Hash Trash 1556

The Hash was hosted by Bruce and Annie at their home in Vailima, opposite Le Manumea. It was a nice sunny day and not too hot, although waiting for the run to start there were a few perspiring. The Hare was Ring Ring, and she had excelled yet again. The trail set off to the left down the unpaved road, then straight into the bush. It was a slippery descent down the track, and several used a bit too much caution. Your Scribe was stuck behind and as soon as the opportunity arose sprinted ahead, but down a false trail. Back on track, we came down to a lovely waterfall and dam, then up through some taro patches and gardens until we reached a new access road. This was just a track in the past, and will need a lot of work to become a proper road, but it was a nice slippery and steep challenge. As we reached the Cross Island Road there was a check mark, but this had been ignored by the front running bastards, who just went straight home. Tallyho, Wane and Poumuli took the longer route, leading to a false trail by the Stevenson Museum. A great trail and good sweat, plus entertainment from the hollering Tallyho. Back at the house Godfather’s sweet nuts awaited.

Tallyho was roped in as guest GM, which he took to with his usual aplomb. Calling the circle together by appealing to our gentle souls, actually he called us a bunch of no-good lazy bastards, he welcomed us to run 1556. New to Apia Hash we had Robert and Tina from Switzerland, here for 3 weeks who had been brought by someone called Yoe. A double down down was shared by Godfather and nearest kin Swinger. (Wonder if we will see the newbies next week!)

The rethreads was only Hot Nuts, who had been travelling all over. He had not overseas hashed as the timing was off. He tried to clarify about a previous award about forgetting his nationality, trying to dob in Pussysnatcher for getting him lost. The GM retorted that he couldn’t have been properly lost as the bastard was back home again, and decreed that both Hot Nuts and PS take the award.

New shoes had been observed earlier, but none of the Shoe Inspectors were present, so the GM asked PS to do the checking, which he failed. Grumbling that this wasn’t his job, PS took another award. The GM called for comments on the run, to which Do Me Twice stated that Pirate Princess and Captain Mortein had been at that waterfall on their second date. A Romantic Award was given, sealed by a chaste kiss. Sassygirl BJ pointed out that the Captain hadn’t removed his sunnies but this was overlooked, as he was busy stopping his daughter flying off the balcony.

The GM called forth the sundry front running bastards who hadn’t done a proper check on the Cross Island Road – Jeff, PS, Dan and Hot Nuts – who should know better or at least learn the rules. He made them demonstrate their On On calls before drinking. Dan raised his hand to say that in all honesty it was Hot Nuts fault! The GM then magnanimously ordered those who had done the check to take a Congratulations Morons Award for running the extra bit.

Celebrity Awards went to Snatch (article in Observer), Cockblocker’s closest relative (for being quoted in article) somehow escaped, Sassy (in paper), Godfather (huge photo with PM Key), Wane for Brazilian Wax (something about a Brazilian clown elected to Parliament), Wahoo (Aunty Tala is in town with the Laughing Samoans) and Ophelie (I forget why), and Screamer for her SPREP boss and for being a pain in the butt for the Scribe that day.

This Day in History Awards went to Swinger (King James of Scotland died 1437), Dan, Spanky, PS and Wane for US Presidents Day and for the shooting of Malcolm X, and Poumuli for Norway using Shetland and Orkneys as dowry for marrying off Margaret of Denmark to the Scottish Crown Prince (which somehow Captain Mortein managed to sneak off from). The International Mother Language Day (used to be Mother Tongue, but some say this was changed after Clinton) was somehow also lost.

Calling for nominations, the GM recognized Poumuli with a yes I thought you would have one, and DMT was nominated for the If Its On The Internet It Must Be True Award for circulating scam articles to the Hash email list. DMT nominated someone called Fren who would be leaving us on the va’a (not vaka, DMT), and joined Kiss My Butt in the award. Sassy nominated Tooth Fairy for the Checking Orifices in Savaii Award, while Screamer felt obliged to nominate Captain Mortein for leaning (after numerous warnings) and for stealing from Bruce’s garden.

Swinger chimed in that he had narrowly prevented previously mentioned daughter from siphoning off her own beer, but as the Captain was by now incoherently mumbling and growling, Pirate Princess reluctantly accepted. The GM had been watching the depressing news on TV from the Middle East, and had only found entertainment in the ongoing travails of the Italian PM. Calling forth Carin to take the award, he told her to lay back and think of Berlusconi. Ophelie then caught Sassy smoking in the circle.

Hot Nuts wanted to set the record straight about his trip to Pohnpei with PS, that he had received the wrong suitcase from lost luggage, which he found to contain women’s clothes. PS he felt had let the side down by not recounting the full juicy details. The GM had quite enough of juicy details, and all agreed that the vision of Hot Nuts wearing women’s tights warranted him joining PS in the award.

Sassy was by now out for revenge, and called on the last people to use the garden hose to own up for wasting water – Ophelie, Carin and Screamer got the Useless Non-Opposable Thumbs Award. Sassy tried one more, in that she had been speaking earlier to the GM, but he was busy rearranging his buttocks in his shorts. The GM ruled that 1(b) took precedence, and that Sassy take the award, which she said should be annotated on the blog as being on behalf of Single Desperate Brit lost in Paradise.
The Hosts and the Hare, Bruce, Annie and Ring Ring were saluted. Some great food had been prepared and many thanks to all who brought goodies.

Next week’s run will posted on the blog, as there is some confusion as to whether Eveready and Karaoke offered to host that week. Your Scribe will be absent so Snatch has been appointed Associate Assistant Trainee Intern Scribe.

A final note – please remember to bring your own drinking cups to Hash so we can reduce the number of plastic cups that get wasted, per order of Ms Spanky.

Finally a warning video relating to disturbing Hashers watching Super 15.

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Hash Run 1556

Talofa Hashers
Monday 21 February our run will be hosted by Bruce and Annie at their house in Vailima. Not having SOTB's map drawing skills, I shall describe the location instead. Go up the Cross Island Road towards Vailima. When you pass Eugene Road on your right just before Le Mamumea, you should take the left hand turn instead, just before the yellow shack that was a kindergarten for a while. The house is then the first on the left. If you see the Chinese Embassy you have gone too far and are about to pull into Pussysnatcher's house.
Our hosts have limited parking and are suggesting that hashers park on Eugene road if possible.
This is going to be a BYO run so please bring something for the communal table.

It is also possible that the Apia Hash Mad Monk will be there!

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Hash Trash 1555

The hash was hosted by Screamer at her house in Siusega, with Ring Ring as the Hare, never a good combination. The instructions were mucked up a bit, as there was a false trail on the turn right out of the gate, but too much excitement led the pack to follow Poumuli and Tallyho to the left. At the next cross road, Tallyho took the left, and being so fleet of foot he was miles away by the time Poumuli found the trail. This took us down towards the Tafaigata area, but turned up into the back roads of Aleisa. It was mostly road and track with quite a few gentle hills, until we turned back past the Orator Hotel and on home to Siusega. Not too long, bit tough, good cool weather, and Godfather’s sweet nuts awaiting us.

Princess of Darkness had returned and took up her GM duties with relish. There was only one new to Apia Hash and that was Kaylen, a Peace Corps volunteer, who has been here for a whole year and only now made it! She said she had been brought by someone called Spunky, so both she and Spanky took the inaugural award of the evening. The Rethreads were Tallyho (in Fjij), Godfather (in NZ), Allan (skiving), Susan (probably blueskying), Jenny (US), Screamer (something mind bogglingly dull) and Lewinsky (family concerns).

The GM recoiled in blinded horror at the sight of Spanky’s bright new shoes, so they were quickly filled and gulped from after Lewinsky confirmed their non-smelliness. Allan was asked why he wasn’t wearing his new shoes, as these had been spotted, so the GM made him drink from Spanky’s shoe also. Turning to other events, the GM had been told that Do Me Twice had arranged for a traffic light party at Y-Not (colours indicating stop or go status), only to see Cockblocker show up in a yellow top, red shorts and green underpants. The GM gave him the Mixed Messages Award, only to be joined by Swinger who was by now wearing a garish lei and the flower in the wrong ear.

As today was St. Valentine’s Day, the GM asked if any hashers had given flowers to persons other than their special one. Apparently Lewinsky was guilty of this one. Celebrity Awards went to Tiger Woody for spitting (closest relative was found, but not remembered), Wax for Observer Story on Samoans in Germany, Zsa Zsa for Hot Nuts being in the Waitangi photo, Tallyho for being a Pom, Poumuli for the PIFS SG, Snatch for media blunder (Hang Your HRPP Candidate) and Susan for not consulting all Samoatel employees (SOTB is missing of course). (For next week we will also need to note this celebrity below!)



This Year in History – Gresham’s School was founded in 1555 (Poumuli is alumnus). This Day in History, in 842 Charles the Bald and Louis the German swore the Oath of Strasbourg in French and German, so Ophelie and Wax did the honors, joined by the follicle-challenged, less than hirsute Brazilian Wax and Godfather. Latecummer Award went to Kiss My Butt and a telephones interruptus to a va’a crewmember. The GM demanded that Crime now wears the Dome of Silence as he was chattering the whole time! Godfather, who had wished Ophelie a Happy Valentine’s Day, asked if any hashers who had not asked anyone of such to step forward – Lewinsky and Jeff the AYAB!

Opening up to nominations from the floor, Dan the Bonebreaker was nominated by his wife for not announcing his Pom background earlier, while he tried to get someone called James implicated. In the end both took the Deceptive Silence Award, with a double for Dan. Poumuli nominated DMT for the Eager Beaver Award for finding out about National Toothache Day. Wane and Jenny joined in this US-conspired celebration in light of Hershey’s chocolates coming from their country. Swinger then wanted all the singles to come forward for a Valentines Special, but Brazilian spotted another confused flower wearer, so Bruce took it all alone.

