move, but Spanky was too boisterous for us to pursue that line, and she joined in the Village Improvement Award.

Shelly, emboldened, made her first nomination for a certain Hash Mere, late and last in the fishing tournament rushing to get her fish weighed in. The reeling walk of yes, Titty G, was described as DUI – drinking under the influence – too much laughter, especially when we got the re-enactment from both of them. CB nominated Karaoke for the Non-Caring Award for neglecting her lovely partner’s sickbed to stop off at the bar. In her defence Karaoke said she needed to get her strength in order to properly carry out the doctors and nurses gig referenced earlier. Eveready had no knowledge of this, so the GM put it to the vote, where not surprisingly CB joined in the award.

The GM had been helping himself to the keg, but in a rare moment of lucidity remembered that it was in fact World Plant Conservation Day, and handed an Environmentalist Award to Swinger (works for CI) and BlowMe (SPREP). Spanky tried her luck at nominating some of the fast guys with their revealing low cut shorts, exciting and/or revolting the Hash Meres on the run, but this became too much for the GM who told her to “put a sock in it woman!” Quite extraordinary. Nevertheless, Cherelle jumped in to the defence and nominated CB for indecent exposure and false advertising (apparently his pants were somewhat see-through – I wouldn’t know, don’t look at such), somehow CB accepted on behalf of King and Country.

Slim Shady, in near FBI form, had been having dinner with Pussysnatcher and Cherelle, the latter grabbing his mamoe bones off his plate as he “doesn’t know how to chew the bones”! This lengthy but rather funny delivery saved Slim Shady from joining Cherelle and PS for the Boner Award. Titty G accused SOTB for not turning up for an important meeting, but he was in fact installing wireless internet for Godfather. But since Spanky could do that in a few hours and not a whole day, the GM reluctantly took the Samoatel Efficiency Award.

Swinger nominated Captain Mortein for the Cranky Award, using an unlicensed taser (there is no license to be had). Poumuli nominated CB for disrespecting Norway Day by not only swiping his shirt at the last hash, but wearing it on the run and only handing it back after wiping his pits with the shirt! The GM also called forth the Chariot Riders – Snake, Swinger and Blackadder. A birthday award was given to Captain Mortein, while refusing to disclose his age, his crankiness made that exercise easy to deduce. Cherelle nominated all the Peace Corps teachers from Savaii for the Resource Depletion Award for threatening the resources of Upolu with their prolonged presence here (not sure which “resources” she felt was under threat?).

The Hare and the Host were honoured, with your Scribe being asked to sing the Norwegian National Anthem. As custom dictates we immediately downed the cup, so it had to be refilled for the actual Hare and Host Award.

The GM closed the circle, lucky for Chilindrina as a latecummer as 1519 was the year Cortez started his pillaging of Mexico. Poumuli had provided reindeer meatballs in gravy, homemade mashed potatoes and Norwegian pea soup (the latter had fermented a bit, sorry if any got upset stomachs), while Karaoke had brought chop suey and rice.

Next week’s run will be hosted by Bits and Pieces as a BYO, details will follow on the blog.

On On

Poumuli, IKA Slit

Hash Run 1519- Malololelei- Poumuli & Wahoo

Morning to you all. Hash tonight will be hosted by Poumuli/Slit and Wahoo up in Malololelei. As its up in the hills, the host hash asked that we please be there early to get the run started on time at 1730Hrs as it does tend to get dark quite quickly up there.
In any case, bring a torch with you to hash and take it with you on the run and maybe something slightly warmer to change into.

Malololelei is up the Cross island road past the Bahai Temple but before Taito's famous tiled house. Look out for the turn off on Kelsey Lane.
The Theme is Red/White/Blue..so wear something along those lines
There is talk of an interesting meal tonight too, so you've been forewarned.
See that Map for directions

On On

Hash Trash 1518

Hash trash 1518

This absolutely marvellous hash was hosted by Godfather, in both Poutasi and Nusafee Island. Many hashers gathered on Sunday at Godfather’s house for a sumptuous toonai, followed by the loading of the boat for the trip across. A lot of beverages and tuff required two trips to complete the transfer. After setting up tents, hammocks and a bar, we enjoyed the afternoon with swimming and relaxing, followed by a barbeque and a bonfire accompanied by raucous singing. Those who went were Godfather, Cockblocker, Titty Galore, Wahoo, Poumuli, SOTB, Aina, Pussysnatcher, Cherelle, Sassygirl BJ, BlowMe and Psychodelic. And while CB claimed that what happened on the island, stays on the island, many stories were recounted the next day.