A final nomination went to Snatch, who had been shocked by CB criticizing Screamer’s ability to shoo away dogs (the old alu trick). After a lengthy demonstration and much mirth it was decided that Screamer didn’t know what she was doing, and Slippery was too much of an alleycat to pass for a Samoan dog.

The host and the hare, Screamer and Ring Ring were saluted, and the feast of curry, salads and bbq was snarfled up.

Next week’s run will be hosted by Bruce and Annie opposite Manumea in Vailima.

On On Poumuli, IKA Slit

Hash Run 1555

Talofa to all. Monday 14th February Hash Run will be hosted by Screamer at her place in Siusega. See map for directions. This will be a BYO run so please bring some food for the table or the BBQ. If I got that wrong I will correct it later on the weekend!

As you will have seen from the GM's magnanimous decree, the theme for this run will be St. Valentine's Day! So wear what would be an appropriate celebration of that, however tenuously linked in your mind.

Please note that Screamer has also asked that you bring your own drinking vessel, so bring some appropriate cupware so you may enjoy the nectar of life.

UPDATE! Screamer informs that the track leading down to her house is way too muddy due to the rain, and is asking all of us to park on the next road after. She will ensure that the gate is open through the hedge, so that no goolies will be left on the fence trying to "swing" over.

On On

Poumuli, IKA Slit

Hash Trash 1554

The Hash was hosted at Y-Not by Jay and Patrick. It was a cool day for the season, what with all the rain and clouds, but that didn’t deter a good sized crowd from turning out. The trail had been set on flour, a bit of a risk in this area with all those pigs around, but it turned out alright. Didn’t catch any of them snuffling around to see what it was. Over the bridge at Vaisigiano with Cockblocker in the charge, the trail looked like a sea wall run for a while. But we broke off down Ififi Street, where there were a few false trails and eventually a circled sign at the four corners. After a bit of searching by the pack the trail was found on Faatoia Road, but the trail just stopped. Quick minds found the trail again along the Vaisigiano river, and they were quickly overtaken by CB, who was not at the start of this sentence. Then it was an easy run back to Y-Not. Some more dedicated runners took an extra loop around the Vaiala/Matautu block. Good hard run, but definitely a short one.

Eveready stepped in as GM for the evening, noting that Lewinsky and POD were at a family emergency and that we should all hope and pray for them.

The GM called forth those new to Apia Hash, and that was Jay from Eire, who has no idea how long he will be here, and was made to show Irish skills on the down down. The Rethreads were Spanky (in Minnesodar), Crime (working, huh?), Popeye (back here on a UN contract). The Shoe Inspector was absent, but CB had clearly witnessed some new shoes on Jay, but for some reason he was let off the hook.

Celebrity Awards went to Zsa Zsa (for speedy recovery from illness as reported in American Samoa News), Sassygirl BJ (smiley face in Chamber of Commerce training ad), Swinger, Crown of Thorns and CB (smiley faces in a crowd of Whale Group Meets in Samoa – Swinger should have been doubled for the va’a ad, but escaped).
As we had to have a quick change of venue which the GM gratefully acknowledged, he did also point out that the intended occasion was to celebrate Happy Feet’s birthday. So in honour of the little people present, he requested Captain Mortein to take this one, but he was accompanied by a reluctant Pirate Princess who was trying to hold Y-Not up. It was also COT’s last run with us for a while, and she was asked if she had any words of wisdom for us. Not! Spanky had to help her.

For the On This Day in History Awards there were many. In 1554 (25 Jan) Sao Paulo, Brazil was founded, so that one was for Brazilian Wax. 7 February 1497 was the original Bonfire of the Vanities when a bunch of religious freaks burned books, cosmetics, art etc in Firenze, Italy – Carin of course. On 6 February 1685, James II was crowned King of England and Scotland – Swinger, 1840 was of course the signing of the Waitangi Treaty – Popeye as token Kiwi. And finally it was the International Day for Zero Tolerance to Female Genital Mutilation – obviously CB is doing a good job.

Opening up for nominations, the GM recognized CB, who had had a bet on rugby with someone called James – a Foolish Gamble Award to Swinger and CB. Pussysnatcher nominated the Hare for the Worst Warm-Up Run Ever Award (oh, getting close to competitive sportsmanship here!).

At this point the Apia Hash’s Mad Monk appeared, having swum to her plane in Queensland, to punish some naughty people here at the Apia Hash. She called forth Anton, man of hot metal, loves cars, who shall now be known as Hot Rod. Patrick was called forth, who tells girls to open wide. He shall henceforth be known as Tooth Fairy. Finally, Jay was dragged before the Mad Monk, Jay who brags and talks about hisself, shall now be known as Dumass. The Mad Monk is not leaving yet and will be back next week for the naughty girls with no names!

At that point latecummers Crash Bandicoot and Delicious arrived with Baby Desirable, and while they blamed SOTB on the Hash Mugs absence, still took the down down. Swinger returned us to the normal Hash practice of ridiculing authority, which could take on a whole new meaning if Greenie wins the Parliamentary seat he is seeking – Cash/Beer for Votes Scandal Award!

Sassy nominated CB for being a good mate to a fellow hasher, getting him home and ready for his flight. This should probably be the Belligerently Stinky Puking Swearing I-Know-What-Time-It-Is Rescue of SOTB Award. Kiss My Butt had been kept awake by a lot of ukulele practicing last week, since we all knew Godfather would be away. Non-Duelling Ukulele Awards to Zsa Zsa and Josh.

The Dome of Silence was awarded to COT who couldn’t stop talking even after the song started! Another latecummer Do Me Twice got hauled up for another Traffic Violation Award by Sassy, this time for gyrating (yes!) while driving and talking on the cellphone. Pirate Princess nominated Vulture for Chariot Riding. Sassy claimed that a theme was supposed to be posted by Poumuli (what, me?), so a Dumbo Award to Poumuli.

The GM had been watching what he claims is an actual sport, the Super Bowl that is and got Spanky to do the honors for the Green Bay Packers. Sassy though Strangler was back, instead it was PS who got the Stranglers Tone Deaf Award. Dumass nominated PS for a Fidelity Award, by choosing to send Snatch in a taxi to the airport instead of driving her. Poumuli got Sassy back for advertising SOTB’s IT skills on the blog, which Brazilian put a dent in by reminding us that today was also Bob Marley’s birthday, and the only one wearing reggae colours was Poumuli (the Bob Marlin in Key West actually).

The host and the hare – Dumass and Tooth Fairy – were saluted appropriately, and they were warmly thanked for their generous hosting. It was a tremendous feast of bbq and roast pork with lots of trimmings.

Next week’s Hash will be hosted by Screamer in Siusega. Your Scribe informed that she had indicated that a theme would be announced, but that no way in hell would it be a Valentine’s Day run. The GM took this information as the delicately balanced information that it was, called for a vote, and guess what, next week’s run will have a Valentine’s Day theme! It’s a miracle! Jehovah, Jehovah!
The GM had to take one though for forgetting what Screamer’s name was.

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Hash 1554

Dear all Hashers
Monday the 7th of February the Hash will be hosted at Y-Not - a well known establishment in town. Just head onto Beach Road going west past Aggie Grey's and across the Vaisigano bridge, turn left at the junction and head towards the wharf. Y-Not is on the right well before you get to the wharf.
The Hash Monk is going to be there, so beware, enjoy and see you Monday.

On On
Poumuli

Hash Trash 1553

The Hash was hosted by Wahoo and Poumuli on the grounds of the Paul Compound in Vaoala. Dawn Raid was the Hare, assisted by Cole, and they set a run that would be familiar to many. Up towards Bank Street, down to the cow pastures, into the ravine and up through the bananas until we hit the Cross-Island Road above Mynas for the long slog up the hill on home. Godfather was absent but had graciously arranged for Brazilian Wax to bring the sweet nuts.

Princess of Darkness was GM, and due to the rain arranged the circle on the balcony, more in the form of a boomerang. There were three newbies – Necro from the Tajikistan Hash, but a Yank visiting, Jeff from Oz who is an AYAB, and Petelo from NUS. There were many rethreads – Ring Ring (sick from the weather), Shelly (none), Mustang Sally (in NZ as a, erm, street worker), Slippery (none) Patrick (in Savaii), Anton (at Uni in Auckland), Brazilian (IN Germany) and Crash Bandicoot (busy with baby, yeah right).

The GM couldn’t spot any new shoes, but Shelly’s daughter had spied her Mother’s bright shoes hidden in the car, so Shelly had to do a big one. Greenie was leaning right in front of the GM. Sassygirl BJ interjected that Ring Ring had her cap on during the rethreads award, but Slippery’s camera had been in action, and a quick zoom resulted in a False Accusation Award to Sassy.

Celebrity Awards went to Wahoo (closest relative to famous diplomat on front page), SOTB (trying to sneak out of VERTS award photo), Cockblocker (closest relative to AC/DC – another VERTS story), Snatch (Mum in the paper again!) and Crown of Thorns. Since the circus is in town, Sassy told of how a hasher had went to look, yet could only describe the huge pendulous breasts he had seen. Perving Award to Swinger.
The GM had a few Traffic Offenses Awards, first of all to Lewinsky for apparently putting COTs life at risk trying to get out of a diner, and Do Me Twice for talking on a cell phone while driving, gesticulating wildly. In her absence, employer Jay took the award. Lewinsky’s was doubled as an incident with the unsafe transportation of roofing irons was added to the long list of why he should not be allowed on the road.

This Day in History was a remarkable one, in that on 31st January, the US had managed to free the slaves (1865), force the Native Americans onto reservations one and all ( 1876), sent a monkey into space (1961) and opened a McDonalds in Moscow (1990), so all the Yanks drank. SOTB demanded that Poumuli join as he was the closest living relative to the monkey.

The GM had been informed that the Dome of Silence had been lost in CBs car. In her defence Ophelie retorted that she had only been trying to shut him up, but took the award none the less. Pussysnatcher had been on a trip to Pohnpei with Hot Nuts, who when asked where he was from said Australia, no New Zealand. While he claimed to have been ill and lost the plot, Mistaken Identity Award to Hot Nuts.

COT, who is here to organize a conference, was told by the wife of the conference chair that she had booked her hotel through the Samoa Hotel Association, only to be told upon arrival that there was no booking. Upon complaining to both the hotel and SHA, who claimed no recollection, the wife said that she had spoken to someone called Nynette! Sassy got a Drunk At the Desk Award.

SOTB tried to get Poumuli for not doing his job in bringing the clipping of Godfather to the circle, but it was pointed out that he should have raised that during the Celebrity Awards – both had to endure. Zsa Zsa told of how he had gone kite surfing with Dawn Raid, only to find him later being dragged at high speed down the beach, sans trunks. Dawn Raid got a big one for the Ball Dragging Award. Zsa Zsa kindly supplied the photo below.



Sassy, who has had extensive bar training, called attention to the cracked hash mug she had been given. Crash stated that it had been perfectly fine when he had given them to Lewinsky. In the confusion, both of them took the award for Shoddy Hashmugmanship.

Getting back to the trail, Snatch described her dangerous descent into the ravine and how she had fallen when crossing the river, and her accompanying Hash Mere, Jo the Doctor, had merely laughed. In her Solomonic wisdom, the GM decreed that Snatch should get a Whingeing Award, Jo a Hapless Doctor Award, and SOTB for not being present to show off his new VERTS skills. Startled from his dreams of pendulous circus breasts, Swinger demanded an Environmental Award to the Hare for the liberal use of paper on the trail.

Sassy brought to the Hash’s attention the extremely high IQ of Shelly’s daughter River, for passing exams at an astronomically high score, although Sassy’s explanation of said scores was fairly confusing – a somewhat different IQ score perhaps? Shelly took the award for Maternal Brilliance. On this note, CB wanted a Fertility Award given to COT, as since she returned to the island there has been a massive outbreak of Crown of Thorns around the south. Poumuli noted that the fertilization may have been caused by Dawn Raid free-balling his way around those beaches, and Dawn Raid joined Greenie as COT’s whipping boy.

Jeff the newbie, complained at the poor signage on the trail (shurely shome mistake?), as he had gotten lost in the bush. Rather incredulously the GM enquired who had brought him to Hash, which was Josh, and then berated both of them for not knowing the rules and for obviously needing the services of an optometrist. SOTB wanted to give another Wannabe Kiwi Award to Poumuli for wearing Auckland Blues shorts. When it was pointed out that Poumuli’s Brother-in-Law plays for the Blues, SOTB had to join. At this point Greenie’s son dropped the chip bowl, so a Parental Supervision Award was given.

COT was at a ceremony for Crash and Delicious’s Baby, when the one person who shouldn’t bungle his job did so, namely Lewinsky. For the Baptism Bubu Award he was joined by Mustang and Crash. Pussysnatcher had been at the beach at Lupe’s only to see Brazilian sneak into a fale with a big smile on his face. A Honeymoon Award went to Brazilian and Wax. Finally, after having been berated on the blog for changing the venue twice, Poumuli described how he had looked up the appropriate patron saint for safer weather, only to find that this was St Antonius of the Desert. SOTB and Anton got the Saintly Award.

The hosts and the hare, Poumuli and Cole were saluted and the hashers descended upon the bbq that had been provided.

Next week’s hash will be at Y-Not. Be advised that the Hash Monk has threatened to be there, so we should have some fun.

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Hash Run 1553

Dear all hashers
Slight change of plan as the mud is a bit too much at the top. We will now host the Hash at the Paul compound, entrance is opposite Bernard Street on the Cross Island Road. Pass Bernard Street then take the first left off Cross Island Road, down a track. There is an old sign there saying Manumea t-shirt printing. Follow the track past one house, then veer up to the right at the fork. We'll put out some hash marks to guide you.
Keg will be there and some bbq as promised.
Apologies again for late posting, and hope to see you all there.

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Hash Trash 1552

The Hash had to relocate from Malololelei due to the weather, as it was raining sideways and there was no way that the trail could be secured. Lewinsky stepped up again and offered On The Rocks as an alternative. The aftermath of Cyclone Wilma was very much in effect, and it was decided to do a live hare with Cockblocker, but to also try and keep the pack together for safety given the waves. The run progressed along the seawall, past the RSA and the fish market and out to Sogi where we turned back, several pounds heavier due to the incessant rain. Back at HQ1, Godfather had provided his sweet nuts and a grand selection of roast pork and umu for our pupus. Bless him for his generosity, this provided good sustenance to those of us who braved the weather and ran.

Princess of Darkness was present as GM, and called the circle to order. There was only one new to Apia Hash – John from Hawaii who was visiting Swinger. The rethreads were Crown of Thorns (overseas based now), Vulture (back for a few weeks, came prepared with a snorkel), Dawn Raid (hiding), and Do Me Twice (back from Christmas break). Swinger protested that there were more rethreads, and closely avoided a Not Listening To The GM Award. The GM noted that because of the sewage in the rainwater we should probably dispense with that item for now. Getting to her list of awards, a Parking Misdemeanour Award was given to Titty Galore, CB and Pro Bona for some terrible reverse parking and exclaiming “if you sit on my thing you won’t see the angle”. Wane joined them for driving into something. DMT was given the Stripper Award for wearing a very white t-shirt in the rain.

Further news had reached the GM of an unannounced bbq on Saturday, but sans bbq, so the guests had to entertain and feed the other guests. COT and CB had to cook, so Zsa Zsa and Chilindrina took the Poor Hosts Award. Poumuli tried and failed to get CB to join, as he had happened on the event and was ordered to change his shirt by Wahoo due to the stink of CB’s cooking. At this point there was too much chattering, so the GM called a vote for awarding the Dome of Silence to Vulture or Ophelie, which ended up being decided in chug. Vulture won, thus giving Ophelie the Dome of Silence for the rest of the circle, but was given an UnHashmanlike Behaviour Award for ungallantly racing the lady Ophelie. (this one is ethically challenging)

Celebrity Awards went to Snatch (Mum in the paper) and a double to Poumuli (TV3 and Observer). The GM then turned her attention to our new Super-Heroes, the two rescuers in the new VERTS, who both turned up wearing their silly yellow jackets. She made them look more like superheroes by having them wear underwear (ladies’) on the outside of their shorts and gave both SOTB and CB a down down. Opening up for nominations from the floor, SOTB said he had witnessed a near death experience, with a man nearly killed by the falling down of the HQ1 sign. Lewinsky began to quibble about witnesses, and since one could be produced, it became a double Lethal Weapon (Unloaded) Award. We then welcomed latecummer Kiss My Butt.

Dawn Raid sought to get Poumuli an award for losing his new hubcaps, but since Dawn Raid had been outside HQ1 during the theft and not seen it, the GM agreed to reverse the award. A leavers award was suggested by Godfather for Claire and Eileen. Before that, Eileen ventured deep into FBI territory with an award for Brazilian and Godfather. Apparently they both believe that Louis Armstrong sang “and dogs say goodnight” in “What a wonderful world”. In the end all four took the award. Zsa Zsa recounted how it was so wet during the run, and that Swinger had disappeared from the run with two ladies, in order to take, erm, pictures. Wannabe Pornographer Award to Swinger. This prompted SOTB to nominate Poumuli for a Wannabe Award (All Blacks) for wearing a NZ rugby-shirt (its almost an antique, and SOTB wears a Ireland shirt at times – deeply unfair). SOTB also insisted that DMT do the New Shoes Award, as she hadn’t run.

Ophelie piped up that she had an award for KMB, but was stopped short as she was supposed to be wearing the Dome of Silence. She was joined in the award by Carin, because Poumuli suddenly remembered that January 24th 41 AD was when the Romans killed Caligula, and called for a Caligula Removal Appreciation Award. Snatch, in a pique of annoyance, got an award for Vulture for asking if Greenie was her Father. COT had a story of getting drinks in a “fine” establishment, and a certain Hasher bought an ula for his wife and “leid” her from behind. While COT by rights should have joined Lewinsky for calling HQ1 “fine”, the gentleman took it well.

The GM closed the circle with a Culinary Appreciation Award to Godfather, and the traditional salute to the host and hare, Lewinsky and CB.

Next week’s hash, weather permitting, will be at Malololelei, and the week after at Taumeasina. Watch the blog for late changes in case the weather turns crappy.

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Talofa Hashers - OK, now that Cyclone Wilma has left us, lets try this again! Monday the 31st of January 2011 run number 1553 will be hosted by yours truly and Wahoo, with Dawn Raid as the Hare, up at Malololelei. This area is up the Cross island road past the Bahai Temple but before Taito's famous tiled house. Look out for the turn off on Kelsey Lane. Continue on Kelsey lane when it becomes an unsealed road, past the Catholic compound on the right, then take the second left turn. A hash mark will be placed at the correct turnoff at that point. The "house" is about 100 metres up that track on the left.

We will cater this run, providing some BBQ chicken (other special sauce), so if you are chick-pea eating inclined you may want to bring something veggie (allright, maybe some salads). So bring your S15 for the keg and enjoy a new trail up at the top. We are hoping and praying for clement weather but be on the look out for rain, in which case we suggest bringing towels and wet weather gear.