As we had to wait for the tide, we spent the morning eating, swimming and relaxing, before starting the hectic clean-up as the boat approached. More hashers started to arrive at Godfather’s house as he set off to mark the trail. A bit of confusion at first, as we went up and down the beach road. CB had found a false trail cross, and it took an intervention by Godfather to point Hot Nuts in the right direction. Poumuli picked up the trail next to the bingo hall, and this took us up through the gardens to the main road. A few more false leads, with Captain Mortein being sent on a wild goose chase by Hot Nuts. Down along the main road we passed the Poutasi entrance and found the trail leading through more gardens and down to the beach, and on back to Godfather’s house. It was a really hot but short run, and the hashers who had been on the island were perhaps a bit out of breath. But we gratefully returned to the deck and a cool dip in the water.

SOTB was volunteered for GM, which he unfortunately accepted. There were no newcomers that stepped forward, but Godfather’s phone interrupted the proceedings. Rethreads were Wacko and Luaao from Pago. The GM called out Aina for not introducing herself as new to hash, and she joined the rethreads in the award, which was also in honour of their 25th Anniversary. A New Boots Award went to Psychodelic for her brand new jandals. The GM started off his awards with a Maikolo Award to BlowMe for being a night creeper out on the island – he had done a fair impersonation of a landcrab as he tried to reach his hammock. Poumuli was awarded the Meet Thyself Award for smashing his skull on a poumuli tree, unnecessarily made into a double by the GM.

Swinger, while we were grateful for him bringing the keg, had only brought one bag of ice which had melted, so the GM gave him a Stingy Prick Award. Turning back to the island activities, apparently Godfather had set a rule about no clothing. While some of us had missed this, Titty G had surpassed all expectations as the leader of the pack in this regard – Flaunting Award!

Chilindrina was silenced with a Talking Too Much Award, doubled because of her wearing sunglasses. The GM expressed his confusion as to why two hash meres would go camping on a deserted island and not bring a bikini – Wahoo and Aina were awarded for borrowing bikinis from Titty G. But they did look good, though.

Captain Mortein was spotted leaning, but was asked to remain front and centre for a Male Blonde Award. After receiving his tsunami relief payment he had placed an ad in the paper for a new truck, and was concerned that he was receiving no offers. He had of course forgotten to put his phone number in the ad. Poumuli recounted how Swinger had been given a Genius Award last week, and nominated him for a Now We Know Where He Gets It From Award for his father’s many letters to the Editor. Hot Nuts offered to read out the text, but the turgid prose and delivery only landed him an award of his own. A Cellphonus Interruptus went to Captain Mortein, and no, it was not about a new truck!

Turning back to the island, the GM described the scene, music blaring, and a makeshift stripping pole set up and vigorously utilized by Psychodelic. Your Scribe was either knocked out at this point, as he knows not what a stripping pole is, but we will take the GM’s word for it. Since this was also a major Hash Birthday, Sassy got a double. AC/DC made a latecummers entrance with a full crew in tow. After AC/DC and CB (for name recognition, not). Your Scribe didn’t get all the names but it was a fairly multinational crew that AC/DC had brought.

Since this was International Migratory Bird Species Day, Poumuli nominated Swinger and Hot Nuts for the Professional Bird Watcher Award. Sassy nominated CB for unsafe conduct with a hash mere on the rocks at Nusafee, and was joined by Psychodelic. Getting his wits back, CB nominated Swinger and Poumuli for Not Doing Their Job Award (there was a climate change meeting going on). Poumuli tried to get out of it by saying that he had delegated that responsibility, just as he would delegate his down-down to oops, got BlowMe’s name wrong – doubled!