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Hash 1552

Dear all
further to the cancellation some have indicated willingness to run no matter what, and Lewinsky has offered us the use of On The Rocks again - because Godfather, always looking after us, has prepared some umu and a roast pig! So lets meet at On The Rocks - those who wish to run can do so, while the rest enjoy themselves!
On On
Poumuli

CANCELLED - run 1552

Dear all Hashers
The weather is not cooperating with us. Up at the top its impossible to set a trail as the paper gets blown away or rained away, and the wind is pretty bad. So apoplogies but we will have to cancel for today unless someone has a safer and less wet venue!
On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Hash Run 1552

Talofa Hashers - Monday the 24th of January 2011 run number 1552 will be hosted by yours truly and Wahoo, with Dawn Raid as the Hare, up at Malololelei. This area is up the Cross island road past the Bahai Temple but before Taito's famous tiled house. Look out for the turn off on Kelsey Lane. Continue on Kelsey lane when it becomes an unsealed road, past the Catholic compound on the right, then take the second left turn. A hash mark will be placed at the correct turnoff at that point. The "house" is about 100 metres up that track on the left.

We will cater this run, providing some BBQ chicken (other special sauce), so if you are chick-pea eating inclined you may want to bring something veggie (allright, maybe some salads). So bring your S15 for the keg and enjoy a wet run in celebration of Wilma. Suggest bringing towels and wet weather gear.

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Rakino Apia Sister Hash House Harriers (RASH3)

The RASH held its inaugural runs on Rakino Island outside of Auckland on the 13th and 14th of January, 2011. It is intended to be an occasional Hash to coincide with any Hashers visiting from Samoa wishing to brave the waves and go over to Charlie’s place on Rakino. As such it will remain a sister hash of Apia Hash and a home away from home.

The first run was a live hare run. While rule 69b had explicitly been put in abeyance, the Hare – Charlie – was quickly run down and thoroughly debagged by a lady called Barbarella (for true!). The run continued around the grassy knolls and unpaved roads until returning to the house, named Vailima, overlooking the bay.
Slit was the GM, and since this was a new hash, dispensed with that element, preferring instead a round of general introductions. For showing excessive sporting prowess, a Bringing Hash Into Disrepute was given to Barbarella. A few more awards were given but the Scribe was plastered. A brief naming ceremony was held for Charlie, who in light of his complete inability to keep his trap shut during AHHH circles, was named Verbal Diarrhoea (or VD for short). This was crowned off by Wahoo with eggs, soy sauce, chilli, beer and flour.

The second run was equally eventful, but happened as darkness set, so Scribe couldn’t complete report. In any event, Lisa, in light of her work as a copper, and being married to VD, was named ArtyArse (RTRS – right to remain silent), with similar excessive use of shampoo-requiring substances.

Photos will be posted of the debagging of the Hare once Wahoo gives Slit permission to play with the camera. Further runs will be organized once we get VD over for a visit to Samoa and can discuss with him.

On On
Slit

Hash Trash 1551

The hash was hosted by Lewinsky at On The Rocks, with gratitude from the whole of Apia Hash for getting us out of a bind of a sick Hare-raiser. It was decided to do a live hare run, which Swinger dutifully took on. He requested that rule 69b be held in abeyance (if a live hare is caught by the pack during the run he may be de-bagged, stripped, abused and violated) which was sort of agreed to. Off he went down Beach Road and the pack gave him the yardage advantage to the corner of the Police HQ on Ififi Street. Poumuli and Dan the Bonebreaker followed closely to try and keep him in sight. Down some side streets, behind some delightfully dirty sheds and back onto Vaea, then past Cappuccino Vineyard and onto the sea wall. Swinger was caught just outside Cappuccino by Dan, and almost got caught by Poumuli. But in an undignified show of athletic prowess Swinger turned on the after burner to avoid being unceremoniously stripped in front of On The Rocks. The pack slowly made their convergence on home, where the keg and Godfather’s sweet nuts awaited.

Poumuli volunteered to be GM, knowing that there were several awards pending that needed avoidance. Also scribing the event provided unprecedented power that was undeniable. There were a few new to Apia Hash – there was Tudorsniffer here in Apia for the first time, and Stacey from Arizona who had been brought by Pirate Princess. The rethreads were Lewinsky, Wahoo, Poumuli and Captain Mortein. Celebrity Awards went to Greenie, SOTB and Titty Galore (closest relative to YNot). The Shoe Inspector Snake did an interesting snarfle to check if Stacey’s shoes were new – they were not, but Godfather reminded that Ninja had avoided his award last Hash due to the cholera risk, so he took it this time – with Coke! In celebration of this year in history, the GM pointed out that today was the feast day of St Anthony the Great and tomorrow is for St Margaret, and called forth any who go by similar names in other circles of life. Not caring for SOTB’s protests at the spelling, SOTB and Fang took their awards.

The GM then enquired of Cockblocker what his idea for a down-down had been viz Swinger, and since this related to chatting attentively with females, the GM decreed that CB needed a Dereliction of Duty/Not Living Up To Hash Name Award, as there had been no signs of blocking. Turning to the run, the GM informed that he had been passed by a Hasher who looked like he would catch the Hare. Said Hasher asked what to do if he did, but didn’t comply with the order to “sod rule 69b”, so Swinger continued the run in dressed comfort. Another Dereliction of Duty Award to Don.

The GM also called out Swinger for speeding up when nearly caught the 2nd time – this time it was for Bringing Hash Into Disrepute – we are not an athletic sporting club, as Tallyho has reminded in the past. The GM then recounted how he had been brought to a wedding celebration only to be made to work to the point of collapse – which resulted in a Wrongful Husband Exhaustion Award to Wahoo. The chattering in the circle was becoming too much at this stage, so the GM awarded CB the Dome of Silence for the duration – didn’t stop the nattering nabob from continuing though, so perhaps we need to get some sort of wheel clamp attached to it. Snake asked where the GM had been able to secure so many interesting and colourful hats, surely it was some Adult Emporium, to which the GM riposted that they had been found during a break-in to Snake’s house while he was in New Zealand. Snake doubled his award by making reference to one of the saints listed above and his surprise that the burglars had found her special drawer.

Opening up for nominations, Pirate Princess nominated Stacey for the Leaving Hash Award as she departs these shores soon. SOTB nominated Lewinsky for his new record breaking landing of a marlin in just 5 minutes, but the GM ordered him to join in for an Open Adulation Award, as he was clearly jealously in awe. Swinger complained that this year the SamoaTel phone directory is half the size, and that it has left out many numbers including his place of work. As SOTB claimed he had quit his job, Swinger had to take the down down. But the GM pointed out that a smaller phone book was a good conservation measure, which is Swinger’s field, so he should have been happy. SOTB joined him through a slip of the tongue when he explained that “we use” rather than SamoaTel uses, hinting that his employment was not entirely at an end. Claire nominated Bruce for an award for whining about his wife’s shopping spree. This backfired as the GM, having gone through the same with his wife could only but sympathize. Wahoo joined the award after slapping the GM! Dogfood was spotted leaning. Lewinsky called for an award for our two newest lifesavers, CB and SOTB.

Godfather then noted that he had requested some Hashers to join him in a commemoration of our dear departed Shafter, but said Hashers SOTB and Lewinsky didn’t show up. Godfather joined them for some reason. Brazilian nominated Wane for putting work before the Hash, and he was joined by Dogfood for leaning yet again. Swinger nominated supposed chief navigator Captain Mortein for getting lost, which resulted in a Pirate Princess GPS Award – clearly some glitch in the software. Claire wanted to nominate a Hash Mere for a Scaredy Cat Award, but this was turned into a non-observance of Martin Luther King Day by the targeted Yank, and when one Yank drinks, all Yanks drink – Lewinsky, Wane, Fang, Lili and Stacey. Trying hard to get a last few out before the closing Claire nominated the French girls for looking so pretty. But Carin is Italian, so Claire joined Ophelie in the award. The host and the hare, Lewinsky and Swinger were saluted in the obligatory manner, with SOTB giving the GM an Achievement Award to close off the circle.

Pizzas had been ordered and served and Lili had brought some nice pastries. Next week the Hash will be at Malololelei, hosted by Poumuli and Wahoo, who will ensure that there is lots of jungle to cross.

At the request of Vai Vai we have included a video clip again, entitled Never Ever Drink So Much That This Happens. Parental guidance is advised.

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Hash Trash 1550

(Ed note - many thanks to Assistant Trainee Co-Scribe Screamer for the report. She has seriously benefited from her remedial English classes and may soon graduate to Adjutant Co-Scribe. Photos from Slippery will be posted soon. On On Poumuli, IKA Slit)

Hash 1550 looked like it was going to be yet another aborted event, what with a massive rainstorm sweeping across Apia town. However the two-keg promise combined with Hash being hosted at a bar seemed to do the trick - a small, but hardy group of Hashers turned up complete with wet-weather gear.

Cockblocker, newly returned from a sojourn in New Zealand, was live hare. Everyone took off along the waterfront, through Vaiala, around Apia Park, out by the UN road, through the village with all the dogs and back out along the river to the main road. A nice rapid run.

GM was Sassy Girl Blow Job.

She called the circle to order and invited up New Boots. There was one – Yasu from Japan who said she had not run but had come to drink. This was received well by the circle and Yasu showed that she is fit to stay.

Rethreads were numerous, few with any really good excuses – Jenny, Screamer, Snake (sheep shagging), Venom, Snake Bite, Dogfood (first time back in 8 years), Ninja (having a baby), Slippery, Dev (tired of everyone), Josh and CB (newly made Uncle).

There were two new shoes but Godfather reminded everyone of the infections that had resulted from the last run in Apia’s puddles and the circle grudgingly allowed Kiwi and Ninja leave from imbibing from their not-so-shiny shoes.

Dogfood was awarded for living up to his name and being attacked by a dog not too far into the run.

Snake and Dogfood were both awarded for some story long past whence Snake had run over a dog that Dogfood alleged had attacked him…turned out it was the wrong dog.

Chiliandrina (who had had to leave due to parental issues) and Zsa Zsa were given the foster parents award for taking on a host of children – Kiss My Butt, Carin, Ophelie and Josh also shared their drinks with their parents.

Clare was leading the GM astray by offering her cigarettes and Dev who wanted to borrow the cigarettes, both got awards.

Two more awards to Josh who had backed into someone’s car and to Wane who insists there in no “y” in his name (someone did suggest adding a “hi” in there somewhere though).

Titty Galore was given the special Prick award (we are still pondering this one) for going home late one night.

Floor was opened for nominations.

Snake’s award backfired when he nominated Godfather for not being on the news when he was back home with his mother. Snake took this on behalf of his mum.

Screamer and Kiss My Butt received awards for pranging Screamer’s car while KMB was on duty watching for strange objects in the back.

Greenie received one for something.

KMB started to put forward an award which was foiled by a slip of her tongue in naming someone called James. Then she took another because she was wearing sunglasses on her head.

Dev had Telephonus interruptus.

Wane was wearing kneebraces and Clare apparently did not like this. They both got an award.

Assistant Trainee Co-Scribe wonders if GM might not have been a tad under the weather herself when she gave out the Tit Award to Greenie for…failing to read the weather signs and bringing the impacts of Climate Change to Apia. Greenie took it like a man. More or less.

After this, things pretty much got out of hand as GM was caught smoking red-handed DURING the circle and nominations flew without apology.

The Hosts and the Hare were thanked – Jay, Patrick, SOTB and CB…they drank then all fell down in a huge dramatic wrap up of the circle.

On On

Screamer

Hash Run 1551 at On The Rocks

Happy New Year's to all Hashers and apologies for the late posting. Tonight's hash will be hosted by Lewinsky at HQ1, also known as On The Rocks, on Beach Road in town. It will be a live-hare run. Given the weather we will not be able to break out the BBQ, but hopefully all who are able to can bring some ready dishes to share for this BYO run. The keg has already been delivered!
So bring your wet-weather running gear and head down to On The Rocks for the usual 5.30 PM start, and let's make it a good one, despite the conditions.

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

VERTS Volunteers

Hi All, Is there anyone interested in joining up with the Volunteer Emergency Response Team (Maritime) section? If so, please get in touch with CB or SOTB. We need more people to help out in times of disaster with search and rescue, Life saving, community awareness programs, etc.

If you have some boating background and love being outdoors and in the water, let us know ASAP..There is a lot of fun training ahead of us and lots of time outdoors.

Get in touch with us if you are keen and we can fill you in.

On On

Hash Run 1550 - Y-Not Matautu

Morning All,
Hash Run 1550 will be at Ynot Bar at Matautu next to paddles. Seeing as it will be a big one and that there are 2 kegs...we'll have it in town. If you can, please car pool otherwise bring a sober driver.lol

The run will be a BYO Food for the BBQ Run, so please bring something to contribute to the spread. Run wil start normal time at 1730 HRS and also bring a change of clothes in case it rains..

No Map needed. Just head down to Ynot at Matauau next door to Paddles Restaurant

ON ON

Hash Run 1550 Run- Cancelled

Morning All, Hash run 1550 has been canceled/postponed till further notice due to the weather. Unfortunately we dont have a proper tent, only shade cloths, so we'll be soaked and sick. We will post more info on when we will hold the run, possibly sometime this week when the weather clears up. On On

Hash Run 1550- Day at the races- Part 2

Morning All,
Seeing as last week was such a blast, next weeks run will be another Day at the races at the Faleata Race Track. Please note that this is a BYO Food for the BBQ, so please bring something for the BBQ unless you aren't interested in eating..haha

In any case, the run will start at 1pm and there will most likely be a live hare unless someone wants to set the run. Please bring your drinking vessels and the normal gear for the day..There will also be a keg on the day.

On On

Hash Trash 1549

Kia Ora from Auckland, where your Scribe and Wahoo are recuperating. The Hash was hosted by Godfather at the Faleata Horse Race Track. Given that it was a public holiday for sure the Hashers would make a mess of a starting time of 1 PM. Sure enough, the only people there when your Scribe turned up was Sassygirl BJ and SOTB. When Godfather was finally located his estimated time of arrival was not amenable to getting the run off and the beer flowing. Hence around 8 hashers set off for a walk/run around Faleata. A fairly short and sharp affair, but it got the juices flowing. At this point Godfather had turned up, and with the help of a few strong hashers, had succeeded in erecting his tents. He then decided that the lates had to run, and led them off around the compound for a much longer sojourn. But all were by now well set for the circle, which acting GM Sassy called to order.

There were a few new to hash – Sione from Australia, Alfred, Mere, Mo and Tua from Suva, and Vala from the US. The rethreads were BB (holidaying in Suva), FBI (boring other people), Jay (wishes he had been on holiday) and Uncle Fred. FBI got a double for sowing his oats in soil that he isn’t married to.

The GM set off a series of awards, giving Godfather the Latecummer Award for his unsharp arrival. Since we were at the races, one of the hash meres had been admiring the horses, but timidly asked the technical question if women jockeys can lose their virginity – Tash got this Equestrian Award. One of the hashers had turned up with a cowboy hat that looked suspiciously like a movie prop, so Pat got the Brokeback Mountain Award (where did the GM see that movie – thought it was banned in Samoa?).
On this day in history, it was the Feast Day of St James the Just (Swinger) and also the day with the largest mass hanging in history, thanks to the US who strung up 38 Indians in 1862 (Wayne and Vala). Wayne and Swinger took a double for wearing hats and glasses. Celebrity awards went to Godfather, Swinger, Poumuli, Wahoo and Uncle Fred for being in the Observer. Jay joined in for having repeatedly tested the strength of the tent by leaning on it.

A special thank you award went to SOTB for getting the beer and GM organized so a Wake Up Call Award to SOTB. The GM also took on a self promoting new hasher who claimed to be an excellent masseur with extra benefits – a Happy Ending Award to Sione, who got it doubled for starting too early.

Opening up for nominations from the floor, SOTB informed us of how a hasher had turned down an offer for a drink with Godfather in favour of resting up for the arrival of his girlfriend- Horrendous Choice Award to Swinger. SOTB also nominated the newly appointed Samoan paddling coach Jay for the Athletic Award. Wahoo also nominated Jay for his offensive tshirt – something about smoking, licking etc, but this was deemed appropriate gear, so Wahoo, Titty Galore and Tash took the down down for getting offended not aroused.

The GM had spotted a hasher playing around with Godfather’s sweet nuts – Dawn Raid got the Inappropriate Fondling Award. SOTB nominated the GM for a down down for not getting things organized, and was joined by Eveready – didn’t catch all of it but it was something related to Mr. Sassy. Jay recounted that over Christmas he had invited friends over for drinks, except that one stayed and then didn’t help clean up. After a vote it was agreed that the Slob Award for SOTB should be doubled, but that Jay should join in for Lack of Appreciation for Hashman-like Behaviour.

The GM had ruled earlier that only the elderly guests were allowed to sit, and she now spotted Ollie sitting. She also highlighted the great efforts of our new hasher at the UN, who only turns up to the Hash to try the brew – Saneka got the Just Gets Pissed Award. FBI nominated BB for the meagre Christmas presents brought back, which should have earned him an Ungrateful Award. But in true style he outdid himself a few seconds later and brought a Verbal Diarrhoea Award on himself. Swinger brought a complaint against BB as well relating to the non-arrival of his Christmas card, to which BB responded “why does he need a card when he’s got this” and suggestively posed. Unanimous vote gave Swinger the award.

At this point the GM wanted to close off the circle, and nominated the BBQ chefs Pat and SOTB, as well as their Foretaster –Poumuli. We then saluted the host and the hare – Clem stepped in for Godfather, while Poumuli was singled out as hare, resulting in the beer coming out of his nose.

The Hash then enjoyed the races and the BBQ. Dawn Raid was spotted sun worshipping later and this needs an award.

Next week’s run will also be at the racetrack. Its run number 1550 so a special one for the Apia Hash. Check the blog for any last minute details.

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Hash Run 1549- Faleata Race Track/Turf Club

Morning, Hash next week will be a BYO Food Run at the Faleata Turf Club/Race Track. The run will start at 1pm. We will have our own Hash Tent setup and the Keg and BBQ will be there so bring something to throw on the BBQ or if you want, bring something pre cooked. Also, please bring your own drinking vessel and if you want to party all day long, then bring extra drinks in the event that the keg runs out..which it probably will...Bring what you would normally bring to the beach..bar the swimming gear.. Map is posted below. On On and Have a Merry Xmas!

Hash Trash 1548

The Hash was hosted by Chilindrina, Carin and Ophelie off Bank Street in Vaoala. Zsa Zsa came late from work so few of us got to see him. Ring Ring was our Hare, and she had come to some agreement with Chili that there should be a run, then Zumba. Some of us were not that convinced. Anyway, the pack set off down Bank Street towards familiar grounds, led by Cockblocker and Poumuli. As we crossed the river stream, none of us bothered to check left as we have gone wrong there so many times. Er, not this time. We reacquired the trail at the top of the hill only to find ourselves back down in the stream. A protesting Ring Ring tried to get the pack to cooperate, but since we knew now where it all ended up, it was quicker to take the road route. This in turn led us under some treacherous barbed wire and into the cow pastures, where there was plenty of povipoo. Out again and under more barbed wire, we eventually just lost the trail at a falsie cross. No one actually figured out how to get back, so we all ran up the street again to have a taste of Godfathers sweet nuts.

Then Chili puts on a tight leotard, starts up the salsa music and expects all the sweating hashers to line up and, well, zumba. Sorry, but your Scribe was too stiff from the run (and was punished for it) so stood back and watched. Quite a display, as the ranks progressively got thinned out. Godfather stood out as a keen zumba’er, as well as one of the last to cease!