Sassy nominated CB and SOTB for streaking on the island, with your Scribe joining in for something that is now forgotten. Swinger nominated Hot Nuts for the Stolen Laptop Award (something about late notification to HQ). Sassy also wanted to thank Hash for giving her the best birthday ever, on a beautiful island, with beautiful people and a great bartender – Aina got the Cocktails Award.

Poumuli, who should know when to shut his trap, tried to nominate BB for the honour of leading the Samoan Delegation to the PPSWA in Bali, but the GM thought this too lame so the down down went to Poumuli. AC/DC had been describing how he would be carrying the Olympic torch on its relay through Samoa, but since it was actually the Commonwealth Games torch he got a double Self-Promotion/Delusion Award. BB joined for name recognition.

While AC/DC was introducing his crew his cellphone went off. There was much hilarity as Titty G mistakenly made a baa-baa sound to demonstrate what noise cows make, and BB joined in this Blonde Award. Sassy had been perturbed to see the paths in which the footprints had taken on the island, and nominated Godfather. Sassy joined for making an FBI length nomination. Pirate Princess nominated Hot Nuts for the Kiss My Butt Award, something about short shorts, which Nutcracker joined in for not keeping Hot Nuts in line.

CB wanted to get a group nomination award to all those who did not streak on the island, which the GM unfairly commuted to a single award to Poumuli, accompanied by sundry insults. Sassy thanked Godfather for giving her the best birthday ever, that it had taken her 50 years to get to Nusafee. She also nominated her mouthy son SOTB for cooking breakfast so early in the morning for all. Titty G nominated CB for the Low-riding Shorts Award (really, we do not need to see that crack at dawn). A special award went to BlowMe, who had been sitting in the ocean, rocking along and after a tequila shot exclaimed – ooh, tequila is really nice! That was before his crabwalk back up the beach.

Captain Mortein snagged a Competitive Running Award for trying to be the first Dane to beat a Norwegian, while Sassy commented that for 50 years she had been waiting for grandkids (a bit ambitious that) only to see her son playing happily with Happy Feet – a Whats Up With That SOTB Award. Sassy thanked Godfather profusely for his effort at making the Nusafee trip a success, and noted that this very special person in Hash – our Godfather – rules and rocks! Godfather led us in the birthday serenade. SOTB started to close proceedings by saying how privileged he was to have the best Mum in the world, and the only one that he could call The Bitch. Poumuli snagged a final Whiny Bitch Award for leaning and hiccupping.

Next week’s run will be hosted by Poumuli and Wahoo at Norman’s new place up in Malololelei. Please be on time as there are no streetlights and we need to finish the run on time for safety’s sake. The theme will be in honour of Norwegian Constitution Day, so please wear red, white and blue.

On On

Poumuli, IKA Slit

Mothers Day Hash Run 10th May

Morning All, Mothers Day Hash Run will be at Godfather's house in Poutasi. The run will start at 1500HRS, That's 3pm for those of you that cant figure it out...Godfather has said that he will be supplying sausages and an Umu and possibly a pig, but it would be great if we could all bring something to throw on the BBQ for the day. You are more than welcome to come earlier on and make use of Godfathers house and relax on the beach so bring some snacks and Drinks if you wish to do so.

Swinger will be bringing the Keg out on Monday which Sassygirl has kindly shouted as it is her birthday on Monday..yes, its the BIG 50!..woot woot!...as well as softies for the..well, softies..
Godfather has also offered his house to anyone wanting to come out on Sunday and not camp on the island overnight. There are 2 bedrooms available to anyone that wishes not to rough it out on the island.


CAMPERS...
For those intending on Camping out on the Island on Sunday. We are to meet at Godfathers House at Poutasi at 11am so we can arrange all our gear and load up the boat and head over to the Island. We will have a small lunch with godfather, To'onai style so we are all to bring something to contribute to the To'onai on Sunday.

Please make sure you bring your poison of choice as hash will not be supplying drinks for the camping trip but only for the run on Monday.