Sassygirl BJ stepped in as GM for the evening, and called forth those new to Hash. There was Claire from Rotorua, staying in Poutasi for 6 weeks teaching ukulele and guitar to the kids there. She brought the house down by claiming to have been brought by someone called Joey? Joy? She is accompanied by Eileen who will be assisting. Then there was Samuel from Bordeaux, who is a schoolteacher. Then there was Anne from Auckland who has been here since May and not come to Hash! Finally we have new recruits in Fig Man and Banana Doctor, from the UK and Dominican Republic respectively. The GM ordered a down down for Godfather and Claire.

The rethreads were Poumuli (saving the world in Cancun), Dawn Raid (sick), Lily (stuck in Savaii), Flo (back visiting from NZ) AND Brazilian Wax (been to Germany?). CB and SOTB (I am sure it actually stands for Satan’s Other Toy Boy) had spiked the down down with tequila (well only your Scribe’s), and were suitably punished by the GM. But she brought in Poumuli for a Perving Award for not joining in the zumba.
Hot Nuts was given the New Grandchild Award, just as Titty Galore was spotted sneaking in. She valiantly tried to get out of it but no dice. The GM recounted how while on the trail a good samaritan had tempted some hashers with the offer of a chariot ride – Lucifer Award to Tiger Woody.

The GM then asked your Scribe to tell the Hash what had happened on This Day in History. While there were several related to Lewinsky, he was absent so the only tidbit was that in 1994, the hitherto dormant Mexican volcano Popocatepel erupted, and your Scribe wondered if we had any other Mexican volcanoes! Chilindrina was most definitely not dormant! Poumuli had to join the award for getting Sassy’s celebrity front page wrong. (Should have let Dawn Raid take that one, as he brought me the paper!) However, a true celebrity was found in that in Mexico there is an entire class of peanuts called Snatch!

Opening it up for nominations from the floor, SOTB brought that old chestnut of how a seasoned hasher like Captain Mortein still cannot open a coconut. CB sought to have the grumpy one punished further for perving at the zumba and moving around for a better view, but after a vote this became a double for CB instead.
Brazilian diplomatically enquired whose son this was that he spotted leaning – step forward Greenie for not giving better paternal instructions, and he was joined by Pat who was trying to hold up one of the tables. Late arrival Saneka joined them.
Winner of the last Chicken Award Dawn Raid, decided to give the Chicken Award to Fig Man for surreptitiously appropriating the chicken hat before his time, and then not wearing it. Next week Fig Man, you can have your revenge, but better make it a good one!

Brazilian again diplomatically enquired as to the Hash rules regarding destruction of property, pointing to the two kids digging up Chili’s lawn – Fig Man and Banana Doctor took the Offspring with Chains Award.

Eveready had been shocked out of his seat on Sunday while watching the televised church service and spotting Wahoo and Poumuli there – no arguments, but should have been brought in under the celebrity awards.
Anne from Auckland and her husband after a lengthy intro each got a down down, apparently the first time for her in public. Bringing forth some Hashit from the last run, Greenie said he had found some pink running shoes under his bed! Carin owned up to the shoes, but knew not of their location, she claimed.

Pussysnatcher complained that there was an unusual amount of chatter in the circle and demanded that a new method of enforcing politeness be introduced. Luckily Poumuli had brought a Mexican wrestling mask which was placed on Captain Mortein’s head after he took the Dome of Silence Award.

At this stage the GM had the bright idea of a boat race – 4 guys, 4 gals. SOTB, Brazilian, Samuel and Kiwi easily defeated Sassy, Wahoo, Jo and Flo. Hot Nuts admitted that he had been the chatterer to get Captain into trouble, and self-nominated.

The GM caught Kiss My Butt coming late, but also in full advertising mode. Meanwhile, Snatch had been forced to drive over the hill to the beach so that 2 Hashmen could cycle across. So much for speed cycling, as she had to wait for hours for them. Slow Nuts and Pansy took their Slow Ride Award. Somehow inspired by this, the GM did an advertisement for our new osteopaths, in residence at Roseberg’s, and Dan took the resultant down down for the GM.

Claire informed the Hash of some dastardly deed that almost led to chariot riding, namely that as newcomers they had been misled by Sassy and Flo to get in the truck! Samuel tried to get Snatch for misleading him – she had met him 4 months ago, told him when in Apia to come to the party, but nothing about the running! The GM told him off with a “what more do you want” remark. Finally, Kiss My Butt saw Snatch and Pussysnatcher making out in the bushes during the circle, so they took their Get A Room Award.

The hosts and the hare were saluted, before we descended on a large spread of curries, rice, bbq and salads provided by our generous hosts.
Check the blog for next week’s run, but rumour has it that we might be off to the races! Tallyho.

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Hash Run 1548- Vaoala, Bank St

Morning,
Todays hash run will be hosted by Chilliandrina, Zsa Zsa, Carin & Ophelie at Zsa Zsa's house on Bank Street in Vaoala.

This is NOT a BYO Run, the food will be provided by the hosts...Indian im told.. so bring a change of clothes as it gets cool in the evenings and your drinking boots.

YES, there will be a keg...and cold nuts...

Directions: Head up Cross Island Rd and turn off on Bank Street, head down Bank St and take the Left Turn before the main road heads downhill (where Bits & Pieces and Goer used to live) Head up the road and look out for the turn off ont he Right hand side.

Check the Map for more details.

On On

Hash Run 1547- Greenie, Vailele Uta

Afternoon, apologies for the late posting. Hash today will be hosted by Greenie at his home in Vailele Uta. The map is a bit sketchy, but head up towards Vailele Uta and the house is next to Samoa Primary School. Use the map and your hash skills to find the place.
There are 2 maps and they both point to the same place. Call Greenie on 7771414 if you cant find the place...

Please note that this is a BYO Food Run and there will be a keg.

On ON

Hash Trash 1545

(Ed note - thanks to Spanky for obviously assisting Screamer with her remedial English - only a few typos this time around. Hope you all enjoy the Christmas Run - Feliz Navidad and hasta la pasta from Poumuli, IKA Slit in Cancun)

Hash 1545 was held at Slippery’s and Frances’ home. This was the Thanksgiving Hash – more on that later.

The run was set by Hareraiser, Ring Ring. A familiar run that commenced with a few panicked looks as hashers recalled the last run from Slippery’s that had them running over mountains and down valleys for more than an hour. This week’s run was less taxing but the heat ensured that there were some very tired runners by the end of it.

GM Princess of Darkness commenced proceedings and welcomed a long list of those new to Apia Hash. These included Jana, her husband (why do people mumble their names??)(why are Assistant Trainee Scribes too pissed to pay attention?), Salu (who came with Do Me Twice), Virginia, Jochen, Brigitte, Dietrich and a number of others who had come from Germany to help Harlich celebrate his 60th birthday in Apia.

Rethreads were Sassy, Vera, Harlich and Black Adder. Ring Ring insisted that Vulture was a rethread and had to drink for a false accusation.

There were no new shoes but Snake, the inspector, needed a drink and this was duly administered.

Salu and Karin took a celebrity award for holding the flag for stopping violence against women. Ninja had also been in the news as was Godfather. Snake had to join Godfather as it seems Snake’s mum spends an unseemly amount of time checking out Godfather on TV. Sassy Girl BJ received a rather special celebrity award – for a movie suspiciously titled “My Sassy Girl” – rented out by no less than Captain Mortein. They shared centre circle.

The Good Samaritan (Dumbarse Section) award of the week went to Swinger who, after giving three policemen a ride into town, discovered they had made off with his camera.

Tramp and Woman in Black are in town but did not front up to Hash due to various ailments so the two women dressed in black – Brigitte? (one of Harlich’s party) and Salu drank on WIB’s behalf while Tramp was well-represented by Greenie.

Karin was caught leaning.

Assistant Trainee Scribe had not got the scribings done on time (she had managed to send them out at 5:05pm that day) and GM has been receiving complaints from Poumuli (currently in Cancun) on this. Wahoo also took one on behalf of Poumuli who seems to spend an excessive amount of time checking the blog when on work travel (Absolute bollocks, just checking it once in a while). Romeo had cellphonus interruptus and Brynne arrived just in time so everyone shared the circle centre.

Tasha told Sass she would be wearing a “V” -String to hash next week…we are all waiting with bated breath.

Godfather had tried to mow down a Hash Mere on the cross island road when trying to get to family lunch on time on Sunday. This could become a regular award for GF.

DMT had managed to ruin two car tyres in one week – dropping the car in the same pothole, according to SOTB.

Pirate Princess had declined Eveready’s offer to open one of Godfather’s nuts for her because she claimed she had brought her own nutcracker…seems she was referring to Captain Mortein.

Black Adder was leaving the country and leaving behind a pile of shit (at the newly constructed and very smelly waste water treatment plant in Mulinuu) according to Sassy. Snake was also brought up for the dodgy wiring he’d installed. Black Adder was also farewelled in the circle and he added that every minute with hash had been enjoyable.

Jana and her husband were cited for chatting incessantly. There was some talk that Greenie was involved but he somehow managed to keep out of the centre.

Angela is leaving for some time so she was farewelled with a drink.

At about this stage it was clear the keg was next to empty….HOW, Assistant Trainee Scribe wonders. So the hare (Ring Ring) and the hosts, Slippery and Eveready (who drank a soft drink which was just as well, given the beer situation) were thanked and then we were reminded that this was the Thanksgiving Hash. Godfather and Brynne explained the meaning and purpose of this American tradition, which has now become firmly integrated in Apia Hash. He also used the opportunity to encourage hashers to give to the Lifeline fundraising drive (Lifeline is a phone counseling service that deals with suicide). Deadline for donations (to DMT) is Monday next week.

Eveready and Karaoke were thanked for the turkeys they had cooked, the food was blessed and hungry (and thankful) hashers descended.

Next hash is the Christmas Hash and will be held at the Snake Pit in town. Hashers are asked to come in their Christmas costumes. They will run to different bars in town, sing Christmas carols and drink a lot. Everyone is asked to come in a taxi or have a designated driver who won’t be drinking.

Addendum – after dinner, hashers were treated to a surprise visit from the Monk. Beers had been brought in and a quick naming ceremony commenced. Brynne shall now be known as Kiss My Butt for her amazing flexibility displayed at yoga while Angela was named Wax for her affiliations with Brazilian Wax.

On On.
Screamer

Hash X-Mas Run

Talofa All,

Next weeks Run will be the Hash Xmas Run hosted at the "Snake Pit" in town. Run will start at 1730 HRS So be on time as we will be having a pub crawl run before returning to the snake pit to get totally plastered...and have a good time of course.

Please make sure you are wearing all your Xmas gear for the run and clear your vocal chords...yes, you too strangler!

Hash will provide the meats (Pig/Lamb/Sausages, etc) and Miss management has asked if everyone else could bring something to go with the meats (Salads, bread, desert, Faalifu Taro, etc....and dont all bring bread!)

On another note, as it will be quite a night, its best if you come in a taxi or car pool if you have a sober driver...

See you all then

On On
See the map below for directions.(Its in town)

Welcome Mr Whippy Jr

Eugene Louis Fetuafiafi Barker was born on 26 Nov 2010 at 3:07pm. Weight 7.5lbs. Length 20.25in.

Louisa and I brought him home late yesterday afternoon. We had some challenges that gave us a good scare and kept us in the hospital for six days. Bottom line though, we have a healthy, happy, and content little Eugene at home now.

About the name: We decided to name him after his grandfathers' Eugene and Louis; his first two names. We also wanted his name to represent his heritage; so we added the name of our Samoan village's athletic team, Fetuafiafi (fay-too ah-fee ah-fee), which means evening star.

Happy Thanksgiving,

Gene.(Mr Whippy)

Hash Trash 1544

(Ed note – Hola Hashers from Cancun - one assumes from the late arrival of the Hash Trash that the Assistant Trainee Scribe is either too busy or has been influenced by Do Me Twice and is also in need of Ms Spanky’s remedial English course. Anyway, here it is with a few edits.)

Hash 1544 was hosted by Brynne and Susan at Susan’s place in Vaoala. Quite a pack of hashers turned up in assorted red dress and Assistant Trainee Scribe wonders if the larger turnout might be partially due to the word on the grapevine that sushi was to be served along with other delightful morsels prepared by birthday girl Brynne.

The run took the pack up the hill to Le Spa’s turnoff, through a grassy patch onto Bank Street and then through a familiar trail down the river bank and up along a rocky path and then back up to Susan’s on the main road. The tireless Hare Ring Ring had managed to install some good false trails that kept the more fit on their toes.

Back at Susan’s it had started to rain by the time the last of the pack trailed in. Luckily, the big house offered ample space for all to move in and the circle was held inside the house with Eveready as GM.

There was only one new to hash - Karl from NZ brought by Rebecca.

New to Apia hash was Kath, who had a hash name that Assistant Trainee Scribe couldn’t hear (the house was noisy).

There were several rethreads too numerous to bother with but among them were Pro Boner, Snatch, David, Spanky, Swinger, Zsa Zsa, AJ, Marion, Snake and Skunk. Other than Spanky who claimed to have been busy entertaining the US Coast Guard, no one had any interesting excuse. They all drank.

There were no new boots although Wahoo’s shiny shoes again raised interest. (She drank from them two weeks ago!)

Screamer had failed to print out Poumuli’s carefully constructed list of celebrities and such but she did recall that Poumuli and David Sheppard had been in the paper for something on climate change. Wahoo and Screamer (who wanted everyone to note her sporting behaviour) drank on their respective behalves.

A long story then ensued as GM tried to convince everyone that Snatch was pregnant after a week in New York (how could that be sans Pussysnatcher?). No-one fully understood this but Snatch drank anyway.

Angela was then brought up by GM for apparently wearing a “german” dress that was made in China. She impressed with her German drinking skills.

The floor was opened for nominations and Lewinsky immediately nominated SOTB for catching the biggest fish of the season. Screamer was concerned it was endangered but this was soundly ignored.

Brynne drank for choosing a RED dress run when hosting at a SamoaTel home.

Pussysnatcher, Slippery and Captain Marc received best dress awards in that order - PS sported a “nothing-is-secret” slip dress, Slippery flitted in the perfect missionary dress and Marc floated in an elegant wrap complete with gardenia behind the ear.

Slippery then handed appropriately messaged T-shirts to assorted people “chief gardener”, “Samurai Spirit”, “Gemini Sass” and a “Hawaii” shirt. No prizes for guessing who got what. (Sorry, can only guess a few of them – will await the photos)

Slippery then drank for advertising Big Bear’s half price sale.

Birthday Girl Brynne was then given a Kamikaze Chef Award for rolling sushi in 35 foot waves on a boat (why would you, one might ask…but that’s our Brynne).

Tasha and Jade had been holding up the house for quite some time so GM invited them into the circle.

This was Psychadelic’s last hash before she departs for Perth so she drank and also thanked hash for making her stay in Samoa special.

Cockblocker had missed an appointment with the bone specialist but Lyndal had to join him for breaking doctor-patient confidentiality.

A discussion on avocados resulted in GM having to take a drink. Assistant Trainee Scribe really couldn’t hear very well but it seems he’s been hanging around Ring Ring’s avocados.

Snatch nominated Brazilian Wax and Angela for the High School Sweetheart award.

Lewinsky had been driving drunk again – to the point that he couldn’t remember doing it (he did safely deliver SOTB home though). Assistant Trainee Scribe again wonders at the positive reinforcement impacts here but knows she should simply hold her tongue.

Ring Ring, the most amazing hare, was thanked along with Hosts Susan and Brynne.

The birthday song was sung for Brynne and Pussysnatcher and the farewell song for Psychadelic.

The beautiful food was then consumed by the shovel-full.

On On
Screamer

Thanks Giving Hash Run 1545

Hi All,
Apologies for the late posting. Next weeks run will be hosted by Slippery at his home in Toomatagi/NUS. It will be a thanksgiving run and there will be 2 Turkeys on Monday :)

Seeing as we have 2 Turkeys, maybe the other hashers can bring a salad or something to go along with the food. There is no theme, but seeing as its our thanks giving run, you can dress up as a turkey if you want.

On another note, we need to discuss our Xmas hash run so if Miss-Management can get together at hash to discuss this.

Directions to Slipperys: Head up to Toomatagi/NUS Main gate, and go past the gate, Slipery's is the last house on the left hand side in the compound. Check the map for more details

On On

Hash Run 1544

Morning All,
Hash Run 1544 will be hosted by Brynne and Susan from Susan's home in Vaoala. This will also be Brynne's Birthday Run and the theme is RED DRESS! So get your frocks ready and be prepared for a good run.

As per the norm, the Keg will be there and the run starts at 1730Hrs

Directions. Head up to Vaoala, just past poumuli's home and look out for Bernard Ave, after this turn off, there is a concrete driveway on the right hand side of the road, head up here to the orange house. Map is below too in case you dont know where to go

On On

Special Announcement - Pussysnatcher and Handyman B'day Party

Greetings Hashers

Pussysnatcher and Handyman are celebrating their Birthday's tonight in Vailima. If coming from town go past Manumea, the Carmelites, and then take the 1st right (see attached map). The party will be from 6PM til midnight. There will be lots of food and a keg, but bring some more drinks if you like. All of Hash is invited to this family event.

Of course Pussysnatcher will get an Advertisement Award for this, GM please take note.

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Hash Trash 1543

The Hash was hosted by Wahoo and Poumuli at Wahoo’s Dad Norman’s property in Malololelei. Dawn Raid was the Hare, and much cooking assistance was provided by AC/DC. The run was set on paper and took the hashers through the unsealed tracks of the area, with some serious hills and several false trails. A major part of the trail, the Jungle Boogie as Dawn Raid put it, went down the cow path that we had utilized last year, but taking a different route through the thigh-high grass, resulting in much yelping as cuts were administered to bare legs by the unforgiving foliage. The walkers had been spared the ordeal and were sent down a short cut. While this was a fairly long and hard run, the milder temperatures at those heights helped and there were no heat strokes this time. Your Scribe was mopping up the rear of the pack so didn’t see who was leading or who was taking the false trails, but we will have some photos from Slippery posted.

Screamer stepped in as GM, and started by getting those new to Apia Hash to introduce themselves, and there was Patrick, brought by Tasha. There were many rethreads – Dizzy (back for a quick visit and Jazz), Slim Shady (slacker), Ninja (overseas), Vulture (has been away for 6 years in Solomons, Tonga and NZ), Blank Cheque, Dana, Pirate Princess and Slippery (seeing doctors in Oz).

The new shoes were so blindingly bright and obvious that Slim Shady couldn’t escape, and gargled the shoes clean. Celebrity Awards went to Sassygirl BJ (3 stories in the Observer, accepted on her behalf by SOTB), Snatch (Mum in Observer, article, accepted by Pussysnatcher), David (repeat of SPREP anniversary story), Psychadelic (photo in paper) and Brynne for doing the Samoa national anthem at an event.
This Day in History Awards went to all the UN employees in recognition of UNESCO being founded – Carin, Ophelie and Ninja. The GM invoked rule number 8(b) relating to soiling or peeing on the trail as a sign of disrespect to the Hare, which went to Ben and Mad Hatter (she was absent at that point). The GM also nominated a Hash Mere for her friendly cleaning skills in mopping up her flatmate’s puke after the last Hash – this went to Carin and Ophelie, who was showing some reminiscent discomfort at this point. Then the GM returned a bunch of Hashit (stuff left behind at previous Hash) to Do Me Twice and SOTB.

A special Georgie Porgy Pudding Award went to Cockblocker for making the girls cry. This reminded the GM that she had a further award for being a Whiny Bitch, after several hashers had commented on how much whining SOTB had made on his Facebook page about conditions in India, missing his Mum etc. Poumuli was then nominated for Stuntman of the Week Award for his numerous pratfalls during SPREP Sports Day, but primarily a slow motion fall with a Frisbee. Numerous invitations for a repeat demonstration were declined.