Please make sure you bring food to throw on the BBQ for Sunday night and Monday morning Brunch.

Dont forget your camping gear, change of clothes, and any other bits and pieces you think you might need.

So far we have a few tents available, but if you have your own, then by all means bring it. There are lots of Tarps that Godfather has for us to use out there so maybe just a mozzie net if you feel like it.

If you have any further questions, please call SOTB on 7500767

On On

Hash Trash 1517

Hash Trash 1517


The Hash was hosted us all in that it was a BYO, but was organized by Mismanagement and Ring Ring and Buzzer were the Hares. We met up at the fales over by Taumesina. It took people a while to get there, but we set off at a brisk pace out past the rugby fields, with Spanky swaying for attention. Poumuli was in the lead for a while, joined by Swinger, Cockblocker, Pussysnatcher and BlowMe. The trail went down Matafagatele Street and led into the Moataa mangrove reserve. As we crossed the properties and onto the embankment it was not clear whether it was mangroves or trash that was being reserved, but the trail was gentle on the feet. No false trails had been set, but there were a number of necessary checks. CB was unusually attentive to the progress of the main pack due to their being some visiting ladies. Out of the swamp we entered the Vini and Faatoia dirt roads, where Poumuli got to try the taser on some surly canines, and the trail progressed down towards the Vaiala-Vini Road before veering off onto the track connecting to the bridge after Aggie Greys. Several Hashers took the shortcut on Vaiala-Vini, while the rest pressed on past the harbour around to Vaiala Beach and across the narrow river outlet at Vaipuna before getting back along the beach and track to the fales. Those with dry shoes should have been awarded for short-cutting, but this was forgotten. The weather was gentle enough, the track was totally flat, but total length was over 5k.

Princess of Darkness was present as GM and called the circle to order. There were two newcomers to Hash – Stephanie from Melbourne and Alex from Canada, but both were lawyers in Melbourne. One rethread, BlowMe, was welcomed back from Fiji and Tuvalu, but the hash song was done in a whisper as we were not sure if saa was over. We also honoured Shelley’s birthday which she assured us was not a biggie.

To the GM’s displeasure Lewinsky had been chariot riding, with the defence that he was lost in the area! Keeping it in the family Pro Boner had left Titty Galore alone and in the lurch on the seawall, but had to join in for conducting extra training. The GM was pleased that we could now finally see the BBQ due to the wonderful lighting provided by Snake who took his Fiat Lux Award with grumbles. The GM had much more to say, recounting how Captain Mortein had examined Pirate Princess post-run to see how much weight she had lost and then stealing her chips. This became a large Nina von Reiche Award. There being no celebrities this week, there was the revelation that a Genius Award needed to be given to not one but two hashers, for publishing a dry and weighty tome on conservation in Samoa – Swinger and PS.

Opening it up to the floor, Poumuli announced that this was Teacher Appreciation Day in the USA, and since our only teacher present – Spanky – had been defrocked by an inquisitive dog – in front of some kids – she brought a whole new meaning to this special day. Latecummer AC/DC brought with him Annalisa and Andrea from the US, who had been taught the proper Hash protocols this time. Snake had been reading the blog and was unable to understand the new signature that your Scribe is using (Poumuli, IKA Slit). Spanky who of course teaches 5th graders had the answer in a flash, but Poumuli and Spanky had to join Snake in his Not Smarter than a 5th Grader Award.

CB had been attending some high level function (how on earth could that have happened? Lax security?) and had been completely ignored by Swinger. Although he was backed up by PS, Swinger ensured that CB joined in his Snobbery Award for whingeing. This was quickly followed by an Accoutrement Award to CB who had left his hat on. Keeping up the spirit of victimization, Foxy told an unlikely tale (of FBI proportions) of how he had been crowded out of a beach fale by two hashers surrounded by ladies who then drank all the beer. Since he claimed that the perps were CB and PS, the GM decided that this could not possibly be true, and handed Foxy a Tall Tales Award.