The GM spotted Marcus for leaning but also dobbed him in for leaving Samoa. Opening up for nominations, the GM recognized Ophelie who nominated CB for Reckless Behaviour in bringing tequila to Hash, which in fact had been purloined from the Host (one Screamer). CB tried the “I didn’t force you to drink it” defence, but lost. Pirate Princess nominated Dawn Raid for Reckless Endangerment of Children Award (mosquito coil section) for his placement of coils within burning distance of little people. Carin nominated Poumuli for messing up her name on the blog (its all been corrected now!).

SOTB tried to get an Imposter Award to Dana for wearing the same shirt as him, but the GM ruled that this must be tested. SOTB downed the award pronto, so imposter charge stuck (that’s a bit like testing witches by throwing them in a lake).
DMT wanted to award the Chicken Award to someone called Mortard (definition, hovering dangerously on the border between being a moron and a retard), and joined Dawn Raid in the award, with CB getting dobbed for swearing (it’s a Family Hash, CB). The reasoning provided by DMT was the Joker Face that Dawn Raid had painted on at the Jazz festival, making him too scary for the girls to dance with (wait a second, then the award should have gone to those too chicken to dance with him!).

The GM, in trying to regain control of the circle nominated Slim Shady for the Verbal Diarrhoea Award as background noise levels always get enhanced when she is at Hash. She tried a rebuttal about being snubbed by Screamer that failed. CB nominated his mate Joe for Worst Security Guard after progressively losing all of CB’s stuff on the beach. SOTB nominated the GM for a job well done, before the Hosts (Wahoo, Poumuli, Norman) and Hare (Dawn Raid) were saluted.

A feast of special pork and chicken BBQ, salads from Manumea and some other stuff was dished up on banana leaves. Unfortunately your Scribe tasted not an iota of this so let’s just hope it was edible.

Next week’s run will be hosted by Brynne and Susan at Susan’s place in Vaoala. It’s going to be a Red Dress Run, so check the blog for details. Screamer will be scribing next week, but may need assistance for the next three hashes, so volunteers please. Your Scribe is off to Mexico for three weeks.

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Hash Trash 1542

Kia orana Hashers and thanks to all for the best wishes for the wedding, which turned out to be a memorable event. Your Scribe is now back from the honeymoon well rested and restored.

The Hash was hosted by Screamer at her place in Siusega. Ring Ring was the Hare which promised a tough run as usual, particularly since she was quite sweaty after setting the trail. It was on out the gate and down towards Tafaigata, turning off the main road, off some false trails, meandering through the back roads, through several people’s gardens and yards (did you all say thank you?), before returning us back via the main road to Tafaigata. It was a very hot day and due to the shimmering brilliance of the decision to introduce daylight savings time we were all over perspiring and desiring of Godfather’s sweet nuts. No one commented on the fact that we crossed our trail at one short point, but never mind.

Princess of Darkness was GM for this run, and she called on those new to Apia Hash to step forward. They had all been well-coached by their friends. They were Joe from NZ, on holiday with Cockblocker (recipe for disaster), Will from Oz, guest of Godfather, Wendy from Canada with Fang, Stacy from Bulaland with Screamer, and Lucy from British Columbia (that’s in Canada) here with Godfather as well. The Rethreads were SOTB (back from Bollywood sans 10 kg), Screamer and Just David (been to Japan), and they were joined by the non-confessing Alan and Mana.

No shoe inspector was needed to see the gleaming from Wahoo’s new shoes. Unfortunately they were so new the beer didn’t even drip out so it was a bit of hard struggle. Celebrity Awards went to Sassygirl BJ (front page Observer, taken by SOTB) and Snatch (TV and Observer, taken by closest living relative, or closest relatively living, CB).

The GM had a doozy of a nugget from this day in history. 8 Nov 1959 was the date of birth of infamous US pornographic film director Chi Chi Larue, whose credits included one called Do Me Twice – DMT front and centre! As she was wearing her sunglasses she came back for another one.

The returning honeymooning Hashers Wahoo and Poumuli looked too well rested according to the GM, who felt they should have looked more shagged out like her and Lewinsky, so a Gentle Enjoyment Award perhaps. The moment was shattered when Wahoo nominated Poumuli for a Injuring the Wife Award, for his careless manoeuvring of an airport trolley. A Leaning award went to Karaoke, Mana, Ring Ring, Fang and Tasha.
Poumuli noted that DMT had kindly offered her services as Assistant Trainee Scribe v.2 for last week’s run, however the Trash had arrived late. Being of a forgiving sort, this was not what the nomination was for, rather that this should be the Best Excuse Ever Award in that her reason for the delay was that her boat sank.
The GM spotted Will and Lucy smooching in the circle, which became a double for Will for starting too soon! The GM also had it in for the swimmers who had jumped in the pool before the circle (this is one of those rules that emanate from rule number 1 – the GM is always right). She called in a representative group of Angela, David, Dawn Raid, Wayne and then there is a beer stain on the notes.

CB nominated SOTB for the Extreme Weight Loss Award for shedding 10 kgs in India (actually with the amount of tummy bugs you can contract there its a miracle there was anything left of him). SOTB responded by getting a Slacker Award for Poumuli and Dawn Raid as he had beaten them back for the first time. The attempt to get this overturned on the technicality that we are not a sporting club was overruled by the GM.

Brazilian Wax was then nominated for Hammering His Own Finger Award (well he is a carpenter), which he had managed to do three successive times and turning his thumb a lovely putrescent shade of purple. DMT had forgotten to bring the Chicken Hat Award, but claimed she had been distracted by CB in order to bring the BBQ, which he vigorously countered, and to which DMT exclaimed in exasperation “Oh thanks Meow”, so it became a double. She will have to remember to bring it next week so it can be properly passed on.

The Host and Hare, Screamer and Ring Ring, were saluted before we descended on the BYO feast. Apparently loads of Hashers stayed on at Screamer’s past 2 AM, so this would need to be investigated for suitable awards next week.

Next week’s run will be up at Malololelei, hosted by Wahoo and Poumuli, with Dawn Raid as the Hare. Hopefully we will have cooler temperatures for the run up there!

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Hash Trash 1541

(Ed note - many thanks - I think - to Do Me Twice for attempting to scribe last week, given the state of despair over the boat and subsequent inebriation! What follows has been edited with a more sober brush, but many thanks again to our Assistant Trainee Scribe v.2, who should enroll in Spanky's remedial English class for 4th Grade.)

The Hash was hosted by Jay and Tasi at Why Not Bar in the new area they have just finished to the side of the bar which is awesome!

Eveready was the GM for the occasion. He first asked who was the scribe and of course that was Do Me Twice who went to give Ben the paper and a pen but of course was not prepared and had neither, so first down down went to DMT for not having pen and paper. At the same time Brynne was trying to stick up for her fellow Hash Mere, but as she was equally inebriated as DMT and called her something like Meow, Brynne also had to join.

The newbies where Peter from Italy who is working for the UN here for 6 months, and Marcus from NZ here for 2 weeks on holiday and was here 40 years ago and said a lot has changed...(Ed note – should have been a down down for stating the blindingly obvious!)

The retreads where Sassygirl BJ who had been overseas and working, and Jay (sorry no reason was written DMT sure as hell can’t remember what he said).
Susan was then spotted by the GM sitting and she said she was keeping Lynda company as she was unable to walk due to a scooter accident she had last week. A vote was taken and Susan took the Seated Hasher Award whilst looking at DMT with a death stare. Brynne was then caught leaning, and Jay was spotted earlier in new shoes but he went and changed them. Cockblocker was the observant informant and Jay had to take the down down.

Brynne, Titty Galore, Susan and DMT all got a down down for not doing the run and choosing the Melbourne cup lunch over Hash, but took it like champs, but by this time DMT and Brynne where almost falling over. Then Brynne gets another for being the best dressed, by this needing help from DMT to finish it. Dawn Raid was caught leaning. Hot Nuts got Halloween Festivities Absentee Award, for missing the party at the Yacht club and doing something lame... stayed home and watched a dvd? BORING!
Titty G launched into a long winded FBI-like story that had its inevitable ending in a self-inflicted down down, again assisted by DMT.

Snatch and Godfather got the Celebrity Award, but Snatch was not present so the closest relative was deemed to be Swinger. Natasha was given props for the weight loss she has accomplished, looking mighty fine, and a down down to congratulate her. The GM was very upset that at Poumuli and Wahoo’s wedding there was no diet coke, but as they were currently on your honeymoon Dawn Raid took it on their behalf.

(Ed note – at this stage the narration suffers from severe booze overdose, but it was possible to make out from the rambling that Rebecca and Angela got a Spud Manipulation Award, Ben’s attempt at giving Lynda a Clumsy Award for falling off the scooter backfired as he was the cause of the fall, Rebecca missed picking up her family at the airport, Lewinsky and Hot Nuts for having a private circle to discuss fishing, CB got Susan the Missing Husband Award – apparently lost him during the Halloween Party, then something about the Italians for bringing a Tight Ass to Hash. There was further confusion over the Chicken Award, but it apparently went to DMT. Finally Brynne did a Self-inflicted Backfire Award, and Carin for being too good a runner.)

CB and Jay where given down downs for Host and Hare.

On On

Do Me Twice

Hash run 1542

Kia orana to all. Monday 8th November Hash Run will be hosted by Screamer at her place in Siusega. See map for directions. This will be a BYO run so please bring some food for the table or the BBQ.

UPDATE: Please note that Screamer has also asked that you bring your own drinking vessel, so bring some plastic cups so you may enjoy the nectar of life. There may also be a need for a volunteer Hare!

On On

Poumuli, IKA Slit