Cellphonus Interruptus Award then went to TG, while Captain Mortein was bravely reported for leaning by Buzzer. Strictly enforcing the rules, the GM got CB for trying to chat up the ladies, which was doubled due to the un-CB like behaviour last hash and during this run. AC/DC tried to get away with a phonecall, but his award was doubled for wearing his sunnies. Our newcomer Alex nominated Stephanie and TG for talking, and this became a complicated issue of arguments on the proper award. The GM opted for a boat race with the two lawyers joined by Pro Boner, to compete with Spanky, Ring Ring and Wahoo. Even though Snake and Captain Mortein were appointed judges (about as organized as a dog’s breakfast), the race was fair and the shysters were beaten. Ring Ring celebrated the win with a repeat since she had her hat on during the boat race (not sure about the rule there though).

The recon to Nusafee had been a success, albeit with some automotive problems, and TG wanted to give Lewinsky an award for being so kind to drive the stranded ladies home, but then boring them to tears on the way back to the point that Spanky fell asleep. Trying to defend himself he slipped up on Pro Boners name, so it became a large Boring Old Gentlefart Award. Further tales of woe from the trip down, as Spanky described the vampire features of TG’s car (only active at night), and how they had been vacuously passed by Lewinsky and Crash (so that’s why he tried to be a gentleman – guilt!). She also dobbed in CB and PS for having whinged about the lateness of everyone, when in fact the recon all started in good time.

Lewinsky had complained to Poumuli that while he appreciated the BBQ chops brought to him on Sunday, he had only received one chop. POD was adamant that he had gotten all three chops, and that Lewinsky was stirring up domestic and workplace strife. Pirate Princess was dobbed in for not taking any chops, but under suspicion, and Poumuli for the confusion caused. The GM gave a Breach of Rules Award to Foxy and the visitors for talking.

Stephanie nominated the BBQ cookers for their slowness, which was narrowed down to Snake for being the BBQ owner, and was joined by Stephanie for complaining. In the midst of all of this the GM knocked over your Scribe’s beer, but she nominated Wahoo as her whipping girl. The final awards went to Captain Mortein for Child Endangerment (charging a taser in a child’s bedroom), while Spanky got CB to join in on an Acting like a Child Award (for complaining that he didn’t get to use the taser) – that’s more like our CB – well done!

The hares – Ring Ring and Buzzer – were saluted before we descended on the by now slow-cooked food. The rains erupted briefly but we had the fales for shelter. Check the blog for details on the Nusafee picnic and run, and make sure you sign up for either or both with SOTB or TG.


On On

Poumuli, IKA Slit

Mothers Day Hash Run- Nu'usafe'e Island & Poutasi @ Godfather house

Talofa,

We need to get a fair idea of who will be attending the Mothers Day hash Run next week.
The plan is to head over on Sunday to Poutasi, take the boat across to Nu'usafe'e Island and camp over on Sunday night, return on Monday afternoon to Poutasi by boat and have the hash run and On On at Godfathers House.

The boat will be running ferry trips in the afternoon on Sunday as well as Monday (depending on the tides)

If you intend on coming to camp on Sunday, please post your names below so we can get an idea of numbers to sort out tents and so forth. If you are coming and you have your own tent then by all means bring it. Remember this is real camping, not a 5 star camping trip, its all natural out there.

Its best if we car pool as it is a fair drive unless you want to bring your own vehicles. Appreciate your response so we can arrange this and not leave everything to the last minute as it will be hard to sort things out on Saturday as most of us will still be busy.

If you want to know more about the run, please contact TittyG on 7205455 or SOTB on 7500767.

On On

Hash Run 1517- Taumeasina Reserve

Morning All,
Hash today will be a BYO Food Run at the Taumeasina Reserve where the old "swimming lanes" used to be in Taumeasina. Bring something to throw on the BBQ and make sure you come early as it now gets dark quite quick. Head down towards Lewinsky's place and turn left before taking the dirt road to Lewinsky's house. Look out for the paper.
There will be a Keg there so bring your drinking boots and swimming gear if you fancy a dip after the run.

There may be a small fee to pay when you take your vehicle, so please keep that in mind.

On On